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Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo - Literature - Nairaland

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Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo- Episode 1 / Tales Of Abigail / [story] My Life As A Yahoo Boy (2) (3) (4)

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Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Viciyoung(m): 4:14pm On Aug 17, 2016
Author of this work is Christian C. Ozor

Episode 1..

I had always looked at myself as a child of promise. Even my mom use to say it; That when I was born, the chief Iman of Ilorin came and prayed for me. He prophesied into my life that I will do well and achieve great things at a very young age. He also said that my parents will be elevated. But now am wondering what has gone wrong about those prophesies? What is holding them back? Why has it not come to pass. The worse part of it is that my dad died when I was 5. The elevation prophesy sef, even if say e come, na only my mama go come chop inside! Or maybe the gods are punishing my family because we later converted from Muslim to Christian religion!
All that were my thought. My heart was bitter. I just dey regret. Na who send me go write JAMB! Na who send me go even write the FUNAAB Post UTME! If I had known I would have saved that money and use it for better things as my mother had suggested. I no hear. Na so I use the money go write JAMB. And that would be the second time I was writing JAMB and passing through, yet no money for tuition fees. No money to further. I wrote one the previous year and choose University of Ibadan. I passed the Jamb but there was no common N3000 to process my Post UTME. Chaiiii, poverty bad. I encouraged myself. My mom had earlier said I should give up on going to school, that there was no money to see me through. Yes, I saw her point but I was hoping for a miracle to happen. I was just believing that I would just see a tree full of money and start plucking them. Or maybe meeting a helper that would say, “Let me just train you through your higher institution.”
I had saved up to N45, 000 the past year. I gave my best at where I worked just to see I save money for my school. My mom who was into Akara business. She had been complaining about her eye problem. Out of the N45,000, I gave her N12,000 to go for treatment. Money don short nah. But I was determined that I won’t lose that admission. I must enter university this time. No going back, whether money dey or not.
That was how my mom nearly closed down her Akara business that she was raising fund for me to go to school. She borrowed N27, 000 from the cooperative group she was. Plus the one I had. I went to Federal University Of Agriculture Abeokuta (Funaab), paid my admission acceptance fee, school fees and other fees. We never even start to dey talk accommodation sef. The guy I was squatting with had graduated and he was leaving the room the next weekend. I had earlier asked if he would leave some few things for me. He said he couldn’t, that he needed money badly so he wants to sell them. Even if the guy leave am for me, how I wan take pay for accommodation sef! He has really tried. I met him when I came to write my post UTME. I didn’t even know anybody in Abeokuta. But he was God sent. He harboured me for 4 days and I still came back, he was still harbouring me. He said the rent would be due the next two weeks.
So after paying the necessary fees, I had to go back home to sort myself on accommodation and feeding, refresh and come back to campus fully the next week to resume.
When I got home, things were not so good at all. My mom was down with malaria. I know say she go don dey think how she go take pay back the money wey she borrow from cooperative. And even her crumbling business, coupled with all the irony of life. I only had N430 left with me at that moment inside my pocket. I had to rush to the chemist shop to get my mom drugs. I called one of our relatives in Offa and updated her on what was happening to my mom.
3 days later, it seemed my mom was recovering gradually. I withdrew the last N5, 000 in my account and went to buy provisions and food stuffs. There was nothing much at home. At least, even if say person poor, that does not mean say we no go chop better food.
A day before travelling back to Abeokuta, I went to the place I worked before leaving. My former Oga wey like me wella. He gave me N2,000. I told him I was going back to school. Some of my paddies still dash me small money. I calculated everything and it amounted to N3, 450.
“Gbadebo! Gbadebo!!” my mom called. I was outside chatting with a friend when he called. I came into the room. “Gbadebo,” she said. “Ma,” I answered. She brought out some squeezed naira notes from the edge of her wrapper were she tied it. She handed them over to me. I counted them and It was N3, 500. “Kosi owo. Manage elei.” She said I should manage it that there was no money. Infact, she even tried. I couldn’t say anything. As I took the money, I went to bed to sleep, thinking of how my 4 year journey would look like in Funaab with my poverty condition.
The next morning, I arranged my only travelling bag, which doubles as my school bag. I only had few clothes which I inserted into the bag, with the only foot wear I had, my pam slippers, na im I go wear go back. “I am going to school.” person wey see me go think say I dey joke. Na only 2 trousers and 5 shirts wey I get I put inside my bag. I didn’t have time to buy many things because I was saving to go to school. The only mobile phone we had, a small touchlight phone. I had to leave it with my mom. I told her I would be calling from a business center. It was better for me that way so I could be reaching out to her rather than me taking the phone to school.
I looked my mom into the eye as I was about leaving for the park. She looked worried seeing me leave. “I guessed she was worried how I would cope.” I hugged her and left to the park where I would be boarding a car to Ibadan. As I entered one of the cars going to Ibadan, I wasn’t happy. My heart was filled with too many weird thoughts that I didn’t even know when the car got filled up, I paid and we left.
On the road to Ibadan, “I thought about my life.” After paying for my transportation, I was only left with N4,450. We never get to Ibadan ooo. I have not even talked about my accommodation. Where will I even stay? How will I feed sef? And I go even pay transport go school. As all those thoughts were flipping through my mind, tears ran down my eyes. The woman sitting close to me was the one that even called my attention. She asked what was wrong with me that I shed tears. And we were sitting at the front seat opposite the driver. I had to bring out my handkerchief from my pocket and whipped my face. I don’t even know what to tell the woman. I wished she was Jesus that could just take my burden away. Well, I told her that it’s just some family related issues that was making me shed tears. “Family issues keh!” she said. She spoke in Yoruba language. She asked what kind of family issue was that. I no wan tell her. One don’t just go around telling people their problems. I felt reluctant telling her. “Part of me said I should open up to her while another part of me said I should not. She seemed to be asking genuinely but she’s just a random person. Even if I tell her, will she adopt me or give me N1m.” I just told her that the money I was giving to for my school was not enough. Immediately I said that, almost every one inside the car busted into laughter. Part of me was like, “You see, you see wetin I tell you. You should have not told her.” I began regretting saying it out. The woman laughed uncontrollable in a mocking tone. “Is that the family problem,” she asked. She said there are some people their own case was worse so mine was even not a case. By then, I just wished she knew more about my own case. As other people in the car were talking, some gisting and telling stories of how their children survive in higher institution. I just ignored them. “No be their own e dey me sef. I went back into deep thoughts that I didn’t even know when we got to Ibadan. The woman beside me called my attention when she was alighting. She was kind enough to give me N500. I accepted it graciously and thanked her as she told me not to cry. She left. Well, N500 will definitely go a long way.
Na so I take car wey dey enter Abeokuta. It dropped me in a popular spot called “Camp,” a road leading to Funaab. The place I am squatting.
When I got to the house where I was squatting. The guy don almost empty the house. He had almost sold everything in the room. The room was virtually empty. He said he was finally leaving that evening back to Lagos and the only thing he left for me was a wall hanger. The foam, he said some one was coming to pick it. Not quite long I came in, the person came and carried it. Na so everybody for the compound dey hail am as he dey leave. He said he had told the landlord that he was leaving. The rent was expiring the next 3 weeks and if I wasn’t going to renew, I should leave because the landlord na “No-nonsense” man.
Na so My guy com finally leave. I began thinking of how to raise N24, 000 for the room. And the house was arguably one of the cheapest and very neat in the area.
As I slept that night, i went into deep thoughts again. At a time I felt like just giving up and going back to Ilorin. But I just had to keep calm.
I told myself that I would try as much to be friendly with the neighbors since the original guy who owns the room had left. There were about 4 rooms in the compound. 3 rooms were occupied by thee females while the remaining one was occupied by my guy that left. I don’t really know much of the girls neither have I had a reasonable conversation with them except but one of them, Adaobi. When I was paying for my school fee and other registration, she congratulated me and welcomed me to Funaab. She said she was in 200Level. Na she be the only person wey I don talk to. The other two girls, I just dey greet them dey waka. But I knew that one of them was Emmanuella. Most times they do call her Nuella. And the other Bola. My guy used to call them by their names before he left.
The next morning, I woke up in the empty room. As my guy don waka make he go find him destiny. As I stood up, it looked as if my whole body was hit with hammer. Body dey pain me. That’s the danger of sleeping on ordinary floor. I brought out my tooth paste, took the remaining sachet water left from the one I drank the previous day. I went outside to brush my teeth. I saw Adaobi. I greeted her and she was just hailing me. “Fresher! Freshest fresher,” she asked when the matriculation would hold, and I told her. “I know you will be missing bode(my guy that had left),” she said. I laughed timidly. She was trying to be friendly as we talked. She asked when I would start buying things into the room. Hmmm, I didn’t even know how to reply her. “How I wished she knew my predicament.” “Even the house sef, I don’t have money to rent it. I just dey stay come dey hope say miracle go happen.” Well I told her that I would soon start buying my own things. As we were just talking, Bola came out of the room, “Gbadebo fresher, you have landed! Welcome to Alabata,” Bola shout and we laughed.
The first two weeks was very difficult for me. I was so worried about accommodation. I wanted to make good friends who could just help me out. I have heard that it was not easy getting some body to squat with. Though I had not been open up to any one. I can’t just go out and start telling random people my problem. I just want to make new and good friends I could confide in.” The empty house I was staying, the rent was nearing expiry day and I don’t know what to do. Adaobi was very helpful even though I was yet to tell her what I was passing through. When going to school, if I meet her at the mancot stand where the school costal big bus picks student to school. If we enter together, she would always pay for me. All that prompted me to open up to her one particular evening when she told me that the landlord of the house came and wanted to put new tenants. So they had asked me to vacate the place immediately since I wasn’t ready to renew bode’s rent.” Na so I begin tell her my challenges, how things be for house and I couldn’t even afford rent oo. Adaobi pitied and encouraged me. Infact she even gave me food that night o. I couldn’t even tell her to come stay with her. I felt it was gross. But she herself said she would have accommodated me but because of her boyfriend who normally comes around which won’t be good for their relationship.
This particular Wednesday which was the matriculations day. I didn’t even have the N1000 to pay for the matriculation gown. Na so I just sit don for house.
In the evening when Bola came to me and asked that I should give them my own matric package. I tell them say I no do anything ooo in terms of refreshment. Say money no dey. She said she was going to a friend’s own that invited her for matric party. She gave me her phone to help plug it when Emmanuella puts on her generator. And she left.
Na so Emmanuella on Gen oo. Na only her get Generator since my guy left. I and Emmanuella, we no dey too dey talk. Its just “Good morning! Good morning” that only brings us together.
As I knocked and entered her house with bola’s phone to charge it. As she saw me, na so this girl shout.
Emmanuella – Saaahh, what is this Ilorin native doctor doing in my house.
I began wondering who she was talking to. Na so I turn make I look whether anyone was at my back. But none. Na me this girl dey talk to ooo. She was referring to me as “Ilorin native doctor.” She started shouting and yelling at me and asked me to leave her room with my dirty, smelly, poverty cursed body. This girl come begin abuse me oo. She Said I am an insane destitute and looked like my sick mother in Ilorin. I wondered who told her that my mom was ill. I remembered confiding in Adaobi about my situation. So na so she go tell her. Na so water begin com out for my eye as I enter my empty room. I started thinking about my life. As I cried, I remembered it has been over a week I called my mom. I only had N400 with me. If that one finish, only God know were I go take get another money. I just wanted to hear my mom’s voice. Each time I was down she normally consoles me, encourages me even when I try to give up.
As I was sitting inside weeping, I heard adaobi calling my name from outside. I immediately wiped my eyes. I didn’t want anyone to know I was crying. She immediately came into the room. I guessed she was just coming back from school. She asked why I was just alone inside the room. I told her I was just resting. Even though I felt angered by what she had done, telling emmanuella some few things I told her about myself. “Only God knew how many people she had already told”. I asked Adaobi if she could spare me a few minutes from her airtime to call my mom, that’s if she has. She graciously gave me her phone and I called my mom. Mom told me she was feeling better. I love my mom to the core. She had always been my best friend and I do confide in her. During the course of the call, I told her how someone (Emmanuella) abused a hell out of me. She herself felt my pain. She encouraged me. I also told her that I was broke. Mommy tell me say house just dey empty and nothing dey house. Even if say I come, I no go see anything collect. But how I go take see money even come sef! After the call, I gave adaobi her phone and also Bola’s so she can go help her charge it at Nuella’s room. My guy that left had always said that nuella was very proud someone. “Maybe because she came from a well-to-do family. She feels she’s better than everyone else.” Well na so I stay for my poverty stricken empty room. After a while, I went out and bought 3 bottles of soft drinks. “ I thought that In as much I was poor, I don’t have money that does not mean I can’t do things for people”. Adaobi dey try for me wella. Bola too is doing well too. I got the bottles of drink and gave to Adaobi to share among Bola and nuella. I was only left with N130. At least I don do well to celebrate my matric. Few minutes later, Adaobi returned Nuella’s drink saying she said she wasn’t taking. Na so me drink the thing.
The next morning, I went to school a bit late. I met my departmental colleagues submitting one general course assignment to my Head of class (HOC). I had done mine but forgot it at home. Na so I rush come re-do the thing again. After doing it na so one guy see my procedures and answers. He asked how I got it because someone told him that the lecturer in charge had hinted them about the answers which was what I had. He said he had being going around but no one had gotten the exact answer the lecturer talked about except me. Me sef, I no sure say I dey class when the lecturer dey hint them answers. Na so this guy collect my book come do copy-n-paste. He copied what I wrote into his own booklet. He thanked me and went his way.
The next day, another lecturer gave us another assignment to submit the upper week.
The next week came and was about to submit my assignment to my HOC when I met the guy that copied my work the previous week. “Baba I don dey find you since,”...
what is he looking for me for??
To be continued from Episode 2...............................

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Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by alorax2(f): 4:28pm On Aug 17, 2016
Op wey episode 2 na?
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Teniolasmart: 4:59pm On Aug 17, 2016
dont do like other writers that can kill somebody with suspense oooooooooooooooooooooooo....................................na beg i dey beg ooooooooooo
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Viciyoung(m): 10:33pm On Aug 17, 2016
Episode 2..


The next week came and was about to submit my assignment to my HOC when I met the guy that copied my work the previous week. “Baba I don dey find you since,” he said to me. “Find me keh! Shey you wan arrest me?” I asked. He said he was looking for me to also copy my answers for the current assignment I had done. I laughed and told him I haven’t done it but will soon do it. He asked for my number and I told him my phone was stolen and I was yet to recover my sim card. He said his name was Uchenna. I told him mine. Well, he said he was going somewhere that he would come and check on me at that place. Immediately he left, I did the assignment. He came back some minutes later and did the usual “Copy and paste” too. He thanked me and left.
When I got back home to my empty room. I met some people in the room. I guessed they came to check out the room. I asked them and they said they indeed are checking out the room before making payments. Na so I come dey fear. “I had prayed and fasted for people not to pack into the room for the main time so as to give me opportunity to stay. But it seemed my prayers were far from answer.” According to the guy I met, if things works out, he would pay and move in the next week. “The accommodation had giving me too many worries, coupled that I have no money. Adaobi had been the one feeding me. Sometimes bola would give me N10 for my mancot transport to school.”
As I was busy thinking all that. I went outside and saw Uchenna passing by. He asked if that was the place I was staying. And I told him “yes,” He asked if I had done the new assignment given to us that day. I tell am say I never do am. Perhaps na typing work and I don’t have money, and the submission date was still a bit far. “But you know the procedures wella?” uchenna asked. “Ofcourse” I told him I knew it. He said he would come to see me the next day which was a Saturday.
The next day. Uchenna came, he met me outside. Na so the guy land my house with one guy like that. He and the guy was just teasing themselves. He was calling the guy Warri idol. Uchenna was hailing me. He was telling the guy that i am very intelligent. “This guy know book die. Na book full him head,” uchenna said referring to me. I laughed. Immediately they entered the empty room, “Chaaiii, na dis place you dey stay?” the other guy asked. “Yes ooo,” I replied. They thought I was just joking as they laughed. They cracked joke about it as they brought out their laptops from their bags. “Chaiii, these ones get lappy. Ordinary phone sef I no get,” I thought to myself. Both of them were funny guys. And I got to know the other guys name was Abisoko. Na im make Uchenna dey call am warri idol because he’s from Delta state. We did the assignment together. After about 4 hours at my place, when they were leaving, I decided to follow them to their house which was close to the school gate.
When we got there, it was a family house with 2 big rooms and a large parlour. Na there uchenna tell me say him mama na from Ogun state and his dad was from Arochukwu in Abia state. So the house he was staying was his late grandfather’s house(man that gave birth to his mother). So he no dey pay house rent. He stays in one room while Abisoko stays in the other room. Na only Abisoko dey pay for rent. Immediately, part of me asked me to tell him if he could help so I could come and squat with them. Another part of me said I shouldn’t, that I should just be calm and exercise patience. The other part of me that asked me to voice out my problems was like, “Gbadebo! You are a fool oo. You will soon die in silence and timidity. Tell this people you are looking for accommodation now so if they can help out.” I am a kind of person that likes observing people before moving close to them. I try to be careful. “But it looked as if two people in me were arguing and fighting, either for me to speak out or shut up.” Something in me said I shouldn’t be afraid, that this is school life and nothing was going to happen.
I obeyed my other voice that said I should keep calm. I stayed in their house and even slept off. When I woke up, it was some minutes past 10pm. The generator was on and uchenna and Abisoko were watching film with their various laptops. I told them I was going, they told me it was very late and I can’t find any car going to camp. They asked me to stay back and go the next morning. They even made me feel comfortable as they offered me food. Jellof rice and egg. Chaiii, and I dey terribly hungry. Na so I chop the thing oooo. As I dey chop the rice, something in me started talking. “You see wetin I tell you, this guys are nice people. They will not harm you. Them even give you food chop. Tell them and they would allow stay.” I kept calm and continued eating. Another thought sprang up and told me not to tell them.
The next morning, I opened up to Uchenna all I was going through concerning my accommodation. Infact, he told me that I was most highly welcome into the house. Abisoko said I can stay in any of the rooms. Either in Uchenna’s own or his. Chaiiii, na so I happy ooooo come go camp. When I got to camp, I found my bag and clothes outside.
Why is my bag outside
... .....To be continued from Episode 3........... .
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Viciyoung(m): 8:07am On Aug 18, 2016
Episode 3 continues....
The next morning, I opened up to Uchenna all I was going through concerning my accommodation. Infact, he told me that I was most highly welcome into the house. Abisoko said I can stay in any of the rooms. Either in Uchenna’s own or his. Chaiiii, na so I happy ooooo come go camp. When I got to camp, I found my bag and clothes outside.
I asked bola and she said the landlord came and locked the empty room. Part of me was like, “ if you for no tell those guys, na so you for come dey find were you go stay.” Thank God say I don get house. I told bola about my new accommodation. Adaobi was not around. I collected both girls number before leaving. Thank God say I no even get load sef. I carry my only bag come go school gate for my new accommodation.
As I moved in with Uchenna and Abisoko, we became good friends. Another chapter, phase in my life began. My life never remained the same. Our story became a tale of great friends, Gbadebo, Uchenna and Abisoko.
As I began staying with Uchena and Abisoko, I came to know more about them. Uchenna was in Biological Science Department. He’s family were Okay financially. He said his parents were late but has an uncle who is a business man in Aba. The uncle sponsors his education. Uchenna loves clothes and accessories and love to live a lifestyle of the rich with girls chasing him. He has a caring heart but also a good liar. The kind of lies he tells makes Alhaji Lia a saint. He loves money a lot and with a bold attitude. He’s social with. He sugar coated mouth. He did pre-degree 2 times and failed. The final one he did, he finally passed which gave him admission into FUNAAB. He doesn’t like going to school. Copy and paste be him own.
Abisoko himself is from Ijaw in Delta state but their family is based in Lagos. He’s in the same department with me, Microbiology. His dad is a retired civil servant in one of the Lagos state ministry. His mom was a police officer.
As time went on, I noticed that Abisoko and Uchenna don’t read. After school hours, they play computer games, go to Osiele to mate with prostitutes. They discuss about the richest students, the ones that has the baddest cars, the ones into yahoo (internet scam) and even the ones wey dey do Google sef. They often mingle with guys with big cars. Me sef, I no wan talk too much, na them dey feed me for the house, accommodate me. They even pay my transportation fee. It made me not to really want to talk to them. Infact, Abisoko dash me one small phone make I dey use sef. Let it not be that they are helping me and I was being ungrateful. Sometimes they bring girls all the way from Moshood Abiola polytechnic(Mapoly). The girls would spend the weekend. Them go dey call me “jew, holly-pass.” I didn’t want to go into that kind of life.
This particular weekend, I wasn’t doing anything at home. Uchenna and Abisoko were preparing to go to Mapoly. They demanded I follow them. I didn’t want it to look as if I was always keeping to myself. Knowing fully well that Uchenna has a sugar coated mouth. He tried to convince me that I should be free. In as much that I was there to read, that does not mean I shouldn’t be social, meet new people. “He said they were not going there to bring back girls to sleep with. They were only going to see somebody who was having her birthday party that day.” Uchenna’s words did the magic, I quit agree with what he said about being a loner. I decided to follow them. Infact Abisoko dashed me one of the new clothes he bought. He even gave me his canvas to put on. Na so I join them and we waka enter ojere, Mapoly for the birthday bash.
Na so we reach there, come see bump shots display. I had never seen women dressed so badly in real life, only in movies. Even for Funaab sef, the ladies their dressing are moderate. This one for Mapoly na hell fire. Ladies were drinking themselves to stupor. My guys just dey order for alcohol, me I tell them say na soft drink. They said no soft drink. Everything wey dey there na alcohol. Abisoko said I should take smirnoff , that it doesn’t contain much alcohol. I told him I can’t. He started showing me some ladies that were taking smirnoff. Some sef don take like 7 bottles. He also showed me those that were taking heavy alcoholic drink. Abisoko said those people who are not into alcohols or heavy alcoholic drinks, they go for smirnoff. Na so Uchenna with him sweet mouth come. He convinced me that I should atleast take something. Infact he came along with the person celebrating the birthday. They said smirnoff no go do me anything. I finally tell them make them bring the smirnoff. Them bring am and I drank it. I loved it.
After the birthday celebration, so many were so drunk. I told my guys, Uchenna and Abisoko that we should leave. Uchenna said I should hold on a little bit that he wants to meet someone very important. And I began wetin. After about 30 minutes, people had already started leaving. Uchenna came to me. We began looking for Abisoko. We no know where he enter. I called his number but it was not going through. Na so we dey outside. I come dey see cars wey line up. Young guys in their mid-20s. They were entering their various cars and leaving. Me sef look am, think say poverty na bastard. I wished I had that kind of money. Uchenna told me that one of them was his secondary school mate whom he just collected his mobile number. He was the one he went to meet the other time he left us. And I asked him how they managed to acquire so much money at that young age. “Gbadebo, you no go understand. If we get home, I go gist you,” he said to me. The way uchenna talked, he was not looking happy. He looked sad.
Abisoko came out from God knows were and we left. We got home very late. It was a taxi we chattered that took us home.
When we got home, we all slept in the big parlour. Uchenna said he would be going back to his former venture, internet scam. “Yahoo yahoo! Shey you dey scam before?” I asked foolishly. “Yes nah! Only be say he no chop anything come out. Na hunger kill am comot,” Abisoko replied as we all laughed. But I was shocked, never knew Uchenna was into internet scam. “Me, I no fit do all those kind thing,” I said to them. “Dat one na you, no be me nah,” uchenna said.
As I slept that night, I wondered why my guys, good friends were doing Yahoo yahoo. Me, I no want wahala ooo. I have hear several stories of police hunting internet scammers. Since I was staying there, I no want wahala.
The next day, uchenna and Abisoko went to Mapoly. They said they want to make contact with the guys over there who will help them bounce back in scamming business.
The attitude of these two guys continued. They barely go to school. They were always in Mapoly. And each time they were coming back, they come with freshly mint naira and dollar notes. If I ask them how they got it, Abisoko would say, “Shey you no wan follow us, why you com dey ask who give us money.” Though Uchenna had earlier told me that their guys over there in Mapoly are hitting the white men so badly. Dem just dey maga dem big time. So after making huge amount of money, they would just give them (Uchenna and other friends) some small money.
I was terribly hungry this particular Saturday and there was nothing at home. Uchenna and Abisoko don leave me go Mapoly. Exam was fast approaching and I was seriously preparing for it. I wanted to go to Iya Balikis shop to get fresh pepper and tomatoes so I could prepare concoction rice. But the rice sef no dey house. I decided to go outside.
............ To be continued from Episode 4......
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Nobody: 9:02am On Aug 18, 2016
Nice one, following.....
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Hybrid01: 5:17pm On Aug 18, 2016
I am so loving this. I am still waiting for funaab's screening though.

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Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by AmNoblen: 5:51pm On Aug 18, 2016
guy best story so far. abeg bring d new part
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Viciyoung(m): 6:13pm On Aug 18, 2016
EPISODE 4 Continues....
I was terribly hungry this particular Saturday and there was nothing at home. Uchenna and Abisoko don leave me go Mapoly. Exam was fast approaching and I was seriously preparing for it. I wanted to go to Iya Balikis shop to get fresh pepper and tomatoes so I could prepare concoction rice. But the rice sef no dey house. I decided to go outside. I sat with balikis as she said her aunty was not around. Balikis has always been a wonder, smart and intelligent girl. She was in SS 2 and should be 15 years (my guess) of age. Each time there was no food in the house, me and other guys would try to beg and persuade she and her aunty to give us rice and other food stuffs to cook. They do give to us and most especially when her aunty is not around.
That Saturday I was hungry, I went to her own and she said her aunty had gone to major bush market to get tomatoes and other vegetables. Na so I seat down for there shop come start to dey gist. And Balikis dey very friendly. We talked about so many things from Funaab to what she plans on becoming when she grows up. As we were gisting, some guys sharing flyers came to us and gave us. It was about internet business and forex trade training. They started explaining how someone can make huge amount of money by trading forex and going into other internet online business. The guy talking to us was so convincing. “I had always wanted to go into online business. Not the Yahoo yahoo Uchenna and Abisoko were into. Na genuine one me wan go into but I didn’t know how to go about it. The guy said his name was bayo. He said it was an opportunity for students like us to come for the training and learn more. At least before graduating, if we are serious about forex, we go don build houses, buy cars.
I had been hearing about the forex trading for a long time. How people have been making serious cash from it. And even a guy I heard who was the richest student in Funaab was said to be into the forex trading. Them say the guy don buy houses, get landed properties. Sometimes when I see the guy coming to school. He comes with convoy sef, he and his friends. I even heard he bought his girlfriend a very sophisticated car. That was why Abisoko would always argue with people whether it was truly the guy was into forex or he was adding another thing. Because the was not just adding, he just dey multiply. He buys cars and houses and they call him the king of forex on campus.
I asked the bayo a couple of questions which he answered in his own way. He even talked about liberty reserves, E-gold, sales and buying. He told me the seminar was free for students if we have valid ID cards, and it would be taking place in camp the coming Saturday. Na so I happy ooo.
In the evening, I was seating in the parlour when Abisoko and uchenna returned from Mapoly. Na so dem begin narrate wetin happen and how they were given $1000 dollar each by one of their friends you dey who was a yahoo boy. “$1000!” I screamed. “Dey there, shebi I tell you make you follow us. You just dey dey do like odoyo,” Abisoko said. “How come dem come dey dash una money like this,” I asked. “Dat one na stupid question you dey ask,” uchenna replied. That was where the two guys began narrating how there friend duped a British woman of over N64m. As I hear “N64m” na so e be like say electric shock move for my body. I felt it wasn’t possible. She the oyibo woman na fool wey dem go just dupe am dat kind money. “Shey you never hear of wetin them dey call Yahoo plus plus?” uche said to me. Me keh, I have heard of it but I don’t know about it. I told them I don’t know about it. Na so them begin laugh me. They said they won’t tell me, I should go and find out myself. Na so these guys spread dollars for table.
The next week, these my guys don go buy new wears ooo, new phones. Na so uchenna give me him old Blackberry phone make I dey use. Infact all those days, they were not going to school. Dem don buy new modem. The kind people sef wey dey come dat house sef na die. Sometimes when I come back from school, I would see cars parked in the compound. Them wan turn the house to Yahoo yahoo villa. All man with him laptop and modem. Generator dey on. Them go call balikis if she don come back from school, she go go camp go chatter food for them. Sometimes balikis will even cook. Even this guys sef dey sleep over for the house. The generator sef dey run for 24 hours non stop.
On Friday I came back from school, I found that they got another Generator. After using one, they would drop it to rest and switch to the other one for some hours, then back to the first Generator. Dem no even send PHCN.
The next day which was a Saturday. Na so me dress up come waka go the seminar wey dem invite me. The seminar was so great that I enjoyed it. The facilitator whose name was folarin said he helps people to trade in forex. For those who don’t have laptop and other resources to trade. He helps them to trade. I felt it was an advantage for me because I no get laptop. I didn’t even have some few resource they talked about. We all were encouraged to invest as minimum of N3,000 if we want them to trade for us. After the program, I still went to meet the folarin and collected his mobile numbers. I asked him couple of questions. He further explained to me about their investment program. That they have traded for so many people and made profits. Even commissioners, and top Government officials sef rush to them. Main looking at the man sef, the suit wey he wear. I immediately believed him because he doesn’t seem to me that he would be lying. The way the program was even organized sef, making it free. Na so I feel say they know what they are doing. Folarin said that once I put my money into the program, ‘say I put N2,000 it would be multiplying every week.’ He gave an instance where they traded for one honourable commissioner with just N100,000. “The N100,000 multiplied to N1m in just one month.” As this man talk this thing, na so my head bang, gbagaun. Chaiiiii, as the man dey talk, I dey happy. I began feeling inspired and motivated. Maybe this was where God will use to uplift my family. This would actually be a breaking point for me. Na so folarin talk say I can even get profits and still reinvest the money back into the forex market and get more money. “He said infact, many people had even started calling him from other states. Even so many people who came to the seminar had started dropping money into the investment program.” At that point, I wished I had up to N5000 at that moment with me, so I could invest. But shishi, shingbyn I no get. Folarin also gave me some other investment sites that I could trade with E-gold, buy and sell the online currency. Na so I rush back home feeling happy.
When I got home, all the yahoo boys, including my room makes were asleep with Generator on. And PHCN don bring light. I changed over from Gen to PHCN and switched off the Generator. I woke Uchenna and asked him to borrow me N5,000. He asked me what I want to use the money for, I told him. He said he doesn’t have money. I asked Abisoko and he said the same thing too. I vex ooo. I felt they were wicked and don’t want to help me. They want to run me down and that was why they always encourage me to join their Yahoo business. They don’t want me to do a genuine business. I felt they have money but don’t want to give to me.
Later in the evening, they were all laughing at me. One of the yahoo boy, his name was John, said that the business seminar I went for, the organizers and there works, is the same business Yahoo boys are into. He said they were just defrauding our minds. He argued that “how can they just double money in just one week.” “That its not just possible in forex and that he had done forex before.” He advised that I shouldn’t give to people my money. “Me, no be wetin I wan hear be that.” I was just feeling betrayed. This people no wan give me money. I felt they were just trying to decieve me. Me sef come dey argue say those guys are genuine. Na so dem dey laugh me. Abisoko say make I go find money from somewhere else, say he no fit give me money make I put for 419 people hand.
The next day which was a Sunday, it was a new week and a day before our examination. The 3 Yahoo guys that came from Mapoly were leaving, John gave me N3000. Abisoko and Uchenna no tell me how much he give them, but I was sure it would be more than N10,000 since I heard he maga-d one big oyibo woman of about $10,000. Na so I save the money make I take do investment. Abisoko and uchenna had still adamant in giving me any money. Na just small small money to go school and feed na im dem go just give me. Dem no wan give me up to N500 because they feel I would go invest it.
I tried as much as possible to meet up with some little money my two friends were given to me, in terms of saving. I just want to invest at least N5000 before going on break so when we resume, my money go don reach N100k. Abisoko and uchenna were still complaining that they were not able to make head way in there yahoo yahoo business. Dem never see better customer. I sometimes laughed at them. I told them that Yahoo yahoo doesn’t pay. “Make them leave the business come join folarin investment forex trading. But dem no wan gree.”
After the exam, In which I, Abisoko and Uchenna were nearly put into trouble. We sat together throughout the exam. Thank God it was an e-exam and objective questions. If I click “a” them go click “a.” If I put “b” them too will go for “b.” Them no read. Na only me dey read. We were nearly caught. Thank God the invigilator had to stay there and watch three of us.
Well the exam finished and I arranged my things to go home. I still had the N3000 john gave to me. My two guys said they were not going that week but the next. Them wan carry girls from FCE osiele and Mapoly come the house. They asked me to wait but I told them I wasn’t. But uchenna said if I can wait till Sunday, he would give me N5000. “Uchenna had no problem with money. His uncle sends him money regularly and his mapoly yahoo Uchenna sends do, because he normally hooks them up with Fce osiele girls. Sometimes his uncle sends him N20k weekly. So he could afford to just give me N5000.” Na so I think about wetin Uchenna talk. At least I fit still throw in the money for folarin investment if I waited till Sunday.
.......To be continued from Episode 5...........

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Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by alorax2(f): 8:20pm On Aug 18, 2016
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Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Viciyoung(m): 4:51pm On Aug 19, 2016
EPISODE 5 Continues…
Well the exam finished and I arranged my things to go home. I still had the N3000 john gave to me. My two guys said they were not going that week but the next. Them wan carry girls from FCE osiele and Mapoly come the house. They asked me to wait but I told them I wasn’t. But uchenna said if I can wait till Sunday, he would give me N5000. “Uchenna had no problem with money. His uncle sends him money regularly and his mapoly yahoo Uchenna sends do, because he normally hooks them up with Fce osiele girls. Sometimes his uncle sends him N20k weekly. So he could afford to just give me N5000.” Na so I think about wetin Uchenna talk. At least I fit still throw in the money for folarin investment if I waited till Sunday. And I waited.
The Friday we finished exam, Uchenna made calls to 3 girls in Fce osiele. He told them to come keep us company. Na so the girls land oo. Every guy with their own except me that was doing like a goat. The girl they asked to keep me company was chatting me up. I was just smiling sheepishly. Na so Abisoko sent me a text that read, “See guy, no let our money waste oo. If u no enter dat girl, I will break ur head.” The guys in their various rooms had spent well over an hour. But me and my own girl still dey chat. It was even boring. I guessed she was expecting me to make the final move but I was doing like okro soup. Before I knew what was happening, she pulled her clothes. “come oboy, shey na talk I come talk for here? Abi u no fit do woman?” she screamed at me. And we were in the parlour. Na so my guys open the door of their rooms wan come know wetin dey happen. It seemed they already knew. Na so my two guys carry me go wan corner, and already I don already get erection. “They were even laughing at me and saying I was pretending to be holy. Make I do the thing jare”. Shame nearly kill me ooo. Na so I finally do am, and that was my first time. No protection, I never even know wetin dem dey call “protect yourself.” And I enjoyed it.
The next day, Mapoly girls came we enjoyed ourselves. I really was enjoying the life. On Sunday, Uchenna gave me N6000. On Monday, na so I run go camp go meet them Folarin and his investment team at their office. “The Air condition wey even welcome me, I felt it was welcoming me to a millionaire paradise. Environment of the rich. Big boy loading….” I was thinking of even calling my mom to tell her that soon, her only son would soon hammer. I placed N5000 on their “small package” plan. They said I shouldn’t bother myself. I should just go and relax. That in one month time, I would be surprised of what my account would be saying. I placed the plan on 3 months. So after three months I would withdraw the money and profit. I met bayo also at the place. He told me that I can equally purchase e-gold from them, then I can also put in my money in some other online investment trading platforms. I just felt this people love me. Na so I bring out N1,500 take buy $10 in e-gold. I registered for e-gold account and my $10 was transferred to me. They showed me some sites that I could invest the money in. Na so I register for one of the site oo. Transfer the $10. According to the website, “you put your money, they trade for you.” Each day, they would be paying you profits but if they lose in the forex market, the investor loses too. “But they said they were professional traders and there was no chance of losing. Also, they are from Cyprus and headquartered in same country.” Na so I put my money. “At least, it’s easy for me to monitor my earnings from my mobile phone online,” I thought.
I got back home and borrowed N1000 from Abisoko for my transport back to Ilorin.
The next day which was Tuesday, I left Abeokuta for Ilorin. I got home, mom was looking very slim and unkept. She said she had been having leg pains. At that moment I wished I had money to take her to the hospital for better treatment. But I told her not to worry, that something was up. “When my money go come. I will even take her abroad for treatment.” I said as She smiled.
It was a three week break after the first semester examination. I really worked to save little money. But I spent extra one week before resumption. I had to complete one month of work at the former place I worked in Ilorin. So I could collect my full one month salary of N10,000. At the same time, I was monitoring my online forex investment. It was really going up. My money was increasing but at a slow pace which I didn’t like. I wanted it big. After 2 weeks, the first $10 dollar I invested gave me extra $5. I had to reinvest the $15. After another two weeks, I was having $22. I reinvested it again. Though it was small. Folarin had earlier told me that I would benefit immensely if I invest with huge amount of money.
After the break, Abisoko and Uchenna had been calling me to return. It seem they had given us assignment and they were waiting for me to come and help out. I tell them say na money hold me. Say I wan still hustle. Uchenna say make I no worry. That I should just come back as soon as possible. Say dem go support me.
I finally entered the road 2 weeks after resumption for the second semester. I met another Funaabite in Ibadan park going to Abeokuta. We entered the same car. We chatted very well. She said her name was funke and she was in Nutrition and Deities (NUD) department, 100 level. She looked cool and calm with a large upper lip that look like kpomo. “Though I saw her as someone who would be religious.” She said she went for a program in Ibadan and was returning to Abeokuta. When we got to Camp, we got down and exchanged mobile numbers while I entered a taxi and left for Gate.
I got home. Na so my guys dey hail me ooo. The next day was a Monday. And I came to Abeokuta with just N5000. Out of the N10,000 I was paid at my work place, I gave my mom N5000 to take care of herself. My Oga dashed me N2000 which i used for my transportation and the left over N5000 as pocket money.
I resumed school the next day. But part of why I resumed was to visit folarin in camp to know how my investment was doing. When I got to camp at the investment office, I was full of smiles as I walked in like a millionaire. On my mind, “Gbadebo you go soon hammer.” I met bayo there and he was hailing me with other people that came to check their investments too. I and bayo exchanged pleasantries. I asked after the big boss, Folarin. He said Folarin went to Lagos state house of Assembly under the speakers invitation to teach the legislators how to trade forex. ‘As I hear that one eeehhh,’ I come dey think, “see connection. Folarin don go international.” After about 30 minutes of waiting, one of their female staff came out and told us that their server was no longer connecting. They apologized and told us to come back the next month for that month’s account review. I was a little pained but bayo encouraged and said that we shouldn’t worry. He saw the look on my face when he met me privately. He told me that I shouldn’t worry that he even saw my account the previous day. And my money had risen to N101,045. “Chaiiii, as I hear this one eehh, na so my face change. Thunder fire poverty. Gbadebo, you are about to become wealthy person.” From N5000 to N101,045 just in over a month. I was happy and left there back home. I hoped to reinvest the money i collect.
This particular Saturday, I called funke, the girl I met the day I was coming back to Abeokuta. We talked for about 2 minutes on the phone. And I invited her to our house the next day. After dropping the call, Abisoko was impressed with the way I talked. He said I was really improving in communication skill with women. “Unlike before that I was very dull and behaving like okra soup.
The next way which was a Sunday, funke came to the house and my guys were around. He spent quite a long time. He seemed to enjoy our company and the jokes we cracked. From there I began loving her. When she left, my guys began teasing her that she has kpomo lips. That was how they started calling her “Funke kpomo lips.” Though not when she was around but in her absence. They even use it to tease me. That I love girls that have Kpomo lips.
As days went on, funke began frequenting my house. We became closer each moment we spent together. I even asked her out but she said I should hold on and give her some time. She said we should take things slowly as freinds. She refused given me an answer.
This particular Thursday, funke was in my house when my mom called that she was bitten by a deadly snake and she was terribly ill. I had to borrow money from my guys and went straight to Ilorin the next day. When I got to Ilorin, some neighbors had already taken my mom to the Hospital for treatment. “I really love my mom and don’t want anything bad happening to her.” During the course of my visit, I had planned on going back to school the next Friday.
On Monday, bayo from folarin investment called me. He asked how my online investment was doing and I told his it was doing well and infact I had a little above $100 in my account. He said that the prices of e-gold exchange rate had fallen drastically and he wanted me to be one of those that will make a big hit from it. He narrated how warren buffet made his wealth from all those opportunities. I was enjoying what he was saying but I didn’t know how it related to me. He finally said that N50 was now equivalent to $1 in e-gold exchange market and that is what they are selling. He encouraged me to buy so I could reinvest into my online investment market. As I hear that one ehh, na so I happy. And I heard that the prices fluctuates. It may be N50 for $1 and the next minute it would be N100. I told bayo that I wasn’t in town and would be coming back that weekend. And hat when I return, I will come to their office to buy.
Na so this people, bayo begin bombard me with calls ooo almost every 3 hours forcing me to come and buy e-gold. That it would soon turn to N100.
Why are this people just bombarding me with calls like this? Is there anything fishy ? Or … because the pressure was unassuming … I guess they…..
****To be continued from Episode 6****
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Viciyoung(m): 12:59am On Aug 20, 2016
EPISODE 6 Continues...
Na so this people, bayo begin bombard me with calls ooo almost every 3 hours forcing me to come and buy e-gold. That it would soon turn to N100. With all that, the pressure was on me and I no come get rest of mind again. Na so I call Abisoko make he borrow me like N5k and Uchenna N7k. At first they refused but I threatened that I won’t help them with their assignment. Them com later cool down. I called folarin and collected their account number and sent it to Uchenna to send their money into it. Na so dem folarin send me $500 in e-gold. Kaiii, I come dey happy say I don hammer. These people are indeed good people. Na so I go put the money for my investment oooo.
Unfortunately, I didn’t come back the Friday I was supposed to. I just wanted to see that my mom’s health improved to a moderate level before leaving her.
The next week, on Wednesday, I was still in Ilorin when uchenna called me that police raided folarin’s office and the guys were on the run. People had begun asking for their money at the place, and it seemed they defrauded people of their money. Immediately he told me that, I just thought.. “Kaiiii, shey I never enter one chance shah.” Uchenna said the place has been locked down for 2 days. Na so I come dey shake. “I don die!” Many thoughts began flying through my mind. “It seemed the enemies from illorin followed me to school. My village witches have succeeded. They knew I was at the edge of making millions and they want to destroy it.” Abisoko and uchenna began mocking and laughing at me and the phone.
I called bayo’s phone number and it was not going. I tried folarin’s own and it was still the same thing. “Chaiii, make e no be say this people don scam me oo,” I thought to myself.
I kept on trying their lines(Bayo and folarin) and they weren’t going through. I kept on trying till I returned to Abeokuta and went to their office and it was locked. It was dawned on me that I had been scammed by those men. When I narrated the case to Adaobi, my former housemate. She said I was lucky enough, that some people, even students invested up to N10,000, N20,000 and some N50,000. So my N5000 still small. Adaobi herslf lost N2000 to them. I just felt they were fraudsters from the pit of hell.
Now to make matters worse, I went on the internet to check my online investment, the website was no longer in existent. The Cyprus based company no dey exist again. I wan log into my e-gold account. And e-gold had been blocked and banned. “This one na one chance.” I felt sad. It looked as if something had gone out of me. I began wondering why those people did what they did to me.
Uchenna and Abisoko laugh me tire. Infact they started disturbing me to pay them their money. “And how I wan take pay?” Na them sef dey sustain me sef.
I waited for days. Days turned into weeks and yet no sign that my investment would be returned or any positive outcome. I never heard from Bayo or folarin again. I later learnt that the American Government frustrated E-gold out of Business. They shut the company down, thereby making people lose their money. “The online investment too don go.” And I began wondering, “later they would say Nigerians are scammer, na dem scam me now.” All my hope of being a millionaire in a shortest time had been dashed. My dream of driving big cars and putting my mom into a comfortable environment has been dashed.
This particular evening, Uchenna called me. He said he was expecting a visitor from Ladoke Akintola university of Technology (LAUTECH) in Ibadan. He said the guy was coming and loaded with cash. And he’s a confirm Yahoo boy with one fine toyota car like that. He said he was just telling me so I won’t invite funke Kpomo lips to the house, because the guy would be staying for 5 days with us and they would probably be bringing in some girls from FCE Osiele and Mapoly to keep us company. The 2 Generator wey we get, Abisoko don go service them. Uchenna also said that at least before the guy leaves, him go roger us small money. “But I began wondering why he would choose to stay with us. If he was that rich, he would have gone to a hotel.” When I talk this, na so my guys laugh. They said it was even a privilege for them that he would be staying there. He wanted to go to a hotel but due to the job they wanted to do together. And it was a very big job. So they begged and forced him to come stay with us. At least them too go benefit some few things from him experience of Yahoo yahoo business.
That evening, na im the guy land. The kind of car he came with, am not a car freak but it was indeed sophisticate. The guy was fresh and clean that I was even scared of having a handshake with him. I felt my hands were dirty, even say I don bath 3 times that day. Looking at the young man, one may think he was just coming from the U.S. But na Ibadan the guy dey. “Money is good,” I thought. He brought 3 laptops, modems and some other things with him. But the one wey fear me pass be say. He came with a gun. A pistol. He said it was for his private use. His name was Gbadeyan but my guys Uchenna and Abisoko called him G-money.
As he just entered the house. Na so my guys on Gen com lock the front door of the parlour, so no outsider will enter into the house.
I thought that, “as the guy G-money from Lautech don come, my guys no go go school again.” And truly, Na only me come dey go school those period. Dem go just stay house with their laptops. Night time, I go join them for car and we go enter Oke ilewo go drink and carry Ashewo come house. And I no dull myself for that one. But I don’t take alcohol. The others do. The We go out at night and bring back women each. The kind of money G-money spends on drink. “I could remember the first night we went to Okeilewo together. I ordered for fresh fish pepper soup of N800. Everyone were laughing at me. “Baba order for better thing nah, G-money will pay. Abi you dey fear?” Gmoney said. I told him that I wasn’t afraid only that I didn’t want to deplet his money. Na so everyone come dey laugh. “Deplete my money keh! U.C (uchenna) omo this your guy go kill person oo,” G-money said referring to me. He said no one can finish his money. That I was very funny for making that statement. “Infact, isoko, slap this guy N5k from that money,” G-money said. He told Abisoko to give N5k. na so the mumu guy(Abisoko) take N5000 slap me for cheeks. “Guy remember say you dey owe me ooo,” Abisoko said as we all laughed. Me collect the N5k put inside pocket.
As days went by, I noticed I was becoming weaker with my everyday sleeping with different women. I struggle to even wakeup. That was not the kind of life I wanted. Three days gone and 3 women gone, I was loving the enjoyment with women which was making me more exposed, but the effects was taking it’s worse turn on me psychologically.
G-money left but not before giving me N12,000. He gave the other guys N20,000 each. First semester result came out. It was impressive. My guys GPA were on 3point while mine was 4.41 and I loved it.
This certain Friday evening, Funke did well for my house. He cooked for us. And my were beginning to call us couples. After everything, I saw off funke. I came back to the house. Uchenna call me to sit. Abisoko was there. At first I was scared why they called me to sit. Many thoughts were flying through my mind. Or have they decided to throw me out!
I sat down. Uchenna began saying that my attitude in the house was unbecoming and he doesn’t like it, even though he was just keeping quiet. As he was saying it, I was still scared. We have never quarreled or fought. I began thinking maybe it was the money I was owning them. Chaiii, if this people pursue me, where I wan go! “Uchenna continued that I was just eating but don’t want to work for the money.” After so many talks. He said he wants us (him, abisoko and me) to work together in the deal he is in. He said Abisoko knows about it but he was just telling me. Abisoko also reminded me of how I was scammed and said it was time for me to join them in the game. “People wey dey inside no get two heads,” Abisoko said. “Even pastors dey scam people with tithes and offerings,” Uchenna said. Dem say make I follow them dey do yahoo yahoo. They also said that that is how G-money them, john and other guys make it big. They don’t work alone. They have their own team so the three of us should team up. Well, I told them I will think about it. “There is nothing to think about. Just decide now,” Abisoko said. Uchenna told him to calm down. He should leave me to think about it.
That night, I had a dream where two of my friends in my previous place of work pushed me into a deep pit and I was shouting and crying, begging them to help me but they refused. When I woke up, I didn’t know the meaning of the dream though I never told anyone.
As days gone by, I was still thinking about the proposal Uchenna and Abisoko made to me. Part of me doesn’t want to, but another part of me said I had no choice because I have been partaking in the proceeds they have been making from their dubious deals, so I was already in and shouldn’t deceive yourself. And indeed I have been eating from the small small money they have been making. And uchenna said they were going for bigger fishes now. They want to hit it big just as G-money and other big players are doing. Another thought also came into my mind. I was born into poverty and still in it, yet no progress. I thought “that might be a greater opportunity for me. I was so innocent doing a good boy while I lost thousands of Naira to oyibo scammers in forex and to dubious folarin and his gang of robbers.” “Why didn’t you take up this thing,” the thought said to me again. “Take it and free yourself and family from bondage. Dem don thief your money tire. Now take their own. After all you have been eating from the ones they have been making.” It is just for a while. After making your money, you leave the business and invest into real and genuine business.” All that where my thoughts. That I will just do it for a while. After making reasonable amount, I go comot.
After all the thoughts, I went to tell my guys that I was ready to partner with them as a team. Abisoko was surprised. He said he thought I would object to the proposal. Abisoko com dey hail me, carry me up oo. Na so Uchenna come tell us say dat no be the main thing. We have to get down to the main business. That they were not waiting for me to agree to their demand. Even if I refused, they would still go on with their plan but they would cut me off everything. They would have even sent me out of the house. Uchenna said he needed me to join so he could have his own team connection like G-money and other guys. Work will be shared among us and when the money comes, we share it among ourselves.
Few days later, uchenna sat me down to put me through some few things and etiquettes of the game. He said my own role would be “Assistance and forwarding”. I would be the one following up their contact in the bank and also doing the withdrawal and distribution of the money we make. He also briefed me how the work would look like. He said he chose me for that area because I was smatter, intelligent and calculative, and I also have a sound retentive memory. So Uchenna and Abisoko would be the ones doing the main work of processing and formatting the maga.
This particular Saturday, Uchenna had gone to Ibadan to visit G-money, Abisoko had gone to Mapoly. Funke came to the house. I had really fallen for her. In as much that my guys didn’t really like her, with the tag of “Funke kpomo lips” they always call her in absent.’ Funke was arranging the parlour when she discovered something, a small calabash.
<<<<<<< To Be continued from Episode 7>>>>
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Nobody: 1:47pm On Aug 20, 2016
Can you please finish this story once, I don almost die waiting for the next ep. #SaveFunaab
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Viciyoung(m): 2:57pm On Aug 20, 2016
EPISODE 7 Continues...
Funke was arranging the parlour when she saw a small calabash that contains cola nuts and something that looks like a stick and a red cloth tied around the stick with palm oil on it. Na so this girl come dey shout, “blood of Jesus! Blood of Jesus.” Na so I rush come out from bathroom were I dey bath. When I came out, she started saying that we were doing juju in the house, pointing at what she saw. I myself was so shocked because that was the first time of me seeing that thing. Who must have kept that kind of thing in the house. Rather than screaming with her, I lied to her that maybe it was the person staying in the house before. “But you said it was a family house nah,” she said to me. I told her that, “maybe it was one of Uchenna’s relatives that left it there. That it wasn’t us.” Na so funke vex run commot for the house ohhh. She said she can’t stay in that house where that kind of thing is. Me sef dey fear but I no wan show am out. After funke had left, I called uchenna on the phone but there was noise where he was, we couldn’t hear each other very well on phone. He sent me a text that I should call back later. I tried Abisoko’s line and it went through, he picked.
Me --- hello Isoko
Abisoko – Paddy mi, how far nah.. no worry I go soon dey come back house.
Me – guy forget that one joorr. No be that one e dey.
Abisoko --- What is that?
Me – Funke saw something in the parlour
Abisoko --- funke keh, who be funke?
Me --- Funke nah
Abisoko – funke! Which funke?
Me – my own funke
Abisoko --- okkkkk. Funke kpomo lips.
Me – guy stop that rubbish. No dey call my girl kpomo lips.
I told him what funke saw and he shouted. He said it was uchenna that kept the thing there and that it was meant for three of us (me, Abisoko and uchenna). “Ehhh, three of us keh! You and who,” I shouted. He started explaining that was the reason Uchenna travelled to Ibadan. Infact he told me to cut the call that he was coming back home immediately. When he returned home, he was so angry. He said he never knew that Uchenna kept that thing there.
Uchenna returned from Ibadan, he blamed me for bringing funke to the house. Even if funke would come, why will she go to arrange the house. After all, it’s not her house. Abisoko was blaming uchenna for keeping that thing there, Uchenna was blaming me and funke. He even said he doesn’t want funke to be coming to the house again. I had really started enjoying her company ooo. She dey even cook for us.
Later on, I apologized to uchenna for everything, even though I felt it wasn’t my fault. But I accepted blame for peace to reign. I no say na him get house but funke go still dey come. Just that we go dey extra careful. We settled the issue. Uchenna said the concoction I saw was given to him by a strong native doctor which would help us be successful in the yahoo yahoo business. I asked them, “I thought It was just to do the normal thing.” Does it involve us going through native doctors and babalawos?” I asked. “Without babalawo, you no fit make am,” abisoko said. I told them why didn’t they tell me before. Because I didn’t want to involve myself in and with any form of ritual. Uchenna said it wasn’t a ritual. It was just to make the oyibo people pay money. “We no dey kill anybody nah, just relax,” Uchenna said. Uchenna said it was a friend that he brought the concoction the previous day while I was away in school so he forgot to tell me. Uchenna told me we would be having a visitor from Ibadan the next day. He said the person coming was a banker and would be one of our main “inside contact” in the bank which was where he works. He would be helping to confirm transaction. According to Uchenna, it was G-money introduced him to us. He said I would be working with him and after everything, we go give am small money. So Uchenna wanted him to meet us and get familiar. Uchenna also said he was also making plans to get another “inside bank contact” in Abeokuta who will be working with us in his own bank.
After much talk, Uchenna went outside and locked the gate from inside. He locked the doors of the house. He brought out three white handkerchiefs. He gave one to Abisoko. He gave me one and took the remaining one. I began wondering what was going on. He said Abisoko had already known what he would do with the handkerchief but he was repeating his words because of me since I was yet to know what to do with it. He said the native doctor that gave them the handkerchief said we should sleep with a virgin female and use the white handkerchief to clean the blood flow and return it to him. As I heard what he said, “Na so me vex come dey para.” I told then I thought they said we were not going to do any rituals. Which one come be this one. “Shey dis one na ritual, shey na ritual! We go kill anybody?” Abisoko shouted. Uchenna told Abisoko to calm down. He said even if I didn’t do it, the implications would be very worse because he had already submitted my name to the native doctor as part of the people that would do it. So the best thing was for me to do it. Them say this one, them no go beg me make I do am, say if I like I do and if I no like make I no do say wetin I see make I take. “Kaiiii, na so fear come dey catch me ooo.” I became confused. I never signed up for all these kind of things nah. I thought we would just get the oyibo person, scam them and take there money, that was all. This one wey them dey do, I no come dey understand again oohhh.
That night, I had a terrible dream. In that dream, I saw a multitude of people chasing me with cutlass. When I woke up, I was so scared.
The next day, Uchenna called me and advised that i do what the native doctor asked. He was trying to convince me nothing would happen to me or the virgin girl. He used his sugar coated mouth to convince me. He said he was assuring me that nothing bad would happen to us unless if we didn’t do it. I just became confused. Na so fear go com dey catch me! “Where I go come find virgin.” I asked. My guys thought that was a stupid question because virgins were all around us. “Try your ugly funke kpomo lips,” Uchenna said. They laughed as I walked out of the place. Uchenna said he would go back to Ibadan to return the handkerchief and concoction so we should do everything fast.
The banker from Ibadan visited. His name was Jide. We did all the contact exchange, familiarity we needed to do. However he advised that we shouldn’t break the code. “No one should know what we were into. ‘And make we no implicate him.’ Uchenna paid banker Jide’s his transport fare back to Ibadan.
Two days later, my guys were ready with their virgin blood handkerchief. Na me dem come dey wait for. I didn’t know how to do my own, and Funke said she was coming to my place that evening. In as much I and funke were close, I have never made any sexual advancement on her. I was even scared to do it. “And who knows if she was even a virgin.” My guys are beginning to disturb me to produce my own virgin blood handkerchief.
Funke came that evening. I was scared, I didn’t know how to make the move. I had apologized about the concoction she saw the other day. I told her that none of us were aware of it in the first place. ‘I come lie say na Uchenna great great grandparents wey live there fit do am. Na so she buy the lie.’ I thought of another thing about confronting funke on sex. “What if she gives me access and I com do finish and she no come be virgin.” I thought to myself. That one go be serious trouble.
I sat gently. Funke asked what was happening to me that I was just moody. “I told her I was just tired and weak. She began feeling pity for me. If only she knew what was on my mind.” My guys were in there rooms using their laptops. I had to stand up and told them to leave the house entirely and go outside which they did. It looked as if I was pretending that I was sick. No be say I sick but wetin dey my mind was making me weak and sick. We went into uchenna’s room. I made sure the handkerchief was in my pocket of trouser. I laid on the bed and told funke to join me which she did. She was browsing on her phone. She asked if I was feeling weaker, so she could go buy me drugs. I told her not to worry. I began touching her in some sensitive parts. She laughed as if it was a normal joke. I tickled her hair. My hands went to her waist and tried removing the top she was wearing. Na so she hold my hand. “Gbade what are you trying to do,” funke asked. I began smiling sheepishly. I no know wetin I want talk again. Na so I summon courage press forward. She was still telling me calmly to stop but I continued till I removed her clothes. Na so this girl begin cryooo. And I was too emotional. I couldn’t continue anymore. I didn’t want it to look as if I raped her, forcing her against her will. Na so I begin beg her ooo. She was crying. I told her I wasn’t doing again ooo. I begged and told her I would never try such an act again. And I had pulled her clothes. She was only having her bra and pant on. She wore her clothes and carried her bag, I held her waist while seeing her off. When my guys see us, dem come dey smile. Them go don dey think say I don succeed. I gave funke N1000 as she left. When I returned to the house, my guys come dey hail me. Na so I tell them say I no succeed ooo. I told them what transpired. Me, I didn’t know what to do again oo. Whether to kill a fowl and use the blood. There was this fowl that normally come into our compound. I thought to myself, “maybe that would be what I would do.” But it was unfortunate, that night, I had a dream. In that dream, I was returning from a stream. I had water on my head. I met an old man on the way. The old man began warning that the evil act on my mind, I shouldn’t try it and if I should disobey, I will be faced with huge consequences. I woke up with great fear. I told my guys the dream. Uchenna said if there was anything I planned on doing, I shouldn’t just try it. “But what could be the evil act I want to do. The only thing on my mind was using of a fowl blood instead of virgin woman’s blood.” I couldn’t tell my guys that. I only harboured the thought.
I returned from school on Thursday and went to balikis’s shop to take fresh air. I played and joked with her aunty. My guys came and joined me. After a while, we went inside the house. Uchenna gave me a weird idea. He said I should go for balikis as the virgin blood to use. I immediately rebuked him. They laughed. I considered balikis still as an underage and innocent girl. And infact I can’t even do that kind of thing with her. Abisoko said he would help arrange her because time was running out. Na so dem come dey pressurize me to do this girl. Infact I became confused. “Okay if you no go for balikis, go for another person nah,” uchenna said to me. But who else do I even want to go for.
On Saturday morning which was environmental sanitation. Uchenna would be leaving for the native doctor’s place by 11am. And that weekend, some students in the area had travelled.
Abisoko ran into the house screaming my name. I asked what the problem was. “Gbade, this is your opportunity now! Do it or?” Abisoko said. I asked what opportunity was. He said balikis was outside at their shop doing some cleaning. They said I should go bring her and have sex with her.
<<<<<<<To Be Continued from Episode 8 >>>>>

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Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Viciyoung(m): 3:09pm On Aug 20, 2016
EPISODE 8 Continues...
Abisoko ran into the house screaming my name. I asked what the problem was. “Gbade, this is your opportunity now! Do it or?” Abisoko said. I asked what opportunity was. He said balikis was outside at their shop doing some cleaning. They said I should go bring her and have sex with her. I turned it down immediately. Uchenna was there. Both of them began quarrelling with me. “Since I refused to go for Balikis, I had never made any attempt on any other girl.” They said I was just wasting their time. Uchenna come talk say, whether I do it or not, he was still be going to Ibadan and if I didn’t do it, he would take the handkerchief of Abisoko and his alone. And wetin I see make I take. And he had warned me that right from the beginning, he had included my name. What they are doing, I must be part of it and if I didn’t, it would amount to grave consequences. I just kept quiet as they shouted at me. I thought about what Uchenna said. If I didn’t bring the handkerchief blood, will I die? Will any evil happen to me or my mom? And why didn’t I find anyone else till then! “Will any evil happen to balikis if I use her virgin blood.” Abeg I no want make any evil thing happen to her. “And what of after penetrating and she wasn’t a virgin?” What of if she no come gree nko? All that where my thoughts as Uchenna tapped me. He said he had just gone outside to call Balikis. And she said she was coming. So if I wan do anything, make I do am fast. The thought of doing balikis sef was disgusting.
Balikis came to the house and said Uchenna said I was calling her. I asked if she was doing anything at that moment. She said “yes.” She asked what we wanted her to do for us. I told her just a little thing. She said we should just give her about 5minutes to arrange the place, inside the uncompleted building close to our house. That is where they normally keep some of their items when leaving after the day. And she left. Na so we begin wait for balikis to come. 30 minutes gone, 1hour gone. Uchenna asked me to go there myself. Na so me go there come see her still dey arrange the place. She was arranging baskets of tomatoes. I helped her out till the place was reasonably okay to her. She said her aunty was not around but would be coming back the evening of that day. I began teasing her while she washed her hands and sat on the long bench there. One thing led to another. I touched her bosoms and she just laughed and didn’t say anything. Na so I press forward ooo. Before 5 minutes, I had already raised her skirt, pants down and I was inside her. I thought it would be easy but it wasn’t as she laid on the bench while I thrusted. Looking directly into her eyes I was feeling guilty and yet the blood was yet to come out. At a time I began wondering if she was really virgin because I never asked her. 7 minutes still going, I was becoming weak and she too because she has begun pleading for me to stop that she was getting tired and feeling pains. But the blood never come out. She was just managing to say, “Bro gbade is okay nah.” Abisoko and Uchenna came into the place immediately and met the act going. They were about going out when I called them back telling them that blood was yet to come out oo. And balakis facial expression was becoming scary and weird like somebody that wants to faint. My guys came closer. “Guy pump am well, just dey pump dey go,” Uchenna said. As he said it, I was tired but I increased the pleasure. Before we know wetin dey happen, balikis was no longer responding. She was just there like a log of wood. And I was still pumping as my guys stood behind. Na so I stop immediately when I realized it. “U.C this girl is not moving again ooo,” I said to them. They came closer. Laying on the chair she looked collapsed. As I removed my manhood from her female core, I discovered that little blood was dripping out of that area. But that was not my concern at that moment. “Oboy, dis girl don go ooo,” Abisoko said. We tried calling her but she was not responding. Uchenna asked me to use my white handkerchief to clean out the blood at her private area. Na so I come dey hala for my guy. That was not the important thing at that moment. “The girl no dey respond and you say you wan use her blood,” I said to uchenna. Na so we begin argue ooo. I was just scared and full of regrets. Uchenna came near me and told me to relax. He asked me to give him the handkerchief first. I told him that it was inside his room in his house. He went inside and got it, cleaned up balikis’s private part with it and got the blood. I asked what we were going to do next. He said I should get a clean cloth and water inside the house. I got them and he cleaned from her waist down and asked me to wear her her underwear and skirt. I was just doing it with fear as if it was going to bring her back. He asked if any one saw me while coming to the place. I told him no one saw me and likewise them too. He said we should leave her there. But I asked that we should take her to the hospital. Abisoko said what are we going to tell them that happened to her when we take her to the hospital! And infact the police will arrest us. Balikis wasn’t breathing. That was really complicated. Abisoko said I should respect myself and lets go inside and never to disclose what happened to anyone. So leaving her there would look as if she was sleeping till who ever discovers her there. My heart beat increased. I wasn’t myself at all as I got inside. Uchenna took his bath and off to Ibadan with the items. He even called on the way to tell me to relax, feel as if nothing has happened. I began wondering if my guys really had human sympathy at all! Another thought came to my mind. What really caused the girl’s death? Is she really dead because everything seems confusing and I couldn’t understand. I was panting. Part of me kept telling me that I had killed somebody, and that my hands are stained with blood. Chaiii, Gbadebo Alaba has killed somebody ooo. Na who come send me? Infact if I had knew, I wouldn’t have even started the journey with them in the first place. I was just walking around in the parlour, my heart panting, sweating profusely. “Guy sit down one place. No go kill yourself ooo,” Abisoko said to me. How I wan take get rest of mind for that kind situation? E no possible nah. At a time tears came down my eyes. It seems as if I was seeing Balikis waving me goodbye.
“Bang bang,” somebody knocking on the door. Immediately I heard the knock, another heavy fear griped me. I remembered Uchenna went to Ibadan. “It must be uchenna,” I thought to myself. Abisoko was seating on the chair. I stood up and went to the door, opened it and discovered it was balikis’s aunty. Immediately I saw her, I became more weak. “Chaii, Gbadebo omo Alaba God don catch you today.” My heart was panting. “What is the matter? What is wrong with you that you are sweating like this,” Balikis’s aunty asked me speaking in Yoruba language. I didn’t even know what to tell her. It took me like few seconds to realized myself at that moment. I first greeted her. She joked that maybe funke was around and we had been rolling on the sheets. She said it and smiled. That statement alone made me to relax a little bit because I thought maybe she had known what happened. But how I wished it was my girlfriend that was bringing sweat out of my body.
I told her that it wasn’t my girlfriend ooo. Well, she said she just came to check if balikis was there because since she came back, she had not seen her. I told her that balikis wasn’t in our house. Na so she talk “okay” come waka leave. Fear come dey catch me. Abisoko even overheard the conversation between I and bilikis’s aunty. He said I should blow up my cover because the way I was going, my attitude might put us in trouble. He said I should be calm. As we were till seated, another knock came on the door. I asked who was that and it was balikis’s aunty again. Abisoko said I shouldn’t go to the door, let him go before I jeopardize everything. He urged me to be calm and relax. He went outside to answer her. See as fear come hold me. I didn’t want to go to prison ooo. Baliki’s aunty told Abisoko that someone told her that they saw us with baliki in the morning. “Or maybe we sent her on an errand but we didn’t want to tell her. just to play a prank on her.” Often time we do it. We would just send balikis on an errand or she would be in our house but when her aunty asks, we would tell her that we don’t know where she is.
As her aunty said that someone saw her with us, kaiiii. “It is finished,” I thought to myself. Them don catch us. Abisoko told her that we only saw her in the morning when she first came. Apart from that, we never see her again. She left after couple of conversations with her. Barely 20 minutes she left, Uchenna returned and we briefed him of what had been happening. He said we all should go to Baliki’s shop but pretend like nothing happened, so we help the aunty search for balikis. Let it not look as if we were less concern. So we just pretend that we are searching for her.
Na so we go aside oo. We no meet aunty for shop. We just thought we should just go to that uncompleted building. When we got there, we didn’t see baliki’s body. “This one na another problem ooo,” I thought to myself. Though we saw baskets of tomatoes and pepper there. Even the chair balikis laid was there sef. I became more troubled in my mind. As we were just coming out of the uncompleted building, we met Baliki’s aunty. We asked if she had found her and she said she hasn’t. She was even threatening to deal with her when she returns from anywhere she went to. Three of us looked at each other when aunty said balikis’s left their pulse they use in keeping their money inside the room at the uncompleted building. That means she had been there and couldn’t find balikis in that room we left her in. I began thinking. “Where must balikis’s body be?” Who must have taking her body? Or was there any resurrection, did she resurrect? As in, I no come understand. By then, the three of us had become confused. “Guy we have to do something fast,” I told the other guys. By then, uchenna said we should all prepare so we go to oke-ilewo and stay with a friend and come back in the next two days, which was Monday. Just to enable us see what would happen. And if it was something wrong, make everybody answer him papa name from there. Na so I come weak more. “That means I would be going to jail!” Something in me told me to confess and tell Balikis’s aunty what happened. But another part of me said that was too late. It’s like putting myself in bigger trouble. “How I wan tell aunty wetin happen.” That one is just police case. “But na who come carry dead body commot for the place? Abi na God?” Surely, the body was not found there, that means someone already knows what happened!
We immediately left for Okeilewo which was inside the town. All that was for us to cool off and to also strategize on the new deal we have. According to Uchenna, it was a man from Cambodia but based in Nepal. Uchenna got the link from G-money when he went to Ibadan. His name is Mr watra. But throughout our stay in okeilewo, I couldn’t concentrate. I was all full of fears. We didn’t bother to make call to anyone in the house if balikis has been found or not. Not until I received a call from a friend on Sunday evening. Telling me that Baliki’s aunty was looking for us. I remembered we didn’t tell her we were going somewhere. “But what must she be looking for us for?” “ Shey dem don find balikis body?” The police dey find us?” I told uchenna what my friend told me. He told me to relax and shouldn’t worry. He was trying to make a call while he went outside. Few minutes later, he came back telling me that a friend he spoke to in our neighborhood said he saw balikis and her aunty on Saturday night. “So how come?” “What happened to her?” “How was she able to recover or was it her ghost the person saw?” “What really happened to her?” All that were my thoughts when my two guys began telling me, “Shebi I tell you to relax, nothing will happen to balikis na. she’s alive.” Ok, but even if she was alive, how did that happen? And only God knows what he must have told his aunty.
Uchenna said we should prepare to go back to gate to know what was happening. “Na so me tell them say I no go ooo.” But they encouraged me to come with them, that nothing will happen. Uchenna said even the native doctor in Ibadan had told him nothing, no evil would befall us So I should relax my mind. We left to gate.
When we got back, I tried making an enquiry from neighbours in the street if aunty and balikis came out to sell their market the previous day, Sunday. Knowing fully well that they don’t open for business on Sundays. All the people wey I ask talk say dem no see them. The neighbors around only said aunty had been asking after me. I tried asking if they saw balikis with her too. “Them talk saw them no see her and say her aunty still dey look for her”. “Chaiii, how come that that Uchenna’s friend told us that he saw balikis.” “ Other people around were saying they are still looking for her.” I slept with one eye closed and the other open that night, believing the police would still come for me.
The next morning was a Monday. There was no school because of the Muslim feast. I was inside but often go outside to peep if I could find aunty and balikis. “Still dem never come market, and they were not Muslims.” It was unsual unlike other days they come early enough.
At about 2pm, I went outside to peep if aunty and balikis had come. As I got outside, I saw aunty with somebody that looked like balikis. They were standing with a policeman holding a gun. A police van was parked closed to them. Immediately, aunty, balikis and the policeman started walking towards the direction of my house. Two police officers jumped out from the van and started coming towards our direction. As I saw that, it looked as if something from nowhere took away my strength. I became weak. I was a little happy that balikis was alive but sadness overwhelmed it. All my mind was telling me was “I had been caught and the police are coming for us.” I quickly ran to the house and told my guys what I saw. My guys that I thought they have a strong mind became weak. “Na so fear come dey catch everybody oo.” Tears started running down my eyes. I didn’t know whether to call my mum and tell her what was happening. “How would I even explain to her sef what happened?” I was just sweating profusely. Abisoko managed to get outside. I went into Uchenna’s room thinking about my life and probably how prison sentence would look like.
Few minutes later, as I was just there, Uchenna knocked on the room and asked me to come out that the police men were not looking for us. They were just passing by. I opened the door. My eyes were red. “Guy, na wetin dey do you? Na cry you dey cry so?” Abisoko asked. They began laughing at me. “Only if they knew what was going on inside of me.” Abisoko said he saw only the police men pass by so no be our house them dey come. But they said we should remain inside for a while, maybe later we can go to Aunty’s shop to see balikis and try asking what happened to her that Saturday. Na so we dey inside parlour. Uchenna and Abisoko were making connections with Mr watra.
As we were still in the parlour, “knock knock, knock,” where the heavy knocks we heard on the door. “Na who be that,” Abisoko asked. “Olopa police,” was what echoed from outside. They said it was the police, and I overheard a female voice with them. The voice sounded like aunty, balikis’s aunty. "The knocks came again." Part of me was telling me that I was finished. They have caught up with us. "But how come the police are looking for us?" "I thought Uchenna said they were not coming to see us, they were only passing by!" "They have come for me oooo" was my thought.
<<<<< To be continued from Episode 9>>>>>

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Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Nobody: 10:19pm On Aug 20, 2016
U go finish the story or make we begin beg u ni ? undecided
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Viciyoung(m): 1:09am On Aug 21, 2016
Episode 9 continues ....
As we were still in the parlour, “knock knock, knock,” where the heavy knocks we heard on the door. “Na who be that,” Abisoko asked. “Olopa police,” was what echoed from outside. They said it was the police, and I overheard a female voice with them. The voice sounded like aunty, balikis’s aunty. The knocks came again. Part of me was telling me that I was finished. They have caught up with us
Immediately they echoed “Olopa police,” in which they echoed it together, including the female voice. The three of us (Abisoko, uchenna and i) looked at each other. My blood pumping pressure increased. My eyes became red again. Many thoughts began flying through my mind. “I thought Abisoko said the police where just passing by?” “How come they were in our house?” Uchenna asked us to keep calm. They immediately stopped what they were doing on their laptops and cleared the history, deleted some files they felt might implicate them, and they shut down their laptops. He said I should clean my eyes, we should do as if nothing was happening as he went towards the door. As he got closer to the door, he came back and ask us three to follow him to the door. At first I objected but he insisted that we go together. We went to the door with fear in our hearts. Uchenna opened the door. Standing in front of us were balikis’s aunty and four police men armed with guns. “My mind come they beat.” What made me relaxed a bit was when balikis’s aunty smiled and asked when we came back from where we went to. Uchenna told her. But I was not too bothered as he explained. I wan know wetin the police people dey do for our house. As Uchenna was still talking with aunty. One of the police men cuts in and said they were looking for somebody. Immediately the officer said that. The relaxed mind I had vanished immediately. Na so I enter fear mode again. I began asking myself who they were looking for. Aunty said there was a fight that broke out the previous day in the neighbourhood, and an indigene connived with a student to shoot their landlord so the police men were now looking for the student. Immediately aunty said that, I became relived because I nearly died of hypertension. The armed officers said the name of the guy was Stephen. We tell them say we no know am ooo.
As they were leaving our presence, aunty turned back and asked me to come and see her later. Immediately she said that, I began wondering what she was seeing me for. “I thought I was free and everything was well, now aunty wants to see me.” I began thinking, what Balikis must have told her aunty.
Few hours later, I summoned courage to go to aunty’s shop. Balikis was not there. I only met aunty. I come dey fear. She asked me to sit down at the long bench close to the small stool she sat on. My heart still beating, wondering on what to reply her on I and balikis’s incident. He drew her chair closer and sat down. I couldn’t look her in the face. She asked what was wrong with me. I told her there was nothing. She asked if I had taken drugs since I complained of malaria some days back. I told her that I have. She smiled and said she just wanted to thank me for what I did. As she said that, I looked at her face. Wetin I com do! “Thanking me for deflowering her sister, abi! or maybe she was going somewhere and she was just using the statements to pull through.” She said balikis told her that I helped in arranging were they usually keep their tomatoes and pepper at the uncompleted building. So she called me to thank me for that. She said she had been wanting to do that but we were not around. “Chaii, na so my mind come cool down.” I and aunty chatted for a while. I asked where balikis was. She said balikis had gone to Sapon. She was ill on Saturday so she had to leave everything outside that day and went out. Aunty said she wasn’t happy with what she did. ‘That she should have just dropped their stuffs inside the room in the uncompleted building before leaving. But Balikis just left them outside and left Sapon . So balikis was in her sister’s place who is a nurse at sapon. She came that morning but she had to send her back so she can fully recover.’ After the chat, I went home happy but something in me just want to talk with balikis. I just want to know what happened that day. Or was she pulling a stunt on us?
4 days later, I was just seeing funke off when I saw balikis returning from school. After funke had gone, I went to balikis’s shop and joked with aunty and her. Na so I drag her go one corner. When aunty saw us, she began teasing that I was dumping funke for balikis. We laughed. I asked balikis what happened to her that day both of us were at the uncompleted building. Balikis said what I did was wrong. That I just abandoned her there. She said that she wasn’t feeling too healthy that day, and another thing. She said she had had that kind of experience 3 times and it normally occurs when she is overly excited. Anytime she was overly excited, she collapses. “Na the first time wey I dey hear that kind thing. Say person go too dey excited come collapse.” “Maybe balikis was enjoying the sex,” that I thought. I gave her N1000 to take care of herself and she thanked me so well.
Few days later, our conversation with Mr. watra were starting to yield fruit. We are assuming to send him a raw gold. G-money helped us get something that looked like the raw gold. Mr watra said he wanted an evidence. We recorded the assumed diamond and gold on video and sent it to him through courier services. We no put our faces for the video. I asked uchenna if Mr watra would comply. He said watra go definitely comply. That is why it is called “Yahoo plus plus,” it’s not normal. We have added spiritual things to it.’ Because it baffles me how someone would quickly fall into that kind of thing. Na the jazz wey the Ibadan native doctor don do for us. Once we fulfilled our parts, the gods would be blessing us. And indeed, a month later, Mr watra fell. After much negotiations, he sent us $77,000 and we sent him the package. The money was sent to G-money’s people’s account in U.S. from there, it was wired to G-money’s account in Ghana. From there to our main account in Nigeria. The account was opened with my name. We worked closely with banker jide in Ibadan. When the money landed, Jide called me. Already, G-money had taken $6,000 according to our agreement, so after the bank charges from the transfer and movement of money. Na only $70,000 come dey the account. The next week, I went to Ibadan. According to our agreement, I was to collect $15,000, abisoko and Uchenna would take $20,000 each and Jide the banker who was helping us in the bank, we gave him $3,000.
The day I went to the bank, I had a continuous assessment test but I just ignored it. I felt I was too intelligent and can easily make it up. I got to the bank in Ibadan and called Jide. He asked me to come into the banking hall which I did. He gave me some documents to fill and other stuffs. I transferred my own money first and other guys. Banker jide say make I withdraw him own give am for hand and I did. He had already cleared the coast for us with any form of EFCC. After everything, I was tempted to go to Ilorin from there but I coupled myself and returned to Abeokuta feeling like a boss. When I got to the house, “I wished my dad was still alive.” “I wished my mother was there with me at present.” “Oh, money don come.” I just had to plan what to do with the money. I had always believe that I won’t be in the yahoo yahoo game for long. My plan was to make reasonably enough money then walk away. I also planned on learning how to trade in forex and other mini importation business. I didn’t want people to see me that I was rich but no real source of the income.
Few weeks later, exam was fast approaching. My two guys, Abisoko and Uchenna had gotten themselves nice cars. I didn’t want to buy a car. My plan was to first build a good house for my mother in Ilorin and open a good business for her.
I bought a laptop for myself and travelled to Ilorin. My mom saw me and said I was looking good and chubby. Indeed I was, “poverty don run commot for our family.” I sat my mom down and told her that I had won a scholarship worth N1m. “Na so my mama shout.” Tears rolled down her eyes. I told her to start looking for land so we can start building our own house. She said one million won’t be enough but I told her not to worry that more money will come and we go complete am. I gave my mom N100,000 before leaving and told her to stop the akara business. I also told her to start looking for a nice accommodation for both of us.
When I left for Abeokuta, I had already made arrangements for one professional forex trader who is genuine to be teaching me. Because I didn’t want people to start asking how I made my money. And perhaps, I plan on leaving Yahoo yahoo after making a reasonable money. I want to fall back on forex trading and other online businesses.
As time went on, I was falling deeply in love with funke. She finally accepted to date me but with “no sex” clause which I agreed. Funke often comes around to cook. She noticed I was becoming richer with the way I spend money. When she asks, I do tell her I was into forex trading. Infact I will even show some trading platforms to her just to confirm. But I was yet to start trading forex. The guy who will teach me was going to start after our exams.
A week before exams, my mom called me that she had gotten an accommodation for us. So she wanted me to come pay. She had also gotten a land. She said one of the members of her cooperative group had a land for sale so I should come see it first.
I travelled to Ibadan. I saw the accommodation. It was a one room self-contain with bathroom, toilet. “At least it would help us till we finished building our own.” I paid for the accommodation and also paid for the debts my mom was owning. I saw the land. I loved it and also paid for it. It was very cheap. After everything, I returned to Abeokuta.
A day to the commencement of our exams. G-money called. He said something had clicked and it’s worth $1m. And that the three of us should come down to Ibadan if we want to partake of it. He also said he had already processed everything but it seemed EFCC was having an eye on his account........
<<<<< To be continued from Episode 10 >>>>
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Viciyoung(m): 1:20am On Aug 21, 2016
Episode 10 continues ......
A day to the commencement of our exams. G-money called. He said something had clicked and it’s worth $1m. And that the three of us should come down to Ibadan if we want to partake of it. He also said he had already processed everything but it seemed EFCC was having an eye on his account so he wants to use the Domiciliary account(Abisoko, Uchenna and i) to move the money. He said he was ready to give us N50m out of the money. “As I heard N50m, na so my head pop like popcorn.” But G-money said we should come down to Ibadan the next day and spend like 3 days in Ibadan for everything to be finalized. “And the next day, the three of us were starting our exams.” The 3 days we go spend, we get 3 courses for those days. My other two guys were ready to go but I refused. At a time, part of me began encouraging me to go, leaving the exam I have for those days. “After all carry over no dey kill person.” I could still write it the other year. At least if I have N15m from the N50m that would be our share, I go finish our house for Ilorin. Poverty na bastard.” But Another part of me thought I wasn’t making the right decision. “Even my two guys encouraged me to come. The next year we go just write the 3 courses.” After thinking about it for a while, I decided to follow them because I was very important in the team. The account G-money was going to use am signatory to it.
We left for Ibadan that evening. When we got to Ibadan at G-money’s house, mehn, I couldn’t believe my eyes at what I saw. “That was why he’s called G-money. Na 7 gatemen with guns na im the guy get.” It was a duplex with great interior. CCTV camera full every were. He even had a daughter. He said she came to visit him and his boys would soon take her back to her mother soon. The little girl looked much like him with Wide jaw and flat nose. G-money said most of his goons had travelled out of the country so he and some other guys were left alone in the house. That evening, we began the work we came there to do with so many online transactions. He sent someone to get us food and other packages.
The next morning, funke’s call woke me up. She asked if I was in school. I told her I was at a friend’s place reading and was ready for the exams. Because it was an e-exam, and all of us partake in that course together. Funke said I should come and meet her at a place after the exam. I agreed even when I was lying. She no know saw I no dey around.
Few hours later funke called back and said she was at my house and the place was locked. He asked where I was. I told her I was at the hostel inside the school. “Shebi I said you should come and meet me at a place, why didn’t you come?” she asked. I told her that I forgot and apologized. She said she was coming down to the hostel and she needed to see me. I asked what she wanted to see me for, but she said she just want to see me. “Dis one na serious gobe and I no dey hostel. I dey Ibadan.” I told her that she shouldn’t come to hostel that will be soon leaving because a lecturer sent me on an errand. I told her not to worry that I would come to see her that evening. Na so she cut the call angrily. We continued our work in Ibadan.
Evening came, funke called. I brought up another excuse that I was in one of the lecturer’s house helping to arrange experimental samples. I had to switch off my phone completely till Wednesday. Everything had been finished. G-money used an agent in U.S who used Paypal to make all the transactions faster. So I went to banker Jide through the bank and transferred the money, G-money’s share to his own account. Uchenna said I should leave our own so we go back to Abeokuta first before sharing it. After finishing our exams, we would do the sharing.
We got back to Abeokuta. I tried reading for the remaining courses I had for exams, but the book no dey enter. I no fit read again. I visited funke that day. She was so furious and said my mobile line was not going through. I apologized and told her that I was in the hostel reading. And she said she searched all the boys hostels and didn’t see me. I no even talk anything. We shah settle the matter. I spent couple of hours with her before leaving.
After the exams, we shared our money. Na N16m reach my hand. I was so happy and feeling fly. I had never seen that kind of account statement in my life. Funke had already been noticing some changes in me, in dressing and talking, character. It was more glaring with my 2 guys. I decided to be calm, I didn’t want to just show off myself.
I gave funke N20,000 when she was going back home for the long break. I felt like giving her more but I didn’t want unnecessary questions.
People had started travelling back to their homes. Our (Uchenna, abisoko and i) plans was to spend the holiday at Ibadan with G-money. This was to help us gain more connection and also work together. I rushed home to Ilorin. I sat my mom down and explained to her that I had started a new business that would be making me travel a lot. I told her there was a lot of money in it and I won’t be staying much in Ilorin. Though she was uneducated but I briefed her a little on forex. She asked if it wasn’t going to disrupt my academics. I told her it wasn’t. She advised me so well and prayed for me. I told her that the business was what I was doing that is giving me money in school. She was so happy. How I wished she knew that that wasn’t what I was really doing.
I and my mom made arrangements to start building. Within one week, we drilled borehole on our land. The way my mom was watching me spend money. She began asking if the business I was doing was the one giving me that kind of money. I told her “yes ooo.” We got a good engineer who help us with the plan of the building. I wanted a duplex and boys quarters inside the compound. At first I wanted only our house in the compound. But I considered that it would be lonely for my mom. At least there should be tenants to keep the house lively.
I handed our house building project to Engineer kole, told my mom to monitor more often as she wasn’t doing anything. I had stopped her from her akara sales.
After everything in Ilorin, I went to Ibadan to join my goons at G-money’s house.
Life in G-money’s house was wonderful. Yahoo yahoo Work in the day and party at night. We got beautiful women tripping for us. We splash huge amount of money on drinks and women. I also got someone who started teaching me forex and mini importation business. He comes from Apata to our place every morning for one month. And I grasped so well.
This particular morning, my mom called me that our building was massively progressing. I rushed to Ilorin to see it. I had budgeted N12m for the cost of the whole thing. And I paid Engr. Kole N5m. I did that to make the building project fast so I could focus my attention on another thing. The building had gotten to linter level. The building project made me not to get a car. I was so impressed with the extent the building had gone within one month. “When there is money, everything moves fast.” I spent about 3 days in Ilorin and returned to Ibadan.
Things were moving fine. We (abisoko, Uchenna and i) had started looking for another maga, it was pretty hard. But the money coming that period was between $1000 and $3000. But wetin man wan do!
Barely 2 weeks I visited Ilorin to see our building, my mom called me to say that the whole building had collapsed. I wasn’t myself when I heard it. I had to rush down to Ilorin and saw things myself. When I got to the sight, I felt like crying. We all blamed Engr. Kole for it. Infact we even arrested him with the help of Kwara state ministry of lands. Everything was settled within two months outside the court. Engr. Kole was asked to pay N4m in cash for damages then help evacuate the debris of the collapsed structures. I thought that would be the end. I never Knew I was just diving into another trouble. Immediately after settlement of the collapsed building structure, I hired another building engineer. After 2 months of the commencement of the building which had gotten to linter level. The building collapsed again. I was really running out of cash and going ballistics over everything happening. In just one year, my CGPA had dropped drastically. I was struggling with my academics. Our building had collapsed up to 4 times. When it gets to linter level is when it will always collapse. My guys would encourage me. Most at times we go to Ilorin together. My mom has been worried over the building collapse issues. I had to get another land and started building with another building engineer. It also collapsed. I felt it wasn’t ordinary any more. People had started telling my mom to find solution. My forex trading had collapse due to the economic recession the world was experiencing. The relationship between I and funke has been on-n-off because of the numerous girls chasing me. “Yes I had become a little popular i and my 2 guys even though I didn’t really have car.” Some girls take me to be humble and had come to love my personality. I conduct business seminars and tutor students on how to make tangible money online. All that was just used as a cover up for the yahoo business I was into. But as the money were coming, I have not had a tangible investment with all my money, and business has not been moving so good and in 300level still battling cgpa that was 2.7.
This particular Sunday. G-money came by Our house to visit us. He had been aware about my ordeal. He once suggested we go see a babalawo but I refused at that time. But the present time, i was ready to go with the advice because it was too much for me. G-money even suggested that the babalawo was stronger than the first one we met. He started explaining that at that stage we are, we no longer need the babalawo that did the virgin blood work for us. That we need a higher one. The more we work and go higher; it would be better we go for a higher power. He said he was taking us to a place in Osogbo, Osun state. But they assured me that no scarifies would be made because they knew I detest any ritual sacrifices. The way G-money was hyping this juju man. That he had done great works for Governors. I come think say the man go rich wella.
A week later, Na so we follow G-money go Osogbo oo.
<<<<< To be continued from Episode 11 >>>
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by alorax2(f): 7:48pm On Aug 23, 2016
I don't like suspense, finish this story na
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Daeveed(m): 11:42pm On Aug 23, 2016
Guy Ur Story Is da Bomb!!.... t'z really interestin
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by lekhi: 10:58pm On Aug 24, 2016
Have always been d observe type but nah I ve to comment on this y do I have a feeling you are telling a true story that happen to someone close to u but with a little (jara) thumbs up dou have a surprise package 4 u let me see how u end it first
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by lukasmuyiwa(m): 8:30am On Aug 28, 2016
eeeeeerm lemme sip ma coffee.... kontinu
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by phapi(m): 9:38am On Aug 28, 2016
Scam plus blood is a total foul

Scam without blood is more advisable,how I wish UNA no add blood level.

Please kwuatinue oooooooo
Update today plz
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Justeenaleo(f): 9:45am On Aug 28, 2016
shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Viciyoung(m): 7:23pm On Aug 28, 2016
Episode 11 continues ......
A week later, Na so we follow G-money go Osogbo oo. Abisoko took us in his car, I, G-money, Uchenna. When we got there, it was totally and out sketch of the town. We
dropped the car at a mango tree and used our legs to complete the journey. When we got there, I even thought I would see a big mansion but it was an uncompleted building. That made me began wondering why native doctors don’t live in good houses, and the rags they wear. As I was wondering, some watery fluid splashed on my head. Na so fear come catch me. I looked up and saw that it was a bird. The thing dey splash shit for up as e dey fly. I almost thought the gods wanted to embarrass me for mocking the building of the babalawo.
As we got to the building, an old woman sat on a chair close to the corridor. We greeted her as G-money was in front and the three of us followed. We went to the back of the building and there was another uncompleted one story building that we entered. As we were entering, suddenly I heard someone shouted my name and spoke in Yoruba language, “Gbadebo Alaba! Aye e ti dobale.” Meaning my life has bowed down. Immediately I became afraid. “Who was that?” I thought to myself. G-money told me to stand still where I was and don’t move. Likewise other guys. We stood there and an old man came out from a room wearing a blue ankara with white substance rubbed across his eye lids. As he came closer to us, G-money asked the 3 of us to kneel and we did. He used the feather from a rooster he was holding to touch our heads. I was very scared oo. I was just wishing the things he would do won’t demand for ritual sacrifices. The old man asked us to stand up which and we did. He asked us to follow him and we did. He took us into a big room with different types of fetish materials. He sat down on a stool near a big calabash. He said the gods had told him why we came so we don’t need to explain our presence. He spoke in Yoruba. He stood up and called my name. He began speaking in proverbs. He said my house will stand again. One other reason Uchenna, Abisoko and I came on the journey was for us to make more money and get more customers in our Yahoo yahoo business. “There was this particular deal we are into. We created a website and placed pictures of household utensils, electronics and so many items for sale. The website had an area for selling and input for credit card. And we targeted Americans and Europeans to fall for the scam. After inputting their credit cards, we empty the card by withdrawing money from it using Paypal with one of our agents in US and send the money to Nigeria. So we wanted the business to be very successful.” All that was part of the reasons my two guys came so the babalawo will give us success.
As the baba stood up, he entered a room. He was making incantations, speaking unknown languages. Immediately, he called Uchenna’s name. Uchenna was surprised. G-money told Uchenna to go and meet the babalowo inside the room, the call he called him was for him to come and meet him inside. Uchenna walked confidently to the room. Barely 2 minutes he entered. I heard screams from inside the room. It was uchenna’s voice oo. Na so fear come begin catch me ooo. I began wondering what was happening inside the room. After the screams, everywhere was silent for a while till the babalawo called Abisoko. “But where is uchenna,” I thought to myself. “Uchenna no come out again!” G-money encouraged Abisoko to go and not to be afraid. “Me sef no know Say my guy, Abisoko dey fear like this ooo.” My guy just melo with all the hard man wey he dey do. He sluggishly went into the room. Immediately he went into the room to join the man. I was hearing some incantation. Barely some few seconds I was hearing the incantation, Abisoko screamed and shouted, “Yaaaaayyyyy !!!!! Gbadebo! Gbadebo.” Immediately I heard that, I was so scared. I wondered what must be going on. What was happening to my guys and why was abisoko shouting my name. I was beginning to move backwards. I just hoped G-money didn’t trick us to the place to use us for money rituals.”
As abisoko screamed, I shouted his name, “Abisoko.” As I shouted his name, everywhere was just silent. I shouted his name again and what I heard was, “Oti lo niyen,” meaning, “he had gone.” I began wondering what was happening, “who gone?” Where has he gone to? And to what end. I was just moving backwards when G-money looked at me. “Guy relax nah,” he said. He said I should stop behaving like a baby. “Nobody wants to kill you or use you for money rituals,” he said to me. He said it was just a normal routine to fortify us. As he was still explaining some few things to me, the babalawo called my name, “Gbadeb Alaba, omo iya Ayo.” G-money asked me to to. With fear in me I walked towards the room, thinking about my life and what will happen to my mom if anything bad happens to me. I just hoped am not been used for money rituals. As I entered the room, I couldn’t find my 2 guys who went in there before me. Suddenly, the man said I shouldn’t waste his time. I should walk fast to him. He asked me to stretch my hands and I did. There was a hole so wide, which looked like an underground. He said when I get in there inside a room, I will find a cola nut on the floor. That I should take the cola nut and eat. Na so I talk “okay oo.” With my two hands stretched, he asked me to close my eyes in which I did. Immediately, I heard a very loud bang that was so heavy that I didn’t know when I began to scream, “mo ku oooo.” Meaning, “am dead ooo.” Suddenly, a whirl wind just took me away into a room. As I saw myself inside the room, I was very scared. I saw a wooden caved deity, a rooster, bird inside the room. I couldn’t see any cola nut. Na so I begin wonder wetin I wan do. The room was even scary with everything in it looking like 18 centuries stuff. As I was still standing with my eyes wondering about to see were to find the Kolanut. A voice asked me to look behind me. I turned my back and saw something round in shape which looked like a cola nut glued to the wall. Na so I stretch my hand come take am. Pilled off the shaft and began chewing it. As I was chewing it, I began feeling sleepy. Before I knew what was happening again, my eyes were closed. Opening it again, I saw myself under the tree we parked our car with my two guys (Uchenna and Abisoko) inside the car, G-money was not there. Immediately I realized were I was, na so I jump up in surprise. I nearly wanted to run when Uchenna asked Abisoko to hold me. Dem come hold me. I asked if we were done with everything, they said “almost.” But still waiting for G-money. Na so we begin narrate each of our experiences inside the room the babalawo take us into.
Few minutes later, G-money came out. He said the babalawo has asked me to go back to the land that my building was always collapsing. That I should go and urinate there the next 2 days’ time. After that, everything would be fine. We left.
I did as babalawo told me to. Couple of weeks later, it seemed things was beginning to turn around. We have started scamming people’s credit card online. Our (Abisoko Uchenna, and i) our popularity in school was swearing. We were referred to as the biggest boys in school. My guys don get 2 cars each but I never buy any. I was hoping to finish up our house in Ilorin before getting a car. I struggle hard to make people believe that I am not into Yahoo yahoo. So many people believed me because I always organize trainings/seminars on online business in school. Since forex was fading away due to economic recession, I really focused on doing mini importation of mobile phones, wrist watches and some other accessories. I just use it to cover up the bigger dirty things I do.
I was so happy that our building in Ilorin was almost completed. Since after the babalawo asked me to do what I did. I visited the place and painters were doing their job very well. My mom was impressed. At first she was scared the building would collapse but I told her that I went for prayers and deliverance in school which over turned everything. “See as my mama dey jolificate say everything don over.” The other side of the compound, we built four flats (upstairs).
I was with funke in the parlour, preparing to submit my documents for industrial training (IT). My phone rang and I checked who it was Adaobi. Adaobi my former neighbor. We talked and it has been a while we saw and spoke. She said she just got a new laptop and would want to go into the online business I had been preaching about. After talking for a while, I teased her and told her that I would come to her place and she should cook ooo. After I dropped the call, funke’s face was looking “killing.” I guessed she was jealous because of the way I spoke with Adaobi. She was threatening to know who I spoke with. Well, I told her but she was still squeezing her face. Na so I come dey pet her. “Adaobi was not just any girl. I like her so much.” I could remember that she helped me so much when I just gained admission. “All the free food and transport fare. She’s endearing”. As I was still with funke, Uchenna came in to give me a bad news. He took me to a corner. He said that G-money called to tell him that the babalawo that did our charm in Osogbo was dead. “Hhmm,” na so me shout. I asked hope his death will not affect what he did for us. He said it wasn’t going to have any effect on us only that he said that before the man died, he said all the people he worked for must come and pay tribute to his copse. “Dat one no be problem nah,” I told him. After all that, I and funke spent more time together.
In the evening I went to Adaobi’s house. Abisoko took me in his car and dropped me at their gate. “They now have a gate and house fenced.” Na so people for the compound just dey hail me. Adaobi came out of the house to come and hug me. “See as people wey dey pass, some others at their compound were just watching. Na prestige for were Adaobi dey say he know someone like me. That I came there to look for her.” I entered the compound come see bola dey wash cloth. She come dey joke come say make I no great her. She complained that since I left there I had not even think of coming to see them. Na so I come dey beg ooo. I was even seeing new faces in the compound. Adaobi took me into her room while Bola came to join us. Bola asked why I was yet to get a car because I was worth it. I told them that I didn’t have money for car. They laughed and said I was lying. After much talk, there was a knock on the door and Adaobi asked the person to come in. Behold, its Nuella. She was looking very beautiful. I hadn’t seen her since I left the compound. She smiled and said I was wicked. That I didn’t even bother to ask after her when I came to the compound. I was so surprised. “Nuella don change!” “Was this not the same Nuella that chased me away from her room and called me wretched fool and poverty envisaged scum. Now money don come. Levels don change. She wan come mingle with one of the most popular dude on campus.” As Nuella said I didn’t bother to ask after her when I came to the house. I apologized to her. I tell her make she no vex. She sat down on one of the shares in Adaobi’s room. After much talk and tutoring. It was getting late at about 9pm. I told them I was going. Na so them escort me ooo. They said they really enjoyed my company and they would love to see me come the next day. I know Adaobi just want me to come the next day. I told them that I can’t come, they are in their final year so I don’t want to disturb them. Na so Adaobi come seize my wallet oo. She said I must come the next day. Well I agreed. The next day was a Sunday. I accepted their demands and left.
The next day while I was returning from church at about 11:30am, I branched to Adaobi’s place. When I got there, the whole compound was quiet. Adaobi and bola’s room were locked with key. As I was about to leave, Nuella’s room door opened. Infact I even forgot that she was even part of the people I wanted to see. Immediately she saw me, “Hmmmm, so you didn’t see Bola and Adaobi and you want to leave. Don’t care about me nah,” she said. I have to tell her I was sorry that I thought all of them went to church. She said she didn’t go to church that she was a little bit weak. I told her sorry as she opened her door and we entered. I asked if she has taken drugs. She said she would soon go and do that. She said she was in her monthly cycle and she guessed it was menstrual pain. Na so I pity her ooo. She wasn’t even ashamed to open up to me. Na so we begin chat oooo. We talked about so many things from politics to sports till we entered relationship issues. Na so she tell me say she just recently broke up with her boyfriend. Me tell her say I was in a relationship. I began finding Nuella interesting. Unlike the Nuella of the previous years that doesn’t even want to set her eyes on me. We were just chatting and joking. She even cooked rice with good fish. As the food just dey done for fire, na so Bola and Adaobi come back from church. Na so dem serve food for plate. I no even form big boy sef. Them be my person. Nuella served her own and mine on the same plate. The other girls (bola and Adaobi) had to share the remaining one inside the pot. Them talk say them dey hungry. We ate and I even gave them money to get soft drinks for us. After spending much time and helping out in Adaobi’s computer. When I was leaving, Nuella collected my number.
When I got home, nuella called me. She said she called to know if I had gotten home. Na so I tell am say I don reach oo. That was how things between I and Nuella changed. We talked more often on the phone. Sometimes she calls me more than 5 times in a day. Sometimes she would call me up in school to know where I was. She would come to meet me there. Funke had been noticing this for some time. She had been angry and confronts me often but I will always deny that there was nothing going on between us and indeed, nothing was going on between us. I felt that Nuella was just a friend and she just liked me. Tongues were wagging. I didn’t really blame funke because people, her friends has been seeing us (I and nuella) together and many people know that funke was the first lady.
This particular Friday afternoon, I and my guys (Uchenna and Abisoko) went to one of the eateries in school. Funke came to join us as we ate. Barely 30 minutes time, funke took my phone and was playing game on it. My phone rang. As she saw it, her facial expression changed. She put up a straight face. “Shebi she’s still call you again?” Funke said as she gave me the phone. I checked and it was Nuella that was calling. Funke was busy shouting and raining curses when I picked the call. Nuella asked where I was. I knew if I tell her, she will definitely come over. Since funke was around and I didn’t want to create a scene. I asked Nuella if there was any problem and she said she found a script which has my name on it on the floor of their lecture room. “I guessed it was the small test we did which had been marked.” So she said she wants to bring the script to me. I told her where I was so she could bring the script. Because I was so anxious to see what I had. I tried asking her but she refused telling me on the phone.
When Nuella came and met us, she greeted everyone. “My two guys had come to like her more than even funke.” They teased her as she took a chair and sat with us. She greeted funke, but funke snubbed her. When she gave me my script, I was so disappointed I scored 7 all over 30. “Kaii.. I was really going down academically.” Nuella sef wasn’t happy. Her project supervisor was the one taking us the course. I was bitter in my mind. Nuella started advising me to buckle up that my score was too low. As she talked, I could see funke looking at her in a weird manner. She expected Nuella to leave but she wasn’t. She stayed back. Nuella touched my cheeks and told me not to think about the score. As she was touching my cheeks, she said my beards had grown. She asked me to shave my beards and goatee. As she was touching my goatee, na so Funke come shout. “What is the meaning of all these. Don’t you know he’s someone’s boyfriend?” Funke screamed at Nuella. Funke come dey para for their, saying that I had always been frolicking around women and Nuella. She told Nuella to stay away from me. I was trying to calm her down but she no gree. The water I was sipping, she took it and poured it on me as she began crying. Nuella stood up and left the place. I went to funke to try and console her, but she flipped my hands away. My guys were just watching and couldn’t do anything. Funke walked away from the place. Come see as my guys just dey laugh me. They were calling me a celebrity, say girls dey die for me. I felt like following Funke but I relaxed myself, feeling that the issue would be settled later.
2 hours later, I got a call from Bola, Nuella's friend.
<<<<<< To be continued from episode 12 >

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Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Viciyoung(m): 7:25pm On Aug 28, 2016
Episode 12 continues ......
2 hours later, I got a call from Bola. She asked what I did to Nuella. I told her that I didn’t do anything to her ooo. She said Nuella was currently at home weeping and calling out my name. I began wondering what must be wrong with Nuella. I became scared. “What did she actually told Bola!” At that moment Bola was telling me this, I was preparing to go see funke but I changed my mind. I took a cab and went to Nuella’s house. I met bola inside. Those girls nearly hijacked me ooo when I went into nuella’s room. They were all like, “Wetin you and your girlfriend do our friend?” Nuella was lying on the bed and pressing her phone. I come try explain wetin happen for school to the girls. I tried to be diplomatic. Thank God for their understanding, not casting blames on anyone. Nuella didn’t want to speak to me. But immediately the two girls left the room, she stood up from the bed and went to lock the door. I began pleading with Nuella as she sat on the bed. As I was telling her to overlook what has happened, she began to cry again that I began wondering if really, it was what happened at the eatery was make her shed tears. It was becoming too much. I didn’t just know how to start consoling her. I moved towards her as she laid her head on my chest. I told her it was okay that I was sorry for what funke did. But I didn’t really see any wrong in what Funke did oo. Nuella adjusted herself and looked at me with tears on her eyes. I brought out my handkerchief and cleaned her face. Na there she come start to dey explain say some things wey my girlfriend tell her pain her wella. I never knew that Nuella could be so emotional like that. With the way she talked, she was going through a tough time in her life. The break up with her boyfriend was still affecting her. Her family issue was also there. Her family has been turned upside down with the dad and mom threatening to go their separate ways. Nobody was giving her attention and it seemed she was lonely. No one to cry to. She just wanted someone to talk to, to keep her company and warm, and she found that in me. She tried apologizing that she was sorry for intruding into I and Funke’s affairs only that she just found me encouraging and have a listening ears. She said sometimes she tries to withhold herself from coming to me but just can’t. As she just dey talk, I just dey pity. I myself was emotional as I brought her head to my shoulders. One thing led to another. It was just like a film. Before I knew what was happening, we were both naked and rolling on the sheets. It was soooooooo passionate that I could not comprehend that we went into more rounds. After the session, I slept off. When I woke up, Nuella’s right hand was capped around my waist and her head on my chest. I checked the time and it was 8:45pm in the night. She noticed I was awake and lifted up her head smiling. I was surprised she was smiling. I thought she would be angry over our act but she wasn’t. I immediately jumped off the bed and told her I was going. She told me to spend the night there but I refused. As I was wearing my clothes, she came and was helping me bottom my shirt. She whispered into my ears saying I was a nice person and Funke is really a lucky person. She saw how straight my face looked. I wasn’t happy about the sex. But Nuella held my waist and said I shouldn’t be angry. With the way she talked, I noticed there was something about Nuella. Her emotional attitude makes me weak. The way she will touch my hand and talk, if I had said “No” on something, I would immediately change my mind. When I went out of Nuella’s room. I saw that Adaobi’s door was locked. I didn’t want to go to Bola’s own. I no want start to dey answer unnecessary questions. I left the place back home. As I got home, I called my mom. She said she had been trying my mobile phone line but it was saying “switched off.” I told her maybe it was a network problem. She said our house has been completed and it’s ready. I had not been to Illorin for a while. Na so I happy for the good news ooo. She said people had already started coming to her for accommodation. Na so I tell her make she make her decision, find better person wey go give her peace of mind. I told her I would be coming by weekend. After dropping the call, I called funke and she wasn’t picking. I tried her line again with another number, she would pick and when she realizes I was the one, she would cut the call. This happened couple of times that I had to tell my guy, Uchenna to take me in his car to go see Funke. “Funke kpomo lips keh. I no go.” Uchenna replied. Both of my guys refused taking me in their car to go see funke. Right from time, they didn’t really like Funke that much. And it was getting late in the night. Na so I rush go back to camp. I went to funke’s house but she wasn’t at home. I tried a few of her friend’s place but she wasn’t there. I gave up and went back home. When I got home, I sent her a text message apologizing for what happened at the eatery.
Few days later, I and Funke had reconciled again after couple of apologies and sorries. But Nuella had refused to stay away from me. Infact she was even coming on stronger and bolder. She calls me often and do visit. The worst part of it was that my two friends, Uchenna and Abisoko had come to like her. They have preferred her to Funke. Each time I try telling Nuella to slow down and stop visiting me, she will become emotional and start shedding tears. My two guys would be fanning the relationship. They would call and tell her I was missing her. Na so she go come and couple of times we had sex. I really loved Funke more but there was something about Nuella’s emotions and her being that is drawing me to her which I couldn’t understand. If she calls and I didn’t pick, it would look as if the heavens would come down. Though Nuella was caring and heartwarming. She buys me gifts often, all that softens my mind towards her. When I try being angry, her smile alone brings laughter to my face.
Weekend came and I went to Ilorin. Our new house was great. We moved in immediately. I spent one week in Ilorin. I had to supervise some other furnishing works workers did in our house. At that same time, new tenants were moving into their flats in the other side of our compound. It looked as if everything was happening in a rush. The money the new tenants paid, I asked my mom to get a place so she could start a big super market. My mom also suggested she find two house maids because it would be lonely staying in that big duplex alone. Na so I tell her say she get freedom, na she be landlady. I was so happy with what was happening in our lives. “The once retched boy had now made it.” “The once akara seller is now been worshiped in her cooperative group.” I went back to Abeokuta.
As time went on, my mom’s supermarket had kicked off with full force. “There was money nah.” Second semester was gradually coming to an end. My first semester results was so poor. My CGPA had dropped drastically to 2.61 with 5 carryover courses. And na 300 level I dey. Second semester na I.T I dey but Gbadebo never start him own and semester don dey end. My mates don start dia own sef. Funke dey do her own for one food packaging company in Lagos.
This particular Sunday early morning at about 5am, my mom called me. She said there was something she wanted to discuss with me and she can’t do it on the phone. If possible that I should come to Ilorin that day. The way she sounded on phone made me scared. She said it was a matter of urgency. Na so I baff come enter Ilorin. When I got to Ilorin, the whole compound looked cool, calm, and unusually deserted that I wondered where our tenants were. “I guessed maybe the tenants had travelled.” Our two house keepers were nowhere to be found. I went to my mom’s shop. I didn’t meet my mom. The workers said he went to buy goods from Ibadan. I called her mobile number but it was switched off. I waited for couple of hours. I just wanted to know why my mom wanted to see me, coupled that i was scared too. As I sit down for my mama chair dey wait for her, I know know when sleep carry me. I had a dream where two vultures were chasing I and my mom. I and my mom were just running fast and ran into our compound. The vultures followed us. As we got into the compound, when the tenants saw the vultures, they all ran. Na so the vultures begin pursue all of us oo. One of the vulture caught up with my mom. My mom was screaming. As the vulture opened its mouth on my mom, she shouted, “Gbadebo ooo.” Immediately, I felt something on my head as I forcedly opened my eyes. It was a dream. Standing in front of me was my mom with her right hand on my head. “Oti sun lo,” my mom said. She was trying to say that I had slept off when she came in. I greeted her. I was so curious to know why she asked me to come. I told her that I didn’t meet anyone at home when I came in and the compound was so quiet. She looked at me and felt an uneasy calm. I felt there was a problem with the way my mom was doing. I asked why she asked me to come. She took me to the corner of the shop and we sat there. She spoke in Yoruba. “Gbadebo, I understand what is going on again ooo,” my mom said with a low tone. As she said that, I became afraid. “My enemies are at work again oooo. They don’t want us to succeed,” she said again. I asked what the matter was. She said most of the tenants in our house had left the house. Chaii, “Kilode,” I asked. She began narrating. She said it started after two weeks I left for Abeokuta. Every morning our house keepers will keep complaining that they were having terrible dreams. And also they complain that strange sounds and voices keep crying at their windows. But she, my mother doesn’t experience all that. The complain was too much that she sent them back to their parents. Then our tenants began complaining same thing which prompted some to leave the building. She even said one of the tenants came to her to ask for a refund of money paid, that she was no longer staying in the house.
As my mom narrated, na so fear begin catch me ooo. She said she just came from one Afa’s(muslim cleric) place. Though she told the workers that she was going to market to buy goods. I became weak immediately after hearing what my mom said. That wasn’t actually a joke, my mom was serious about what she was saying. I began wondering what the strange voices are. My mom told me that the Afa gave her water to sprinkle inside and outside the compound, that it was a spiritual attack. “But how come that they were the only ones hearing those strange voices and sounds and my mom wasn’t” I thought to myself. As I was just thinking, Nuella called my phone. I picked it. As we talked, she noticed I wasn’t filling too good from the way I sounded on the phone. She began asking me what was wrong. I told her everything was fine. She pressed further because she felt something was wrong. I still insisted that all was well. That na family matter so I no wan disclose am. She told me she wasn’t feeling too well and that she was having stomach upset. I told her to go to the hospital. After the call, my mood had since changed. “I don’t know what was just going on in my family.” My mom asked me to follow her home so she could sprinkle the water as Afa had directed. We got home and we did as told by the Afa. I and my mom was just left alone inside the whole house. I told my mom to try and get the girls back but she told me that their parents won’t let them return. But she was in the process of getting another house keepers who would arrive the next day.
In other for me to know if really what Afa did was successful and if I would hear that strange voices. I called 4 of my friends (3 boys and a young lady) in that Ilorin to come visit me that day. They were actually willing to even sleep over. Two of us even slept in the room the former house keepers used to stay. We slept comfortably and nothing happened. Though I didn’t tell them what was going on but I stylishly asked them if they heard any strange voices or sounds, they all said they never heard anything. One of them joked that maybe I was hearing strange voices and sounds in my dream. We laughed about it. They left in the evening and I gave them money. I had earlier told my mom what my friends said. So we felt everything was okay. But I had little doubts concerning what was going on but didn’t speak out about the strange voices. I felt it never existed, and maybe the tenants were just being mischievous. But another thought came to my mind. “If the tenants were being mischievous, how about our former house keepers.” Abi na all of them plan the thing!
We now have 3 house keepers brought to us. I was still determined to stay for a few days in Illorin to know if our house helps would experience the strange voices and sounds before calling the tenants to come back.
After two days, our house keepers didn’t experience any strange voices and sounds. One of the tenants who was a bachelor staying with his girlfriend. He was the only one that I asked. He even attested to the strange voices. He said the girlfriend had to leave because of the strange voices and sounds. He was the only person out of the tenants that stayed put. Though he said he sometimes travels. I asked if he was still experiencing the strange voices, he said he wasn’t. He tried asking what we did to curb it. I told him that we went for prayers at Synagogue of All nations church. After much talks with him, I went into the house. My mom called other tenants to tell them that God had delivered us from evil spiritual attacks and they should come back. I had earlier told my mom that she should tell them we went to T.B Joshua’s church for prayers. Infact me sef no know say my mom sef sabi lie. “She come add pepper, maggi for the tori.” She told one of the tenants that they saw a vision for us that an enemy from the village was chasing one of them. That was why we were experiencing the strange things. Na so the tenant ask my mama who the tenant wey them they pursue from village be. My mom was smart enough to tell her that the pastor didn’t tell us who the person was but we were told to be prayerful and she should tell the tenants to be fervent in prayers and things of God. Na so the tenant begin tell my mama say she fit pack out ooo. That she doesn’t want anybody’s problem to affect her. My mom began advising her to stay put that God has indeed deliver us. I no know how my mama talk to her before she agree.
The next day I went to Ibadan to join my guys (Abisoko and Uchenna) at a friend’s place. We were working together on a deal.
A week later, still in Ibadan. Funke called me from Lagos were she was doing her I.T. She said she was terribly missing me. I had earlier lied to her that I was doing my I.T in Abeokuta. It was her absence that second semester that gave more room for I and Nuella to be together more often. Funke said she would be coming to visit me the next two weeks. We talked, laughed and joked for some few minutes. I had indeed missed her a lot. I still had that feeling and deep love for her. Immediately Funke dropped the call, Nuella called. She sounded a bit excited that I began wondering if that day was her birthday. But I remembered it wasn’t. I asked her what was getting her so excited. She said it wasn’t what we would just talk about on phone, that I should come to Abeokuta so she can tell me. Na so I tell her say i still dey with my guys for Ibadan so I no fit come. But she asked when I will be back and I told her that I didn’t know yet. She said it was urgent that I come back so I could hear the sweet gist. Na so I tell her “Okay ooo.”
The next day Nuella called again asking me to come Back to Abeokuta, “abi I no wan hear her sweet gist!” For me, wetin I wan take gist do! I was more interested in my business and the money I would make in our new deal.
In the evening Adaobi, Nuella’s housemate sent me a text saying “Congratulations father Abrabam Gbadebo. Na u ooooo.” When I saw the text, I took it hilariously thinking it was a usuall prank she normally plays. Not until Nuella called and from the background as she talked, Bola was shouting ‘congratulations’ to me. Me sef come dey wonder wetin dey happen. Nuella was still insisting that she was not telling me what was making her excited until I come back. I asked if it was why her housemates were telling me congratulations. She said the great news concerns me. Na so I began guessing ooo. I asked if she won a lottery and she said “No.” she said she won’t open up until I come back to Abeokuta. But she hinted me that part of the great news was that my name was listed in the school’s magazine as most active young and successful Entrepreneurs in the school. She also said that some Journalist from a popular newspaper are presently looking for my contacts that they wanted to interview me. She say dem just dey waka for school dey find my contact. “Na so I come dey feel like star.” I was so excited. “But does it mean that some few people don’t have my general mobile number?” because I have a number for anyone who wanted to contact me personally. I was just wondering. As I was about to ask if the Journalist had been able to get my mobile number, Nuella told me that they have finally rectified a course they gave her a carryover. I was so happy for her and I asked if that was the only good news. She said the main one was coming and until I come to Abeokuta, she won’t tell me. “And don’t forget, time is running,” Nuella said. I began wondering. This one wey she just want make I come. I don’t just know, and she was saying it involves huge amount of money.
<<<<< To be continued from Episode 13 >>>>>>

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Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by SeyiAyorinde(m): 7:21am On Aug 29, 2016
Nuella don get belle
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Justeenaleo(f): 5:09pm On Aug 29, 2016
[quote author=SeyiAyorinde post=48889278]Nuella don get belle
Na lie
shey na the belle dey bring huge amount of money?
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by chuksvialle(m): 7:17pm On Aug 30, 2016
glued to dis story. keep it up beo
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Viciyoung(m): 10:42pm On Aug 30, 2016
Episode 13 continues ......
This one wey she just want make I come. I don’t just know, and she was saying it involves huge amount of money.
The next day, I dressed up and told my guys that I was going to Abeokuta but would return before the end of the day. I travelled to Abeokuta. When I got to Abeokuta, I went straight to Nuella’s place. None of the girls (Nuella, Bola and Adaobi) were around. “I guessed they had all gone to school.” I called Nuella and she said she was on her way home. So I waited. Barely 15 minutes, she had arrived. Na so she give me one kind hug and kiss for outside compound, that passersby were just gazing at us. Me sef, as he gave me the kiss, it looked as if I experienced an electric shock that ran through all my body systems, even down to my manhood. I really enjoyed the kiss but na the good news me wan hear. We went inside the house and to her room. Na so I come dey ask wetin be the good news wey she wan give me as we entered inside the house. “Relax nah, take it easy. I will tell you,” she said to me. She was just smiling sheepishly. Me sef dey surprise. She stood up from the bed were she layed. She was about removing her clothes when I grabbed her from behind and softly threw her to the bed. Na so play start oo. We were laughing and joking. I held her softly to the bed. I told her I wasn’t going to leave her until she tells me the good news. She was just laughing and insisted she wasn’t going to tell me until I release her. me sef talk say I no go free her. Na so call come enter my phone. I no come know wetin to do. I had to free her to pick the call. Immediately I let her loose and picked the call, she climbed untop of me and was playing with my hair. It was my mom that was calling. She asked me to come to Ilorin if possible that weekend. I asked if there was any problem, she said I should just come first. Na so fear begin catch me after the call. I began wondering why everyone was keeping me in suspense. Nuella no wan tell me her good news, my mama say make I come. She no tell me why! Nuella saw the reaction on my face, she asked me what was going on. I told her that my mom asked me to come that it was urgent. She asked if she didn’t tell me the reasons. I tell her say she no tell me ooo. I was felt something was wrong. I told Nuella that I would be going back to Ibadan that day. She started pressing me to stay back and go the next day. I no gree oo. Na so she playfully hold my neck. We come begin playfully struggle. One thing led to another. Na so we enter sexual mood. We had sex that period. After it I slept off.
When I woke up, it was around 5pm in the evening. Nuella was not inside the room. Na so I wear my clothes and came out. I met Nuella washing her clothes outside. I asked if Bola and Adaobi were back from school. She said they were still in school. I told her I was leaving for Ibadan that moment. “Oooohhhh why nah! Still stay nah,” Nuella said. I told her since she doesn’t want to tell me the good news she has, and I came all the way from Ibadan to see her and she was just playing pranks on me. I felt she was just missing me and wants to see me, that was why she used the good news term to lure me back to Abeokuta. She said it wasn’t that that she indeed has a good news for me. And she could only tell me in the night. “Na there I no say Nuella just dey use me do Yeye.” I went back to her room and wore my shoes, dressed up properly and came outside, telling her I was leaving so she could see me off. She refused, insisting I stay behind but I refused as I moved out of her presence. She tried calling me but I no wan even hear. I don already stand for Camp road waiting for car wey dey go Ibadan. She called my line but I didn’t pick. She kept on calling. I was about to switch off my phone when I saw an envelop sign, signifying text message on my phone. I checked and it was from Nuella saying. “ Sorry Dear. The surprise I have for you is that am pregnant.” After reading the text, I began finding it difficult to decode what she meant. She was pregnant! “Shey she don marry nih or.” But she said her boyfriend had broken up with her. As I was thinking, something in my mind said, “if she get belle, wetin come concern you,” the thought said. And it was right. “Wetin concern me with her belle or she want make I help her carry the baby?” As I was wondering through the thoughts, another part of me said, “shebi you dey sleep with her.” Hmmm, and indeed I was sleeping with her. “Chaii, make e no be say na me get the pikin ooo,” I thought to myself. “Or maybe Nuella was just playing prank on me,” I thought to myself. As I was thinking, Nuella’s call came in again and I was already inside the car and we were entering Odeda village heading towards Ibadan. I picked the call. Nuella was sounding bitter and was crying on the phone. She said she was sorry for not seeing me off and prolonging the good news. I asked if what she wanted to tell me was what she sent through text and she responded “yes.” I asked who was responsible. “Of course you nah! Was I sleeping with any other person!” she responded. As the girl just say na me, I no know whether na another prank or lie. My head was just boiling like boiling ring. It looked as if a large hammer was used in hitting my head. I no just know wetin I want talk. How come she was pregnant. I was just wondering when she said “are you still there.” I asked how she got to know and she said the time she wasn’t feeling too well, that she told me she was having stomach upset. “And I remembered it was true. I told her to go for a checkup.” I couldn’t understand what was really going on as we talked on phone. I told her I would call her back and cut the call. I had to tell the driver to stop the car which he did and I gave him money. Na so I enter another car from Odeda go back to Abeokuta. As I got to camp, something in me said, “what of if she just faked this pregnancy just to make you stay in Abeokuta?” And it may be true. As I reach her house, enter Nuella room. Adaobi and Bola was already back and was inside the room. As they saw me, we greeted and they saw and felt my countenance. They left the room. Nuella’s eyes were already red as she brought out an envelope and gave to me. I asked her why she was crying, she said because she thought I was angry that she was pregnant for me. I opened the envelop and it a medical report. She was indeed pregnant, 9 weeks gone. Something in me was like, “are you sure this girl is not faking this report.” Na so I begin think oohh. She fit dey fake the pregnancy report.
I turned to her with straight face. I told her that I don’t believe she was pregnant for me and I was not going to accept any responsibilities. And infact, she was even joking sef. As I turned back to leave, come see tears, crying ooo. Nuella knelt down and swearing she was pregnant. She held my hands. Na so I flip her hands away come leave the room and went back to my house in gate to spend the night. I wasn’t happy at all. I was yet to agree to the terms that Nuella was pregnant for me. infact I no even believe am. Nuella was calling and sending text messages but I was picking nor responding. She sent me couple of messages on facebook. I slept off that night, bitter and devastated. My guys called me and I told them what was happening. Uchenna said Nuella might be telling the truth that she was pregnant for me. na so dem begin encourage me ooo. They said how I talked to her was not that good. That I should have a heart to heart talk, even if I wanted abortion. I sleft off and went back to Ibadan the next early morning. I was still yet to contact Nuella. She had being trying to contact me but I wasn’t picking her call. I was so restless as I got to Ibadan to meet my guys.
In the evening, my mom called. She added salt to my injury, giving me a sad news. She said our house keepers and tenants had started complaining that the strange voices and sounds had returned. Na so fear come catch me again. Na so I bath, my guys were already aware of what was happening. Uchenna and I entered Abisoko’s car that evening and headed for Illorin. We got to my house at about 9pm. My mom was so devastated. The house keepers had been moved out of the house. My mom asked them to stay in one of her friends place for the main time. Unlike the first incident that she sent them packing, accusing them of witchcraft. My mom was really bitter and sad that night. She was just shouting that her enemies will not succeed. The worst part of it was that its others that are hearing the strange voices and sounds. My mama no dey hear am. I went to see if the tenants were still around. Virtually all of them had packed out. I met the bachelor I saw the last time. He was leaving the house. He said the sounds normally occurs in the night and sometimes resulting to severe headaches in the morning. “hmmm, this is serious,” I thought to myself. Another worse part was that my mom said that some of the tenants fought before leaving. They were accusing each other of witchcraft based on what my mom told them earlier, that it was one of them that enemies was pursuing from their village.
Na so Uchenna say make I relax my mind. They would sleep in the house and see what would happen. If it was really true, the next day we would find solution. We (i, Abisoko and uchenna) slept in the same room. We kept vigil till sleep took us. Not until about 2am that my guys woke me up and asked if I could hear any sound and voices. But I told them I wasn’t hearing any. No be small thing that night ooo. The strange thing about all these was that its non-family members that were hearing the strange voices and sound. Me and my mama no dey hear anything. Na so my guys dey run up and down that night. At a time they said the voices was intense. I had to call my mom into the room. I felt that would be the end of our lives. If anything would happen, make e happen. In the morning, my guys never complained of any strange headaches but only the strange voices and sounds. Uchenna said we should go to Ibadan, that there was this Baba that can help us in Apata. I began wondering, “how the Baba can help us when the one my mom did didn’t work.” Abisoko laughed at me and said, “before there would be any problem, there must have been the solution to it.” They convinced me and I agreed. I told my mom that we were going to Ibadan to see a prophet. My mom said she herself was going back to that Afa’s place that gave her holy water to sprinkle in the compound. Na so we enter Ibadan. When we arrived Ibadan, Uchenna called a friend who came to take us from Bodija to the Baba’s place in Apata.
When we got to the baba’s place, I thought the Baba would tell us to go for sacrifices or any spiritual cleansing. But his own was very simple that I began thinking he was fake. The Baba can’t speak English. He only spoke in Yoruba language, deep Oyo Yoruba that we were finding it hard to understand some of the proverbs and the things he said. But his son was interpreting to us the normal general Yoruba language we could understand. After explaining to Baba my problem, he asked us the colour we painted the house and I told him it was a white colour. He said we should repaint the house. According to how his son interpreted, he said we should paint the outside light magenta colour. “Once we do it, it would prevent evil spirits from coming near. They would just flee.” Uchenna gave Baba N20,000 and he asked us to go. Me sef com dey fear. “Just like that! Nothing again,” I said to uchenna. “Oya wetin you want again! make we kill human being,” Abisoko said to me. Because I felt everything looked too simple to me. Just to paint the house, outside light magenta colour. ‘Dat one no be problem’ I assumed to myself. We left the place back to Illorin. I even thought my guys (Uchenna and Abisoko) would stay back in Ibadan, but they didn’t. Na so dem still follow me reach Kwara state. As we entered Illorin, Adaobi called me. I had even forgotten I have some business with her friend Nuella. I was so engrossed in my family problems. When I picked Adaobi’s call, she sounded annoyed with me for not picking Nuella’s calls and replying series of text messages she had been sending me. Na so I come dey beg her make she no vex say I go call Nuella. She said Nuella had been down, crying because I had ignored her. “And this time in her life is when she needs support and encouragement mostly.” I didn’t want to start telling Adaobi what was going on in my family. After dropping the call with Adaobi, I called Nuella. Infact as the thing dey ring once na so she pick. “Ahhhh Ghadebo, you just forgot about me,” she said with a weak and teary voice. That was one thing about Nuella. Her emotions and soft display gets me weak. I first apologized to her for the way I treated her, walking out on her the day she told me she was pregnant. I used the family problem as the excuse. When I began telling her what was happening, how we (Abisoko, Uchenna and i) were just returning from Ibadan to see a powerful man of God because of the issue. Nuella felt pity for me. She no come dey vex say I no dey reply her text messages. She was only vexed that I never opened up to her until that moment. She said she would come to Ilorin to see me the next day. But I told her to stay back and after everything, I will come back and see her. After much talk, I told her I would send money to her account just to make up for what I did against her. After ending the call, I began wondering what will now happen to Funke. “What will Funke do when she eventually finds out that Nuella was pregnant for me?” “How would she take it sef?” All that were few questions ringing on my mind. And na Funke I like oooo. Nuella, I no just know wetin dey draw me to her. Couple of my friends had said that she understands my weak point. Knowing fully well that I was emotional, she (Nuella) uses that to get me.
As we were heading towards my place in Ilorin, we branched to a popular paint shop. We asked the sellers how we could get the light magenta colour. One of them said we should buy a red and cream colour paint and mix them together. Na so I buy enough one wey go dey enough for the whole buildings, both the tenants section and our own. We got home and my mom was already back from the man of God, Afa she said she went to consult but it was unfortunate, the man was not around. I told her that we had gotten a solution. I didn’t tell her it was a Babalawo’s place we went to. I only told her it was a prophet’s own and explained what he told us to do. I called the number of the contractor that handled our building. I told him to give me the contact of the painter. I contacted the painter but he said he was out of town and would be coming back the next week. “Next week too far nah,” I thought. We wanted a painter or painters that would do the job the next day. We looked for another painter and we got 5 of them that evening. They agreed to start work the next day which was a Sunday.
After all agreements to pay the painters handsomely, we didn’t sleep in that compound, rather we moved to a hotel, I and my 2 friends and mom.
The next day, the painters came early and started the job. It took them 3 days to finish the job. I gave them their balance. My guys had already gone back to Ibadan. I felt everything had become okay, but with still little doubts on my mind. We moved back to the house. After the first night, it was only I and my mom slept in the house. We slept so freely. My mom recalled the housekeepers the next day. Night came,
<<<<< To be continued from Episode 14 >>>>>
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Viciyoung(m): 10:51pm On Aug 30, 2016
Episode 14 continues ......
The next day, the painters came early and started the job. It took them 3 days to finish the job. I gave them their balance. My guys had already gone back to Ibadan. I felt everything had become okay, but with still little doubts on my mind. We moved back to the house. After the first night, it was only I and my mom slept in the house. We slept so freely. My mom recalled the housekeepers the next day. Night came, middle of the night was hell. The 3 of them were just screaming that they have started hearing the strange voices and sounds. Before we knew what was happening, one of them was shouting, “Ori mi ooo, Ori mi ooo.” (My head, my head). Before we could figure out what to do, the one screaming collapsed. Na so we rush her go hospital ooo. She went into coma and died that day. “Dat one na another problem entirely.” I called my guys (Uchenna and Abisoko) and told them what was on ground. They said they would go back to the Baba that told us to paint our building. The death of the house keeper was another problem that my mom asked the remaining two to go back to their families. The one that died, her family stormed the hospital with policemen. They accused us of killing their daughter mysteriously. It seemed I had already known that they would try to arrest us. Na so I call G-money. Himself get connections and at that moment was in London. He had to call one of his relatives who was an Army officer. The Army officer had to do too many contacts and connections to get in touch with high ranking police chiefs in Kwara state. After everything, the police got an order not to arrest us. The hospital management had to send all of us out of the premises due to the commotion that we were causing. Na so I organize police that night ooo to protect me and my mom for the hotel wey we lodge.
The next morning we reached out to the late girl’s family to explain what happened but they were not ready to listen. My guys called me to tell me that they had gone to the Baba’s place in Apata. And he said the colour of the paint we used was not light magenta. That if it was, what happened would have not occured. So Uchenna said he asked someone on how to mix the colours to get white magenta and they said we should use orange colour and white paint. Na so I go paint market begin find orange colour and white paint. I got it and called the painters to do the job and they did and completed it. I was scared of calling some of my friends in Ilorin to come and sleep over. Knowing fully well that I and my mom don’t hear all those weird sounds. Na only outsiders dey hear the sounds. I come dey think who I wan call again. I no wan just call somebody and same thing happens. It would look as if we were sacrificing human lives. And according to what Uchenna said that the Baba told them. “That if not that we left the house the day the house help died, the other two would have joined her.” I suggested if my mom would call one of her sales workers. She refused oo. She say she no wan endanger their lives. Na so I enter town go wait till 8:30pm and 9pm wey Prostitutes (Ashawos) dey come out. Na so I pack them 3 come house. I told them that I was expecting someone from Abuja that would do them good the next day. But I shah give them money, N5,000 each. I told them that my guys would come and service them the next day. As them enter the house, na so dem like am. I kept the three in my own personal room while I layed in the sitting room. Of course there was T.V and other electronic gadgets inside the room the Ashawos were. So it won’t be boring for them. Before I know wetin dey happen, sleep don carry me for parlour. I was awaken by a loud shouts and screams. The girls began shouting and screaming. My mom had to run out of her room. The girls ran out of the room and asked if I wasn’t hearing any strange sounds. As they said it, “I realized that what we did was not successful.” Na so the girls tell me to open the door say dem wan go. That midnight I opened the gate for them as they ran out like mad people. “I hoped they had not gotten mad because the way they were running and scratching their bodies.” And that was the last time I ever saw them again. As I locked the gate, I went inside the house and to my room. The girls no even carry their bags. In their bags were condoms and the money I gave to them. Na so I sit down for my bed. Tears rolled down my eyes. I was so devastated. I don’t know what to do, who to talk to. I called my guys that moment to inform them of what was happening. They felt pity for me. “I have really lost money.” All the deals we had been having, I had not been participating due to all the house palava. But my guys have been kind enough to still be putting some few cash into my account.
The next morning, I had to relocate my mom to a hotel I paid for and went to Ibadan. I refused consulting the Baba at Apata. But my friends insisted we still go back to him. My mom called that she consulted with a prophet and he charged her N50,000. She willingly gave him. He said the prophet said he would go to the house with his prayer team and pray. And after the prayers everything would come back to normal
Re: Confessions Of A FUNAAB Yahoo Yahoo Boy; The Tales Of Gbadebo by Viciyoung(m): 10:58pm On Aug 30, 2016
And after the prayers everything would come back to normal
Two days later, my mom called that the thing didn’t work after the prophets’ prayers. She said she hired some people to go there and pass the night and they were still experiencing the strange voices and sounds. Everything come tire me. It was affecting me psychologically. No rest of mind. Our late former house keeper, their family still dey one side dey disturb. We were yet to settle with them. G-money was still in London with his new girlfriend. He was very aware of what was going on in my life. He even advised I go back to the Baba because he trusted him. He said Baba had done many works for him and none of them had failed him. Everyone close to me aware of the situation feels the problem was the paint and we were yet to get the true light magenta colour.
Na so I later agree. We (Uchenna and Abisoko) went back to the Baba. Even if he can give us another procedures we could use apart from the light magenta colour. Baba said there was none, unless I will get him the breast milk of a lioness. And I would be the one to get the liquid. “Dat one na suicide mission nah. I no fit do dat.” When he first said it through his interpreter son, I thought he was just joking. But him pikin talk say Baba no joke oo. He was serious about it. He said the paint option was better and we should go and try and if we didn’t get it right, we should come back so he could refer us to someone. Na so me and my guys pack go Ilorin. This time, I used red and cream colour. I went back to the original painter that first painted our building. I told him to mix it very well oo. And they began work. “Na so people for street come dey ask questions say na every day we just dey paint our building!” And it was true. “I don’t blame them.” The stress is getting much. We now paint our building almost every day just to chase away evil spirits.
4 days later, me sef no know say my guys dey fear sef. They refused sleeping in the house. Na hotel dem and my mama go sleep. Na so I enter town with Abisoko car that evening go get Ashawo. I just wanted to find out if my guest would prostitute will experience the strange voices and sounds after we had painted it. I met one who caught my attention. She was relatively beautiful, huge and tall. She was very engaging and jovial. I was inside the car while she stood talking with me. No time to waste, na so I tell her make she enter car ooo. She entered and I drove. “I never had any plans to make out with her. Everything was just for experiment if what we did had worked.” She said her name was Mabel. Na so we just dey talk as we dey inside car. Mabel was very intelligent from Edo state. I stopped by to buy food from a buka.
Na so we reach house oo. Fear begin catch me. Too much doubt on my mind. Part of me was like, “this girl is too good. What if the thing didn’t work and midnight the strange voices come up to kill mabel?” Me sef no want make she die oo. “Looking at her, I was just feeling for her.” We got home and ate the food I bought. She really liked our house. From there we enter bathroom together. Before I no wetin dey happen, we were rolling on the sheets. Mabel had a waist bead on her waist. First, second, third rounds and I was tired and slept off, only to be woken up with a painful slap on my laps. I stood up immediately. Standing in front of me was Mabel. “So you want to use me for ritual? You want to use me for rituals abi?” She said shouted. Me sef come dey look am and dey wonder wetin dey happen. She laughed telling me that I can never succeed. That what I had planned has just failed. I was just looking at her. I come dey wonder if she don mad! Na so she begin wear her clothes ooo. As I was about to ask what was going on with her, na so she shunned me. “Oya give me my money and let me go,” she said to me. “Me mabel! na im dem wan take do ritual,” she repeated again. She began talking on how she’s from Edo state and nobody can harm her. “Dat juju wey you put for this house no fit do me anything all,” she said. At that moment she said that, I began realizing that it seemed mabel knows that there was something in our house. She began shouting that I should give her her money and that is N20,000 or else she would expose me that I use people for money rituals. Na so I reached out to my pulse, bring out the complete money and gave to her in fear that midnight. Na so she just waka dey go. I was so scared. I called my guys and told them what happened.
The next morning they began explaining to me that many prostitutes I see are into diabolical powers. “Many of them dey go native doctors and babalawo places.” They said mabel wasn’t an exception and infact the girl knew that something was wrong. She knew that there was something about that our house, she felt it that was why she reacted that way, feeling it was done to use her for rituals. Me sef come dey wonder, “so our house keeper wey die, dat one na sacrifice.”
We went back to Baba in Apata and informed him that the last act wasn’t successful. He directed us to a man in Ogbomosho named Edun who is a renowned painter. He said Edun was also in tune with the things of the spirit and will help us do the job. “I just hoped and prayed this one worked.”
Na so we call Edun, he said we should come to Ogbomosho to come see him. We travelled to Ogbomosho and met with him. We negotiated and he agreed to come to Ilorin. We went back to Ibadan. Funke called me. I had already told her I was in Ibadan so she was in town to see her family. And me too don miss her. I gave her the directions to the place I was staying so she could come and see me.
When funke came to the place and address I gave to her, she saw me. Na so she screamed, throwing her small body on top of me and gave me a great mouth kiss. I was so surprised about the kiss oo. She was so excited to see me. When she realized she just gave me a deep kiss, she looked at me, “just ignore that,” she said. I had really missed her ooo. She opened her pulse and brought out a beautiful wrist watch and gave to me. She said she got it for me. I was so happy and thanked her. As I was walking Funke to the house, Nuella called my phone. Funke was holding my waist. “Thank God Funke was not looking at the screen of the phone.” “Hello, I will call you back later, abeg,” I said. I didn’t want funke to know anything. As we got to the sitting room and sat, Nuella was still adamant. She was still calling. Funke nearly caught me when she wanted to snoop. I switched off my phone immediately. I and Funke talked, joked. She asked me about my I.T, because I told her I was doing mine in Abeokuta but do come to Ibadan for some seminars on online business I teach people. We talked. After a while, I switched on my phone to make a call to someone. After the call, I left the phone on the table to go to the toilet. I forgot it was unlocked. Na when I return I come realize say my yansh don open.
As I got to the sitting room, I met funke standing with my phone on her right hand. Her countenance has really changed with the look on her face. She was just shaking her head. I asked what was wrong. “Gbadebo you have killed me,” she said. “Ahh whats the problem,” I said, thinking it was just a normal joke.
Funke--- So someone is pregnant for you?
Me --- Pregnant keh! Were you hear that one (said with a smiling face)
Funke --- So Nuella is not pregnant for you abi? You are denying it.
Na so I come dey form James bond as if I no know wetin dey happen.
Me—Who told you that one? (I was still asking foolishly).
Before I knew what was happening, Funke smashed my phone on the floor and everything shattered. She began crying. It was dawned on me that she was aware but how she got to know! I went close to her with a pity spirit. I held her and she was like “Gbadebo leave me.” she spoke softly as she wept. Me sef come feel the thing come start to dey confess. “I guessed she read the text messages exchanged between I and Nuella on my phone.” That was how she got to know. Efforts by me pleading with Funke, to even grant me an audience. The girl no gree. She told me it was over between us as she took her bag and left. I even followed her out of the compound. I had to turn back as I didn’t want people looking at the drama between us with tears all over her face. I went into the house, took the debris of the shattered phone away while I took the sim and inserted it into my other phone. As I was switching the phone on, Nuella’s call came in. Out of anger, I blocked the call. I tried calling Funke but her line was switched off. I was so devastated and weak. My guys were not helping matters at all. They even like it that Funke had broken up with me. Right from unset, they didn’t like her, even with the way they call her “Funke Kpomo lips.” If not for the journey we would be embarking the next day to Ilorin, I would have followed Funke oo.
Throughout that moment till night, I kept on trying Funke’s line but it was switched off. I sent her text messages.

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