Fellow nairalanders, I must say that I have been impressed with the way this website and it's members have worked to reunite families together.

I am hoping that you can do the same for my family.

My older brother who is now successful in the USA had a son sometime in 1993 with a neighbors sister who was his "secret girlfriend" in those days. In those days, you can't have a girl friend openly if you are not married. My family didn't allow things like that. (Was it really important to open with that? Leading with that gives the impression that he sees that as an incentive. Is that even necessary to mention at all if not for the fact that he intends to dangle it before them like a bone to a dog)


He was a young graduate then living in the boys quarters of my sister's house at 40 Gerard Road Ikoyi.

The girl in question was living in the neighborhood with her brother who worked as a driver with Shell.

Her name is Chioma and she is from Ngwa in Abia State. It was an unplanned pregnancy.

The son must have been born sometime between September and November 1993.

Unfortunately my brother didn't know that Chioma was pregnant when he left Lagos for Immigration course in Kano for 9 months. Please note that there were no cell phones or emails readily available in those days. (Notice how he mentions the course was a 9-month course? . . . Just the right time to 'cook' a baby)

It was after he returned about two years to the area that people told him what happened and by that time Chioma was gone from the area and he didn't have any more information to contact her. (Now 2-years from 9 months. So for two whole years he didn't return to is sister's house or see her at all)

Before Chioma left Lagos, she brought the boy to our big sister, who adviced her to return months later when my brother will be around, but Chioma was probably sent back to the village by her brother and never returned. (So even the sister didn't see her brother for two whole years and tell him that Chioma came calling with a son? I bet she did . . . but it just wasn't important to him . . . probably had better things to do)

Over the years our family have been trying to locate Chioma and my brother's son. Unfortunately he doesn't have more information about Chioma apart from what I have said here. (Obviously not trying hard enough, cos if they did, a simple backward trace will certainly locate the girl in question)

But I believe in the power of nairalanders. Please help.

Please this child was never neglected, my brother just didn't have a way to contact him or his mother. We want him to reunite with his father's family and to compensate Chioma for years of sacrifice, although no amount of money can repay her. (Where did he even say he was asking for forgiveness . . . he wants to 'compensate her'. For what? For bringing her shame and abandoning her to raise a child all on her own? For those years and nights she spent carrying the burden of a child alone? For the betrayal and pains of regret he put her through all these years. Can he really compensate for that . . . the answer is NO. This is why we advised the OP to seek for forgiveness instead of 'compensation')


Mods please help post in front page. Anybody who may know a story similar to above please contact me.

yetseyi:
Rilokiley is vexing, Bros don't let such bother you pls.

I have observed that a lot of Family nairalanders actually don't know how to advise, express displeasure, correct an opinion, educate or even post a superior arguement without snide comments or direct/subtle insults and I just wonder.

I have seen this happen several times, just yesterday I saw one of such threads.


If someone comes to post emotional issues and you make the mistake of mentioning finances you begin to read comments like "oya drop acc no"," he will soon ask for money" etc and the person has not even asked at least let him ask first.


Its really terrible, I really don't understand why people feel they must sound condescending to state an opinion.

Yaksson:
Dear Op, I have come to realise that seeking help on this forum is a big WASTE OF TIME.
mainly due to the following reasons:

1. There are many immature individuals who get personal each time they drop comments, hence logic is thrown for emotions.

2. Everyone here wants to voice out an opinion but sadly, wants his/her opinion to be the ONLY right one.

3. The level of judgemental criticism is second to none, they would do your wake, bury you, and dance the burial thanksgiving
even before you are dead.

4. They mock some or all of your listed issues just to point out your mistakes.

5. They end up giving you little or no help at all, even when they give u an advice, its normally a terrible one.

That being said, there are some few matured ones as I have seen very good suggestions, but most of them are well.... just catching fun.
Just be careful the kind of issues you share and be ready to receive the mega bashing of your life.

N.B: Don't quote me pls. I didn't call anybody's name, so read and passover!

Ujoan:


I assume you are quite new to this forum. Some of us have been here since 2006 . . so we've seen and heard it ALL. Most of us have been victims of scam on this forum, so forgive us if we don't buy the act anymore.

RiloKiley:


Civic duty, lol, who is paying you for it?
You think you have made sense by all these words you typed? Where has he specifically mentioned he deserved any award? Where has he shown pride? Because he mentioned money, you don't like money? You wanted him to be poverty stricken? He even admitted his family was at fault and nobody is above mistake, what is you people's problem really

Yes, my comment was tactful. It was a generalized statement to pass a point across without accusing anyone in particular. Enough leeway to let those guilty of attacking the op unnecessarily read and move on without feeling personally affronted. Your quoting me specifically shows you are one of the bitter people sticking their nose in too deep for something that doesn't concern you in any way.




This is the original op's comment.
At first bolded, he starts by greeting you all in a respective manner. He talks about the prowess of nairalanders in helping to solve problems and his hope that his need will be met. How much more polite can you get?

At second bolded, he states the problem clearly. I guess because he mentioned his brother was successful and in the USA while the supposed girlfriend came from a poor family immediately a lot of you became jealous and judgmental (Yes, JEALOUS! You wont admit it but that was your first feeling!)! Should he hide his status again? He is trying to say he can now take good care of the boy if perchance they are still in an abject state of poverty BECAUSE THAT WAS THE WAY HE LEFT THEM. He has not done anything wrong by being successful and he definitely does not sound proud at this point.

At third bolded, Pleadings, apologies, explanations and more pleadings. He mentions money again, something that is apparently wrong to mention on this forum, and a lot of JEALOUSY flares up again. What has he said wrong? He even said he wants to compensate her ALTHOUGH HE KNOWS NO AMOUNT CAN PAY FOR WHAT HAS BEEN DONE TO HER. How do you want him to say it again? Someone is saying he should stop mentioning money, he should stop mentioning money as if "money" is biting him/her!

I dare you to recompose his op to be more acceptable to the general public.

You people just like having the power to judge and execute. It pleases you to see the 'american big boy' in so much pains because he cannot get to his son. Some are shouting karma as if they haven't done a bad thing in their life. Someone is even wishing him impotency! Thank God the op said his brother has two sons else you all would have been throwing a party at his misfortune! Painting yourselves as saints and pointing fingers at the op who has been amazingly polite and agreeing that yes his brother was at fault, taking all sorts of insults with humility just so he can get the help he wants. I guess that's what massages your egos.
Was his brother the one that threw the girl away? Was it not the sister? Even if it was him can he not be allowed to repent and reunite with his son? Even if his family abandoned her hasn't the op said severally that the fault was theirs and they are willing to correct their mistake?

No empathy at all! You blame the government for everything when you cannot even show pity on yourselves!

One poster is even angry on Chioma's behalf?! Has she asked the Chioma whether she is angry? If she has vital information to the finding of this woman and her son, isn't the normal thing to do to ask chioma WHAT HER OWN OPINION IS ABOUT HER CHILDHOOD LOVER first before passing judgement? How does it concern her? Why is she making the decision of not telling the op? Is she even related to chioma? Shouldn't that be for chioma to decide? How do you know chioma is not looking for Ikechukwu as well? Is she God?
She may not even have any information sef, just trying her best to make the op as miserable as possible. Because he mentioned wealth and USA? Are you people happy with poverty?

Abeg spirit1, you brought this problem to the wrong place, its mostly gloaters and bitter people that populate here, please take the little information you have gotten from the few good advices and move on. By God's grace you shall find succour. Its not a crime to be rich or be from the USA. Ask them if many of them are not fasting and praying to be where you are.

I know many of you will attack me after this post. I don't give a flying Bleep. Immature rubbish bunch of people who would rather watch the man burn to death than raise a hand to help him because he mentioned money. Nonsense!

yetseyi:


I understand the scam part and that's why I am of the opinion of at least let them ask for help first, when they do then the investigations can begin.

I do feel its quite unfair when an individual has not asked for financial help and snide comments of scam are already all over the place.

Yaksson:
LOL, someone is getting personal here. I may be a "coward" but at least am not heartless.
I didn't give a solution, but at least I gave an advice which was my opinion, and mine ALONE.
Come to think of it, if evil criticism has been solving problems, Nigeria would have been the most developed of all nations.
In order not to derail the tread, I would end it here.
Op, good luck and I pray you find him in good health and spirit.

EfemenaXY:
Askseek and Onegai, these are really sad stories but I still don't empathise with the run away fathers. They brought it all on themselves. A child is a child irrespective of the circumstances surrounding their birth.

I can but imagine the hate the abandoned kids feel towards their once upon a time "I-don't-care" fathers, having to grow up with the knowledge that they were never wanted. Once that childlike innocence and easy going forgiving spirit is gone, what's left is a deeply hardened heart, be it male or female.

Askseek - that story of yours about the girl child losing her mum at six, and being passed from pillar to post with minimal education from relatives...ah! That sent shivers down my spine.

Consenting adults willing to have sex should learn to put a raincoat on it. How much is effective birth control compared to a lifetime of sorrow generated from easily avoidable mistakes?

People should open their eyes and ears and learn from others' costly mistakes.

Askseek:
@ OP, my 2 cents. My father in law did something similar. In his case there were 2 kids he knew of and could still find their homes. He egged on by my mother in law abandoned these kids and relocated to the US. My mil argued that her husband was drunk and did not know what he was doing, and that he women were of loose morals so how could she be sure her husband was truly responsible. She chased them away and relocated her husband to the US. She joined him a few years later and eventually moved all her sons over. When they were finally settled and "doing well" the urge to right this wrong came over both of them and my fil came back to Nigeria. He was able to find both families. One of them her mother died when she was 6, she was passed from one relation to another, minimal education. She saw him, heard those words "I am your father" and packed her bags to go with him. He was overjoyed, if only he knew. From the day she moved in, every form of happiness walked out the door. My mil who perpetrated such a cruel act to keep her husband to herself lost her marriage. A marriage of 40 years collapsed and ended in divorce. Wemimo relocated to the US, DNA testing proved she is his daughter. She now lives with her father in the one bedroom apartment he once shared with his wife. She sleeps in the bedroom, he on the couch. My mil has 6 sons, at this moment only one still talks to his mother. The rest can't forgive her cruelty and have abandoned her. All six sons barely speak to their father. Wemimo I heard from the family grapevine said she would avenge her mother's death as she believes all her mother's suffering and eventual death stem from being abandoned by her lover, she hates my mil because she sees her as the one who forced her husband to abandon her mother.

The second child in question, David grew up in a home. His mother married and the man accepted David. He was in his final year in Unilag when my fil arrived. You can imagine the pain brought into that home. The young man did not acknowledge him, told him he had a father already. My fil dangled the American Dream like a carrot and this young man kicked him out with all the gifts he brought over. After numerous trips by family members he agreed to have a DNA test done since the issue of paternity was still in question. He turned out not to be my fil biological son and he was so happy not to be my fil son.

Sometimes we should let sleeping dogs lie, that little peace your brother has now. He might just use his own hands to destroy it by reopening this. What happened was horrible and inexcusable. He should leave this alone

shaybebaby:

Now if only you could put that brilliant analytical mind to helping the op achieve his end.
Well said, ultimately the past can't be changed but the future can and I hope this story has a good ending for all those involved.

southernbelle:
@RiloKiley

i admire your reasoning.

shaybebaby:

Now if only you could put that brilliant analytical mind to helping the op achieve his end.
Well said, ultimately the past can't be changed but the future can and I hope this story has a good ending for all those involved.

Ujoan:


Now i know, you are just one of those greedy Nigerians who think everything is about money . . . That's why you think one needs to be PAID to carry out a civic responsibility. I love money, but money is nothing compared to people's respect and dignity. I know this concept is quite difficult for an average Nigerian to grasp, but it's the plain truth.

Whether he's rich of 'stricken by poverty' is irrelevant. What is degrading is his dismissive nature and his assumption that he will be doing Chioma and her son a favor by finding them. He forgot that that boy is an Adult now and doesn't NEED his father's approval anymore. Wherever he is, he has a life and there's no guarantee that the offer of USA will even mean squat to him.

So why not just keep that aside and crave forgiveness instead He acknowledged he made a MISTAKE and people who make mistakes often BEG for forgiveness. Not dangle incentives to those they've wronged and act like they are doing them a favor. His attitude is offensive to people's sensibilities, hence the outrage.

And in-case you don't know, a lot of people calling the OP to order are doing waaay better than his supposed 'rich' brother. So no, we are not impressed with his 'achievement' and I really really hope Chioma and her son won't be either. Whoever they are, I hope fortune have smiled on them . . . . God knows they deserve it.

and No,you were not being tactful. You were being bitter and critical . . . . .

Fellow nairalanders, I must say that I have been impressed with the way this website and it's members have worked to reunite families together.

I am hoping that you can do the same for my family.

My older brother who is now successful in the USA had a son sometime in 1993 with a neighbors sister who was his "secret girlfriend" in those days. In those days, you can't have a girl friend openly if you are not married. My family didn't allow things like that. (Was it really important to open with that? Leading with that gives the impression that he sees that as an incentive. Is that even necessary to mention at all if not for the fact that he intends to dangle it before them like a bone to a dog)
All I see is a young man explaining that he is now successful enough to take care of the woman and child he "abandoned", probably the reason he "abandoned" them in the first place. Remember he said he was not even aware she was pregnant for him.


He was a young graduate then living in the boys quarters of my sister's house at 40 Gerard Road Ikoyi.

The girl in question was living in the neighborhood with her brother who worked as a driver with Shell.

Her name is Chioma and she is from Ngwa in Abia State. It was an unplanned pregnancy.

The son must have been born sometime between September and November 1993.

Unfortunately my brother didn't know that Chioma was pregnant when he left Lagos for Immigration course in Kano for 9 months. Please note that there were no cell phones or emails readily available in those days. ([s]Notice how he mentions the course was a 9-month course? . . . Just the right time to 'cook' a baby[/s]) What has this point got to do with anything? Would there have been a difference if it was 3 months, or a year?. You saying "'cook' a baby' sounds spiteful. Are you saying he was deliberately absent until the baby was born? What would that have achieved if he was planning to abandon her as you are trying to imply? Wouldn't have simply been more logical if he had never returned?

It was after he returned about two years to the area that people told him what happened and by that time Chioma was gone from the area and he didn't have any more information to contact her. (Now 2-years from 9 months. So for two whole years he didn't return to is sister's house or see her at all) 2 years, 9months, it doesnt matter. Has nothing to do with the subject of discussion.

Before Chioma left Lagos, she brought the boy to our big sister, who adviced her to return months later when my brother will be around, but Chioma was probably sent back to the village by her brother and never returned. (So even the sister didn't see her brother for two whole years and tell him that Chioma came calling with a son? I bet she did . . . but it just wasn't important to him . . . probably had better things to do)And this is you conjecturing, imagining things beyond your knowledge. You see, you have judged this man already to be a monster, a wicked insensitive man that abandoned a pregnant girl to fend for herself. that may be true, but it may also be true that he really didn't know anything about the girl or her pregnancy! You cant just think the worst of people or else someone might do the same to you!

Over the years our family have been trying to locate Chioma and my brother's son. Unfortunately he doesn't have more information about Chioma apart from what I have said here. (Obviously not trying hard enough, cos if they did, a simple backward trace will certainly locate the girl in question)Lol, really? Do you remember how things were in 1993? Its very possible you werent even born then. I remember one occassion my family and I went to see relatives in benin and on getting there found out they were not at home. We waited for hours and eventually had to return back home because we couldnt trace thier whereabouts only to be told weeks later that they went for wedding. Its not like now even a tomato seller has an android phone talkless of GSM.

But I believe in the power of nairalanders. Please help.

Please this child was never neglected, my brother just didn't have a way to contact him or his mother. We want him to reunite with his father's family and to compensate Chioma for years of sacrifice, although no amount of money can repay her. (Where did he even say he was asking for forgiveness . . . he wants to 'compensate her'. For what? For bringing her shame and abandoning her to raise a child all on her own? For those years and nights she spent carrying the burden of a child alone? For the betrayal and pains of regret he put her through all these years. Can he really compensate for that . . . the answer is NO. This is why we advised the OP to seek for forgiveness instead of 'compensation') And yet in mentioning compensation he says with his next breath "although no amount of money can repay her". And did you count how many times he said please? and did you read the part where he said it was never a case of abandonment (sic.neglected) as the boy had no way of contacting her back then? Why are you sounding like you have been abandoned yourself, that's what i dont get? He already said he cannot compensate for that, that was what the phrase "although no amount of money can repay her" meant.

And inspite of all the above, the op has agreed he is at fault, he is not defending himself or saying its possible the baby isn't his. He even has two sons so doesn't need the boy per se. HE is just feeling guilty and haunted by his conscience which shows he is NOT the monster you all are trying to portray him to be; after all, there are a lot of men out there who wouldn't give two cents if they have a million abandoned kids out there, less responsibility for them. Here is someone attempting to do the right thing by his boy and you guys are here crucifying him like you really care for the boy or would give him money if he were to come online to nairaland to beg for school fees. Abeg jo.


Mods please help post in front page. Anybody who may know a story similar to above please contact me.

Ujoan:


@ RiloKiley

(see my comments in bracket/bold above)

I know men are all the same.(No we are not, actually) I can't even say that my dear husband would have acted any different (). . . . but we just want to point out to you guys that you need to be sensitive when dealing with people.(And the op was. On more than one occasion he was polite, humble, accepted his error and pleaded for help. Dont know what other sensitivity you mean Maybe you can give an example, after all we learn everyday) Lives have been affected and all you can talk about is money. That's cold!

I know you looked at the post and saw money and USA. I looked at it and saw wickedness and selfishness . . . both from the guy and his family.(Your understanding of stuff is harmful)

Now 23 years later he expects money to make it ALL okay . . . I wish it were that easy. (No, you wish it could be more difficult, that's what you really mean. You are hoping it wont be that easy. The issue is...Its none of your business. Its chioma that will make that decision. Kindly let her do so. Thanks.)

yetseyi:
Rilokiley is vexing, Bros don't let such bother you pls.

I have observed that a lot of Family nairalanders actually don't know how to advise, express displeasure, correct an opinion, educate or even post a superior arguement without snide comments or direct/subtle insults and I just wonder.

I have seen this happen several times, just yesterday I saw one of such threads.


If someone comes to post emotional issues and you make the mistake of mentioning finances you begin to read comments like "oya drop acc no"," he will soon ask for money" etc and the person has not even asked at least let him ask first.


Its really terrible, I really don't understand why people feel they must sound condescending to state an opinion.

baby124:

Sorry to say but your father in law has always been a foolish and weak man. Reason why he can have 2 kids outside his marriage and a kid he had outside can break his marriage. I don't blame your MIL for what she did. It may look wicked, but she knew who and what she married which is probably her biggest mistake. Any woman will do anything to preserve her home. Plus as soon as that girl started causing trouble if your FIL had any sense he would have put his foot down and fought to keep his own home. Seems your FIL is a weak man that likes to tell emotional stories and gives excuses which has probably turned your MIL into the witch. Anyone that read your story can tell the man has got some very serious issues.

You think it's cake for your husband to show up and say he has two kids outside during your marriage? What!? You really should be worried about your home if that is the kind of man that raised your husband and your husband is on his side? This is not an insult. I would be. At the end of the day, your MIL was partially right, one of the kids were not his! Obviously this man was fond of following women of very easy virtue. She knew the lazy useless goat she married, who is still in a 1 bedroom. Makes me almost assume she was even the bread winner. Who would have paid for a biological kid that was not her husband's if she didn't take her earlier action.

RiloKiley:


Please do not project your insecurities on me. I wasnt the one offended because the op said he was rich and in america. You guys were. That's all you saw, Rich, America, and immediately you thought he was trying to show off, so much so that you think going to america is an "achievement".

@bolded, lol, sure they are. Whatever makes you sleep better at night.

Askseek:


Did you see any where in my post where I said he was not foolish, weak or that he related all these to me? You make a lot of assumptions but you might want to take a step back to grasp what I am trying to communicate to the op. As for my mil, yes not a piece of cake for your husband to have kids outside however when you consciously maneuver to cut said kids off then it is cruelty. He would have taken care of his kids, they were his responsibility not hers. Depriving them of any contact with their father benefitted her how? Her kids she tried so hard to protect have abandoned both she and her husband, so what did she gain? When after almost thirty years you try to right a wrong, then you sit this girl down to tell her, her mother took advantage of your husband and that's the only she was born, that is beyond cruel. So please, that she was partially right does not exonorate her, she was actually sure the boy was her husbands child and she was not sure of the girl. If there was no guilt why go back after so many years. If she was not cruel, why the guilt? Why the sleepless nights? She spearheaded the whole we must right this wrong that was done. She stuck with a man that could not keep it in his pants hence her cross to bear. You skipped where I said two kids that could be tracked down. I did not talk about the ones for whom she procured abortions for in the name of "they want to spoil my marriage".
By the way, calling him my fil in no way implies he raised my husband. it's a title accorded because he fathered him simple. I refuse to be offended at your not so subtle jab at me "I should be worried about my husband", thanks for your concern but no thanks. I am fine here, been fine with this man I've spent a total of 23 years with. Not everyone is a reflection of their home. I have not had cause to regret my choice and dont expect to.

One more thing, the only person who enjoys regaling anyone who will listen about this sordid story is my mil not fil as you assumed.

RiloKiley:

My dear, its terrible! I actually had to log out for a while to clear my head. What is all the ill-will for? Do they know how much that boy misses his father or desperately seeks a father-figure, someone he can call his own? Do they know how many fathers who wouldn't even return for their sons?
Anyway, moving on.

Fellow nairalanders, I must say that I have been impressed with the way this website and it's members have worked to reunite families together.

I am hoping that you can do the same for my family.

My older brother who is now successful in the USA had a son sometime in 1993 with a neighbors sister who was his "secret girlfriend" in those days. In those days, you can't have a girl friend openly if you are not married. My family didn't allow things like that. (Was it really important to open with that? Leading with that gives the impression that he sees that as an incentive. Is that even necessary to mention at all if not for the fact that he intends to dangle it before them like a bone to a dog)
All I see is a young man explaining that he is now successful enough to take care of the woman and child he "abandoned", probably the reason he "abandoned" them in the first place. Remember he said he was not even aware she was pregnant for him.


He was a young graduate then living in the boys quarters of my sister's house at 40 Gerard Road Ikoyi.

The girl in question was living in the neighborhood with her brother who worked as a driver with Shell.

Her name is Chioma and she is from Ngwa in Abia State. It was an unplanned pregnancy.

The son must have been born sometime between September and November 1993.

Unfortunately my brother didn't know that Chioma was pregnant when he left Lagos for Immigration course in Kano for 9 months. Please note that there were no cell phones or emails readily available in those days. (Notice how he mentions the course was a 9-month course? . . . Just the right time to 'cook' a baby) What has this point got to do with anything? Would there have been a difference if it was 3 months, or a year?. You saying "'cook' a baby' sounds spiteful. Are you saying he was deliberately absent until the baby was born? What would that have achieved if he was planning to abandon her as you are trying to imply? Wouldn't have simply been more logical if he had never returned?

It was after he returned about two years to the area that people told him what happened and by that time Chioma was gone from the area and he didn't have any more information to contact her. (Now 2-years from 9 months. So for two whole years he didn't return to is sister's house or see her at all) 2 years, 9months, it doesnt matter. Has nothing to do with the subject of discussion.

Before Chioma left Lagos, she brought the boy to our big sister, who adviced her to return months later when my brother will be around, but Chioma was probably sent back to the village by her brother and never returned. (So even the sister didn't see her brother for two whole years and tell him that Chioma came calling with a son? I bet she did . . . but it just wasn't important to him . . . probably had better things to do)And this is you conjecturing, imagining things beyond your knowledge. You see, you have judged this man already to be a monster, a wicked insensitive man that abandoned a pregnant girl to fend for herself. that may be true, but it may also be true that he really didn't know anything about the girl or her pregnancy! You cant just think the worst of people or else someone might do the same to you!

Over the years our family have been trying to locate Chioma and my brother's son. Unfortunately he doesn't have more information about Chioma apart from what I have said here. (Obviously not trying hard enough, cos if they did, a simple backward trace will certainly locate the girl in question)Lol, really? Do you remember how things were in 1993? Its very possible you werent even born then. I remember one occassion my family and I went to see relatives in benin and on getting there found out they were not at home. We waited for hours and eventually had to return back home because we couldnt trace thier whereabouts only to be told weeks later that they went for wedding. Its not like now even a tomato seller has an android phone talkless of GSM.

But I believe in the power of nairalanders. Please help.

Please this child was never neglected, my brother just didn't have a way to contact him or his mother. We want him to reunite with his father's family and to compensate Chioma for years of sacrifice, although no amount of money can repay her. (Where did he even say he was asking for forgiveness . . . he wants to 'compensate her'. For what? For bringing her shame and abandoning her to raise a child all on her own? For those years and nights she spent carrying the burden of a child alone? For the betrayal and pains of regret he put her through all these years. Can he really compensate for that . . . the answer is NO. This is why we advised the OP to seek for forgiveness instead of 'compensation') And yet in mentioning compensation he says with his next breath "although no amount of money can repay her". And did you count how many times he said please? and did you read the part where he said it was never a case of abandonment (sic.neglected) as the boy had no way of contacting her back then? Why are you sounding like you have been abandoned yourself, that's what i dont get? He already said he cannot compensate for that, that was what the phrase "although no amount of money can repay her" meant.

And inspite of all the above, the op has agreed he is at fault, he is not defending himself or saying its possible the baby isn't his. He even has two sons so doesn't need the boy per se. HE is just feeling guilty and haunted by his conscience which shows he is NOT the monster you all are trying to portray him to be; after all, there are a lot of men out there who wouldn't give two cents if they have a million abandoned kids out there, less responsibility for them. Here is someone attempting to do the right thing by his boy and you guys are here crucifying him like you really care for the boy or would give him money if he were to come online to nairaland to beg for school fees. Abeg jo.


Mods please help post in front page. Anybody who may know a story similar to above please contact me.

RiloKiley:

My dear, its terrible! I actually had to log out for a while to clear my head. What is all the ill-will for? Do they know how much that boy misses his father or desperately seeks a father-figure, someone he can call his own? Do they know how many fathers who wouldn't even return for their sons?
Anyway, moving on.

crackhaus:

Interesting...

At least someone is being helpful.

kaziblake:
I know a lady in my street bearing chioma with a 23yrs old son born outside wedlock...she told us how the man family rejected her and how she and her new husband suffered to train him in school but if she is the one you guys are talking about,just forget it.
1,Your brother is heartless and I won't show or tell her anything about this post..God has redeem himself in their life and the boy is done with school.

Just forget about him

Karma is a b!tch

kaziblake:
I just saw the gibberish you wrote and in your mind you think you made sense?
Yes!i know the chioma and I asked her some things stylishly and I can confirmed right now that she is the one.