Marina Hyde
@MarinaHyde
Friday 25 March 2016 07.00 GMT
Seismic developments in Bieberlore, now, as Auto-Tuned redeemer Justin announces the end of meet-and-greets with his fans. No longer will the Love Yourself hitmaker allow members of his public to fork out up to $2,000 (£1,400)
for the chance to fleetingly encounter him in heavily
controlled circumstances – and the reason is simple. As Justin puts it: “I end up feeling so drained and filled with so much of other people’s spiritual energy that I end up so drained and unhappy.”
Time was he simply couldn’t have said this out loud, but thank God we now live in an era where, instead of hiding behind mumbo-jumbo such as “my schedule” or “general revulsion”, we know far more about spiritual energy and can simply declare it: Justin Bieber is besieged nightly by an army of record-buying succubi. Although their interactions
are not always actively sexual, as in succubus tradition, it is abundantly clear that they have the same effect. They exhaust Justin; they drain him of his mysterious life force; they actively harm his health in a way that so-called science probably wouldn’t acknowledge, but an $800-an-hour tour
physician definitely would.
Taking to Instagram to explain his decision, Justin opted to post a picture of himself meeting and greeting a bespectacled
fan. I would estimate her age at about nine,although she has clearly stalked the earth for centuries, and may well have surfaced in several Jacobean tragedies as well as having previously gone by names such as Necrosta or Mbilith. This
sort of thing, Justin explains delicately, leaves him “mentally and emotionally exhausted to the point of depression”. Well, I hope she’s satisfied now. As Justin continues: “I want to make people smile and happy, but not at my expense.”
See link www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/lostinshowbiz/2016/mar/25/justin-bieber-says-no-more-meet-and-greets-with-fans-sorry Justin Bieber under aura attack from a centuries-
old succubus masquerading as a sweet child.
Photograph: justinbieber/Instagram