I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

Is it the only problem you have with her? If the answer is yes, then ignore it. Go silent on her and do not even bother to think about it.
I say it because it seems to me that you two are quite comfortable and because I believe that there are situations where our siblings need and deserve our help and you are doing the needful without depriving your own family of anything necessary.

If your wife has other attributes that are pleasing you, then it is enough. Nobody is perfect.

You don enter one chance but op does she have siblings at all? And if she does, how does she treat or care for them?

I don't understand why you will want to help your brother and your wife will let hell loose. I think you are soft on her, you need to tell her you are the man of the house. If you have more than enough, please do assist him cause you never can tell how your tomorrow will be.

I don't like ladies dat ar like that,she must be a stingy and selfish person,u shuld caution her and make her to understand dat no1 s above the trials of life n ur bro s just passing tru his bt al shall pass. Bible sayz itz more bless to give dan receive.

Mindfulness:
Is it the only problem you have with her? If the answer is yes, then ignore it. Go silent on her and do not even bother to think about it.
I say it because it seems to me that you two are quite comfortable and because I believe that there are situations where our siblings need and deserve our help and you are doing the needful without depriving your own family of anything necessary.

If your wife has other attributes that are pleasing you, then it is enough. Nobody is perfect.

Yea..that is the only problem i have with her...but its a big one for me and i dont see myself not thinking/talking about it...i want a united and peaceful extended family...thanks for the advice though!

Kingsasian:
You don enter one chance but op does she have siblings at all? And if she does, how does she treat or care for them?

Yea she's got 3 sibling...all younger ones and i do my best to make them happy when i can...she cares for them also as every normal sister would..

She's so selfish and greddy

Bro, you're obviously married to the wrong one. She's selfish and greedy. How could any woman be mad at her man for helping his own family?. This woman will probably put a knife to your neck if you help outsiders.

I bet she won't mind if you buy heaven and earth for her own family members.

Bro, if you weren't married to her I'd say get rid of her. She's bad business.

Stop telling her about everything you want to do for your brother. Help your brother (and other family members) without informing her. That way, peace will reign.

yemi16:


Yea she's got 3 sibling...all younger ones and i do my best to make them happy when i can...she cares for them also as every normal sister would..

in that case, you are married to the wrong woman. The type that wants to isolate her husband from his family.

U did not marry the wrong woman, you only married a self centered, greedy, stingy and heartless woman.

zayhal:
Stop telling her about everything you want to do for your brother. Help your brother (and other family members) without informing her. That way, peace will reign.

hmmmm.....sounds like a good one there.....i 'll surely give it a though....thanks...
It's just sad i ll have to start keeping things away from her this early into my marriage.....so sad!!

Sorry bro,ur wife is gonna make ur life a living hell! Stop telling her all ur plans or else..............

u married a self centered stingy,proud and troublesome woman.let her know her behaviour isn't good and u aren't happy with it.

peterdrury:
U did not marry the wrong woman, you only married a self centered, greedy, stingy and heartless woman, if I may ask, do you give assistance to members of her family?

Like i mentioned...i do as often as i can....both her siblings and parents....i remember sending money across all when i received my January salary...not that i do it monthly though...

yemi16:


Yea..that is the only problem i have with her...but its a big one for me and i dont see myself not thinking/talking about it...i want a united and peaceful extended family...thanks for the advice though!

And you think that fighting with your wife will get you there?

Shez very selfish ooo. Op, u shud ask her if itz one of her siblings datz in ur brother's shoes, won't she help him out even if she has d ability to? Sum pple nd bad mind sef.

So selfish of her.The signs were there but you ignored it.... Since she can't come to terms with you helping your siblings, do it secretly... Please don't stop helping when you can; we all need somebody to lean on when things ain't going right. ..

Funny enough, you give to her own siblings and she doesn't complain. . mtcheeew

However, do not let this disrupt your family. . Appreciate her other good qualities while working towards this one. . All d best..

When u want to help, dont let her know... Until she outgrows it or else she will end up controlling ur life to the detriment of ur reputation and relationships.

mutiply:
I don't understand why you will want to help your brother and your wife will let hell loose. I think you are soft on her, you need to tell her you are the man of the house. If you have more than enough, please do assist him cause you never can tell how your tomorrow will be.

I might be soft but really i cant help it....its just 6months into our marriage, its not so easy to go real hard so early....
thanks anyway for the advice.

yemi16:


Like i mentioned...i do as often as i can....both her siblings and parents....i remember sending money across all when i received my January salary...not that i do it monthly though...

you have been doing well sir. God will continue to bless and reward you. Don't relent in assisting him, try also to assist him wit a business or job so that he too can be a man on his own.

PresVA:
So selfish of her.The signs were there but you ignored it.... Since she can't come to terms with you helping your siblings, do it secretly... Please don't stop helping when you can; we all need somebody to lean on when things ain't going right. ..

Funny enough, you give to her own siblings and she doesn't complain. . mtcheeew

However, do not let this disrupt your family. . Appreciate her other good qualities while working towards this one. . All d best..

Thanks...really appreciate this one...i only pray for perseverance...

yemi16:


Yea she's got 3 sibling...all younger ones and i do my best to make them happy when i can...she cares for them also as every normal sister would..

Hmm so she helps her own siblings and doesn't want you to help yours? Just have a heart to heart talk with her on how selfish she's being... ask how how she would feel if you complain when she gives her siblings things or if you ask her to stop.

yemi16:


I might be soft but really i cant help it....its just 6months into our marriage, its not so easy to go real hard so early....
thanks anyway for the advice.

Am not telling you to hit her, I believe there are more than a thousand ways to prove to her that you are the man of the house without going brutal.

Bro the answer is very simple, help your brother without her knowing. Go to his house to give him whatever you wants to give him and she would not notice you are helping me.

Is she a working class too?,does she encourage you to go see your own people?is she ove more concerned about her own kindreds than your own?does have a receptive attitude?how does she relate with your friends(if you have any)?....she is just a self centered type ,she musnt know about all you do concerning your people,show her family the necessary attention needed, but try keeping her away from what you do about yours,most women are like that o.you saw the hand writtings on the wall but you foolishly ignored it sir,you were supposed to dig into that one area critically and get it solved, but you no allow toto give you sense, i am married just like you and knows what that kind of special attitude can amount to in any woman,its better she naggs than she displays that kind of habit, such kind of habit can destroy a home completely, it is about the worst attitude in the life of a woman.you must start working on her, if you are a christian get her neck deep in church activities the way i did with wifey, and of course she on the fast lane of change .you too must support her in the church activities by studying with her and all those,...if u be islam you should be able to plan for the second wife, her head go correct big time,(but i doubt if you pactices islam)na christian ladies dey mostly put up this stupid character,just because thir men aint permited to marry more wives.God go help u bro

gidjah:
Is she a working class too?,does she encourage you to go see your own people?is she ove more concerned about her own kindreds than your own?does have a receptive attitude?how does she relate with your friends(if you have any)?....she is just a self centered type ,she musnt know about all you do concerning your people,show her family the necessary attention needed, but try keeping her away from what you do about yours,most women are like that o.you saw the hand writtings on the wall but you foolishly ignored it sir,you were supposed to dig into that one area critically and get it solved, but you no allow toto give you sense, i am married just like you and knows what that kind of special attitude can amount to in any woman,its better she naggs than she displays that kind of habit, such kind of habit can destroy a home completely, it is about the worst attitude in the life of a woman.you must start working on her, if you are a christian get her neck deep in church activities the way i did with wifey, and of course she on the fast lane of change .you too must support her in the church activities by studying with her and all those,...if u be islam you should be able to plan for the second wife, her head go correct big time,(but i doubt if you pactices islam)na christian ladies dey mostly put up this stupid character,just because thir men aint permited to marry more wives.God go help u bro

lol...@ ..you saw the hand writtings on the wall but you foolishly ignored it sir,you were supposed to dig into that one area critically and get it solved, but you no allow toto give you sense.....
My brother...thanks for the advice...i am a christian...sunday sunday type though....i luv ur advice...and i think lots of pple have actually said the same thing.....

Admire her good xters, treat her family well and keep showing then support and care..continue to help my own family too without her knowing...atleast until she changes.....and also..Get involved with church activities...(this will be hard small...)

thanks....

No hard feelings bro, but to break some of her attitudes, you must try pushing her into service o, else na heart attack u want take play o!,most of dem are like dat, my own too no different,but she is into church and christ now, she has pretty change, she is a ldr now in d church.pls learn to draw lines o, most of this ladies need to know u r firm and fair,they will try you and tempt you always to know your soft spots, once you fall for such,they will begn to play psychology on you.you should atimes stamp you feet to d heavens over ur decisions like this o,...but i might not want to say few things here in d open for security reasons and immature young ones on this forum.you may wish to contact me ,we can be friends na,abi?08181250960.God bless you sir

yemi16:


lol...@ ..you saw the hand writtings on the wall but you foolishly ignored it sir,you were supposed to dig into that one area critically and get it solved, but you no allow toto give you sense.....
My brother...thanks for the advice...i am a christian...sunday sunday type though....i luv ur advice...and i think lots of pple have actually said the same thing.....

Admire her good xters, treat her family well and keep showing then support and care..continue to help my own family too without her knowing...atleast until she changes.....and also..Get involved with church activities...(this will be hard small...)

thanks....

Do you consult her before giving out stuff from the house, maybe she has plans to use them and don't like when you give them out.
You are in a patnership it does not hurt to consult her before giving out stuff,

Some people are not used to extend families, some people were just brought up in nuclear family so getting used to people who have to support the whole village is hard,

People have different personalities, I remember when my sister in law came to my house and put on my clothing without permission, it drove me crazy, I did not grow up with sisters, so I wasn't used to sharing. She on the other hand have 7 sisters and they share everything.

Poster this is not a big deal, maybe she likes hanging on to old stuff, just try learn and work with her.

yemi16:


Yea..that is the only problem i have with her...but its a big one for me and i dont see myself not thinking/talking about it...i want a united and peaceful extended family...thanks for the advice though!

?... abeg keep helping ur brother any way u can..the guy will bounce back some day...all these generational Indomie girls

To avoid problem in your marriage, stop telling your wife things relating to your brother.Be more secretive when you intend to help your relative.