i remembered when i wrote my fourth jamb exam . The previous day , i was restless.. i kept answering all the series question over and over again .. i was especially worried about i wan take do maths.like for real, this is my fourth exam mehn.

I woke still feeling uneasy and after the normal house chores, i informed my dad that i was going for the exam.

Haha , is it today.. my father asked surprised as he drank his akamu..
Yes sir..
Ehnn..he replied. showing less concern.

They had lost all hope on me and they are just probably registering me so nobody will call them names and the fact that i was the first child and son. My younger sister, who i was older than her by 6 years, was already in her final year studying yoruba in a renowned college of education and here i was still writing jamb.. Even my o level was the handiwork of my sister..

.. my first jamb, i spent the registration money on a party .. the 2nd , i slept off on the d day. . the third , i got 101 but could not secure admission anywhere , and this was my fourth and my last , according to my father, who has been providing the money for the jamb.

Ok .. bye bye..
I looked on in despair and proceeded to leave.
Come.. he called me back.. take this 200 naira. If its not enough, trek the remaining distance.
Ok sir.. i dared not tell him that the money is not enough..except i want to hear an epistle of all my failure and problems in life .

Even when we are watching tv and he asked me to pass the remote , he always had a way to use it to insult me..

Pass me the remote... abi , you will shall be able to pass something.

I wore my kwara united jersey, my neck chain and good luck shams given to by my ex which i have been wearing to all my exams ..( .. she gave me on valentine day as a gift and i love it so much that after we broke up , i couldn't give her back.I then balanced the combo with my pink carrot jeans and killed the swag completely with my blue sandals..all these wears i wore outside the house in an uncompleted building as na corporate my papa make sure say i rock comot house.

Am very hungry right now...
make I chop I dey come

Come and finish it nah.. I am gbaduning u.

lol jamb jamb you

How jamb go jam a whole classcaptain?

Episode 2


I was positive of a favorable result this time. I had engaged in a 3 days personal fasting and prayer.. it was suppose to be seven days but because of my ulcer, i had to reduce it to 3 days .. though i made sure drank water and ate , but just that the food must not have pepper or palm oil.

I went to see if uncle gbera has any leaked question paper on ground but none was available...but having paid him 2k , he said he was going to send it via sms.

I didn't rely on him only, i had another source though that has promised me the answers for free.. i couldn't bank on uncle gbera alone.what if he didn't send it gain .. f9 nko nu ??.

I went to the exam center to the admiration of all and sundry.. Everybody was feeling my combo.. all the girls were looking at me.

I saw a lot of things.. young young children that were still suppose to be sucking breasts were at the exam centers with jamb slips. I saw one , i could bet he was not more than 12 years.. what was he doing here or how will he cope if he gets to tertiary institution ?

well.. e no kuku concern me. I quickly acquainted two girls and we hung around sharing answers and working out the series.. one even said she stayed in the same area as mine and when we finish ,we will go home together.

This was the first sign that this exam was going to be good because this was the first time ,i will be catching any girl at the exam center and oh my God, she was beautiful and well endowed.. And the mere thought she was living in my hood and also applying for my course and university,

... wait.. make i sha finish exam first..

Episode 3


30 mins to exam , the answers arrived.. english , maths, physics, chemistry.. i quickly dubbed everything in a shorthand code i personally developed called :’” rexcalligren“.. i rolled it in a tiny piece of paper and hid it inside my corner teeth..

The security people were most especially fixed on me as if i was a criminal .. they searched and searched.my socks, sandal, chain, shirt.. they even took me inside to check my boxers and everything...

Clean.. at last... i dont know why they had to screen only me thoroughly like that ..even if na jack bauer dey here, he no fit catch me,.. Shior

With nothing but pap in my stomach, i proceeded to the exam hall.

The invigilator was fierce looking and warned about cheating, copying ..bla bla bla...

If u are caught..it is 21 years .. he repeated ..
Your father.. i thought to myself ....i go do this one naa.

And so the exam started.. ..

I prayed and settled down a bit..

Episode Four


I brought out the one containing English and physics.. i started shading systematically. Shade small, stop..do like am thinking and then continue..

Squeeze face small , write small , do like say i dey think.. continue shading..

Omo this is the life..

After shading the first two rapidly, within 30 mins i was through.. Next, i searched for the maths and for the physics answer stuff. I couldn't find it. Haha .. why this .. i searched and searched .my pocket, boxers, socks.... this was even the one i needed most nke.

I could not hold back the sweat. The thing must have fallen down somehow while those fools were searching.. i hope they dont find it later sha.


Well i had no choice.. i used the small knowledge i had in physics to manipulate the physics question and did the best i could .. mostly , a b b a c d dc .. ..

However, the maths.. i could not afford to do same, that will make two subjects i answered by guessing.. i tried to see if i could attempt any of the question.. omo , na lie oo.. from Pythagoras theorem, to mode, to mean , to longitude and latitude to sets, everything was a “blank” back to back...

I kept biting my lips ,sweating. The person by my side was a girl ..she don dey behave somehow since she saw pull out the “orinjo” wey i dey write ,so my ego no fit allow me ask am. As time was going, i had no choice than quickly use reflex action to look the bro wey dey my front. He was shading rapidly and sweating.

Episode FIVE


Bro.......bro.. my guy dey initially form deaf..

Bro bro..

He still kept shading.

Not until i tapped him ..Bro bro abeg,,
He then hummed.

Thanks boss.. The one you are answering.. na maths abi.. i asked carefully almost whispering as the hungry looking civil defense roamed around like wounded lions. It was as if they had not been paid their salary.if you look back, you go fill form.. your biro fall, u wan pick am , u write exam finish be that.

Na maths abi..
Humm humm.. he nodded in the affirmative..
Bro abeg help me shift am small, make i see chance copy am..
He obliged and did so.

Without wasting any further time, i started shading. Chai, this guy good gan oo.. one question no dey take am pass 1 mins. I felt fulfilled and happy as i shaded it all. Thank God oo.if to say na girl con dey my front too nkor or one olodo wey no sabi anything ??

Well even if the choko fail. God will make a way. I sang the song , he is a miracle working God quietly in my mind.i sat back and saw people biting their lips, sweating profusely, looking at the ceiling as if say na dere answer dey. Me i just dey smile.

Read una no go read , be smart , una no go smart.

I bowed my head and prayed to God for the successful exam especially the troublesome maths .

Not until the invigilator came and shouted, 4 mins more.....

Shior, if una like make una talk say 2 seconds more, me i don finish this one naa.

4 mins more ke?
u sef dan try na

haha

following dis joke back to back

classcaptain, you have started the story and you no call me. hope I am not too late sha?

jamb jam u
I kno see u for luth? Op u are drunk in acid

Funny nd interesting
come continue op

Episode Six

4 mins more.......

.It was this time that i noticed the guy in my front was just writing his offered subjects on the answer booklet since the exam started. The mumu guy no gree no write am since sef.

English ..yes.. government.. hmmmn hmmn , literature.....


I got the shock of my life when he wrote the last subject ...

It seemed like i saw something like commerce.

Are my eyes deceiving me..
i checked again .. COMMERCE.


Bro . bro. I was almost shouting as i called him
Yes..

Bro u said you are shading maths, u said maths... I said in a trembling voice .
This time., he looked back and said

maths

My God, i said maths now..


Hey what is happening there ..

Nothing...

Oya two of you come and submit, the exam kuku don finish..rascals.. i have been looking at you two since.Oya, submit b4 i tear your script.. The invigilator roared as he angrily snapped our scripts off our hands.

We submitted and left the venue..
I challenged the unfortunate fellow who gave me the wrong answer..

“You know i was focused and not concentrating on you or any other thing... i thought u said commerce ..u said the maths like commerce “ He said without showing an iota of emotion or compassion.

Episode 7


sorry oh “ he said and left.
He was much older and stong, if not. . God knows i could have killed him that day. There was nothing i could do to him as he walked away to buy gala and lacasera to chill off.

chai ..I bit my lips.. well in everything, Give Thanks.. At least , i have english and chemistry , i pray God help me in those ones.

I was still ruminating on this when i started hearing discussions that the exam came with a unique type..
type.. ??
which one be type again.. ??

On further research , i discovered that the questions were rearranged according to four designated types - red , blue, black and green. ..

What the Bleep ?? .. i checked my answer booklet to find the types i was alloted.

English na green, physics na black.. .. .. .. My heart was beating fast as i rushed to check my phone for the answers sent..probably dem put type too .. what if dem no put am ?? hah.. they had better put it ni o..

By the time i checked ... it was boldly written in Capital letters beneath the answers .. english type Red.... physics type Red..

I could see the girl i acquainted staring at me, smiling from the other opposite hall..

By this time, the thought of the girl had dissapeared from my mind... hah.. it is finished for me ke. patapaata.. there is no more hope..

I couldnt resist placing my hand on my head as hot tears formed in my eyes when i realised my folly.



Who forget this paper here .. i could heard the voice from inside the exam hall i just left..

I checked my pocket.. it was then i realized that even the English and physics choko i used, i had careless left it on the table after i submitted ..


I said who left this paper here.. the invigilator shouted again.

It was the boy in the jersey... a girl voiced out.it was my mumu seat partner.
That one that just left now ..he asked ..
Yes..

Ehn , i knew it.. where is he ?? ..

Before he could do shian, i had taken to my heels and dissapeared leaving behind the chick i should have paroled .In the rush rush, i lost my phone and 300 naira .. i had to trek home, half alive , half dead .

Episode Eight


How was it ?? my father immediately i entered..

It was fine sir .. i said as i quickly devoured the eba and three days old ewedu soup with ponmo , my sister cooked down for me .

It had better be fine ?? .. He replied with all seriousness.


And when the result came out.. It was like my paper type.. RED .. RED.. I Had 69 as my overall score ...

And truly as my father stated , that was indeed the last jamb i ever did as i was not fortunate to meet with the CBT model.



Thus, It is with immense joy that i invite all to my freedom ceremony .. i am happy to inform u all that i am a proud electrical cum mechanical engineer from ogoku and sons electrical wiring international limited. For all wiring and electrical issues, am the one to be called upon..

Probably am going to apply for jamb later .... probably in the next world.

Till then , i need to go and gather the 24 thousand oga said we go use do freedom.

THE END

Oya cc lalasticlala now

Lol classcaptain na u again

Lwkmd op Tori sweet die

lol ..

laugh don kill me for heRE OO..

Classcaptain, abeg u go like come perform comedy for my birthday .. i pay you any amount abeg

I am addicted to your stories, I love them. more power to your elbows

I just cnt stop laughing

nickkylawve:
Lol classcaptain na u again

ClassCaptain:

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Bless

lol.. Well composed, i gbaduned u jaree.

bolt000:
lol.. Well composed, i gbaduned u jaree.

bolt000:
lol.. Well composed, i gbaduned u jaree.

Omo, make i try my luck.do kanye west style.

Na nairaland, person dey dash person 20 k.

Abeg.. I need new phone abeg.. Any android phone pls. Anybody that can be of assistance. Be it tekno or whatever.make e sha be android.

Am tired of this java phone i dey use . Help me pls.,,