Please don't bash me or tag me a pedophile.

I'm a man in my mid 20's. To reduce the length of the story. Something led to something, I had sex with a minor last year. I felt sorry for my actions and moved on (note the girl was experienced).

Fast forward to this year, the last day in the month of January. The parents of the girl called my attention to the issue, I didn't deny my involvement, Because I was involved and secondly because of the fear of legal sanctions. So I had to plead with the family and agree to take full responsibility. (note abortion was not an option because of the gestation period of the fetus)

The family of the girl wants my family involved as a form of guarantee of which I agreed.

My family is about to meet with hers when I had some shocking discoveries.

The first is that the girl's family had met someone before me(this person was a minor too.) but he denied his involvement. (note when the mother narrated the issue about this person she said that she only went the to clearify because she suspected the person and swore to me that the boy never had sex with her).

Secondly, I went Tru her whatsapp chat and I discovered she had been meeting with another boy in an hotel. After I read the messages without her knowledge, she deleted them. When I asked her about the issue she denied it out rightly.

Still based on the whatsapp message, a third boy who was the bf to the girl had unprotected sex and broke up with her because he was worried she was pregnant. (please note she claimed this third boy is thesame as the first but I have my doubts).

Finally when I asked her who the father of the baby was, her countenance changed and admitted I was after about 20 mins (coupled with the fact that I encouraged her just to mention my name).

I have to be careful because her parents her kind of desperate and would resort to legal actions as all other potential father are minors and some unknown to her parents. (all messages read on her whatsapp sent and received referred to events which happened within the range of period of conception based on the scan result after considering the +/-2weeks stuff).

Please some urgent advice

Deafndumb:
Please don't bash me or tag me a pedophile.

I'm a man in my mid 20's. To reduce the length of the story. Something led to something, I had sex with a minor last year. I felt sorry for my actions and moved on (note the girl was experienced).

Fast forward to this year, the last day in the month of January. The parents of the girl called my attention to the issue, I didn't deny my involvement, Because I was involved and secondly because of the fear of legal sanctions. So I had to plead with the family and agree to take full responsibility. (note abortion was not an option because of the gestation period of the fetus)

The family of the girl wants my family involved as a form of guarantee of which I agreed.

My family is about to meet with hers when I had some shocking discoveries.

The first is that the girl's family had met someone before me(this person was a minor too.) but he denied his involvement. (note when the mother narrated the issue about this person she said that she only went the to clearify because she suspected the person and swore to me that the boy never had sex with her).

Secondly, I went Tru her whatsapp chat and I discovered she had been meeting with another boy in an hotel. After I read the messages without her knowledge, she deleted them. When I asked her about the issue she denied it out rightly.

Still based on the whatsapp message, a third boy who was the bf to the girl had unprotected sex and broke up with her because he was worried she was pregnant. (please note she claimed this third boy is thesame as the first but I have my doubts).

Finally when I asked her who the father of the baby was, her countenance changed and admitted I was after about 20 mins (coupled with the fact that I encouraged her just to mention my name).

I have to be careful because her parents her kind of desperate and would resort to legal actions as all other potential father are minors and some unknown to her parents. (all messages read on her whatsapp sent and received referred to events which happened within the range of period of conception based on the scan result after considering the +/-2weeks stuff).

Please some urgent advice

the truth is that u had sex and she says its ur baby. U just have to take care of her till d baby comes out and be responsible. Plead with the parents to temper mercy and wait till she concieves the child so u can do the dna and find out the real father of the child.

No child is a curse.
Accept your fate


Na say you give girl belle make your username be deafandumb?

And ye will pay for the sins of the world.



So sad

jemype:
the truth is that u had sex and she says its ur baby. U just have to take care of her till d baby comes out and be responsible. Plead with the parents to temper mercy and wait till she concieves the child so u can do the dna and find out the real father of the child.

Thanks

yomi007k:
And ye will pay for the sins of the world.



So sad

The advice is urgently needed

Bush meat don catch hunter.

At this point, just play along with the family, take care of the girl and pregnancy till baby is born then you secretly go for DNA. Stop snooping on her phone and asking her unnecessary questions,make up excuses to delay the marriage, stop sleeping with the girl if you still are.

ifyalways:
Bush meat don catch hunter.

At this point, just play along with the family, take care of the girl and pregnancy till baby is born then you secretly go for DNA. Stop snooping on her phone and asking her unnecessary questions,make up excuses to delay the marriage, stop sleeping with the girl if you still are.

Thanks alot

How old was the girl at the time of the act?

Reach a compromise. You pay the bills But dont accept responsibility yet.

A minor involved with numerous sex partners? in just the space of a week? Wow! Get the exact age of the pregnancy and calculate back.

If you cant find facts, then bear the cross till she gives birth.God has his mysterious and genuine ways of showing who owns who.

But lastly...Serves you right. I cant help but laugh at your misery. Next time you would learn not to near a minor nor go digging your thing in everything that moves.


On a larger note another "problem" (i.e likely no parental care or responsibility) about to be born into the world to stretch the already scarce resources. Count out most thieves, agberos, and so on who are the terrors of our society and 98% came from unwanted pregancies. Maybe we start looking at blocking these holes to reduce crime. Sorry that i digressed.

Deafndumb:
Please don't bash me or tag me a pedophile.

I'm a man in my mid 20's. To reduce the length of the story. Something led to something, I had sex with a minor last year. I felt sorry for my actions and moved on (note the girl was experienced).

Fast forward to this year, the last day in the month of January. The parents of the girl called my attention to the issue, I didn't deny my involvement, Because I was involved and secondly because of the fear of legal sanctions. So I had to plead with the family and agree to take full responsibility. (note abortion was not an option because of the gestation period of the fetus)

The family of the girl wants my family involved as a form of guarantee of which I agreed.

My family is about to meet with hers when I had some shocking discoveries.

The first is that the girl's family had met someone before me(this person was a minor too.) but he denied his involvement. (note when the mother narrated the issue about this person she said that she only went the to clearify because she suspected the person and swore to me that the boy never had sex with her).

Secondly, I went Tru her whatsapp chat and I discovered she had been meeting with another boy in an hotel. After I read the messages without her knowledge, she deleted them. When I asked her about the issue she denied it out rightly.

Still based on the whatsapp message, a third boy who was the bf to the girl had unprotected sex and broke up with her because he was worried she was pregnant. (please note she claimed this third boy is thesame as the first but I have my doubts).

Finally when I asked her who the father of the baby was, her countenance changed and admitted I was after about 20 mins (coupled with the fact that I encouraged her just to mention my name).

I have to be careful because her parents her kind of desperate and would resort to legal actions as all other potential father are minors and some unknown to her parents. (all messages read on her whatsapp sent and received referred to events which happened within the range of period of conception based on the scan result after considering the +/-2weeks stuff).

Please some urgent advice

When a guy wants to shirk responsibility for a pregnancy that might be his, he suddenly remembers the lady in question is a "whöre" who's had multiple partners in the past. Nothing new there.

It's also expected that you'll paint her character blacker than black in an attempt to exonerate yourself. Nothing new there either, but remember we've only got your side of the story, so we'll be inclined to take what you say here with a pinch of salt / at face value.

The reality is, you're in a tight spot and there isn't much else you can do but play along till the baby is born. Don't get roped into promising marriage. Neither of you are mature enough to handle that and the foundation can best be described as shaky.

Wait till the baby is born then get a DNA test performed to determine if you're the biological father or not, then take it from there. But remember, even if it turns out that you aren't the father, that doesn't absolve you of your misdeed - of sleeping with a minor. You still need to face the consequences of that action and hopefully, you'll learn from it.

Everyone makes mistakes but the important thing is learning from them. In the meantime do all you can to make mother and baby comfortable. Show her family (through your actions) that even though you are remorseful of your misdeeds, you aren't a bad person, but a man willing to take responsibility for his part in this. Start footing some of the bills, ensure she's registered for antenatal care, go with her and demonstrate not just financial but moral support.

Be good to her. So even if it turns out that the child isn't yours, her family will be less inclined to take legal action against you for bedding a minor.

Now is your chance to right your wrongs. It won't be easy but chin up and take heart.

All the best.

x240:
Reach a compromise. You pay the bills But dont accept responsibility yet.

A minor involved with numerous sex partners? in just the space of a week? Wow! Get the exact age of the pregnancy and calculate back.

If you cant find facts, then bear the cross till she gives birth.God has his mysterious and genuine ways of showing who owns who.

But lastly...Serves you right. I cant help but laugh at your misery. Next time you would learn not to near a minor nor go digging your thing in everything that moves.


On a larger note another "problem" (i.e likely no parental care or responsibility) about to be born into the world to stretch the already scarce resources. Count out most thieves, agberos, and so on who are the terrors of our society and 98% came from unwanted pregancies. Maybe we start looking at blocking these holes to reduce crime. Sorry that i digressed.

Thanks a lot. I already took into consideration the conception date. It was within the period the stuff happened.
Don't u think me not taking responsibility will spark an outrage. They might misinterpret it as me denying.

EfemenaXY:


When a guy wants to shirk responsibility for a pregnancy that might be his, he suddenly remembers the lady in question is a "whöre" who's had multiple partners in the past. Nothing new there.

It's also expected that you'll paint her character blacker than black in an attempt to exonerate yourself. Nothing new there either, but remember we've only got your side of the story, so we'll be inclined to take what you say here with a pinch of salt / at face value.

The reality is, you're in a tight spot and there isn't much else you can do but play along till the baby is born. Don't get roped into promising marriage. Neither of you are mature enough to handle that and the foundation can best be described as shaky.

Wait till the baby is born then get a DNA test performed to determine if you're the biological father or not, then take it from there. But remember, even if it turns out that you aren't the father, that doesn't absolve you of your misdeed - of sleeping with a minor. You still need to face the consequences of that action and hopefully, you'll learn from it.

Everyone makes mistakes but the important thing is learning from them. In the meantime do all you can to make mother and baby comfortable. Show her family (through your actions) that even though you are remorseful of your misdeeds, you aren't a bad person, but a man willing to take responsibility for his part in this. Start footing some of the bills, ensure she's registered for antenatal care, go with her and demonstrate not just financial but moral support.

Be good to her. So even if it turns out that the child isn't yours, her family will be less inclined to take legal action against you for bedding a minor.

Now is your chance to right your wrongs. It won't be easy but chin up and take heart.

All the best.

Thanks a lot for your contribution
I am not trying to paint her a LovePeddler. I would have never agreed to anything had I any prior knowledge to what happened with the other partners.

I had been in a sober mood for a couple weeks now. I would never deny my involvement but it's a very huge leap to take in faith.

I can't bear the tots of me fathering a child that may not be mine. That's y I'm hear to seek advice and opinions.

I can't inform my people because they may not consent to it and I don't want to become popular in the media for this.

Pineapp:
No child is a curse.
Accept your fate

The idea that I might not be the father is overwhelming.

Deafndumb:


Thanks a lot. I already took into consideration the conception date. It was within the period the stuff happened.
Don't u think me not taking responsibility will spark an outrage. They might misinterpret it as me denying.

Since it tallies. Then just take responsibility.

I hope you just work hard now. You have a responsibility on your hands now and you got no excuse. Good luck buying pampers and baby food.

Pineapp:
No child is a curse.
Accept your fate

You wouldn't want to argue that.

A child is a curse when you arent prepared for it. It is a big big big investment in both time and resources and not something you just jump into lest you ruin your lives and the life of the unborn.

Deafndumb:

Thanks a lot for your contribution
I am not trying to paint her a LovePeddler. I would have never agreed to anything had I any prior knowledge to what happened with the other partners.

I had been in a sober mood for a couple weeks now. I would never deny my involvement but it's a very huge leap to take in faith.

I can't bear the tots of me fathering a child that may not be mine. That's y I'm hear to seek advice and opinions.

I can't inform my people because they may not consent to it and I don't want to become popular in the media for this.

But you don't know that for certain. There's a chance that you might be. What if you are?

And this is why you're being advised to play along until the DNA results are out. Besides, being the father or not is just one of the many issues you're facing at the moment. You've still got to persuade the family not to take legal action against you. You are aware of the risks to you if they go down that route, aren't you?

What's caring for a mother and unborn baby for a couple of months till the birth, compared to being thrown in jail?

You need to keep calm and address this issue objectively. Stop panicking bro.

EfemenaXY:


But you don't know that for certain. There's a chance that you might be. What if you are?

And this is why you're being advised to play along until the DNA results are out. Besides, being the father or not is just one of the many issues you're facing at the moment. You've still got to persuade the family not to take legal action against you. You are aware of the risks to you if they go down that route, aren't you?

What's caring for a mother and unborn baby for a couple of months till the birth, compared to being thrown in jail?

You need to keep calm and address this issue objectively. Stop panicking bro.

Thanks alot

bellong:
How old was the girl at the time of the act?

I'm sorry I can't disclose any info further than this. Some members of the family might be nairalanders. I need to keep it as brief as this.
It's easier to deny this than giving more detail. It may just add salt to the injury

x240:


Good luck buying pampers and baby food.

This made me smile. I have missed smiling for weeks now

EfemenaXY,

Happy Sunday dear!

Your advice is priceless.

Mindfulness:
EfemenaXY,

Happy Sunday dear!

Your advice is priceless.

Thanks, and Happy Sunday to you to dear!

In this life, you must always be straight with people and make your stand known. Tell them that you know about her other partners, and tel the parents everything you saw on her phone. Tell them that you know that this pregnancy has been denied before.
Tell them that you are going to wait till a DNA test is done before accepting responsibility and taking care of the child. However, you are not ready to marry yet. And from what you have seen, would definitely not be marrying her. At her age? Doing such things Make sure you get yourself tested for STD's as well as her too. To make sure the child is clean if it is yours.

baby124:
In this life, you must always be straight with people and make your stand known. Tell them that you know about her other partners, and tel the parents everything you saw on her phone. Tell them that you know that this pregnancy has been denied before.
Tell them that you are going to wait till a DNA test is done before accepting responsibility and taking care of the child. However, you are not ready to marry yet. And from what you have seen, would definitely not be marrying her. At her age? Doing such things Make sure you get yourself tested for STD's as well as her too. To make sure the child is clean if it is yours.

Making a stand now won't do him any favors but may quickly land him in jail right now.

Her people are mad at him (and her too) and are looking for a scapegoat to take it out on, and unfortunately for him, he is well within their radar. It's better he lies low for now pre-birth of the baby.

EfemenaXY:


Making a stand now won't do him any favors but may quickly land him in jail right now.

Her people are mad at him (and her too) and are looking for a scapegoat to take it out on, and unfortunately for him, he is well within their radar. It's better he lies low for now pre-birth of the baby.

He cannot lie low because he will be resisted when he asks for DNA after accepting responsibility. They will reject the test and still put him in jail. In fact it will be hotter then because they have been led on. If he slept with a minor and they want to pursue the case fine. He has to pay for his actions. But under no circumstance should he take responsibility for what he is not sure of. Because the family will go to any length if he later says he is not the father. In fact they will claim he forged the tests and refuse to take the girl to go for the test. He should right now make it known that he knows their game and will not take responsibility until it is proven the child is his. The parents know their daughter and in shame will do nothing!

OP this (@bold) is the summary.

That's all.

EfemenaXY:


When a guy wants to shirk responsibility for a pregnancy that might be his, he suddenly remembers the lady in question is a "whöre" who's had multiple partners in the past. Nothing new there.

It's also expected that you'll paint her character blacker than black in an attempt to exonerate yourself. Nothing new there either, but remember we've only got your side of the story, so we'll be inclined to take what you say here with a pinch of salt / at face value.

[b]The reality is, you're in a tight spot and there isn't much else you can do but play along till the baby is born. Don't get roped into promising marriage. Neither of you are mature enough to handle that and the foundation can best be described as shaky.

Wait till the baby is born then get a DNA test performed to determine if you're the biological father or not, then take it from there. But remember, even if it turns out that you aren't the father, that doesn't absolve you of your misdeed - of sleeping with a minor. You still need to face the consequences of that action and hopefully, you'll learn from it.

Everyone makes mistakes but the important thing is learning from them. In the meantime do all you can to make mother and baby comfortable. Show her family (through your actions) that even though you are remorseful of your misdeeds, you aren't a bad person, but a man willing to take responsibility for his part in this. Start footing some of the bills, ensure she's registered for antenatal care, go with her and demonstrate not just financial but moral support.

Be good to her. So even if it turns out that the child isn't yours, her family will be less inclined to take legal action against you for bedding a minor.

Now is your chance to right your wrongs. It won't be easy but chin up and take heart.

All the best.
[/b]

baby124:

He cannot lie low because he will be resisted when he asks for DNA after accepting responsibility. They will reject the test and still put him in jail. In fact it will be hotter then because they have been led on. If he slept with a minor and they want to pursue the case fine. He has to pay for his actions. But under no circumstance should he take responsibility for what he is not sure of. Because the family will go to any length if he later says he is not the father. In fact they will claim he forged the tests and refuse to take the girl to go for the test. He should right now make it known that he knows their game and will not take responsibility until it is proven the child is his. The parents know their daughter and in shame will do nothing!

But that's just it. He hasn't accepted responsibility yet.

He's admitted to sleeping with her, but that doesn't mean he's the father. He has a better chance of salvaging something out of this situation for himself if he agrees to look after mother and child financially until the baby is born, which I think appears to be the crux of the matter for now - money.

If he does that and shows that he is genuinely interested in the well being of mother and unborn baby, he stands a good chance of placating them and getting their good side thereby lessening the chance of them taking the legal route with him. In this life, people treat you based on how you present yourself to them.

I don't get the bit about them refusing to let her take a DNA test or claiming that he forged the results. Why would they deny the DNA test being carried out, especially if he's the one footing the bill? And why can't her family members (and other witnesses) be present when the test is performed and results read out the them?

When it comes to determining the paternity of a child, it's a clear cut case without any grey areas. It's either black or white - i.e: he is the father or he isn't. It's non-negotiable.

EfemenaXY:


But that's just it. He hasn't accepted responsibility yet.

He's admitted to sleeping with her, but that doesn't mean he's the father. He has a better chance of salvaging something out of this situation for himself if he agrees to look after mother and child financially until the baby is born, which I think appears to be the crux of the matter for now - money.

If he does that and shows that he is genuinely interested in the well being of mother and unborn baby, he stands a good chance of placating them and getting their good side thereby lessening the chance of them taking the legal route with him. In this life, people treat you based on how you present yourself to them.

I don't get the bit about them refusing to let her take a DNA test or claiming that he forged the results. Why would they deny the DNA test being carried out, especially if he's the one footing the bill? And why can't her family members (and other witnesses) be present when the test is performed and results read out the them?

When it comes to determining the paternity of a child, it's a clear cut case without any grey areas. It's either black or white - i.e: he is the father or he isn't. It's non-negotiable.

Him taking care of mother and child financially, will now imply accepting responsibility. You think when the family goes through the relief of him accepting responsibility they will want to face shame of him later denying after the child is born? When they could have done an abortion or saved themselves from shame? They will deal with him. It's better he is upfront and be a man for once. It saves a lot of pain and heart ache. In fact it prevents him a lot of heart ache from expending resources and bonding with a child that is potentially not his.

baby124:

Him taking care of mother and child financially, will now imply accepting responsibility. You think when the family goes through the relief of him accepting responsibility they will want to face shame of him later denying after the child is born? When they could have done an abortion or saved themselves from shame? They will deal with him. It's better he is upfront and be a man for once. It saves a lot of pain and heart ache. In fact it prevents him a lot of heart ache from expending resources and bonding with a child that is potentially not his.

But what if the child is his though?

Anyway, if her family really want her to get an abortion, they'll do it - with or without his consent.

The outcome of the DNA test is in no way related to him denying the pregnancy. The DNA simply states whether he is the father or not. If he is, then he is, otherwise if he isn't, then he isn't and there's nothing her family can do about that.

If they want to get dirty, they could drag this to court where:

1.) He'll get done for sleeping with a minor and I think right now, he wants to avoid that and the associated media circus that goes along with it.

2.) The courts would insist on a DNA test performed on the child to determine it's paternity. So whether her family like it or not, it will still be done, and if he isn't the father, they can't do anything about it.

EfemenaXY:


But what if the child is his though?

Anyway, if her family really want her to get an abortion, they'll do it - with or without his consent.

The outcome of the DNA test is in no way related to him denying the pregnancy. The DNA simply states whether he is the father or not. If he is, then he is, otherwise if he isn't, then he isn't and there's nothing her family can do about that.

If they want to get dirty, they could drag this to court where:

1.) He'll get done for sleeping with a minor and I think right now, he wants to avoid that and the associated media circus that goes along with it.

2.) The courts would insist on a DNA test performed on the child to determine it's paternity. So whether her family like it or not, it will still be done, and if he isn't the father, they can't do anything about it.

Is the OP not in Nigeria? Which Nigerian court can enforce anything? Will the child not be in the mother's custody? Why should he take responsibility when he is unsure. So the other little guys she has been having second with, did they kill or force them when they denied? It's better he draws the line now, rather than pretend, take care of her and then dash their hopes by coming up with one DNA test. People can forge anything in Nigeria if they have the money, that is a fact.

Is this not the same NL we saw a boy who looked for his father. Father did DNA test to prove the son is not his. The mother's family till today are calling him names that he used influence to forge fake tests. This is a man that was not in his son's life, not to talk of the one that has paid for all antenatal and baby care products. It's better he speaks the truth now and sets himself free. If the child turns out to be his, he can refund the parents all their expenses. He has very good grounds to have his reservations about the pregnancy.

baby124:
Is the OP not in Nigeria? Which Nigerian court can enforce anything? Will the child not be in the mother's custody? Why should he take responsibility when he is unsure. So the other little guys she has been having second with, did they kill or force them when they denied? It's better he draws the line now, rather than pretend, take care of her and then dash their hopes by coming up with one DNA test. People can forge anything in Nigeria if they have the money, that is a fact.

So you're suggesting he goes in there guns blazing with a confrontational approach. Where will that get him? Apart from incensing her family even further?

The bolded bit of your sentence marks the distinction between a mature man and a little boy. @OP is adult (and mature) enough to realize that he can't absolve himself completely from what's happened. The fact is he DID sleep with her and he is owning up to the fact that he MIGHT have sired a child with her.

If anything, I shows he's a decent man willing to own up to his own mistakes. It would be grossly irresponsible of him to deny having anything to do with her, knowing fully well she might be carrying his child.

baby124:
Is this not the same NL we saw a boy who looked for his father. Father did DNA test to prove the son is not his. The mother's family till today are calling him names that he used influence to forge fake tests. This is a man that was not in his son's life, not to talk of the one that has paid for all antenatal and baby care products. It's better he speaks the truth now and sets himself free. If the child turns out to be his, he can refund the parents all their expenses. He has very good grounds to have his reservations about the pregnancy.

What truth are you referring to? No one can tell right now whether the unborn child is his or not. Not yet anyway.

And your suggestion that he washes himself completely of her and then comes back later to claim the child if it's his - what parent would take that lightly? Put yourself in the shoes of the girl's parents. You're asking @op to rubbish the girl properly and then later come back in to refund the parents of their expenses? Seriously?

It's not always about money, you know. And in this situation he needs to tread very carefully. Otherwise, whether he's the father or not could still land him in jail.

Anyway, that's my opinion on this matter. At the end of the day, it's up to him to decide which route to take.

Thanks for the advice. I sincerely don't know what to do after reading different opinions.

Should I tell my parents about the discoveries I made?

I'm pretty sure they won't go there with me and that's going to heat things up.