Harmonyemerald:
Hello lovelies, how are we this gorgeous morning....... like I said earlier, anyone of us can bring up a topic that we think needs to be discussed because we are all female and we all face alot of common issues.

The topic I want to throw open today is "what do you do when all your friends are getting married and your mum is not helping matters and you don't even have a boyfriend or a reasonable chykers? ".

I will run us through my experience. I have a great career and am in my twenties, pretty, ebony and super confident. Am what is called alpha female. As at the beginning of this year I was in a great relationship-two years and counting and then life happened. I thought I was even going to be the first among my folks to jump the broom and say I do.... so shortly after we broke up.... three out of my three closest friends n cousins met their men within a space of 6 months or less and are all married now......so funny...it was like the movies. Then my mum came to intensify the pressure she has been giving me since I was 17. It's like any other success in any aspect of my life doesn't count as long as am still bearing my dad's name. She has made my life a living hell like am the one to go get the husband.... the men go seek out the female. And it's not like she has tried bringing the man and I said no. She keeps judging me based on the number of guys I have met and in the course of getting to know them discovered that we aren't right for each other. With the rate of cheating, killings, domestic violence and broken/unhappy marriages should the society not let people take their time and wait for that one right person. Some are lucky to meet them sooner, others aren't but why should society push us to be marriage crazy without looking for those ingredients that make a good marriage... (when you want to make a good soup you take your time getting the right spices and ingredients else you are stuck with a horrible soup which you will continue to manage till it finishes or throw it away). Reality is I don't want to manage for the rest of my life, I don't want to be unhappy. I want the right one to find me. So ladies and guys how should a lady cope when it looks like her success is measured by her marial status or how beautiful her kids are

bukatyne:


Why are you not seeing reasonable chykers?

Omaa1:
How do one deal with the feeling of failure?
Lemme use my story as an example;
Finished secondary school at 16, have to stay back at home and forfeit even my first admission because of fund. Stayed at home and worked for 5-6 year before going back to school. At that time most of my classmate are graduates. Graduated and finished Service at 28. No job, (most job age limit are plain ridiculous for entry level), relationship is nothing to write home about and no money.
I see most of my childhood working and doing well, some married with kids (my best friend have 4 kids with a great career), I'm not desperate for marriage though. But, that feeling of underachieved, that feeling of I'm not where I'm supposed to be, considering what I have been through is really depressing, in less than 3 month time I will 29, yet I ain't seeing no silver lining.
How do I deal with these feelings ?

Blessedgurl:
@Omaa1

I understand your situation but that shouldn't make you to stop believing in yourself.

In dealing with failure, one just need to restrategize and start small in order to excel.


Also know that your own time is coming.

Just become better in your own way so that both your husband and kids would be proud to have a wife and mother like you.

mrphysics:

Hey, life is not unfair. Life is time and time is life. Where you are right now may not be where you wanted to be but trust me, it is where you are because it is where you are. Funny. On Sunday, I met a secondary school classmate, he isn't working but he is already making it online. He is into SEO and cryotocurrency. I felt I wasted my time going to school. I am working with Salary above 100k. My fiverr earning gives me more than 200k a month. Last month, I made $1300 from fiverr, that's roughly 460k aside from my salary. You know what? I feel depressed, lonely, and underachieving.

No relationship, I left relationship for money and when money started coming, I have lost the time for women, I have lost the patience to woo a lady, in fact, I had attention for women, even with money, I feel empty...

Why all these, Failure is subjective and you are never a failure. Don't judge yourself by where your friends are or what others are doing. Everyday, I read books and do things that changes me. Time changes all things, time will come when it will all be a story.

What did you study? Do you have experience in work place at all? I have an idea

Harmonyemerald:


No idea

Omaa1:
How do one deal with the feeling of failure?
Lemme use my story as an example;
Finished secondary school at 16, have to stay back at home and forfeit even my first admission because of fund. Stayed at home and worked for 5-6 year before going back to school. At that time most of my classmate are graduates. Graduated and finished Service at 28. No job, (most job age limit are plain ridiculous for entry level), relationship is nothing to write home about and no money.
I see most of my childhood working and doing well, some married with kids (my best friend have 4 kids with a great career), I'm not desperate for marriage though. But, that feeling of underachieved, that feeling of I'm not where I'm supposed to be, considering what I have been through is really depressing, in less than 3 month time I will 29, yet I ain't seeing no silver lining.
How do I deal with these feelings ?

kristen12:
Marriage pressure is very very real and crazy especially when your parents are not understanding. I never thought it will get to me at all.

My relationship of 5 years got broken because the guy wanted someone from another tribe and it's like I'm starting from the beginning again. Nobody is coming at all.

The one I'm with right now isn't really ready for it cos of money and some other issues and my parents aren't even trying to understand. I've not gotten a job yet and there's no money to start a business and they're talking about marriage.

It's frustrating, wish I could run away and start my life quietly somewhere else.

Lavendra:
well... I think I should comment. I feel cursed, any relationship I enter doesn't last I end up getting hurt, I try as much as possible to avoid guyd, but of seems like every guy I have in my life have either asked me out or is still trying his luck, I'm trying to say there are just too many guys around but I no longer have the heart to love because of my emotional scars, the pain is too much, I don't think I plan to get married, my parents should please forgive me if I don't. Now I barely have friends, I'm scared of being close to anyone, I'm scared of talking to anyone about my deepest fears, I cut myself off from pipz around me because I'm scared of being hurt most people think I'm weird, no guy wants a wife who loves living with dogs, cats, birds, animals in general, no guy wants a wife who likes driving a bike around town or a wife who is in love with driving speed boats or swimming in rivers but these are the things that makes me happy, dogs, agriculture, swimming, adventure its just part of me, it doesn't make me a bad person. I accept whatever fate awaits me in life after all we won't live forever. my last relationship taught me a really big lesson...

bukatyne:


How old are you?

Lavendra:

1. well... I think I should comment. I feel cursed, any relationship I enter doesn't last I end up getting hurt,

2. I try as much as possible to avoid guyd, but of seems like every guy I have in my life have either asked me out or is still trying his luck, I'm trying to say there are just too many guys around but I no longer have the heart to love because of my emotional scars, the pain is too much, I don't think I plan to get married, my parents should please forgive me if I don't.

3. Now I barely have friends, I'm scared of being close to anyone, I'm scared of talking to anyone about my deepest fears, I cut myself off from pipz around me because I'm scared of being hurt

4. most people think I'm weird, no guy wants a wife who loves living with dogs, cats, birds, animals in general, no guy wants a wife who likes driving a bike around town or a wife who is in love with driving speed boats or swimming in rivers but these are the things that makes me happy, dogs, agriculture, swimming, adventure its just part of me,

5. it doesn't make me a bad person. I accept whatever fate awaits me in life after all we won't live forever. my last relationship taught me a really big lesson...

kristen12:
Marriage pressure is very very real and crazy especially when your parents are not understanding. I never thought it will get to me at all.

My relationship of 5 years got broken because the guy wanted someone from another tribe and it's like I'm starting from the beginning again. Nobody is coming at all.

The one I'm with right now isn't really ready for it cos of money and some other issues and my parents aren't even trying to understand. I've not gotten a job yet and there's no money to start a business and they're talking about marriage.

It's frustrating, wish I could run away and start my life quietly somewhere else.

bukatyne:




I am worried it took you 5yrs to find out that your ex wanted to marry from another tribe. Except he has multiple personality, he would have mentioned his preferences in those 5 yrs.

You say nobody is coming and at the same time, you have someone..... hmmm

Now, you need a serious relationship and not a wishy washy one.

Your parents have to understand in addition to putting pressure so you don't say I do to the next trousers. Again, they might seem 'non-understanding' because they see you are not in a serious relationship.

So sit your parents, list all your challenges and tell them that you desire to be married however, 1, 2, etc. is preventing it. Also tell them that you don't to be pressured to jump off with the next man and have a terrible marriage which will be worse than been unmarried.

What are you doing as regards a job/business?

Goodluck.

Lavendra:
well... I think I should comment. I feel cursed, any relationship I enter doesn't last I end up getting hurt, I try as much as possible to avoid guyd, but of seems like every guy I have in my life have either asked me out or is still trying his luck, I'm trying to say there are just too many guys around but I no longer have the heart to love because of my emotional scars, the pain is too much, I don't think I plan to get married, my parents should please forgive me if I don't. Now I barely have friends, I'm scared of being close to anyone, I'm scared of talking to anyone about my deepest fears, I cut myself off from pipz around me because I'm scared of being hurt most people think I'm weird, no guy wants a wife who loves living with dogs, cats, birds, animals in general, no guy wants a wife who likes driving a bike around town or a wife who is in love with driving speed boats or swimming in rivers but these are the things that makes me happy, dogs, agriculture, swimming, adventure its just part of me, it doesn't make me a bad person. I accept whatever fate awaits me in life after all we won't live forever. my last relationship taught me a really big lesson...

Omaa1:
How do one deal with the feeling of failure?
Lemme use my story as an example;
Finished secondary school at 16, have to stay back at home and forfeit even my first admission because of fund. Stayed at home and worked for 5-6 year before going back to school. At that time most of my classmate are graduates. Graduated and finished Service at 28. No job, (most job age limit are plain ridiculous for entry level), relationship is nothing to write home about and no money.
I see most of my childhood working and doing well, some married with kids (my best friend have 4 kids with a great career), I'm not desperate for marriage though. But, that feeling of underachieved, that feeling of I'm not where I'm supposed to be, considering what I have been through is really depressing, in less than 3 month time I will 29, yet I ain't seeing no silver lining.
How do I deal with these feelings ?

kristen12:

1. He never said it.


2. My mum thinks he's not serious and she wants me to look for someone that is serious.


3. I've not stopped applying to places and presently, I just finished learning a skill. I'm still planning to learn more till when I get something doing.


4. Thanks Ma'am

No sane lady has any excuse for dating a married man...under no circumstances at all.
forget all he tells you about his 'bad' wife...my wife is boring...my wife can't do this, can't do that.
Women...we are our greatest enemy ....why will you be intimate friends with a married man?? instead of using a long spoon to dine with the devil....why not flee away from him
He made a vow with another woman...why will you be the reason for a broken home?? why would you let innocent kids suffer??

Even when a married man asks you for a relationship, why don't you put yourself in the woman's shoe...and reject his over...at least if the man isn't sensible....
A cousin of mine got married last weekend and I didn't attend cos she was the 'other' woman...I told her point blank that she's evil...she was shocked cos we are quite close but what's bad is bad...her mum called me after and I told her the same..

You can't build your own happiness on another woman's sorrow...it will come crashing like a pack of cards right before your very eyes...

.#modified#

Tinalex:
Hi....please I caught my husband masturbating, tho he doesn't know I know. Should I be worried?

mrphysics:

Hey, life is not unfair. Life is time and time is life. Where you are right now may not be where you wanted to be but trust me, it is where you are because it is where you are. Funny. On Sunday, I met a secondary school classmate, he isn't working but he is already making it online. He is into SEO and cryotocurrency. I felt I wasted my time going to school. I am working with Salary above 100k. My fiverr earning gives me more than 200k a month. Last month, I made $1300 from fiverr, that's roughly 460k aside from my salary. You know what? I feel depressed, lonely, and underachieving.

No relationship, I left relationship for money and when money started coming, I have lost the time for women, I have lost the patience to woo a lady, in fact, I had attention for women, even with money, I feel empty...

Why all these, Failure is subjective and you are never a failure. Don't judge yourself by where your friends are or what others are doing. Everyday, I read books and do things that changes me. Time changes all things, time will come when it will all be a story.

What did you study? Do you have experience in work place at all? I have an idea

U1:
Omaa1, please take it easy on yourself. Accept what life throws at you and make the most of it. Refuse to be depressed and troubled.

Your story sounds so much like mine, just that I'm a little older. I refused to be disheartened, even as I be man so. I make conscious efforts to keep from brooding. For instance, I go on a stroll or to a public place to distract myself from depressing thoughts. I'm almost always doing something partly for this reason.

As for job, you could consider online opportunities while hoping something better comes along. I think mrphysics is in a better position to guide you on this.

Take things easy on yourself. Cheers!



I don't think you should feel empty, bro. No relationship? That's strange to me, especially given you have a regular job. You can start with your colleagues. I believe you can meet new and interesting people through them when you do things together.

Can you give a bro heads-up on the Fiverr stuff, please? I wish I were in your shoes. With earnings such as the one you mentioned, I think I'd deal with empty feeling more easily. Please show me the way.

bukatyne:


Does your husband satisfy you in bed? If yes, why are you worried?

I agree it is a bad habit by the way.

bukatyne:


1. Then good riddance to bad rubbish

2. Why does she think he is unserious? what is her definition of serious?



3. Go girl! That's the spirit.

4. You are welcome

Tinalex:

That's the thing...he doesn't satisfy me. Hez just after himself cumming.

mrphysics:

Lol. Kindly PM me. I will send you a book I personally wrote on fiverr. With practicable steps, it has helped people get started comfortably on fiverr.
Note: I DON'T SELL IT. I