Seun:
Cancer isn't easy to deal with, and usually terminal here. Try to find a solution that keeps your mother in law in the house. Think creatively.

Oga check ur mentions, it doesn't take a minute to give me a yes or no answer about my request from last week. Will u front page the related article as soon as i fp ad?

Dyt:
Are you still TTC?
Is she making a noise on that?
What exactly is the problem
Its more than just the stay
There's something else

Yes am still ttc, had miscarriage in dec due to stress. She is not disturbing me really

angiemartinez:

Yes am still ttc, had miscarriage in dec due to stress. She is not disturbing me really

Oh
So sorry about that
May the good Lord grant your heart desires
Baby dust

Dyt:


Oh
So sorry about that
May the good Lord grant your heart desires
Baby dust

Amen, thanks

eyinjuege:
Dear Angie Martinez,
I would normally have supported the idea that your MIL has overstayed, but in this case I beg to defer. It's tough living with other people. We all want our space. However, that woman is going through a lot right now.

I have worked with cancer victims in Nigeria, and the end result is usually grim due to late presentation. You say she is better now, but that she came to your house in a pretty bad state, most likely the cancer may already have spread. The surgery, chemo, radiotherapy is just buying her a little time, though I'm not God.

What kills faster is even the lack of support needed. I've seen a lot of breast cancer patients unsupported by their spouses, they deteriorate faster than those who seem to have the support of their ffamily. Support isnt just monetary in this case.

That woman is scared for her life. Cancer patients do have emergencies, and can get bad suddenly. If she were far away from her healthcare providers and something happens to her health, how would she access good health care on time? These are some of the things probably going on in her mind.

Pls, and pls bear with her. Make up your mind that you want to do this as a service to God, and not just because she's your MIL. Make her a project that you want to succeed on.
Her daughters coming around is not to come and eat your food, but probably to just monitor her. She is scared of being alone!

No one can really understand what a cancer patient goes through. The thought of what people will even say and their pitying looks reminding her she will soon die is enough to discourage her from wanting to go back home.

So many things I want to say, but at the end of the day, it's still your decision.

I wish mama all the best.

Nobody knows what she is sick of because we decided to keep it secret. The truth is she doesn't want to go. Her initial excuse was how to dress the breast daily because people will know. Ok that has healed, now her excuse is that the new tenant in d house is a witch that someone told her they drove them from their former house.
So this is what is making think she is not willing to leave not because she is sick perse, but because she doesn't want her home anymore

richyblink1:
Mrs, a quick one. Is her presence inconveniencing you guys in anyway? Assuming she is your mother and has gone through same sugary and stuff, you won't even want your hubby to make it a topic.

I tried reading a place were you would say she has done so and so, but found none. Madam, I trust you will be a mother in law some day. Don't complain when same treatment is returned.

My siblings won't even allow our mum out for that long, she is not really causing trouble because I don't give her that chance. But she has some attitude that put me off. So I don't want to have issues with her that's why am here

Pennsylvania:
Op,

You said she came last year Nov, where did she come from? As in where was she staying before she came? And is your FIL not still alive?

My FIL is alive, initially he was always visiting, but now he has reduced the visit because he is not too happy. But because he is not too supportive his voice is not heard.

angiemartinez:

My siblings won't even allow our mum out for that long, she is not really causing trouble because I don't give her that chance. But she has some attitude that put me off. So I don't want to have issues with her that's why am here

I know were you are coming from, as humans we all have one annoying character or the other which makes us unique and different. But for the sake of what she has gone through and for the fact that there is a mother attached to the in law, let her be for a while.

Best regards

No you aren't my dear.
But think it this way, she's probably scared she may die anytime sooner and she doesn't want to breathe her last with none of her children being by her side.
for now, just assume she's come to stay for ever. So start making new arrangements

enieme:
No you aren't my dear.
But think it this way, she's probably scared she may die anytime sooner and she doesn't want to breathe her last with none of her children being by her side.
for now, just assume she's come to stay for ever. So start making new arrangements

Why would she prefer my place over her own house with her children around. Her son is not always around, so why won't she just go home to her family?

angiemartinez:

Why would she prefer my place over her own house with her children around. Her son is not always around, so why won't she just go home to her family?

Just assume she has come to stay forever

angiemartinez:

My FIL is alive, initially he was always visiting, but now he has reduced the visit because he is not too happy. But because he is not too supportive his voice is not heard.

No I don't really want to talk about your FIL for now, I just wanted to get some points from it. If he's still alive then he should be also asking for her to come back. Why will she leave her home (husband) and come to your's to inconvinience you peoplem is really wrong.

If she is not causing u any trouble, and she appreciates everything u av done I wish to say u let her be.

Unlike some MIL that will come to your house to come and monitor what u do with their son.

jashar:
sis angie, I personally feel that as long as she isn't disturbing you in a negative way, she can stay.
Fact- she's going through a lot and just needs a moment of respite. You yourself said her marriage isn't a happy one.

We should all try to be more accommodating of people. They won't be around forever.

Shalom.

If her marriage is not a happy how is dat our biz? She just doesn't want to go anymore

angiemartinez:

If her marriage is not a happy how is dat our biz? She just doesn't want to go anymore

I thought you discussed with hubby already
You have made up your mind you want her leave and there's nothing no one can say
What was hubbys response to it?

angiemartinez,
I feel you so so much. You really tried to have allowed her stay for five months but please apply wisdom if you dont want troubles.

If you dont give a damn about troubles then you can find creative ways to let her go.
I like to have people around but if this person is rough, dirty and doing some things that I am not comfortable with then it will show in my atttude to them and I ensure they leave ASAP (My peace and joy matters too)!.

She has a home and she has daughters and she can have them help her anytime. Though, as this sounds, she might end up staying wth you forever because she probably wants to spend these moments with her first child and your husband may not have a choice in this case.

If I may ask, and be totally honest, why do you want her to leave exactly?

Dyt:


I thought you discussed with hubby already
You have made up your mind you want her leave and there's nothing no one can say
What was hubbys response to it?

Hubby and I had a honest discussion today and I can tell you he wants her to go back home. So he called her pastor to let him know we will be moving by Friday. He had d initial plan of confronting her dis evening to ask her about her plan since we are parking out.
The pastor called back and said he should hold on for him to tell her it's not ok for her to move in with us. He said he will ask her to come home and they will hold an all night prayer in the house. So we are still waiting for her to decide cos the pastor suggested it before and she refused to go

nmreports:
angiemartinez,
I feel you so so much. You really tried to have allowed her stay for five months but please apply wisdom if you dont want troubles.

If you dont give a damn about troubles then you can find creative ways to let her go.
I like to have people around but if this person is rough, dirty and doing some things that I am not comfortable with then it will show in my atttude to them and I ensure they leave ASAP (My peace and joy matters too)!.

She has a home and she has daughters and she can have them help her anytime. Though, as this sounds, she might end up staying wth you forever because she probably wants to spend these moments with her first child and your husband may not have a choice in this case.

If I may ask, and be totally honest, why do you want her to leave exactly?

I want my space, I am no longer comfortable with her presence. The white man says familiarity brings contest, we don't have regards for each other again. So I need us to look forward to seeing each other as it were before. Am tired of stressing myself because of her, if am alone I won't need all d stress, am tired of her visitors, am tired of her seeing me still ttc. Am tired of everything

angiemartinez:

Yes 3 sections left, and she has lost her hair. If she wants the whole world to no d kind of sickness good for her. The way she is hear, no one will know the type of illness. To be frank, am fed up of her stay.

.

Treat others the way you would want to be treated. Sincerely you have tried, and I clap for you.

You said you are fed up of her stay. The question is how long have you been married to her son? And how many times has this woman come to visit you to stay thus long?

Also is this woman was your mother would you have being fed up like this?=

Please madam don't spoil your Good deed with wickedness, what your are feeling now is called selfishness, give her time. Cancer is not something you wish for even your worse enemy, you don't have an idea of what your MIL is going through, so people take over 2 yrs after treatment b4 they can recover from the stress of cancer treatment.
Be careful, the universe tends to give us back what we give to it. Pray about it, and find it all joy that she is even alive

You are not being insensitive, you are probably getting overwhelmed and frustrated with your ttc journey and having to take care of her,

I wish all her kids would be highly involved so you all can have split the time she spends in each kids home, maybe take it as a compliment she prefers being taken care by you,

My mom prefers being taken care off by my only sister in law than her two youngest biological kids, the rest of us are abroad so my sister in law is always helping her out but temporarily.

I know you are trying to avoid future conflicts, apply wisdom and knowledge, don't make her assume you want her gone, promise to take her back to her house and arrange for more visitations.

angiemartinez:

If her marriage is not a happy how is dat our biz? She just doesn't want to go anymore

Ouch..... be more considerate abeg.

I want to thank you all for your contributions, now let me make some things straight, some said I am selfish for wanting my mil to leave. If I took care of this woman for the past 4 months without complaining then I can still continue without baiting an eyelid.
I started to feel this way when I over heard her discussion that she is nor ready to leave now because their tenant is a witch, and also when she goes to work. As I speak now she has gone to her office. So if this woman is strong enough to go to work from my place why won't she just go back? What's chasing her from her home?
I will not stop to say she just doesn't want to go anymore.
What brought her in the first place wasn't the sickness perse , but she kept complaining that they always attack her at night and all if that. So her pastor adviced she changed environment for some time. She was taking treatment at home before she came. In fact UBTH is closer to her compared to where we stay. I can go on and on, maybe am seeing it from a different perspective sha. Thanks all the same

angiemartinez:
I want to thank you all for your contributions, now let me make some things straight, some said I am selfish for wanting my mil to leave. If I took care of this woman for the past 4 months without complaining then I can still continue without baiting an eyelid.
I started to feel this way when I over heard her discussion that she is nor ready to leave now because their tenant is a witch, and also when she goes to work. As I speak now she has gone to her office. So if this woman is strong enough to go to work from my place why won't she just go back? What's chasing her from her home?
I will not stop to say she just doesn't want to go anymore.
What brought her in the first place wasn't the sickness perse , but she kept complaining that they always attack her at night and all if that. So her pastor adviced she changed environment for some time. She was taking treatment at home before she came. In fact UBTH is closer to her compared to where we stay. I can go on and on, maybe am seeing it from a different perspective sha. Thanks all the same

I was to say you are being very insensitive until I saw this. But answer this few questions,
Since the sickness was not the reason, what have you & your hubby(her first son) done to make sure that the reason she left her home has been settled?
If your mum should complain about her landlord or tenant being a witch won't you at least plead with hubby to get a new accommodation for her?
You want her out of the house but your hubby(her first son) is yet to tackle the issue that brought her. That is simply the reason she doesn't want to leave. & I tell you, she knows you are not comfortable with her anymore(reason why she normally invite one of her daughters to be with her). From my point of view, This woman has been through a lot(a bread winner, suffering from cancer & running from witchcraft). The least she can expect from the children she trained is to take care of her at this time. If am to be in your hubby's shoes, me & my siblings should be taking turns on where she stays until we are able to get a new accommodation for her & my dad. Like I asked, if you were to her will you want to leave now & go & start fight witchcraft while recovering from cancer? Or will you allow your own mum go through such? If your answer is "Yes" then send her packing immediately. But if you will act differently then think twice. For me, if am comfortable enough to have a spare room for my mum or my mother in law, I don't think they will ever overstay their welcome in my house.......no matter the condition.

nnamdibig:


I was to say you are being very insensitive until I saw this. But answer this few questions,
Since the sickness was not the reason, what have you & your hubby(her first son) done to make sure that the reason she left her home has been settled?
If your mum should complain about her landlord or tenant being a witch won't you at least plead with hubby to get a new accommodation for her?

You want her out of the house but your hubby(her first son) is yet to tackle the issue that brought her. That is simply the reason she doesn't want to leave. & I tell you, she knows you are not comfortable with her anymore(reason why she normally invite one of her daughters to be with her). From my point of view, This woman has been through a lot(a bread winner, suffering from cancer & running from witchcraft). The least she can expect from the children she trained is to take care of her at this time. If am to be in your hubby's shoes, me & my siblings should be taking turns on where she stays until we are able to get a new accommodation for her & my dad. Like I asked, if you were to her will you want to leave now & go & start fight witchcraft while recovering from cancer? Or will you allow your own mum go through such? If your answer is "Yes" then send her packing immediately. But if you will act differently then think twice. For me, if am comfortable enough to have a spare room for my mum or my mother in law, I don't think they will ever overstay their welcome in my house.......no matter the condition.

How is she so sure that the new tenant she had never met is really a witch and beside are they waiting for her? Her pastor has gone to prAy in the house before and still suggesting an all night prayer in the house when she finally comes. My hubby has gone to tell the dad now to give them quit notice since she said if they don't leave she won't return home. You see why I said her excuse is flimsy. Who says she won't be taken care of while at home? I have said it before that her both daughters are at home fully, so I think that should be the best place for her.

Angiemartinez, you've explained better and I understand where you're coming from. You are under a lot of stress and right now, this is not what you need. If she's attending work, fighting off her tenants with an uncaring husband and would prefer to stay with you guys rather than her own daughters, it's not really about the cancer. I don't think you guys should move into that place just yet. But I do feel you should leave the house and Go somewhere else for a while (you just miscarried and your mind may still be unsettled). Let her daughters come and care for her (she may be avoiding her marital home because of the wahala there, do her girls still leave at home with their father?) You take a break away from all this. Let your husband come and put pressure on those tenants to leave, so she can move in there with her daughters.

Onegai:
Angiemartinez, you've explained better and I understand where you're coming from. You are under a lot of stress and right now, this is not what you need. If she's attending work, fighting off her tenants with an uncaring husband and would prefer to stay with you guys rather than her own daughters, it's not really about the cancer. I don't think you guys should move into that place just yet. But I do feel you should leave the house and Go somewhere else for a while (you just miscarried and your mind may still be unsettled). Let her daughters come and care for her (she may be avoiding her marital home because of the wahala there, do her girls still leave at home with their father?) You take a break away from all this. Let your husband come and put pressure on those tenants to leave, so she can move in there with her daughters.

Yes the daughters leave with their father in their house, I think her pastor has talked to her sha