The foundation is wrong, so you need to accept that changes will take time and some things may never change. That is the truth. You cant really change someone who is not ready to change.

So the first thing you need to do is to have a deep heart to heart with your hubby. You may need several of these.
Explain to him all that you have said here and how unhappy and unfulfilled that you are
Initially it may degenerate into an argument, but don't let that happen or you will go off tangent and the whole point of the discussion will be lost.
Be cool and stick to your points as calmly and as drama free as possible
List the points one by one
Make it very clear that you are not happy and not enjoying the marriage.
Remind him that he promised to make you happy and remind him of all the plans that you both had for each other and the vows that you made to each other which was to love and to cherish etc

You too have to make some changes as ultimately you are responsible for your own happiness.
Look again at some of the things causing you to be unhappy and take some of these by the reins

For example in the bedroom tell him what you want. Dont expect him to know. Let him know that you have never reached orgasmm and tell him that you will like to. Stop faking it. How is he supposed to know that he is not hitting the spot if you are faking it?

Re oraal sex; not all men are into it. You cant force him to, you can only ask him to. The same way for example he cant force you to do anall sex if that is not acceptable to you. You can stop giving him orall sex if you feel its not fair but no one should force anyone to do what they don't want to do.

Re housework, as he can afford it, then get more help. You shouldn't be doing chores to midnight after a working day
If you need a live in househelp(s) then please get help
What you may need is just to arrange and prioritize some things
e,g shop and cook in bulk etc so look into that also so you are not killing yourself.
You shouldn't be up at midnight doing chores to wake up at 4am or you will just burn out.
You are not a superwoman and you need to close your eyes to some things.
If I were sick and didnt have the energy to do anything, I wouldn't. My health comes first. End of.

re looks and dressing; unless he met you as a Kim lookalike and you have changed then he shouldn't expect sudden turn round in your appearance and dressing.
.......However we do things to please our partners as compromise so I am sure that of you are both committed to the marriage you can both meet somewhere in the middle.

The criticism def has to stop. Just tell him that you cant function that way and if he wants the best from you he has to work with you on these things and criticising you only damages the marriage and makes you unhappy and will affect him and the baby too.

Basically let him know how you feel about everything.
People will only do what you yourself will allow and so you need to be firm about some things.
Like I said it may take time for it all to sink in and some things may never be perfect but at least its a starting point and you are on track for long term healing in your relationship.

All the best.

cc TV01
Ewuro4
Edwife

donbenedict:
those ladies who wana marry a rich man, nw here is your story.....


let me speak sense into u ladies who r single, dont get married to just any husband buh get married to a human being... a human being has feelings and a conscience.

I concur..cos some of those guys who have made it big can be mean ..They see women as trophies to acquire and treat as they wish.They get away with it since they have looads of money to console you with.My friend's husband will tell her "the day you are tired,there are 100 women out there who would rush in to replace you".Marriage of less than 2 yrs.@op,manage am eh,na so e be at times when you don't marry your friend.Meanwhile,I doubt that he is ready to change,so the talking to him part won't perform any miracle.Just focus on your child and job,get help so you don't stress yourself so much.Do things to make yourself happy.I support the vibr..ator advice,you need it asap.Dem no dey die put for man matter o,the mistake has already been made..so just do you.Life's too short abeg for all that.If you drink,it would help too..Before you go to bed,sip your favorite alcoholic drink on ice,relax your nerves whilst listening to jazz..It has this calming effect that helps clear your head.Best of luck..

katyamizotta:
I will be celebrating my fourth year wedding anniversary in Febuary. I will be entertaining and giving testimoniees when in actual fact im highly dissatisfied and unhappy.
Sex; almost three years im still waiting to have an orgasm. I began pretending to have one because i couldnt bear the pain (married as a virgin, months after losing it, i was still experiencing pain). Ive being giving oral since we got married. Recently i discovered women can also enjoy it. I told him about it and suddenly he remembers all the diseases that can be passed orally.
Chores: i feel like a senior househelp. DH (dear husband) will complain abt untidy state of the house but will not help out (i work in a bank, 7am - 8pm) get home at 9pm. I'll come home from work, do homework for my daughter, serve husband meal (he wont eat except he is served) do outstanding chores. Sleep at 12am - 4.40am
Kids; I feed, bathe, clothe, train. He has never bathed our 2yr old ever, even when i was ill. I had to take the child to work severally as he cant babysit for long. He works from home but goes out thrice a week for project supervision
Criticism; its killing me. Im crticised abt everything. My looks (im pretty im told, my dad is Lebanese\Austrian, mum is igbo) but i dont makeup. Im criticised for that, for not being a good cook (im learning) for not keeping a tidy home (with my job?) For not entertaining his friends with food and drinks (im exhausted), for not liking his particular place of worship (i dont mind another branch, the present head makes the talks boring, for not being a fashionista.
I dont feel loved. I feel like a trophy wife.
The good side is he is generous. I get a car, change of wardobe, a vacation each year. These dont move me. I want to be heard. Ive tried to talk to him severally but he makes me seem ungrateful. Ive talked to his sisters and our head in the place of worship and when he was invited he denied it, didnt talk to me for three days and made me apologise for disrespecting him.
I want to be heard. Am i asking for too much?

Eeyah, so sorry.
- Sex- so the man wants u to give him head bt can't reciprocate abi. Tell him those diseases he mentioned goes both ways. And u guys shld work more on ur fore-play till u're well aroused lubricated and relaxed so sex wld be less painful and more enjoyable.

- Chores- av a discussion wt him, if he can't help out- he most likely wnt, cos he seems a selfish and narcisstic fellow, get a househelp since u can afford it. Don't get a female one tho, to avoid stories tht touch the heart since he is mostly at home.

- Try and work on ur fashion sense to suit his taste, buy clothes u knw he'll like on u, use make-up since he likes it tht way. Look gud for him.

- Find time to av a heart to heart talk wt him, tell him how u feel and hw his behaviour is killing u and making u unhappy. I hope this works sha, if it doesn't pls, concentrate on ur daughter and work, do not let a mere man be the determinant of ur happiness, not easy but possible. Perform ur own duties as a wife and mother and don't let his criticisms get to u

donbenedict:
those ladies who wana marry a rich man, nw here is your story.....


let me speak sense into u ladies who r single, dont get married to just any husband buh get married to a human being... a human being has feelings and a conscience.

end of story!!!! Marry a human being

A nagging man I must say,too proud to care for himself and his child.

You must tell him about how you feel,You cannot solve your problem by not discussing it with him,he might even be unaware of the extent in which his words and actions are hurting you.

You've bottled it up for too long,now is time for you to spill it as it is, if you want to be happy you must first tell him everything that is making you unhappy, you can write it down if you can express yourself better to him that way.

You must ensure he listens to you,everything will be okay in the long run nobody is perfect.
As for you everything he complains to you concerning your appearance be ready to improve for his sake,it will make you feel more better about yourself.
As for the chores get help,stop stressing yourself too much. Life is not as difficult as you make it.

@op, you are one in a million! You are a rare and special breed of a woman. I pray that God will give you joy in your home. The first question I will ask is if your husband loves you. If he does, then with some patience and heart-to-heart discussions, he will do your biddings, otherwise, you've got a lot of work to do.

It is funny to see that we share so many things in common. I am married and you see, I was once what your husband is to my wife. The only differences are I don't like MouthAction and make-up. You and my wife are the same in terms of cooking and house chores. I can't remember what she could cook well. My marriage will also be 4 in December. We had a baby girl that we lost as a result of our irreconcilable differences. But you know what, everything has changed now!!!

You have a lot of work to do on your knees. Prayers work like magic. You need to pray for a change of heart for him and you must be very patience and sacrificial. Don't do anything silly and don't act in a haste. Don't forget that a wise woman builds her home and some of the building materials are prayers, patience and unconditional love.

Also, I will advice you to stop reporting him to his people. I hated that when my wife was doing it and every man hates such. If you want to bring anyone in, prayerfully do so. It may not necessarily be your pastor because some of them are also having marital issues or are not sufficiently knowledgeable about how to resolve marital crises (I am not castigating pastors o). So, you may need to look for someone that he fears and will not want to disobey to report him to. You will have to let the third person know that you are bringing him/her in not to chastise your husband but to help you talk to him.

As per sex, you will need to tell him what you want. Don't assume he knows. You may need to buy him books like "The Act of Marriage" by Tim La hale if he is a reading type. Also, use make up if he wants it, at least till you get his heart back to you. Improve on your cooking skills, google is your friend. Try your best to please him and I am sure he will realise his errors and come back to you.

As you make every effort to bring joy into your home, the Most High will honour those efforts and sacrifices in Jesus' Name.

katyamizotta:
@ayourbamie. 6 months. I felt love would grow. My parents got married within a month of meeting each other and they have been together ever since

@DonBenedict my dad was an expatriate engineer with SPDC so it wasnt money. And i had been working and taking these vactions before he met me.

I can only say i was in a hurry. I was 31. All my cousins and sisters got married at say 23 max and i guess i was more of a tomboy so.... I own up to my own error.
I am more interested in how to resolve this

I am sorry but I'd iny he can change. He feels entitled and he always going to be. There is no way he wouldn't have manifested these traits during your courtship.

Learn to love yourself. Ask Mindfulness about it. It works wonders. Ignore him. Have it in mind that you are now a single mother. Stand firm on your decisions (it seems like you are not the type). It will be great if you could get someone that would come once/twice in a week to help in the kitchen and house chores (perhaps in the weekend). Make your career and your daughter your focus.

I don't know how you did it but I believe that you indulged him during courtship. You need to be opinionated, learn not to speak soft or tough when you want something. Speak to him about the sex, you could ask for enjoyable sex in return for oral. Read books that could help your sex life.

As for makeup. I know you are a very busy woman but I don't think quality mpisturiser/non-comodegenic oil, BB cream/powder, lipgloss, mascara, eyeliner(go for something other than black) should take five minutes. It is not much but those little things can make all the difference.

babajeje123:
@op, you are one in a million! You are a rare and special breed of a woman. I pray that God will give you joy in your home. The first question I will ask is if your husband loves you. If he does, then with some patience and heart-to-heart discussions, he will do your biddings, otherwise, you've got a lot of work to do.

It is funny to see that we share so many things in common. I am married and you see, I was once what your husband is to my wife. The only differences are I don't like MouthAction and make-up. You and my wife are the same in terms of cooking and house chores. I can't remember what she could cook well. My marriage will also be 4 in December. We had a baby girl that we lost as a result of our irreconcilable differences. But you know what, everything has changed now!!!

You have a lot of work to do on your knees. Prayers work like magic. You need to pray for a change of heart for him and you must be very patience and sacrificial. Don't do anything silly and don't act in a haste. Don't forget that a wise woman builds her home and some of the building materials are prayers, patience and unconditional love.

Also, I will advice you to stop reporting him to his people. I hated that when my wife was doing it and every man hates such. If you want to bring anyone in, prayerfully do so. It may not necessarily be your pastor because some of them are also having marital issues or are not sufficiently knowledgeable about how to resolve marital crises (I am not castigating pastors o). So, you may need to look for someone that he fears and will not want to disobey to report him to. You will have to let the third person know that you are bringing him/her in not to chastise your husband but to help you talk to him.

As per sex, you will need to tell him what you want. Don't assume he knows. You may need to buy him books like "The Act of Marriage" by Tim La hale if he is a reading type. Also, use make up if he wants it, at least till you get his heart back to you. Improve on your cooking skills, google is your friend. Try your best to please him and I am sure he will realise his errors and come back to you.

As you make every effort to bring joy into your home, the Most High will honour those efforts and sacrifices in Jesus' Name.

Hmmmmm

You won't say the same thing if the OP were a man.

Hmmm I am happy that u were humble and honest enough to agree that u guys did nto fully understand each other be fore marriage.

Use the opportunity of your upcoming anniversary to get across to him. Write him a long letter tell him of his good side, massage his ego but don't exaggerate. Remind of your love and the once in while he has been thoughtful. Tell him you want to be the best wife ever but you need him to be there.

Tell him you are thinking of ways to improve your dress sense, your looks and your cooking and mean it.

Carry him along in your quest to change. The style of dressing that appeals to him, a change of hair and light make up ask his opinion.

On the house chores you need help and you can pay for it. If you have a maid already then which part of the house is always untidy as your kid doesn't get home till you do. Maybe u need to supervise the help more.

On food issues get the cleaner to do the shopping for you and you cook in bulk on weekends so u don't cook everyday. Learn to take time out for yourself before you start aging unnecessarily.

The sex part my motto has always being if he ain't going down on me I ain't going down on you.
Whatever you do don't be confrontational and stop reporting him it obviously doesn't work.

God be with you.

donbenedict:
those ladies who wana marry a rich man, nw here is your story.....


let me speak sense into u ladies who r single, dont get married to just any husband buh get married to a human being... a human being has feelings and a conscience.

You don't have a point at all

Ad you telling me that men who are not financially buoyant are any different?

daretodiffer:


Hmmmmm

You won't say the same thing if the OP were a man.

I am an advocate of happy and blissful home. Broken homes are not fertile grounds to rare children. Such grow to become adamant, resentful and nuisance. They are so full with hatred and suspicious - negative attitudes they 'gained' from their parents. So, the same I would say.

katyamizotta:


Im not a saint.
I admitted marrying for the wrong reason. I admitted that i cant cook but im learning.
I admit im a bit laid back.
I have gone to our place of worship to report so u can see im willing to be called out.
Ive also told his sisters (i didnt tell my family) so im willing to be corrected.
Again im not a saint but one thing i am is humble.
I didnt write on nairaland to look for how to leave him but how to make my marriage happy

Then just be Happy.

Maybe your happy marriage is not hinged on him changing but on whoever can grow for the better so let's say that's you. Like eating in the kitchen to avoid criticisms you can change that and actually talk about how his criticisms about your house keeping skills and fashion sense make you feel bad about yourself . Like there and then you disagree in an agreeable way that doesn't lead to a shouting match or something. You say you want to be heard I feel you have to change the way you've been talking since you are not getting the desired results just don't take responsibility for his feelings air yours and keep on being you listen to his complaints and make amends where you can.

You don't need to blame him for your sorrows because I am sure he has a list of blames for you as well. So you opt out of the blame game only tell how things affect you.

I don't mean to offend but the sex thing maybe you open your mind and body to the idea of enjoying sex I don't see this as all on him except this is a totally failed match and I really don't think so. Yeah women like affection and love but err maybe you can find a way to infuse that into your life by doing things you actually find pleasurable.

You are not in a slave camp so stop over working yourself sometimes you just have to leave the mess alone when you are tired you have nothing to prove to anyone and if he is so troubled by it he should just clean it up. Give yourself permission to be free and imperfect in your own home. You know you doing your best so give yourself some kudos for the best you are doing.

I don't think anyone can survive constant criticisms I mean this is a lifelong walk you can't afford to tolerate that put an end to it actually listen to his complaints the ones you can fix you fix the ones you can't you embrace as part of who you are.

Not to blame you for anything but even if it's 1% you are contributing to the sorrows of your home own the 1% and treat what you can treat. Make yourself happy in your own life outside of him maybe the joy can spill over and affect your marriage.

daretodiffer:


You don't have a point at all

Ad you telling me that men who are not financially buoyant are any different?

ur d one dah doesn't have any point.. it's still ur gender that agrees with my comment. Evryone is entitled to his or her opinion.

Cutehector:
ur d one dah doesn't have any point.. it's still ur gender that agrees with my comment. Evryone is entitled to his or her opinion.

There is something wrong wirh that gender. Maybe she has a crush on you. I don't.

You are not entitled to your opinion because it is false.

babajeje123:

I am an advocate of happy and blissful home. Broken homes are not fertile grounds to rare children. Such grow to become adamant, resentful and nuisance. They are so full with hatred and suspicious - negative attitudes they 'gained' from their parents. So, the same I would say.

Okay

tearoses:

All the best.

cc TV01

You've said a lot - and enough for significant change. Babajeje 123 provided a lived experience, although I wouldn't involve a 3rd party unless all other efforts proved abortive.

As for withholding oral until she gets it? Firstly, it will be hard to change precedent, secondly, it will most likely antagonise and escalate the situation. Please, let's stop giving advice out of a feigned sense of outrage and SJW instinct !

The love which means you do it, is the same love that understands if your spouse does not want too. Bear with him, let him know your desire, and use that same love to patiently bring him round.

And lets resist the temptation to coruscate the husband . Firstly, we have not heard his side of the story, and secondly, and in this case quite pertinently, OP has stated plainly her intent to build her home. Such invective does not help.

OP, you however, are here ; Please take a long, hard look at yourself and what you can do to make you marriage happy. If you truly believe, take it to God, not man

If you do nothing, rest assured, this situation will at some point become unbearable for you, taking what you’ve written at face value.
Or will you continue the charade of testimonies and entertaining and simply learn to endure?

Quit focusing on the externalities and appearance. Marriage demands adaptation, progress means agreeing, love makes compromise easy.

All the very best.


TV

daretodiffer:


There is something wrong wirh that gender. Maybe she has a crush on you. I don't.

You are not entitled to your opinion because it is false.

lol pls go and eat
Seem hunger is really d cause of ur anger right nw.. @ur siggy

Cutehector:
lol pls go and eat
Seem hunger is really d cause of ur anger right nw.. @ur siggy

I am not angry.

daretodiffer:




I am not angry.

ok pls go and eat eh.

[quote author=tearoses post=42083774

Edwife

Hmm dear you have said it all.But then again,i have one pertinent question.Tv01 please if you can answer it.How can a 31 years old virgin woman who only had carnal knowledge with one man is yet to experience orgasm or even know how it feels or what it is? It 's like eating your mum native soup,you will think it is the best soup ever as no one has ever made it for you,no? It is only when you eat the same soup from someone else that you will compare;no?

It is her husband and not a stranger.She should experience with him-not doing what he is not comfortable with but talking about other things they both enjoy doing and trying to make it better.This should have been fun seeing that he is the only man she has known unless she ain't saying everything.

As for housechores,i always say it-there is no need killing oneself with that.You guys are obviously comfortable,why not solicit the services of a help? I don't get it.I assume you must be 34 years old,common nau you should at least have some form of timetable on when to do chores at home.
You can't cook everyday neither can you clean everyday.

tearoses:
The foundation is wrong, so you need to accept that changes will take time and some things may never change. That is the truth. You cant really change someone who is not ready to change.

So the first thing you need to do is to have a deep heart to heart with your hubby. You may need several of these.
Explain to him all that you have said here and how unhappy and unfulfilled that you are
Initially it may degenerate into an argument, but don't let that happen or you will go off tangent and the whole point of the discussion will be lost.
Be cool and stick to your points as calmly and as drama free as possible
List the points one by one
Make it very clear that you are not happy and not enjoying the marriage.
Remind him that he promised to make you happy and remind him of all the plans that you both had for each other and the vows that you made to each other which was to love and to cherish etc

You too have to make some changes as ultimately you are responsible for your own happiness.
Look again at some of the things causing you to be unhappy and take some of these by the reins

For example in the bedroom tell him what you want. Dont expect him to know. Let him know that you have never reached orgasmm and tell him that you will like to. Stop faking it. How is he supposed to know that he is not hitting the spot if you are faking it?

Re oraal sex; not all men are into it. You cant force him to, you can only ask him to. The same way for example he cant force you to do anall sex if that is not acceptable to you. You can stop giving him orall sex if you feel its not fair but no one should force anyone to do what they don't want to do.

Re housework, as he can afford it, then get more help. You shouldn't be doing chores to midnight after a working day
If you need a live in househelp(s) then please get help
What you may need is just to arrange and prioritize some things
e,g shop and cook in bulk etc so look into that also so you are not killing yourself.
You shouldn't be up at midnight doing chores to wake up at 4am or you will just burn out.
You are not a superwoman and you need to close your eyes to some things.
If I were sick and didnt have the energy to do anything, I wouldn't. My health comes first. End of.

re looks and dressing; unless he met you as a Kim lookalike and you have changed then he shouldn't expect sudden turn round in your appearance and dressing.
.......However we do things to please our partners as compromise so I am sure that of you are both committed to the marriage you can both meet somewhere in the middle.

The criticism def has to stop. Just tell him that you cant function that way and if he wants the best from you he has to work with you on these things and criticising you only damages the marriage and makes you unhappy and will affect him and the baby too.

Basically let him know how you feel about everything.
People will only do what you yourself will allow and so you need to be firm about some things.
Like I said it may take time for it all to sink in and some things may never be perfect but at least its a starting point and you are on track for long term healing in your relationship.

All the best.

cc TV01
Ewuro4
Edwife

take 5.you've put it succinctly.you deserve this money

Thanks Everyone, I sincerely appreciate. I will make myself happy first, while comitting this to God.
For the sake of my child i hope it gets better.
@ Edwife, I read, I have colleagues and TV to listen to, enough to have an idea what an orgasm is. Remember i can fake it.

I tried to talk with him again. It was a stalemate as he obviously hasnt gotten over the fact that i talked with the head at our worship center, and his sisters.
My punishment for bringing up the topic: No sex, and i can stop cooking since he'll no longer eat at home.
He also complained that once Im at work, i do not call him or remember he exist. I do but i keep shifting waiting for a quiet opportunity till the day is gone.

Moral lesson; Pause well, look before you leap

Resolution; Be happy, Love myself and it will spill over, and trust God

[quote author=edwife post=42097556][/quote]



Edwife no be true oooo, somethings are instinctive. Everyone knows when a soup is bad but pretends is Ok not to offend Ma. You don't need to be experienced to know what feels good .

Op all I beg is please don't kill your self over nothing, it ain't worth it. Do what you can do and leave the rest.

byvan03:




Edwife no be true oooo, somethings are instinctive. Everyone knows when a soup is bad but pretends is Ok not to offend Ma. You don't need to be experienced to know what feels good .

Op all I beg is please don't kill your self over nothing, it ain't worth it. Do what you can do and leave the rest.

It was a question actually. I only knew when soup is bad when i had multiple choices in front of me. My mum doesn't use Maggi and pepper when cooking(fresh pepper only) and i was used to that taste since infancy.I grew up cooking just like her,my taste bud was like that for a while. But today as i grew up and happen to cook for different people,i had to learn to cook with enough salt and pepper.Was my mum soup at the time the best,YES! unless it is very bad like putting sugar in the soup.I also think it is not a good analogy because love making and not sex is more about connection,attraction......

Many women don't know what orgasm is,it's a fact. We all know that sex is a communication of love especially in marriage.It is not just about reading or knowing the technicalities and the lingo.For many women, not climaxing can be caused by everything from unrealistic expectations, to awful sex, discomfort with their bodies, discomfort with their partners, or even discomfort with sex itself.

One thing is to remember that our bodies are not machines that all work identically. What works for A will not work for B.Many people have gotten the message that simply inserting part A into slot B should result in earth-shattering orgasms, and when it doesn't work like this, they feel like they (or their partners) are doing something wrong.

The fact is, most women orgasm from clitoral stimulation, not from vaginal penetration, and that stimulation often needs to go on for long time.It could be within a minute or hours.They are married,partners she has to let him know what makes her feel good like you said.that is why she is a virgin,she kept herself to experience all this with her husband.Communication seems to be their problem and all other troubles(critisism,lack of appreciation,tiredness......) make their way into the bedroom and make orgasm more challenging.

Jahblessme:
Just a quick word before the endurance crew arrive.
Your lack of se xual satisfaction must be adding to your unhappiness,however i have good news for you..peentrative s ex will most likely not give you an or gasm and since he doesn't give oral you are doomed either ways so stalemate.
Go out there and buy yourself a very powerful vibr ator..this is 2016,take charge of your se xual life.A vibr ator will give you an or gasm so strong that you may even lose consciousness . Nicer if you can use with a partner but in the mean time use alone before your brain melts.

You can also stop giving him the oral since he doesn't reciprocate,it's a no brainer.Your choice though.

Discuss your concerns seriously with him and if he still won't budge,you'd best find 2 househelps before you grow old and start looking like his granny.

Car and vacation are useless if you are too wound up to enjoy them.A close relationship where both partners pitch in and feel loved and supported is far sweeter than jetting to the maldives with konji ontop.

Good luck ma & NO you are not asking for too much.

Seconded!

edwife:


It was a question actually. I only knew when soup is bad when i had multiple choices in front of me. My mum doesn't use Maggi and pepper when cooking(fresh pepper only) and i was used to that taste since infancy.I grew up cooking just like her,my taste bud was like that for a while. But today as i grew up and happen to cook for different people,i had to learn to cook with enough salt and pepper.Was my mum soup at the time the best,YES! unless it is very bad like putting sugar in the soup.I also think it is not a good analogy because love making and not sex is more about connection,attraction......

Many women don't know what orgasm is,it's a fact. We all know that sex is a communication of love especially in marriage.It is not just about reading or knowing the technicalities and the lingo.For many women, not climaxing can be caused by everything from unrealistic expectations, to awful sex, discomfort with their bodies, discomfort with their partners, or even discomfort with sex itself.

One thing is to remember that our bodies are not machines that all work identically. What works for A will not work for B.Many people have gotten the message that simply inserting part A into slot B should result in earth-shattering orgasms, and when it doesn't work like this, they feel like they (or their partners) are doing something wrong.

The fact is, most women orgasm from clitoral stimulation, not from vaginal penetration, and that stimulation often needs to go on for long time.It could be within a minute or hours.They are married,partners she has to let him know what makes her feel good like you said.that is why she is a virgin,she kept herself to experience all this with her husband.Communication seems to be their problem and all other troubles(critisism,lack of appreciation,tiredness......) make their way into the bedroom and make orgasm more challenging.

She communicated to him just that dude simply won't do it and that's a juicy part of the cookie to miss out on eternally . As for the food, mum loved her tomatoes not too fried, I ate it but always knew I don't like it, see.... no other alternative to compare with but it doesn't agree with my taste bud and I knew it instinctively . How you come dey write plenty epistle like this?

@ Op,
No matter how much TV you watch or novels you read,an org asm isn't something that can be really described. And i cannot really explain to you the mental clarity you will achieve,how your stress levels will reduce,even some of the things your husband does to annoy you may not have the same effect because you have had some release and you are able to think properly.
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/ please visit and be set free.Practical instead of all this theory.Save your sanity before you combust. I recommend a vi brator instead of a dil do.Your Dh will be more comfy with that if you decide that you want it introduced for both of you to use together.If he no gree,please enter room lock door,loud music and enjoy yourself.

Good luck my sister.

Jahblessme:
Just a quick word before the endurance crew arrive.
Your lack of se xual satisfaction must be adding to your unhappiness,however i have good news for you..peentrative s ex will most likely not give you an or gasm and since he doesn't give oral you are doomed either ways so stalemate.
Go out there and buy yourself a very powerful vibr ator..this is 2016,take charge of your se xual life.A vibr ator will give you an or gasm so strong that you may even lose consciousness . Nicer if you can use with a partner but in the mean time use alone before your brain melts.

You can also stop giving him the oral since he doesn't reciprocate,it's a no brainer.Your choice though.

Discuss your concerns seriously with him and if he still won't budge,you'd best find 2 househelps before you grow old and start looking like his granny.

Car and vacation are useless if you are too wound up to enjoy them.A close relationship where both partners pitch in and feel loved and supported is far sweeter than jetting to the maldives with konji ontop.

Good luck ma & NO you are not asking for too much.

Some ladies reach orgasm without sex, vibrator or oral.....I have heard of a style where lady stays on top &boobs is s ucked with d **!ck grinding outside the v*Jay. If there is love, and its done without the parties holding grudges...you will thank me later

rchilee:


Some ladies reach orgasm without sex, vibrator or oral.....I have heard of a style where lady stays on top &boobs is s ucked with d **!ck grinding outside the v*Jay. If there is love, and its done without the parties holding grudges...you will thank me later

Heard being the operative word..that grinding will take pleenty time and strategic placing coupled with tons of mind numbing fore play before or gasm can be reached.

Love doesn't cause or gasms..a free and open mind plus patience goes a long way.
You should be thanking me

unfortunately this is what most working class women pass through.

byvan03:




She communicated to him just that dude simply won't do it and that's a juicy part of the cookie to miss out on eternally . As for the food, mum loved her tomatoes not too fried, I ate it but always knew I don't like it, see.... no other alternative to compare with but it doesn't agree with my taste bud and I knew it instinctively . How you come dey write plenty epistle like this?

Lol trying to help op to understand that her watching tv is not enough.I am emphasising on it because of the fact that her husband is the only man she has ever have sex with. Also to some people like me who don't use Love Machine(ewww) that thing still a mystery to me,masturbation as well.
Anything giving sexual pleasure to oneself disgust me .

edwife:


Lol trying to help op to understand that her watching tv is not enough.I am emphasising on it because of the fact that her husband is the only man she has ever have sex with. Also to some people like me who don't use Love Machine(ewww) that thing still a mystery to me,masturbation as well.
Anything giving sexual pleasure to oneself disgust me .

I really feel sorry for OP's plight, waiting so long for so little. As for the.....i don't have any strong opinion about it, it's better than humiliating ones self outside the vows.