Good morning all.

Had to register a new account in order to be anonymous. I am in a serious fix at the moment and I hope to get matured advises from romance- landers especially the females.

Without much ado, I have a girlfriend(dunno if I can still lay claims to her) who I had plans on getting married to. We started dating 2013 and it was supposed to be a one off stuff but we both fell in love with each other. We shared so many things in common and she loved me wholeheartedly. It got to the point she was in my house most times. As a matter of fact, some of her things were in my house.

I zeroed my mind on being a faithful guy and had no time for other ladies.I shuttle between Ph and Benin because of work but I'm based in Ph so, she stays in my house whenever I am not around. Along the line, I became nonchalant. I stopped being the loving guy I used to be.My gf will cry most times telling me she misses the old me(the man she fell in love with),asking if I had found someone else. Deep inside of me,I knew I loved her but didn't wanna show too much because of my previous experiences. I guess that's where I messed up.

This lingered on for up to a year and I still didn't listen to her cries. About August last year, she changed. She no longer complained,she will always feel uneasy when I touch her and started giving me attitude. I also noticed a particular guy was always calling her which I was always uncomfortable with. But she always waved it aside.This has been going on.I complain always,we hardly made love and stuffs. The relationship began to suffer. I had a feeling she was cheating on me with that guy but she was always denying and I had no proofs.

A lot has happened since then but I can't type everything. Last week Thursday,she came for easter. Phcn restored power,so I told her to give me her phone torch to use in switching off the generator. While I was outside,I decided to check her messages, and I saw the most startling evidence. She sent the guy(the suspect) telling him she was done with the relationship,that the last time they had sex he fvcked her like a LovePeddler,that he should move on with his life and other stuffs.I felt like dying.I came back inside and gave her the phone with the text still on the screen.

She started crying, that I pushed her into it.I stopped caring,I changed for almost a year and all that. I accepted the blame but I felt she made herself vulnerable.Lest I forget, in the course of our problems, she called me sister and poured her heart out to her.My sister talked to me,but I still didn't heed to her advice. Moving on, I told her I still loved her and that I will continue the relationship. She wept uncontrollably and was saying things like,"what have I done". She left my house on Monday morning. All through the weekend,the other guy kept on calling and was sending text messages. She showed them to me.

Yesterday morning the guy drove to her place and demanded answers from her on why she has decided to shut him out completely. Why she stopped picking his calls and why she blocked him on WhatsApp. She told him she was done already and that I had also found out ,so there was no way she could continue. She said he told her he wasn't gonna let go off her and banged her door whilst leaving.

She came to my place yesterday evening after work and we had a lengthy discussion. She said she is confused and that she didn't know what to do. She said:

1) It's difficult to send that guy away because she was getting used to him.

2) She found a husband in me but I veered off course.

3) She can't choose the guy over me.

4) She is scared of coming back to me because she feels I will always use what happened against her in future.

5) She wants the guy to go but he is being stubborn.


I know some people will call me stupid, but I still love her and funny enough, I seem to love her more now. She will be coming to see me this evening after work.

Now my purpose of bringing this here is to seek other people's opinion on what to do. Am I being stupid? I'm finding it so difficult to move on because I genuinely love this lady. We shared so many moments together and it hurts starting over again. Please, I need advice moving forward especially from the ladies because they know better.

Lalasticlala, please help me move this to FP. Thank you

By analysis, u've suffered hrtbreaks b4 wch inspired ur uncaring habit towards her. That's what heartbrk can do anyway.. u were wrong there sha.

She on her part, knew ur sister and didn't tell her about ur change in attitude b4 till she gave in to another man. That wasn't wise of her at all or perhaps she wanted him b4 but just had to use ur abscondence as excuse.

Your life and her life as well as ur good name may be at risk bcus d other guy can go mad and do something funny. Her style of ending d relationship with him is annoying to any man. I'm sure u understand that too.

So I'll advice you as a man in particular shd get involved and relate peacefully with d guy and bear in mind that d separation has to be gradual and not d sudden approach she's trying to use.

About whether u could use the matter against her in future, that depends on how u both love urself after this scenerio.

If u really love her,forgive her and move on as if nothing happened but never ever raise this issue whenever u are both mad to each other again..


If u think she deserved a 2nd chance then give her enough time to change herself..


Everybody makes mistakes, nobody's perfect..so go on & have a blast...

Good morning. booking space to learn more dating tips. i had similar experience years back and i did forgave her and bro, she became faithful to a fault. And yes, just like your woman said, i used her one mistake against her severally (one of my many mistakes while growing up).

chances are she will never go back to infidelity again. now a question for you: are you sure you won't use it against her in the future?

obiorathesubtle:
you_fucked up


You know you_fucked up


You know how to correct your _fuck up..


So leave us alone

If you say so.

umehmj:
Good morning. booking space to learn more dating tips. i had similar experience years back and i did forgave her and bro, she became faithful to a fault. And yes, just like your woman said, i used her one mistake against her severally (one of my many mistakes while growing up).

chances are she will never go back to infidelity again. now a question for you: are you sure you won't it against her in the future?

I won't. I have tried making her understand that fact. She's still skeptical. I have promised to be a better man. I messed up and there's no hiding that fact.

M

Suigeneris93:
I don't think you're being silly in accepting her back, she seems to be truly repentant abt what she did so if you're going to stay with her, you're going to forgive and forget whatever she did.



BTW @your topic, it should be 'dilemma', thank me later

Noted. Thanks

[b]this one long pass river Nile

modified:

first of all, you judged your present relationship with the past one....it is said that one does not know the value of what he/she has until he/she loses it....

from your story, you pushed her to the wall, most women prefer love, care and attention to gifts and presents in a relationship. The truth is, you were selfish, I mean, no one forced you into the relationship in the first place, you were not cheating on her, you couldn't care or even pay a little attention to her what then the heck did you keep her for? so you now love her more because you found out someone is showing more interest in that same person you were neglecting?

okay, that doesn't mean that she didn't Bleep up by engaging with someone else while still with you, a relationship is not a do or die affair, if it doesn't Favour you, you simply walk out and move on, my point is, she should have called it off with you before jumping into another relationship...

That having been said, since the situation is now known to the two of you, and you both feel you are still very much in love with each other and are ready to move on, you both should sit down and have a very long chat.

1-promise to never neglect her ever again.

2-she must cut all ties with that other guy, I mean, what's confusing her there? if she still wants you, she must drop the other guy.

3-if the guy is proving stubborn to be let off, op, you can meet up with him and clear things up, at least that should be the prize you have to pay for being selfish.

4- never use what happened against her in the future, promise her that...[/b]

KashyBaby:
If u really love her,forgive her and move on as if nothing happened but never ever raise this issue whenever u are both mad to each other again..


If u think she deserved a 2nd chance then give her enough time to change herself..


Everybody makes mistakes, nobody's perfect..so go on & have a blast...

I'm finding it difficult to convince her I won't use what happened against her in future. .

arsenalLUVA:


I won't. I have tried making her understand that fact. She's still skeptical. I have promised to be a better man. I messed up and there's no hiding that fact.

very well. all the best.

Monalisa185:
this one long pass river Nile

Please read.Your opinion will be appreciated.

WARNING Never take a mobile phone close to a steaming generator set!!!

Hint She and She alone can get rid of the guy, you have no business interfering.


Comment Convince her maturely that she alone has the capacity to avoid the guy.
Tell/show her evidently something that will reassure your faithfulness to her...perhaps, by taking her to see some of your family members, or friends also with the reassurance of being the guy the fail inlove with.








She still has a problem where she stated she was getting used to the guy.

Unless you are a feminine man, no man with propee testosterone levels forgives a cheating woman no matter her excuses. Your love for her could simply be because of this other man. She is now a price to be won, thus the new found attraction. You lost interest earlier for no just cause. Oga that lady irrespective of her cheating ways deserves happiness. She has found it with that other man and ur making things Complicatedfor her.

History is always a factor in choosing our partners but don't let it be clouded your judgement. You likely won't be OK with the cheating when the dust settles. Don't waste the young girls time. Opposed to Wat she is telling you. She loves that other guy let her move on while you do same. Be matured

arsenalLUVA:


I'm finding it difficult to convince her I won't use what happened against her in future. .

Actually, u don't need to convinced her by those words...do it by actions...trust was been damaged big time in ur relationship, it takes time to mend it or maybe not anymore...but juz do whatever makes u happy.

She needs to get over her confusion first.

arsenalLUVA:

Please read.Your opinion will be appreciated.

modified, go look

arsenalLUVA:
Good morning all.

Had to register a new account in order to be anonymous. I am in a serious fix at the moment and I hope to get matured advises from romance- landers especially the females.

Without much ado, I have a girlfriend(dunno if I can still lay claims to her) who I had plans on getting married to. We started dating 2013 and it was supposed to be a one off stuff but we both fell in love with each other. We shared so many things in common and she loved me wholeheartedly. It got to the point she was in my house most times. As a matter of fact, some of her things were in my house.

I zeroed my mind on being a faithful guy and had no time for other ladies.I shuttle between Ph and Benin because of work but I'm based in Ph so, she stays in my house whenever I am not around. Along the line, I became nonchalant. I stopped being the loving guy I used to be.My gf will cry most times telling me she misses the old me(the man she fell in love with),asking if I had found someone else. Deep inside of me,I knew I loved her but didn't wanna show too much because of my previous experiences. I guess that's where I messed up.

This lingered on for up to a year and I still didn't listen to her cries. About August last year, she changed. She no longer complained,she will always feel uneasy when I touch her and started giving me attitude. I also noticed a particular guy was always calling her which I was always uncomfortable with. But she always waved it aside.This has been going on.I complain always,we hardly made love and stuffs. The relationship began to suffer. I had a feeling she was cheating on me with that guy but she was always denying and I had no proofs.

A lot has happened since then but I can't type everything. Last week Thursday,she came for easter. Phcn restored power,so I told her to give me her phone torch to use in switching off the generator. While I was outside,I decided to check her messages, and I saw the most startling evidence. She sent the guy(the suspect) telling him she was done with the relationship,that the last time they had sex he fvcked her like a LovePeddler,that he should move on with his life and other stuffs.I felt like dying.I came back inside and gave her the phone with the text still on the screen.

She started crying, that I pushed her into it.I stopped caring,I changed for almost a year and all that. I accepted the blame but I felt she made herself vulnerable.Lest I forget, in the course of our problems, she called me sister and poured her heart out to her.My sister talked to me,but I still didn't heed to her advice. Moving on, I told her I still loved her and that I will continue the relationship. She wept uncontrollably and was saying things like,"what have I done". She left my house on Monday morning. All through the weekend,the other guy kept on calling and was sending text messages. She showed them to me.

Yesterday morning the guy drove to her place and demanded answers from her on why she has decided to shut him out completely. Why she stopped picking his calls and why she blocked him on WhatsApp. She told him she was done already and that I had also found out ,so there was no way she could continue. She said he told her he wasn't gonna let go off her and banged her door whilst leaving.

She came to my place yesterday evening after work and we had a lengthy discussion. She said she is confused and that she didn't know what to do. She said:

1) It's difficult to send that guy away because she was getting used to him.

2) She found a husband in me but I veered off course.

3) She can't choose the guy over me.

4) She is scared of coming back to me because she feels I will always use what happened against her in future.

5) She wants the guy to go but he is being stubborn.


I know some people will call me stupid, but I still love her and funny enough, I seem to love her more now. She will be coming to see me this evening after work.

Now my purpose of bringing this here is to seek other people's opinion on what to do. Am I being stupid? I'm finding it so difficult to move on because I genuinely love this lady. We shared so many moments together and it hurts starting over again. Please, I need advice moving forward especially from the ladies because they know better.

Lalasticlala, please help me move this to FP. Thank you

Use your head nigga....


People don't change, they get better in hiding...



Don't be a fucckking fool......