I am thinking out loud here and would appreciate some sort of feedback from those that have been in similar or know of someone in similar situations.

I have no way to verify that my boyfriend has a wife back home in Nigeria and based on what I have read on here it is unlikely that a 38 year old man would not have a wife back home. He has his permanent status and does not need to marry for papers but says that he wants to marry me because he loves me and wants me to be his wife forever.

Has anyone married a Nigerian man to find out that he has a wife back in Nigeria, or that the woman he divorced here is still his wife back at home?

How do you feel knowing that when he is home visiting on business he is with her, and then returns to you? Does it all work out anyway because he is taking care of you and as long as you don’t see her you are ok? Do Nigerian women think that this is acceptable?

I am looking for advice from people who have been there, done that. I want to know how does it work to have two wives in two different countries?

what is unlikely about it he is 38 not 58.

dont even think about marring him until he divorces his wife with you there to witness it. be very warry about him comming back to nigeria without you. he might be visiting her.

and yes when i arrived my husband was engaged to another woman who i didnt know about until a year later.

Why digging for trouble where there is none?

hmmm

I dont want to be his second wife. I want to be his only wife.

agathamari:

be very warry about him comming back to nigeria without you. he might be visiting her.

and yes when i arrived my husband was engaged to another woman who i didnt know about until a year later.

I can not travel with him each time back to Nigeria. He sales over there and goes there about twice a year.

What did you do when you found him engaged to the other woman?

Hope4ever:

I dont want to be his second wife. I want to be his only wife.

I can not travel with him each time back to Nigeria. He sales over there and goes there about twice a year.

What did you do when you found him engaged to the other woman?

I think u digging what is not necessary.
if i were your man, and i found out that you are thinking like this about me, you are a goner.

So when I come back to the forum and scream my Nigerian Husband played me, you promise not to be the first to say I should have dug more or known better?

Hope4ever:

So when I come back to the forum and scream my Nigerian Husband played me, you promise not to be the first to say I should have dug more or known better?

But right now you are basing ur thinking on da fact that he is 38 and how come he is not married? or does he have a woman back in Nigeria.
No amount of digging will show u anything if he really wanna hide away.
better to talk to him and let trust reign

Honey, he can have 2 wives in the US and u not know it. Based on what you've said, it sounds like the only reason you suspect him is because he does business at home. That is not enough. Be happy until he gives you reason to suspect.

I am sorry I guess I left out an important fact.

he has one child, she is here with him in the USA and her mother lives at home in Nigeria. He says they were never married and he came here alone with his child.

Ok, now that is different. I defer to those more experienced than I.

dont stop hoping.

38 with a child from a naija lady?? sounds like he could be still married. Perhaps you could check this with your local Nigerian embassy. How do you know he has a permanent status?

Are you a westerner?

You and him go along to the Nigerian embassy in your country and ask the embassy to produce you with a certificate stating that this man is free to marry in US soil. But even at that he could be traditionally married. You need to go to his village and meet his people. I was brought to my husbands area. You really need to be sure. Its quite unusual I thought for Nigerian women in Nigeria to give birth out of wedlock. Just like it was in Ireland up until the 60's.

Okay.

Hope4ever:

I dont want to be his second wife. I want to be his only wife.

I can not travel with him each time back to Nigeria. He sales over there and goes there about twice a year.

What did you do when you found him engaged to the other woman?

i delt directly with her. aparently it was an arranged thing and he never paid the "bride price". the whole thing was called off, she is now terrified of me. his family all knows the situation and have delt with the girls family when they tried to protest. he had to drive me to the village to see her and he had to burn her pictures in front of her. they all claim that the week i arrived the marriage was called off and the phone records show the last time they spoke to eachother was a week after i arrived. i found out because her bride list was in the closet under a pile of dust.

Hope4ever:

I am sorry I guess I left out an important fact.

he has one child, she is here with him in the USA and her mother lives at home in Nigeria. He says they were never married and he came here alone with his child.

im lost i thought when you impregnate a woman in nigeria you had to marry her adnd that if you dont the family can have you arrested or is that just in certian tribes?

Hope4ever:

I am sorry I guess I left out an important fact.

he has one child, she is here with him in the USA and her mother lives at home in Nigeria. He says they were never married and he came here alone with his child.

that is not enuf reason to still think he is married back home in Nigeria.