FTC

This Thread will not pass me by.
I know am not a guy. Abeg make una dash me like.

Let me share mine even though I'm not a guy.
There was this guy I love so much.
I have this feeling he was going to marry me.
He took me to his friend's birthday party.

In front of everyone in knelt down facing me, before he could utter any words, I jumped and screamed! Yes!!! I will marry you! Unknown to me , the reason he knelt down was that he was trying to lace his shoe. The next thing he said was babe what! I am not ready for marriage .

I was so embarrassed ...
Before I could face the audience, I woke up from my dream

Igboro ti take over.


typing..........


I gat so many that i cant think of one to narrate.

OK
it was 2010, i was dating this girl called queen whom lives 5 blocks away from my uncle's house where i reside then.

The first day we met she was looking for water with her keg In the estate, i saw her and offered to help her get it in our compound, she accepted and we both entered our compound,

as she was waiting for the water to get filled bro dickson bellow took over my senses as i was caressing her ass slowly, she didnt object, in my mind it was ( fal this is your lucky day).

i was very furious when the water got filled because i know i had to stop. Before she could pick the keg up to move out i quickly tricked her to come inside which she agreed.

Mehn i was about to UnCloth when my uncle's wife came in, i never expected her at that time because she always go to evening service every friday.

She caught us and i was so embarrassed because She respect me a lot and she do call me 'brother' ( yoruba courtesy to in-laws). After that night i lost the 'brother' lost the girl and bro dickson was dissapointed too.

ireneony weldone oooooooo

Two years ago, similar experience happened to me when I paid a courtesy visit to my girlfriend who complained that I am not the caring type (hmm honestly women are complicated beings, this is someone I had to miss a job offer just to satisfy her selfish attention; chai lalasticlala can bear me witness that I have suffered in the hands of Women, he should push this article to FP so that guys can learn from my story )

BACK TO THE STORY

So eventually I visited her but the greatest shock of my life was when my girlfriend told me to hide in the roof because she claimed that the male visitor knocking @ her door is a cultist.

I had no choice than to give in to her advice. Apart from the fact that the roof terribly stained my shirt, rats, cockroaches and mosquitoes were busy making jest of me by romancing my body anyhow . Now the real shocker was when I peeped through the roof to view what was going on between the cult guy and my girlfriend, my eyes went red when I saw the guy giving my ex girlfriend doggy style intimacy.

I couldn't hold the heartbreak, deceit and tears rolling from my eyes and when I shouted "Tola has killed me oo". I fell from the roof, hit my head against the floor and fainted immediately. I woke up in the hospital when the doctor told me that I have been unconscious for several days.


Hmmm women!

@ ireneony and falconey, weldone oo

It happened couple of years back during my NYSC service year. I met this cute undergraduate on my way to Ikirun, Osun state where I was serving, became friends-->Lovers and she invited me over to spend the weekend at her place.


****Fast Forward ******



On that fateful day, I got to her hostel and met her hostel friends in her room, males/females; then it was BlackBerry Torch 2 that was in vogue, so I brought out my Silver BlackBerry Torch 2 and pretended I was making a call.Talking to my buddy; telling him how I got a contract with a construction firm, come and see lie na
That was how I got carried away, that I didn't even remember my ring tone again.The phone has been blasting " D'Banj's Oliver Twist " almost to the 2nd verse.
By the time I realized what was happening, all the ladies and dudes in the room were laughing their hearts out including the babe I went to see.
Mhennn,i just felt the floor should open and swallow me


Nota Bene:: Ireneony,falconey, Wristbangle ,una Weldone ooooo

Very hilarious experience you've got up there Tosyne. Let me also share mine since there's nothing to be ashamed about

I dated this lady for a few months but the only barrier to effective display of our love in Tokyo was the fact that her parents were unnecessarily being strict which prevented us from having the opportunity to see each other but did more of phone conversation. In fact, I dare not visit her and even when she managed to sneak of the house to visit me, she would be very conscious of time for the fear of being scolded if her parents ever found her missing in the house.

One day, on a Friday to be precise, she called me to come and sleep over at her place as her parents were going for a vigil. As a sharp guy now, I smiled to God for answering my prayer. I went to the bathroom, got dressed and also lied to my own parents that I was also going for a vigil, I was granted amnesty by money dad and I headed to her place around 11pm. The whole show started for couple of minutes after which we both slept off (I don't expect anybody to ask me what the show was )

When it was around 4am, there was a knock on the door that was when I knew he was in deep mess. Her parent came earlier than expected. Ordinarily, according to her, she assured me that her parents would not return back until past 5am, but this time I guess things went out of hand.

After few minutes of discombobation on where to hide, I decided to hide beneath the curtain of the toilet located in the axis of the sitting room so that I would quietly sneak out through the main door as soon as they enter into their room. As God will have His way, I successfully hid there, she went to the door, open it and greeted her them. I heard her father playfully told her she no dey use sleep play and all that. She was heading back to her room when calamity happened

Her mother went straight into their room as her father headed towards the toilet to pee before going in with his wife. Seee gbege !!! Before I could say Jack, her father opened the curtain of the toilet and caught me. I thought of running for my dear life but on a second thought the door was already locked with keys so no where to run to

He pointed a torch light on my face and the first question was "what are you doing in my house"? I became a deaf and dumb person at that instance. (Who fit answer dat kind question? ). The man started shouting at the top of his voice and started calling neighbours that he had caught a thief in his house. I began to plead saying "Sir, I came to take your daughter Mathematics lesson and I carelessly slept off". A 50kg slap was registered on my face and he began to beat me mercilessly. When it was dawn, the police came and bundled me to the station since my girlfriend who was in the best position to save him also denied ever knowing me because she knew her head would be ripped off if she made a confession

I was granted a bail later in the day when the she finally confessed that I wasn't a thief


Lalasticlala come and share yours too

tosyn2much...what happened to ur 10 this 10 that....the change mantra don catch u too

here to read the lies.

yes.... in other news at arseblog

“Look, I’m just saying, I’m fed up with him.”
“Come on Judas mate, he’s done amazing things for us Remember when we were just 12 lads with no real purpose, hanging around and nobody thought we were cool?”


“Yeah, but-”

“No buts man. Now we’re cool. We’re somebodies. We’re The Disciples.”


“Sure, I get that, it doesn’t change anything for me though.”

“Really? Think of the branding opportunities here, dude. A whole range of The Disciples merchandise. Robes, robes with hoods, sandals, and I’m sure there’ll be other garments invented in time that we could stitch a logo onto and sell at the markets. We’re gonna make a fortune.”


“It’s not all about the money though. It’s about moving forward as an organisation and I don’t think we’re doing that any more.”


“I’ve got a mate Mark, he’s great with a slate and chalk. I reckon we get him in, sit him down, tell him the whole story, and he could write a book about us. We’d live on through the ages. Think about it, thousands of years from now people could be sitting in their homes with their families, perhaps eating some kind of confectionery that we don’t even know about, reading about us and our adventures.”

“You’re out of your mind, John. That’s never going to happen. Not with yer man still in charge.”


“What?”


“There, I said it. I’ve been thinking this for ages now, but old JC has lost the plot.”

“Are you crazy? You know the score. He’s CONNECTED man. Don’t say shit like that out loud.”

“I’m doing it. I’ve had enough.”

“Mate, think about all the things he’s done for us.”

“Quit living in the past, John.”

“I’m not! All those miracles, like healing the sick?”

“Ages ago.”


“Walking on water.”

“Yeah, he was the first to walk on water, but now everyone can walk on water and some are doing it even better.”

“The loaves and fishes. There were hardly any, and then there were loads of them. Everyone had a right good feast.”

“Again, that happened so long ago, and nowadays there are others who can substantiate bread and seafood with the benefit of in-depth statistical analysis.”

“What are you on about?”

“I want to know about Expected Loaves. Expected fishes. Or should I say ExpL and ExpF. It’s all outdated from him these days. He doesn’t understand how to be a modern messiah.”

“Ok, well you saw the leper, he was all lepery and then he came along and unlepered him. You can’t argue against that.”

“Piffle. If he really wanted to cure lepers he could bring back Richard the Keymaker and Andrew the Grey from their exile in the desert. Then I’d be impressed.”

“I can’t believe this. You’re dead set against him.”

“You’re damn right, I am. Look at this.”

*Judas unfurls a length of cloth on which he has hand-painted a slogan suggesting Jesus’s best days are behind him and he should take his leave*
“Oh no you didn’t!”
“Oh yes I did. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’ve got to go see a man about a dog. Definitely not to get thirty pieces of silver from someone or anything. Later, J-train.”

THREE DAYS LATER.

“Well, I hope you’re happy with yourself now, Judas.”
“Sorry John, but it had to be done.”
“Ok, there’s making a change and then there’s having him brutally tortured and crucified for hours on a cross. You don’t think it went a bit far?”
“It was maybe a little grim, but it had to happen for the sake of the organisation. Now we can move on into the modern era and really build this brand into something special.”

*There’s a knock on the door. John answers. Sees Jesus standing there right as rain*

“All right fellas, that was a lovely kip I just had. How’s it going there Judas, lad? Any sheets with you today?!”

“OH FFS!”—


Happy Easter everyone.

"I couldn't just stand the humiliation and was forced to leave that night after which I passed the night in an uncompleted building"

We know you lying,but continue

you just brought back memory of 100lvl days when I went to visit my mass.com babe at federal locust gra on a sunny Sunday morning(never knew there were military guys who start duty from 12 pm till 4am)...wore my favourite Vickers trouser and ma tommy Hilfiger briefs with ma well starched kharki shirt! as a fresh boy wore my Louis Vuitton shoe and a Rolex was feeling like an omo baba olowo!

as I entered her place na, she hugged me after gisting and uhm uhm,we decided to go to SFC as we came out of the house by I think 1pm the soldier guys were already at there check point so as we where passing the next thing I heard was bros come

me: how fa na
soldier guy: identify yourself

me: am henry,how can I help you
soldier guy: OK pull off the shirt!

me: I can't (I wan feel James bond for front of bae)

soldier guy: OK pull both the trouser

as I wanted saying this is preposterous, this guy landed me a slap (gbam )there was an eclipse first but i didn't feel it until like 3mins later I began to smile and started pulling my trouser,shoe,shirt,and wrist watch and she told me I was even chasing cars and used my shoes as a phone to make call..she broke up with me the next day that I wasn't man enough to fight for ma self talk more of for her...I later on found out that the last guy the soldier man slapped is still suffering from partial stroke. meaning I was lucky to be left with only a permanent palm imprint and some gap tooths!

#if I had gone to church I for no suffer like that.mean while Maryann na thunder without charging point go fire you!


BTW all this girls above 30 with rings on there nose instead of there fingers pls are you a bull

modify bcaus she is a nairalander, so ama just read comments.

Michellla:
"I couldn't just stand the humiliation and was forced to leave that night after which I passed the night in an uncompleted building"
I know you lying,but continue

doubting Thomas. ...
Wait till u hear my own experience in the female edition.
I have been embarrassed also ..

Michellla:
alright lets hear it

that will be in the female edition

chai

MAKA TALK MY EXPERIENCE.....


DER WAS THIS GUY I WAS DATING,,NA SO HE CARRY ME GO HIM HOUSE OOO...(,,HE CAME DOWN TO MY BASE FOR A PROJECT,)WE SAW AND STARTED DATING...NAZO I FOLLOW M GO HUZ OO,NA WE CUN DE HIM ROOM WE CUN DE TALK,SMALL TIN CUN LEAD TO ANODA,,,,,WE STARTED KISSING AND TOUCHING......AS I CUN SAY MK I GIVE M "head" AS I JUST DE ZIP M DOWN NA I JUST HEAE ONE VOICE SHOUT,,,,"EMMA,,,,WHO IS INSIDE THAT HOUSE WITH YOU?EMMA WHAT ARE YOU DOING?.....NAZO I SHOCK ASK M WHO DE TALK....HE TELL ME SAY HIM SISTER CUN VISIT....NA SO D WOMAN DE SHOUT MK HIM OPEN D DOOR....AS HE OPEN D DOOR NAZO SHE JUSR JUMP INSIDE DE ASK ME QUESTN.....MY DEAR WHY ARE U DRESSED LIKE THIS?(I WEAR SIGLET AND TROUSERS OO)....WHAT ARE U DOING IN MY BROTHERS HOUSE(THIS GUY S 26 FOR GODS SAKE...)NAZO ME I DE LOOK LIKE WHO LOST.....D GUY GOT ANGRY...CUN ASK ME MK I STAND UP MK HIM GO DROP ME....NAZO I CARRY MY SELF GO HUZ DAHT DAH





I WEEEE NEVER FORGET

Lalasticlala, seun pls come share your own experience ..

Tosyn? isolated building?


met my own nemesis on Glo Africhat then. travelled all the way from Ibadan to Ijebu igbo., got caught in the rain when I was waiting at our supposed rendezvous. Me wey don starch my best shirt with all these local search.(spoilt one I guess) that day was the day I knew starch was made from cassava, and not just ordinary cassava, but the one that smells like fufu (akpu). The stench didn't just attract peoples attention, it also attracted the almighty flies. I was a walking mess. After an hour of hell within myself, the lady appeared from nowhere (not as beautiful as her voice) apologising for her lateness. I got the shocker of my life when she told me she was on an errand for her mum and won't stay longer than 15 minutes. she left me at that spot where I waited for almost an hour for my clothes to dry a bit. that was how I travelled back home dejected.

that was the most embarrassing moment of my life in summary.

lessons I learnt.

never starch your clothes in the raining season
never travel a long distance to meet an unknown person
never judge a lady with her voice.. biko, wait till you meet her
never do the 'indoors only' ladies..

Lol observing quietly

People like me like to visit in d hotel

Which of em i wan share now cus dem plenty

The way you guys lie on here eh

ireneony:
doubting Thomas. ... Wait till u hear my own experience in the female edition. I have been embarrassed also ..

I just shared mine,and am not happy with you

misspicy:

I just shared mine,and am not happy with you

im coming with mine. .right away.

I always look before I leap.

Ok, i was slapped brutally by my dad....because of a girl.

How did it happen?. Well i was in the church oh during a vigil, singing my praises jeje...all of a sudden i had a tap on my back..on looking back i saw that it was the lil sis of the babe that actually caused my slap.

She said her sis wants to see me outside...we had initially been staring at each other in the church since (you know that love look na) so that made me feel that maybe she has decided to make the move.

Sharp sharp, i hurriedly stopped my singing and proceeded to follow the messenger outside. Over-happiness made me forget that my dad was sitting close to me.

Omo the man followed me up oh...i was just walking happily and he was at my back moving with me
. When i got there i was like 'babe you said you wanna.......' before i could complete the statement..the slapped landed on my face GBOA!. I turned immediately, on seeing my dad..i became weak..i just gave myself away so he can use me...

For some time i could not look at her face.

Twas really shameful.

P.s i was still young then oh.

ireneony:
that will be in the female edition

both male and females are sharing theirs.Dont be shy

Space booked for future purposes.......