[b] I no need yo thank anybody. This story no be the type wey go make me hammer.



Episode one

I dey busy dey sleep, when person call my phone, shey na my neighbour dey disturb my life with her useless music? Abi na who be this one na?
I wake up, pick the call, naim I hear one guy voice o.

"Hello, martins, how far man? Na the voice wey I hear be that. Na wao I said to myself. I even think say na lady dey call me?
"Hey guy, wetin happen na? I told the guy. Can I help you?"
"Bro we no dey fight na" the guy replied.

"OK, o wetin dey happen? And who be you?"
"Na Daniel your colleague na. So you no get my number? Na wa for you o"

"Daniel? Which Daniel? OK OK Daniel Chibuzor?"

"Yes na" he answered.
"OK na Daniel any gist? "

"Gist full pass st peter Catholic church jiwa o. Guy we get match with euro facade fc o. We don agree say na you go help us officiate am. Abeg na only you we trust for a free and fair officiating."

"Which kain free and fair officiating be that one?
Una go pay me? A toad does not run for nothing on the day time o"

" no worry" he said to me, we no go pay on cash but in kind"

Well weda cash or kind. Pay na pay.

"When be the match" I ask am

Na today o. In fact na two hours time. He answered.

Immediately, sleep clear from my eyes. I run enter bathroom, the match venue na Gsm village Abuja, and I dey stay for gwagwa, I know say from my residence to Gsm village go take like one hour. And I need to dey there before the match.

In order to get balanced mind, based on my own analysis, I first rush go bath, then go meet mama Zola,

"Mama good afternoon malle, abeg you get original mc dowell?
Which kain useless question be that na? You dey craze abi you want make thunder fire your nyash?"

"Ha! Mama e nova reach like that na, shey na play I dey play na?

" your father lap, who dey follow you play that kain mumu play? If una don smoke that nonsense weed wey una dey smoke, una head to begin dey think say red label na beer"

Ha. I surprise for that kain mama wey even sabi red label. But I no wan follow her talk any how, so I just apologized to her and tell her say make she give me mc dowell of 350 make I dey go house.

As I reach house, I no even brother bath again, cos the argument and some other things took so much time, qne if I bath, after the match I go still bath. That one be me like say na waste of time and water. Water scarce pass fuel for my side.

I pick my football kits, I know say na referring job i wan do, but I no be Howard Webb na abi na Martin acktinson? Abeg make una leave me jare.
I rush one keke napep wey dey go life camp.

Keke man, how much be life camp?

#100nahe said?

"Chai, eajala no good o. #100 for this kain short journey? Nigeria don baje like tomatoes.

" kei Dan isca na fa. Gutsun uwarka"

The mumu no know say I don spend many years for samaru in Zaria, Kaduna state.

"Ubanka shey na una go vote baba abi? Na una go suffer am pass na.

" kai, I go slaf me o. I dey craze? Why is dey sfoil our fresident credibility?"

"Abokii, carry your wahala dey go abeg. I no get power for your wahala. " make we dey go na. I said to him. [/b]

Eh ehm

[b]Episode 2

"guys, this stadium too small o. Na 7-a-side o.
No offside o. Make una mind dey am o."


"No gbege na. They all said. "

Hello! I blew the whistle to get everyone ready. . pipipi! Pipi! Peeeeee!
The ball got passed and the game began.

The alcohol wey I been take before the match come begin ginger me. I see one euro facade player wey wan shoot ball, I no know say the guy no dey offside. I come blow offside. Chai! Before I know wetin day happen, almost 15 players surround me. " were you not the one that said there's no offside? What kind of unprofessional officiating is that please?"

I laugh for my mind. This mumu ajebo claiming no know say no be Birmingham we dey. Abi you think say na st mirren we dey? Carry your wahala go jare.

My decision was made and that was final.

As match finish, people come begin dey halla with different reports. Ref, na wa o. You no known foul throw, you no know, penalty, you no know anything. That's why them win us 2-0

"Mumu people" I tell myself. Why una no settle me make I fix the match. No be England wey Everton dey kll Chelsea 3-2 them add enough stoppage time then allow offside goal just to make sure the game end draw.?

After the match, I wan go house, naim the organisers call me, "we get small entertainment for una o". They said...
My mind sweet me small.
I come sit down like say my name na chidiebere adamu from Lagos state.. I come dey see different kinds of drinks, five crates of mixed drinks ( star, life, gulder, and hero.) About five bottles of red label, 3 bottles of alomo bitters. 15 litres of palm wine. All very chilled.

I just take 3 bottles of star, some glasses of black label mixed with coke and also plamwine.
My eye come dey distrubsyikate me. Shey na English b that? I no know o. ..
But e come be like say na me be Jesus. Coz I come dey tell eopke say them go go heaven and some go go hell.

Aftr Much much. The matter finish, I enter house go sleep. [/b]

[b] Chai! I no get money o. How I wan take buy handouts? This our rubbish lecturer wey no dey carry eye see guys. If na ladies now, maybe them for wish them naking. But me no get filling station na.
I come make up my mind to attend class that day. I don even forget the course name; e be like say na agricultural religion of medicine 202

The lecturer enter class very late. Instead wey him go talk wetin make am enter late, him come dey talk say we no gree pay school fees.... ( ha wetin concern agbero with over load? )
How this one take concern this Enugu man. Ogini n'eme nwoke ma?

The man use annoyance set test o. But na exam e write for board. I know say the idiot don use alcohol redesign him future. Maybe him want make sqaurdron give am endorsement deal.

That one no be the matter o. The kain yeye question wey dey the test naim wan scatter my gejediri!

1.. How did father Abraham die?
2...who invented invention
3... Who is the grand father of Adam?

Na wa o. This man useless o.

I just answer adamu for all the questions. Surprisingly, i scored 40 over 40. Abeg make them no transfer this nice lecturer o (I said to myself)
This man know book die. Chai. If other lecturers dey like maazi Chinedu, I go graduate with first class.

After the day, I enter road, pick motorcycle go one small shop for jabi lake shopping mall.
I buy some very important things like okpa, akamu, fried egg, red carpet, kunu, nunu, zobo......
Na wao how supermarket go get all those kain things?
Naim be say them go fit get phone chargers wey get stadium [/b]

Bros story don end? I dey wait now