it's my story and I just feel like sharing...
In a family of 7, including 5 children (3 male and 2 female) am the youngest of all, as expected in most Nigerian homes, the last child is always spoilt by the parents, and I was not an exception. But I loved my parents and mostly my siblings...Especially my senior sister (the first Born of my family) I tell her things I wouldn't tell my parents, She gave me advices,if I run into trouble she bales me out, in my early days my parents were mostly not around she was the one always there for the four of us...I learnt when I was given birth to, at the age of 9 she was pulled of school for months by my parents to take care of me while my parents were out there...she was and still the one I love the most...I call her my second mom.
Speaking about myself I know one thing about myself well, it's the act of Forgive and forget...I have never held a grudge against anybody...but my father is opposite.A bigot, he will qualify for a extremist, he never forgets and sometimes I wonder if he is truly my father, bar our likeness he is just opposite me in any other thing.
Before I got admission into school after writing jamb 4 times his house was hell with fury like no other for me...it was my mom n my siblings that kept me going, thinking if I got admission things will change between both of us...what I endured I think I should have been named endurance.
after my fifth jamb I gained admission into school, the school was a little bit far from my house and cost of transportation to and from was a bit worrying...As a boy who understands things are not rosy these days, I asked him to rent an apartment for me even if it's half of the money I will look for a roommate that will pay the other half...he refused, let me stay with my sister...he refused.
The going kept going, he was still thesame man comparing his son to others. There is a proverb that says compare ur child to other children, you might end up beating the child up one day.
He kept pushing me to every corner, I endured, till...when I termed it enough. Even when we chase an animal till it gets to the last corner where there is no more escape route for it, he uses it's last resort which is fighting back. In my case it was not by throwing blows or any of sort but mine was the truth, no silence as usual...I told him he is not better than me, he is not a person I would want to be like, he is not like every other bad person out there, He is worse, a liar, a hypocrite, a bigot...I told him everything and the consequences followed of course...I was brutally beaten...I was being beaten by my brother to keep me quiet while at the same time he was separating my father from me...
I never regret what I did till now nor forever, he deserves to hear it from me.
I have learnt one thing from this my story.
Sometimes it's not about being wrong or right, it's about doing what you ought to do.
Thank you for reading my Story, Insults are welcomed!

Easy please dear..
What do you think you are doing Op? What do you know? Why are you disrespecting him this way? What has he done to you that is NEW? come you have big brothers on Nairaland here that has passed through worse and can advice you. So calm down.
Bros its ok, stop fighting him back, it won't help matters, you behaved maturely by tolerating him while growing up, now that that you are supposed to understand him more, u started fighoting him. Don't tell me you were actually waiting to reach of age to start fighting him instead of fighting for your future..
Sometimes, I don't judge by all I read because some people will only write to attract pity but not withstanding.. Op how can you rate your general character as a human being? Perfecit, trying, inbetween or just there. See some fathers don't just suddenly behave way overboard with their children without having good intentions that they are trying to make them better for future. Society is going wild, so many evils, jungle justice everywhere, robberies, kidnappings, mistaken identities, terrorisms, militancy, rituals, cultisms, name them.. fathers are more scared for the outcome of their children these days than u can imagine.
Op do u have habits like smoking, drinking, womanizing, always staying out VERY late, keeping friends unknown by the family, antagonistic, always having reasons for your actions, not remorseful, and always having things your way? Check this list Op and imagine how these traits can doom a person later in future, so your father should be given a break ok? Have u asked why he wants you to go to school from home? Even to stay with your sister he refused. See better ignore him and work on how to complete school and joining the society at large, you are still to young to be this resistant ok, your father will not kill you. Is your mind telling you that you can survive at this age and level if your father leaves you to get the freedom you want? Try going according to his rules for atleast 24 hours and see what happens. I am sorry about the way you feel now but everything will be fine.
Be WARNED.. your DOOM starts the day you lay your hand on your father, do you READ me? Sorry if you don't like what I had to say..
PEACE.

our elders say.. a man with one eye do not give glory to God until he sees a man who's two eyes are blind. i xpected to read the line where ur father insisted that ur mother should abort you or where he attempted using you for rituals.. for u to use such words on your dad at this occasion,it means you have been a bit disrespectful to him from time,but u never realized the extend of ur arrogance towards the man.a child that can say such words to his father's face,has no fear or respect for the man from birth..ask around and hear stories of people who's father has abandon them and there mother before they where born..there father never contributed in any way to there up keep but they never confronted him with such insults. yours has provide you with shelter, feed you,pay ur school fees,cloth you.but you just want him to provide everything for you on a plater of gold.I guess the man saw the direction you are facing might lead to u been lazy and over dependent,which I also observe that's why he want you to see the other side of life.even the bible said...a child that the father love him he discipline..

ever811:
our elders say.. a man with one eye do not give glory to God until he sees a man who's two eyes are blind. i xpected to read the line where ur father insisted that ur mother should abort you or where he attempted using you for rituals.. for u to use such words on your dad at this occasion,it means you have been a bit disrespectful to him from time,but u never realized the extend of ur arrogance towards the man.a child that can say such words to his father's face,has no fear or respect for the man from birth..ask around and hear stories of people who's father has abandon them and there mother before they where born..there father never contributed in any way to there up keep but they never confronted him with such insults. yours has provide you with shelter, feed you,pay ur school fees,cloth you.but you just want him to provide everything for you on a plater of gold.I guess the man saw the direction you are facing might lead to u been lazy and over dependent,which I also observe that's why he want you to see the other side of life.even the bible said...a child that the father love him he discipline..

I expected a response like this...
I have seen fathers, I have known fathers and I have fathers as friends... Because he is my father doesn't mean he should take advantage of that...if he had aborted me at least I wouldn't know, I wouldn't have come to this horrible place where you fear of what others like you could do to you... I didn't beg hin to bring me to this world...the clear difference between humans and other animals is emotion...that moment you use that emotion as a tool of torture, it breaks most humans and I am no exception...emotion drives us. ..even the people we love will always move you emotionally, the things we do...they are mostly driven by emotions. When I give birth to my own children...I will not treat them the way my father treated me, I will treat them the way fathers treat their children...sometimes religion can't explain things it's just a formality they want us to believe...so don't quote the Bible or quran to me...they were also written by other people.

ever811:
our elders say.. a man with one eye do not give glory to God until he sees a man who's two eyes are blind. i xpected to read the line where ur father insisted that ur mother should abort you or where he attempted using you for rituals.. for u to use such words on your dad at this occasion,it means you have been a bit disrespectful to him from time,but u never realized the extend of ur arrogance towards the man.a child that can say such words to his father's face,has no fear or respect for the man from birth..ask around and hear stories of people who's father has abandon them and there mother before they where born..there father never contributed in any way to there up keep but they never confronted him with such insults. yours has provide you with shelter, feed you,pay ur school fees,cloth you.but you just want him to provide everything for you on a plater of gold.I guess the man saw the direction you are facing might lead to u been lazy and over dependent,which I also observe that's why he want you to see the other side of life.even the bible said...a child that the father love him he discipline..

The bible also WARNED parents not to provoke their children.



Ephesians 6:1-24

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.[b]” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, b[/b]ut bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, .

Being a father is no entitlement to be brutal, wicked and insensitive. Being a father is also not by force!If you can't be a good father it's best to remain childless, there's no need to create hate Inn the hearts of young growing kids, else they disrespect you. There are limits to what a child can take from the parents. There are some insults I will NOT condone from my parents and they know that, because I set the record straight early enough. For example, I don't expect my parents to call me "mad" and expect me not to bring the whole house down.

Some parents need proper training on how to address issues such as these. The best way to train a child remains in that which is written in the bible, Godly way. You don't u use sticks and expect a child not to behave like an animal.

To the op, What you did was good although you went to far.Thr most important thing is this; your conscience is a bit free, you let it out. Ask your dad for forgiveness but you need to tell him to quit driving you nuts else it may yet repeat itself. Yes! You have the right to call him to order! You have the right to say "Enough is enough " else you end up having long term psychological breakdown that may affect innocent love ones around you in future.

If your parents tells you, "Are you mad?"You as a child have got the right to say in all honesty that you are not mad right on their face, reminding them also that they will never be labelled the parents to a mad man/woman. Fair enough!

I want my own child to tell me this; because I hate to be the mother of a mad child. Parents watch that tongue!

at the end of the day, he's still your dad and you are under his roof. he caters for you and provides your needs.

the only time you can flex your muscles is when you have gotten your independence kinda.

what I told you was the same thing I was told back in the day and some how, it is true.

chocolateme:
Easy please dear..
What do you think you are doing Op? What do you know? Why are you disrespecting him this way? What has he done to you that is NEW? come you have big brothers on Nairaland here that has passed through worse and can advice you. So calm down.
Bros its ok, stop fighting him back, it won't help matters, you behaved maturely by tolerating him while growing up, now that that you are supposed to understand him more, u started fighoting him. Don't tell me you were actually waiting to reach of age to start fighting him instead of fighting for your future..
Sometimes, I don't judge by all I read because some people will only write to attract pity but not withstanding.. Op how can you rate your general character as a human being? Perfecit, trying, inbetween or just there. See some fathers don't just suddenly behave way overboard with their children without having good intentions that they are trying to make them better for future. Society is going wild, so many evils, jungle justice everywhere, robberies, kidnappings, mistaken identities, terrorisms, militancy, rituals, cultisms, name them.. fathers are more scared for the outcome of their children these days than u can imagine.
Op do u have habits like smoking, drinking, womanizing, always staying out VERY late, keeping friends unknown by the family, antagonistic, always having reasons for your actions, not remorseful, and always having things your way? Check this list Op and imagine how these traits can doom a person later in future, so your father should be given a break ok? Have u asked why he wants you to go to school from home? Even to stay with your sister he refused. See better ignore him and work on how to complete school and joining the society at large, you are still to young to be this resistant ok, your father will not kill you. Is your mind telling you that you can survive at this age and level if your father leaves you to get the freedom you want? Try going according to his rules for atleast 24 hours and see what happens. I am sorry about the way you feel now but everything will be fine.
Be WARNED.. your DOOM starts the day you lay your hand on your father, do you READ me? Sorry if you don't like what I had to say..
PEACE.

Good post ma'am
You are not new to him--those were the words my siblings kept uttering.
antagonistic? everywhere I go you have to like me, am a likeable person not bragging about it, it's who I am, anywhere I am is always lively...I am not saying am perfect...
those other stuff?? non of them is me.
didn't even touch him and I won't.
Promised myself it's the last time I will mop a word to him but I have achieved one thing and I still don't feel remorseful about it...letting him know the way I feel about him and it won't change unless he changes that...which seems to me like a pipe dream.
Your reason is logical and simple...Logical and rational comments is what i want to see.
People shouldn't mistake me for my reasoning of being a non religious person, I am. but I don't let it get behind my rational reasoning because that's what religion mostly does to a common religious man.

sokotoburundi:
Good post ma'am
You are not new to him--those were the words my siblings kept uttering.
antagonistic? everywhere I go you have to like me, am a likeable person not bragging about it, it's who I am, anywhere I am is always lively...I am not saying am perfect...
those other stuff?? non of them is me.
didn't even touch him and I won't.
Promised myself it's the last time I will mop a word to him but I have achieved one thing and I still don't feel remorseful about it...letting him know the way I feel about him and it won't change unless he changes that...which seems to me like a pipe dream.
Your reason is logical and simple...Logical and rational comments is what i want to see.
People shouldn't mistake me for my reasoning of being a non religious person, I am. but I don't let it get behind my rational reasoning because that's what religion mostly does to a common religious man.

Keep doing what is right to God and your father, be diplomatic with your decisions but DO NOT allow yourself to undergo psychological torture. Learn to address issues with your dad with respect, but hit the nail on the head in other to maintain your sanity.

Be careful with your choice of words, but defend your actions if you are sure you are right. Being a father like I said is a privilege and parents should also not push their wards to anger. Respect your father and yourself as well . But never let any kind of torture go unaddressed, communicate your grievances in a respectful and concise way.

LynnPetra:


Keep doing what is right to God and your father, be diplomatic with your decisions but DO NOT allow yourself to undergo psychological torture. Learn to address issues with your dad with respect, but hit the nail on the head in other to maintain your sanity.

Be careful with your choice of words, but defend your actions if you are sure you are right. Being a father like I said is a privilege and parents should also not push their wards to anger. Respect your father and yourself as well . But never let any kind of torture go unaddressed, communicate your grievances in a respectful and concise way.

thanks for the advice... i appreciate.

Your anger against your father May or May not be justified.

Nobody here can judge since we've only heard your own side.

My advice is this:

remember that you will become a father one day if God wills, and as easy as it is to say that you will behave better to your kids, the truth is that his DNA runs in your blood and your kids will likely find you a bit overbearing too.

You will want your kids to respect you, show your father that same respect. Never ever lift your hand or your voice against you parents.

The Good Book says "honouring ones father covers a multitude of sins."

Whatever his shortcomings are, you need to realise that that is the only person you'll ever be able to call dad.

For now, try and see if there's a way you can live on campus or with your elder siblings for a while.

Then go and make up with him later.

Don't wait until he is dead before wishing that things could have been better between you two.

Op, I understd u're here 2 vent. It's welcomed, pls don't commit sucide, cos it will only get worse. Just pray 4 him&ur case is settled.

Op why re u thanking us 4 reading ur story ??what is ur achivement now Honestly, I just pity u. U feel u re now a man so u can now stand up 2 him and do what u ought to do abi. d luv of ur mum and siblings re dey nt enough 4 u 2 carry on with life. 4rm ur story ur siblings re nt in support of what u did and why is it dat u re d only one ur dad treats dat way. Maybe u re d black sheep of d family, sorry to say DAT.

Some ppl wish dey ve a dad, and u re here hating 4 no reason. U should b lucky dat he clothes u, feeds u, shelter u, training u in school to make sure u re educated despite dat, u ve d effrontery, d boldness to do what u did. What if ur dad was a drunkard/womanizer and he spend all his money on it leaving u 2 fend 4 urself, I guess u must ve killed him by now


Be grateful to God ,go to d street and see ppl suffering to survive despite d fact dey ve a dad. In ur dad's mind he's just trying to shape u to b a better person in d future. Why can't u endure to d end, to achieve ur aim in life, den prove to him dat u re better Dan dose kids he was comparing with.

U better ask 4 his forgiveness and work hard to gain his respect. I pray I will never ve a son like u.

Guy calm down

I was hoping to read something heinous your father did to you.Young man I know someday you will look back and say daddy thank you.You better respect your father for your days to be long. Children of nowadays,nothing I no go hear.

Those who had their kernels cracked for them by the gods should rather observe than talk ignorantly. If the op's dad was against his lifestyle he (op) would indicate. Besides did you read the part where op said his dad is hypocritical which is common in most abusive parents. Parents should not always be right at matters like this as it could have adverse effect in the childs character afterwards

op I feel you body and soul. Child abuse is not just about physically abusing a child, worse is mental and emotional abuse. The former heals with time while the later barely does. My advice is that you gradually detach yourself from him by finding ways to become independent financially. By this he'll have little effect on you. Donot hate him else you become him

chocolateme:
Easy please dear..
What do you think you are doing Op? What do you know? Why are you disrespecting him this way? What has he done to you that is NEW? come you have big brothers on Nairaland here that has passed through worse and can advice you. So calm down.
Bros its ok, stop fighting him back, it won't help matters, you behaved maturely by tolerating him while growing up, now that that you are supposed to understand him more, u started fighoting him. Don't tell me you were actually waiting to reach of age to start fighting him instead of fighting for your future..
Sometimes, I don't judge by all I read because some people will only write to attract pity but not withstanding.. Op how can you rate your general character as a human being? Perfecit, trying, inbetween or just there. See some fathers don't just suddenly behave way overboard with their children without having good intentions that they are trying to make them better for future. Society is going wild, so many evils, jungle justice everywhere, robberies, kidnappings, mistaken identities, terrorisms, militancy, rituals, cultisms, name them.. fathers are more scared for the outcome of their children these days than u can imagine.
Op do u have habits like smoking, drinking, womanizing, always staying out VERY late, keeping friends unknown by the family, antagonistic, always having reasons for your actions, not remorseful, and always having things your way? Check this list Op and imagine how these traits can doom a person later in future, so your father should be given a break ok? Have u asked why he wants you to go to school from home? Even to stay with your sister he refused. See better ignore him and work on how to complete school and joining the society at large, you are still to young to be this resistant ok, your father will not kill you. Is your mind telling you that you can survive at this age and level if your father leaves you to get the freedom you want? Try going according to his rules for atleast 24 hours and see what happens. I am sorry about the way you feel now but everything will be fine.
Be WARNED.. your DOOM starts the day you lay your hand on your father, do you READ me? Sorry if you don't like what I had to say..
PEACE.

sokotoburundi:
I expected a response like this...
I have seen fathers, I have known fathers and I have fathers as friends... Because he is my father doesn't mean he should take advantage of that...if he had aborted me at least I wouldn't know, I wouldn't have come to this horrible place where you fear of what others like you could do to you... I didn't beg hin to bring me to this world...the clear difference between humans and other animals is emotion...that moment you use that emotion as a tool of torture, it breaks most humans and I am no exception...emotion drives us. ..even the people we love will always move you emotionally, the things we do...they are mostly driven by emotions. When I give birth to my own children...I will not treat them the way my father treated me, I will treat them the way fathers treat their children...sometimes religion can't explain things it's just a formality they want us to believe...so don't quote the Bible or quran to me...they were also written by other people.

OP, I can almost swear that you're above 18 meaning you're an adult. It's time for you to make your own way in the world and stop depending on your parents since you feel they don't even deserve your respect.
Time for you to go out there and conquer.
One thing I would give to Nigerian parents is that most are supportive which sometimes become stifling to the child.
You would see a 30year old man being waited hand and foot upon by his parents. Asking about have you eaten? have you peed?