Welcome, Guest: Join Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 2,775,027 members, 6,610,239 topics. Date: Tuesday, 30 November 2021 at 01:54 PM

Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice - Family - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice (1241 Views)

How Can I Stop My Husband's Phone Addiction? / My Mother In-Law Checks My Phone, How Do I Stop Her? / How Do I Stop The Excesses Of This Guy Staying With Us? (2) (3) (4)

(1) (Reply) (Go Down)

Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by romi: 9:42pm On Aug 19, 2016
I have to talk to someone this nite else I mite embarassed. Apologies for any typos that might occur, I'm usually drawn to d underdogs I.e people who are really undergoing some kinda unfortunate misfortune.
I will try and chose my words carefully in order not to offend anyone, I reside in a place where there are 6 block of flats, a young boy whose father died and whose mum had plenty kids, that boy was given to his uncle who is our neighbour.
This boy works frm 5.30am till .......,on many occasions at 11pm at nite they will lock him out for one flimsy and non flimsy offences and other neighbours will plead before they let him in.
I keep to myself but greet all my neighbours cordially and we offer help to ourselves in times of need.
Back to the matter, I will give this boy food, bread, money, drugs when he is shaking and feverish and they dont care to treat him.
He attends public school that is on strike while their kids attend private and they will lock the house and tell him to seat on a stool on the verandah.
What he did was that he had the audacity to slit my mosquito net from behind the dinning room area as I don't usually open that particular window and he was hiding things there, out of 6 blocks of flats he choose mine to slit and not the other neighbours, me that was d one helping him o.
I confronted d guardian who told me that since when I saw the boy and shouted but I didn't make it on time to come out of the house and catch him cos he had run away, the boy wasn't the one who slit my net, I froze and was vibrating out of anger and warned the boy never to come near my residence in the presence of his guardian.
This happened months ago and I washed my hands off caring for the boy, But as God will have it, people knock on their door and accuse the boy of all manners of offences, they will drag him and beat him, now he ran away from the house for d past 3days now with the guardian and his wife making calls and going to the police station.
Why I am agitated is the second incidence, we have 2secretaries in my office, one is single, the other is married and the unmarried one secretary came to look for a living here as her parents are in the village. I always try to help her even more than the other married secretary, I won't go into details but I take her as my younger sister.
I give her things more than the other secretary most times, do you know that she stole my memory card today from the phone I kept on my desk as the other secretary was practically out of the oFfice for the major part and when the other secretary came back, I picked my bags and left the office, my boss wasn't around too, he travelled. I was carrying out some assignment and when I came into the office, I saw my phone in her hand, she was kinda handling it playfully and there had been an earlier incidence of memory card been stolen form my boss phone.
I simply called her and told her I forgot my memory card at the office and I'm sure its at the office that she should pick it up tomorrow when she is sweeping and give me on monday when I resume.
I am not happy right now, should I just stop helping people and face front now and mind ONLY my own business, whether people collapse from hunger or not or be non Challant whenever they are crying even if its genuine?
The boy slit the net to be hiding things in the space he created, he kept things there, please don't get me wrong, I don't expect any form of thanks or applaud from the things I did, far from it, I'm just pained that their actions hurt me. I am doing it for humanity sake!
Please pardon my epistle and please because of Almighty God, no insults as I am not in the mood, matured reply only please!
Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by menxer: 9:54pm On Aug 19, 2016
Is that all, just slit mosquito net?
You are funny, are you doing good for men to applaud you or reward you with good?
Well you didn't say how old you are.
Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by Nobody: 10:08pm On Aug 19, 2016
Pls,do not change ur considerate attitude becuz of these people.There will alwayz b people out there who won't appreciate ur generosity bt u jst hv 2 ignore them,afterall u re nt doing it bcz of them...U do it becuz of who u re!!!....


Btw,u xhudn't b 2 friendly with them!
Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by yomi007k(m): 10:11pm On Aug 19, 2016
undecided
Op u neva see oo...if I tell u my story, u will run from humans.

If I wana help now, I do it wt caution. ..
Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by Nobody: 10:45pm On Aug 19, 2016
would love to put what i think down so no offence
love your neighbor as yourself dont wait for rewards.... hmmmm.... when people do stuff against you, be sure God is already fighting for you because what youve done is with a clean heart... its never too much to extend a helping hand to someone in need but proceed with caution humans are getting scary
Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by romi: 10:53pm On Aug 19, 2016
menxer:
Is that all, just slit mosquito net?
You are funny, are you doing good for men to applaud you or reward you with good?
Well you didn't say how old you are.

The boy slit the net to be hiding things in the space he created, he kept things there, please don't get me wrong, I don't expect any form of thanks or applaud from the things I did, far from it, I'm just pained that their actions hurt me. I am doing it for humanity sake!
Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by MozartianDreams(m): 11:16pm On Aug 19, 2016
I have been through similar experiences though I may be way younger than you are - I am 21 years old. Nevertheless, I am to be due for my NYSC service in a few months, infact I spilled my last year in the university, so I have been forced to mature faster than others in my actual age range you may say, as I am usually the youngest or among the youngest amongst my peers.

A few months ago, in meeting someone's need as way of a loan, I have parted with roughly #25,000 and received 'excuses' and genuinely the debtor can't pay back. Other cases have occured as well. I have been termed 'foolish', 'a maga' by some.

It seemed people deliberately took advantage of me for the fact that I was very meek and charitable. I got very mad. Even friends at times 'exploited' me. I was bitter for a while.

The least anyone could do for me for being nice was to do nothing (I don't need your good, but please don't do me evil after I have done you good) - That was my philosophy.

But later on I realized that I wasn't 'entitled' to demand (mentally) how anyone should treat me as it isn't a perfect world and to avoid unneccessary frustrations from disappointments. I revised my reasons for doing good in the first place. Ask yourself why you do good? Does it make you happy? Would you rather not care? Are you fine/ok with that? Whatever your answers are, your reasons for doing what you do (good deeds, that is) should be formed internally and not swayed by circumstances. It is a selfless and thankless character.

I admitted no one should be the reason for my happiness in that respect.

Also, define boundaries, this is how you protect yourself, if you will. It wasn't until recently that I began to define meaningful boundaries. It's okay to relate with people, but you wouldn't want to behave in such a way as to be lenient to a questionable character like stealing hence attracting it.

You need to talk to your secretary and your neighbour's kid what you will not stand for. It helps to put out your boundaries upfront.

Also, try to change them with God's help by treating them better than they deserve. If you treat someone as they are, they may never change, but if you treat them as what they could be, they will change to be that person (paraphrased) - I have forgotten who said that.

Success!

4 Likes

Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by romi: 11:29pm On Aug 19, 2016
MozartianDreams:
I have been through similar experiences though I may be way younger than you are - I am 21 years old. Nevertheless, I am to be due for my NYSC service in a few months, infact I spilled my last year in the university, so I have been forced to mature faster than others in my actual age range you may say, as I am usually the youngest or among the youngest amongst my peers.

A few months ago, in meeting someone's need as way of a loan, I have parted with roughly #25,000 and received 'excuses' and genuinely the debtor can't pay back. Other cases have occured as well. I have been termed 'foolish', 'a maga' by some.

It seemed people deliberately took advantage of me for the fact that I was very meek and charitable. I got very mad. Even friends at times 'exploited' me. I was bitter for a while.

The least anyone could do for me for being nice was to do nothing (I don't need your good, but please don't do me evil after I have done you good) - That was my philosophy.

But later on I realized that I wasn't 'entitled' to demand (mentally) how anyone should treat me as it isn't a perfect world and to avoid unneccessary frustrations from disappointments. I revised my reasons for doing good in the first place. Ask yourself why you do good? Does it make you happy? Would you rather not care? Are you fine/ok with that? Whatever your answers are, your reasons for doing what you do (good deeds, that is) should be formed internally and not swayed by circumstances. It is a selfless and thankless character.

I admitted no one should be the reason for my happiness in that respect.

Also, define boundaries, this is how you protect yourself, if you will. It wasn't until recently that I began to define meaningful boundaries. It's okay to relate with people, but you wouldn't want to behave in such a way as to be lenient to a questionable character like stealing hence attracting it.

You need to talk to your secretary and your neighbour's kid what you will not stand for. It helps to put out your boundaries upfront.

Also, try to change them with God's help by treating them better than they deserve. If you treat someone as they are, they may never change, but if you treat them as what they could be, they will change to be that person (paraphrased) - I have forgotten who said that.

Success!

Thanks, will put it to heart, I do it cos I genuinely don't see people suffering esp in genuine cases but like u said ...(I don't need your good, but please don't do me evil after I have done you good) - ..this is the painful part of it for me, I don't expect anything in return from them, I'm even usually embarrased when we see the next day and they say thanks for yesterday!
Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by bennyrazz: 11:35pm On Aug 19, 2016
@op, you just kept on repeating a boy slit your net, a boy slit your net to hide stolen stuffs just because you help him in terms of giving him food, giving him drugs, money and all that. Your company secretary stole your memory card, you help people and they don't feel grateful, is that all? anymore? let me ask you this, what have you done that no man has done before? do you think you are doing it for them? (giving people money, meeting their needs) whatever you do for someone, you are simply doing it for yourself and you are simply giving God a reason why he should bless you more. The God that gave you everything, the God that gave you good parents, good job, the God that saw you through school, he gave you every. ingredient to succeed in life. how have you paid him back?

1 Like

Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by gidjah(m): 7:08am On Aug 20, 2016
dont ever stop doing good o my brother, you are blessed to be a blessing, all those lil givings of yours are what GOD uses to keep or protect you,if you stop helping you are also inversely asking god to cease HIS help from your life.I speak as a living witnes.lots of people have scammed me via my help, but i haven't stopped helping and wont stop until the end of time.But i only got wiser and better,so adjust and never stop assisting o.

1 Like

Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by Nobody: 8:29am On Aug 20, 2016
Keep doing good for a cheerful giver is a cheerful receiver.
Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by Nobody: 9:26am On Aug 20, 2016
The only sensible part of ur story that need advice is dat of d little suffering child. As for d lady u deserve what she did to you bcus helping someone shdn't give room for familiarity to the point of going thru ur phone without ur permission. You shd knw if u give a lady an inch she'll go a mile

The boy is uncared for emotionally and psychologically and probably hungry at most times so he would tend towards stealing. So 4give him

Notwithsatnding I see u mix showing love with too much familiarity, that's an issue for you to work upon. U can be firm/strict and still show concern even to d little boy and be careful next time cus d guardian could turn to you and say ure d one inflencing him to misbehave or run away from home

4 Likes

Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by Nobody: 1:50pm On Aug 20, 2016
Children and the elderly are the two most vulnerable groups in a society. In this situation, you have a child. If you're ever in the position to help a child in need, especially this young boy who is being abused and maltreated by his cruel Uncle, do it and do it with a free spirit. You shouldn't have turned your back on him, even though you say he tore your mosquito net. He probably acts out sometimes as a response to his experiences.

1 Like

Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by Gboliwe: 8:27pm On Aug 20, 2016
Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by Melsan: 9:23pm On Aug 20, 2016
gidjah:
dont ever stop doing good o my brother, you are blessed to be a blessing, all those lil givings of yours are what GOD uses to keep or protect you,if you stop helping you are also inversely asking god to cease HIS help from your life.I speak as a living witnes.lots of people have scammed me via my help, but i haven't stopped helping and wont stop until the end of time.But i only got wiser and better,so adjust and never stop assisting o.
hello..hope you good?
Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by duduade: 10:43pm On Aug 20, 2016
Please help me....
Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by Eleganza33(f): 10:47pm On Aug 20, 2016
Wow please continue helping such things do happen
Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by gidjah(m): 11:08am On Aug 21, 2016
yea am doing good dear.
Melsan:
hello..hope you good?
Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by gidjah(m): 11:14am On Aug 21, 2016
yes yes o, pretty good dear sis,eyina nko, eku ojo meta ati half!bawoni change?nice hearing from ya.
Melsan:
hello..hope you good?
Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by cococandy(f): 1:12pm On Aug 21, 2016
I feel sorry for that poor boy. So he gets locked out at nights and during the day has to sit outside for his guardians and their kids to get back from wherever they went to? And in addition neighbors can actually go into his keeper's house, drag him out and beat him up for offenses he commited towards them. Smh.. So he's practically raising himself is that it?

Anyway sorry about your predicament. Hope you make the right decision.

2 Likes

Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by dahmie2013: 1:19pm On Aug 21, 2016
Op, u will only change if all u do or did was in expectatn of a reward eida in cash or kind. Do not look @ d ppl wen helping, do it 4 God. He who lendeth to d poor, lendeth 2 God. Also, we don't necessarily show love 2 dose who deserve it, just do it. God dat sees in secret will reward openly.
Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by Melsan: 3:30pm On Aug 21, 2016
gidjah:
yes yes o, pretty good dear sis,eyina nko, eku ojo meta ati half!bawoni change?nice hearing from ya.
ijo kan pelu,alaafia ni ooo..oluwaseun smiley
Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by chigoizie7(m): 3:35pm On Aug 21, 2016
Op, u never see anything oh.

I don't help people these days, them don show me pepper,

I only help people I want to help without them asking for it. But for all those people asking for it? Mbanugo, lie lie.
Re: Should I Stop Helping People: I Need Logical Advice by Nobody: 8:20am On Aug 22, 2016
Pls don't stop cos it's actually a spirit of giving u r about letting go.
U won't know the value of it until you lose it.
I regret while I did mine

(1) (Reply)

Woman Living With Two Husband Under One Roof (photos) / From High School To Wedding Day Pics / Twins Celebrate Their 100th Birthday With Whimsical Photo Shoot

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2021 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 158
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.