I felt really bad for a close friend of mine because this happened and now she can't forgive herself.

She met a guy, and she was a virgin when she met him. She intended to keep it until her wedding night, which he understood (or thought he did). And things were ok until he slept with another girl. To cut the long story short, he kept begging her until she forgave him , but after that she decided to forget about keeping it till she was married. And they did it some time after they got back together. Later she broke up with him because she didnt want to continue the relationship anymore. She said it was because she was practically raised in church and pre -marital sex had been hammered into her head as something which was a sin. So basically her conscience was tormenting her and she ended the relationship.
And she regrets losing her virginity now, and to make matters worse, her ex- boyfriend has informed all his friends about what happened between them and given them all the details of how they had sex and all that. Which is like adding pepper to the wound. Because now she thinks of herself as a slut , and she wont listen to anything I say. She probably would have gotten over it in time but what her ex did has made matters worse .

No insulting or lewd comments please. Just advice on how to get over doing something you regret now.

With time she will heal. thats all i can say little or nothing will bring her out of her misery for now. its a phase twil blow over

She can do one of two things:

1. She has to forgive.  The guy must be so immature.


2. I would suggest that she kill him or sent thugs to beat the living shyt out of him. Revenge is best served on the coldest platter.  (I like No 2 best)      
         

Also, she must talk about her experience. Maybe, advice other women or young girls, <whether or not they listen> this kind of rubbish happens all the time.

Not talking about it in my opinion only makes matters worse,

The more she talks about it, the easier it may be to forgive, Im not sure if she can forget. I know I can't.

Actually if I saw the guy now, Ill probably kill him for her.

That reminds me.

She also worries about whether any man would still want her assuming he had heard all that her ex said. Unfortunately this was her first boyf and she thinks that other men would think of her as a cheap girl . I dont want to agree with her but part of what she thinks is true - about men wanting virgins and not hoes. So while she's not a virgin , she's also not a ho but which of them will believe her now? Especially after hearing the guy's side of the story.

Na today,Let her move on with her Life.It is not a big deal.How many ladies married as a Virgin.I understand that she is feeling bad that she went against her wish.But then like i said she got to move on.She should forgive herself cos God has forgiven her already,God does not even remember again as long as she has repented.We are all human and sometimes we fall,and when we fall we dont remain there we got to stand and keep moving,That is wot matters.

And for the guy ,he is very imatured am sure he is a teenager.Am sure somebody will do same to her sisters

luvbooks:

That reminds me.

She also worries about whether any man would still want her assuming he had heard all that her ex said. Unfortunately this was her first boyf and she thinks that other men would think of her as a cheap girl . I dont want to agree with her but part of what she thinks is true - about men wanting virgins and not hoes. So while she's not a virgin , she's also not a ho but which of them will believe her now? Especially after hearing the guy's side of the story.

Yes, I agree with Boslo. Time heals a broken heart at least for some people, here is Mariah Carey attacking Eminem evne though she's married now to Nick Cannon. The human mind wants revenge,

But shes still young and probably doesn't understand much but how many people fathers met moms a virgin, hahaha! very few IMO,

She'll be just fine and like Boslo said, they will do the same to his daughter or his Sister, who knows!

I think the first thing she need do is to forgive herself, also the most dificult forgive the guy, and pray to God for forgiveness, she could also seek counseling from the church or maybe someone older than her, read the bible always,

One advice she should not use that experience to judge all men, cause that would do her more harm than good, if she starts thinking that all men would behave the the guy behaved, would be a mistake.

Really often times most girls get disvirgined by their first boyfriends.Having lost her virginity does not make her cheap and it doesnt mean she will not get a good guy infact spoilt ladies get good husbands,so it is not a criteria.The most important thing is to meet a guy that will love her,identify God's potentials in her and appreciate her.That is wot matters.

u av a point!

biola44:

u av a point!

Errr, who ?

galatico:

I think the first thing she need do is to forgive herself, also the most dificult forgive the guy, and pray to God for forgiveness, she could also seek counseling from the church or maybe someone older than her, read the bible always,

One advice she should not use that experience to judge all men, cause that would do her more harm than good, if she starts thinking that all men would behave the the guy behaved, would be a mistake.

Yep!


She's dunnit! wallowin' in guilt will make her more miserable than she already is. . .sure! d memory 'll linger!
Juz put yourself together n muv on bbz!

@poster, my advice is that she picks herself up and move on and most especially, she shouldn,t forget the lessons learnt. Your friend made two grave mistakes and i hope she learnt a lot from them. One, she shouldn't hav made up wit him after she caught him wit anoda girl. Such a guy doesn't worth dying for and secondly, she shouldn't have compromised her decision to wait till she got married b4 havin sex. wateva made her change her mind is best known to her.

Futhermore, the guy is such a jerk cos matured guys dont go around bragging about babes they've slept with. Such things are meant to be 'precious moments'. So, tell ur friend not to wallow in pity cos doing that will only make the jerk more happier.

About getting someone to love her? she will definately get. (that's for real). Let her know that not manyguys fancy virgins these days simply becos they are hard to come by. A rational guy will neva set a standard to marry a virgin (the belief is that most girls get disflowered b4 they are out of high school). So, if a guy comes across a virgin, it's pure luck. I understand how she's feeling that is, she would hav love her husband to be to get the honour of doing it but wat will be will definately be. It has happened and there is nothing she can do about that.

the first step she needs to take is to stop beating herself over, forgive herself and if possible forgive the guy (cos is she doesn't, it will always affect her anytime she sees him) which i dont think it's necessary. She's a good girl and she should keep her head high cos she did wat she did to keep her b/f and the relationship. It's just so unfortunate that things didn't go the way she thought.

Lastly, she needs her friend to keep her going, so, i will suggest u stand by her and make her happy and it's a good thing u are doing by seeking for advice in order to help her. keep it up.

best of luck.

Boslo:

Really often times most girls get disvirgined by their first boyfriends.Having lost her virginity does not make her cheap and it doesnt mean she will not get a good guy infact spoilt ladies get good husbands,so it is not a criteria.The most important thing is to meet a guy that will love her,identify God's potentials in her and appreciate her.That is wot matters.

You'e right

Let her know that being disvirgined is not the end of the world, there is light at the end of the tunnel!!!

What is so special about a woman"s virginity?

Remember the saying "she lived a virgin ,she died a virgin,what she couldnt give to man,she gave to maggots

@ Hollandis ; LMAO!!! It's not just the virginity that matters but the fact that she feels she's lost her dignity along with it.

@luvbooks
Loss of virginity is regrettable at the onset.In the long run ,it isn't so badddd .She has only lost her innocence.Give her time

luvbooks:

@ Hollandis ; LMAO!!! It's not just the virginity that matters but the fact that she feels she's lost her dignity along with it.

hope u learn a lesson with this that boys especially naija boys are mostly immature and that your 2 legs are worth closing always.

any way may God forgive una and give you guys power to live right and clean cos it ios always worth it. as for finding a man to marry her she will dont worry about that make sure you are not pregnant thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-----

She has to find some way to get away from that guy, she should try and avoid 'mutual' friends unless they have proven their loyalty to her. Also, she should not compare herself to others, because that's what we do to get better. I can guarantee you if she reaches a place where she can talk to God and open up about it, she will stop thinking she is a bad person and a slut, and she will accept the fact that it was a mistake she made and that she is just human, accepting this obvious fact is difficult for many Christians but it is not accepting this fact that places a barrier between them and God. When they slip up and sin, which is bound to happen, they feel guilty and feel unworthy and emotionally distance themselves from God.

Everyone messes up, but instead of pointing at others to make ourselves feel better we should try to be confident in ourselves, without having to put others down.

She needs time to move on about it, what the ex did was pathetic and very immature he will regret that in future.

topup:

She has to find some way to get away from that guy, she should try and avoid 'mutual' friends unless they have proven their loyalty to her. Also, she should not compare herself to others, because that's what we do to get better. I can guarantee you if she reaches a place where she can talk to God and open up about it, she will stop thinking she is a bad person and a slut, and she will accept the fact that it was a mistake she made and that she is just human, accepting this obvious fact is difficult for many Christians but it is not accepting this fact that places a barrier between them and God. When they slip up and sin, which is bound to happen, they feel guilty and feel unworthy and emotionally distance themselves from God.

Everyone messes up, but instead of pointing at others to make ourselves feel better we should try to be confident in ourselves, without having to put others down.

She needs time to move on about it, what the ex did was pathetic and very immature he will regret that in future.

topup:

She has to find some way to get away from that guy, she should try and avoid 'mutual' friends unless they have proven their loyalty to her. [b]Also, she should not compare herself to others, because that's what we do to get better. I can guarantee you if she reaches a place where she can talk to God and open up about it, she will stop thinking she is a bad person and a slut, and she will accept the fact that it was a mistake she made and that she is just human, accepting this obvious fact is difficult for many Christians but it is not accepting this fact that places a barrier between them and God. When they slip up and sin, which is bound to happen, they feel guilty and feel unworthy and emotionally distance themselves from God.[/b]

[size=18pt]Everyone messes up, but instead of pointing at others to make ourselves feel better we should try to be confident in ourselves, without having to put others down.[/size]

She needs time to move on about it, what the ex did was pathetic and very immature he will regret that in future.

the grand ole lady has spoken truth

All hope is not lost though her primary vaginity is lost, she can maintain a secondary vaginity by absenting from sex till she goes to the Alter.it might seem hard but she can through Christ

@topic; when she was doing the deed, am sure she enjoyed the thing well well so cant really see any reason why ppl shud feel sorry 4 her. If its the guilt she's worried about she shud have considered her beliefs before doing it sha o

debest1:

@topic; when she was doing the deed, am sure she enjoyed the thing well well so cant really see any reason why ppl shud feel sorry 4 her. If its the guilt she's worried about she shud have considered her beliefs before doing it sha o

If you cant give some good advice then dont bother posting your worthless opinions. When I posted this topic all I asked for was good advice on getting over something you did which you now regret. She knows what she did was wrong and she doesnt need any more condemnation. Everyone who posted here gave at least an iota of sound advice on how to move on. But I guess you just had to say something just for the sake of saying it.

time will heal her, nothin u do now will calm her.

All hope is not lost though her primary vaginity is lost, she can maintain a secondary vaginity by absenting from sex till she goes to the Alter.it might seem hard but she can through Christ

luvbooks:

If you cant give some good advice then dont bother posting your worthless opinions. When I posted this topic all I asked for was good advice on getting over something you did which you now regret. She knows what she did was wrong and she doesnt need any more condemnation. Everyone who posted here gave at least an iota of sound advice on how to move on. But I guess you just had to say something just for the sake of saying it.

You asked for an opinion, i gave one its up to you to either accept or reject my contribution. I'm not judging her because we all make mistakes. So instead up getting up in arms just ignore my opinion and move on to the next "favorable"one but sha oo truth dey bitter

We all know that the truth is bitter. I'm not disputing that. But my point is that you failed to contribute anything meaningful. I did not ask for an opinion , I asked for advice for a friend and not more censure.

luvbooks:

We all know that the truth is bitter. I'm not disputing that. But my point is that you failed to contribute anything meaningful. I did not ask for an opinion , I asked for advice for a friend and not more censure.

ok i'll keep my counsel on this matter,

she has to forget about the past and move on with her future.

poor girl!!! she just receive a welcom note on world of PLAYER! its nice she find her way quickly but past is past lol