weeks ago, I got an unusual text from my ex asking for forgivness! It was a brief but thought invoking text. I didnt reply, but I was in disbelieve. One, the number she sent sms to is very private. Only 4 people know about it and I have not use the line for months. Two, I have parted from her about 5 year ago after nearly 8year of promising relationship that ended when someone deflowered her. She had earlier vowed to marry the man that deflower her. I thought it was a joke, but it wasnt. She ended the affair. It was painful but we let go. And we never get in touch since then. We live in diff states.

So when I got the text, I contacted my brother who live close to her town. And he told me he gave her the number after too much pleading.

The text asked for pardon and also requested to see me. She also cut the figure of an unhappy woman. I forgave, and then told her to fix a date. I was aware she is married with a kid. But I need to know so many things. Why did she suddenly remember me after all the years? Why ask for pardon? We exchanged texts and I was convinced I can help her get back to life. I planned to help her marriage work and also ensure she put the ghost of our relationship behind her.

And then, the texts stopped. I didnt fix a date to meet her and she neither. The exchange of texts lasted 5 days.

After that, a guy started chatting me on the yahoo ID she gave me. I knew he is a guy because he gave himself away. But I assumed that he is her co-worker. Beside, I am very much familiar with how the girl communicate. I made her, and I groomed her to maturity. Any way, I told the guy never to impersonate the girl again. I even added him on facebook. I wonder if he is the true face I saw.

Last weekend, a number that has been flashing me sent an sms and wrote "se she didnt tell you she is married with kids and bla bla bla. I couldnt grasp the source since I am not into anything like that. But I asked the sender's identity. We exchanged a series of texts. I inferred from it that he is my ex gf husband. I wasnt stunned, but I pitied him. He sounded like an idiot who put his house on fire and then start attacking a fire fighter for wetting his expensive rug! He sounded desperate to find out if his wife is cheating on him. I wonder why.

I have read enough. So I replied him that it is unfortunate that people like him are allowed to marry in the first place. He isnt worth being called a husband. Instead of thinking how to strengthen her marriage and make her traumatized wife happy, he was busy probing her past, reading her texts and scrolling through the number she called trying to find out if she is cheating on him!

He even had the gut to tell me 'it is no big deal' since 'she also do the same!' No wonder, they have unhappy marriage.

I threaten the guy and lambasted him for even suspecting his wife fidelity when that one has trusted him with everything. (while the lady even used his number to text me, the guy obviously use a new number to text me.) He stopped sending me texts after I rain invectives on him.

My point: if a foolish bf/husband threaten you behind the phone, make him regret the act as long as you are innocen of the foolish accusation he threw at you.

It is time people stop blamming outsiders for their own problem. If you snatch someone lady and impregnate her, you must be prepared to receive a backlash in future if the lady's heart return to the original source. It is better to have a 'wife' than a 'mother of your children'

Also to ladies out there, it is time to start using head when deliberating on marriage instead of using your emotion. Marrying someone because he deflower you is good 'only if the man is worth being married. Also marrying someone for his wealth would just last as long as the wealth keep flowing.

Finally, why would some people be so insecured as to spend every night of their marrital life scrolling through their partners' phones and emails? And why would any man think that after marriage, his wife must not communicate with any guy again? The world is changing. It is time to learn to trust.

I made her, and I groomed her to maturity

what does this mean?

it mean exactly what you read. I met her as innocent young girl in secondary school. Through my guide she learn to build her self confidence, and also was able to pursue her education. Something she almost gave up after repeated attempt at doing waec. Dont get me wrong, I didnt pay her tuition, I was also a student too and just 2 or 3 year older than her. But I did have the ability to inspire. She happened to be a beneficiary.

Before then, she had never interact with boys and she was a shy and reserved lady.

olanajim:

it mean exactly what you read. I met her as innocent young girl in secondary school. Through my guide she learn to build her self confidence, and also was able to pursue her education. Something she almost gave up after repeated attempt at doing waec. Dont get me wrong, I didnt pay her tuition, I was also a student too and just 2 or 3 year older than her. But I did have the ability to inspire. She happened to be a beneficiary.

Before then, she had never interact with boys and she was a shy and reserved lady.

oh, ok.

I just found the expression rather unusual, thats all.

I guess you mean you helped her.

help is not always about money. At any rate, some things are better than money. The above was just an example.

@ola.
I guess we all learn from our mistakes. Your story tho emotional brought out some basic facts one has to consider before rushing into marriage.

ani,
There is no bitterness. Try re read again. I wasnt even in the picture.

lest I forget, we are not even friend, Ani Lee. And I dont look for her. She asked for help.

The husband may be her hubby, he knew quite well that he needs help. At least his texts show that. Sending me an sms and emailing me after impersonating the gal are all signs that something is wrong with both of them. I dont even know what it is. And the last time I saw the girl was mid 2004! Even now, I dont know what she look like. So I consider the guy's insinuation as unpardonable. Never mind, I have taken care of him. I dont need advice. I just shared what had happened. And if he send me a stupid sms again, I am going to humble him!

Dude, u should sign up to a gps mobile tracker and supply that idiots number, u'll have him in minutes, then u can bitch slap him unexpectedly before revealing your identity. Prick!

I made her, and I groomed her to maturity


Im baffled that an educated man can still make such a chauvinistic comment like this in 2009.

Talk about nosy husband/boyfriend. . .what about a nosy ex bf?


Had an ex bf who went all the way to add a new bf on face book. . .only God knows why! Some peeps are just plain pathetic!

The man obviously has security issues. . .If he can't trust he's wife then he better off not being married at all!

@ebonyeyes,
Who told you I am educated? I barely pass my JSCE exam. And I am currently sitting for my GCE at the on going Nov Dec. So dont push it, it is non issue.

Try read reply to Tpia and have your peace. Cheers.

@thonia, I am aware of people doing that. Lol, I have no idea why they do it. Maybe they are hurting. That is why I always make it a point to contact those who add me on fb and monitor them. At any rate, there is nothing on fb that is private to me, for instance. Apart from what I think, my email and a phone number that wont pict a call, there is nothing private. Maybe my pictures is the nearest, but that is nothing. I think such people will hurt themselves more if the keep spying at their ex.

Ebonyeyes:

I made her, and I groomed her to maturity


Im baffled that an educated man can still make such a chauvinistic comment like this in 2009.

I tire oh!! Like say she for no mature without him!

@ Ola

Get over it okay? People never had BFs in secondary school and still matured to be very remarkable women. She was obviously too young for a relationship then and if you ask me I'll say you didnt do such a good job with her than you thought!

You are obviously still pissed that the guy got her and not you. Why on earth will you even want to meet her when you know she was married? What did you think would happen? You guys will smile at each other and gist?

The husband did feel threathened and rightly so! Maybe the FB thing is a littl ebit extreme but desperate times . . .

I wonder why you think you are right sef. In this case you are the outsider and I think her hubby has every right to be jealous!

I had an ex whose sister added me on fb to try and become m yfriend because she wanted to see my picture, next thing I know she begins calling me  24/7 <i never told her I needed a friend> 


I had to tell her that I may need to contact my lawyer if need be and urm, I didn't unfriend her but I insult her once in a while when I can, she makes it a point to invite me to all of her family activities, < like her daughter 1 year old party,  her brother's birthday party,  her sister's graduation party> so that I can once again bump into my ex,


funny thing, I don't even know this girl why would you be inviting me to all these personal events,  beats me! 

@ OP i see what you mean. Its quite sad and pathetic that this man sees you as a threat after all this while.

It baffles me when people think that they are right in their actions .She was your "girlfriend" and you broke up with her because she had sex with someone else.Now you have the gut to insult her "husband" who married her and paid her dowry.I have some questions for you.
(1) How will you feel when your wife is exchanging regular text ( intimate) with a particular man (ex-boyfriend)?
(2) Are you not ashamed of getting involved in or aggravating a marital dispute?
(3) How will you feel when your wife's ex-boyfriend is insulting you?
It is people like you that cause problems in other peoples marriages.I can see that you want her marriage to fail because she betrayed you and that's the opportunity to pay her back.You should be ashamed of yourself.Learn to respect the sanctity of marriage.
The husband has the right to find out if his "wife" is cheating,using whatever method he feels will be appropriate (heard of cheaters?).I think the husband is a gentleman to take it lightly with you when you have the gut to insult him instead of apologizing.I will advise you to watch your back because the next man might not be gentle.
You look like a frustrated or angry man because when you noticed the husband has gotten involved you should have explained to him what transpired between the two of you (if you are innocent) and apologized.
What God joined together let you not put asunder. I know that you feel angry because you feel you have spent so much on the girl and that no man deserve her but you (i can understand that).Try and respect the man that married her because you will want to be respected by your wife's ex-boyfriends.

men tend to get very nostalgic about their exes sometimes.

However, why did the woman herself contact her ex when she was having problems in her marriage ? Didnt she know that would stoke the flames ?

she shouldnt rekindle unnecessary passions especially since the hubby obviously isnt willing to let go.

and isnt olanajim married?

i read this and found nothing to say other than o.p is really pised @ something
with the ex and her husband.

are they biting you on ISLAM section or what?

I think I worded my post properly before posting. It is funny how people just go through a message and then pick only what appeal t them. Anyway, I have been on nairaland long enough to know that some people are not worth replying. All they want is how to set the ball rolling for a fight.

As for those who said, I left her bcause she was deflowered by another man, I need to let you know that she left on her onw and it was two years after she was deflowered. What is more, it ws clearly stated that she made it clear on her own volition that she want to leave. i wonder how some people pass their ENglish exam.

If indeed, I was the one who left her, she would not have any business coming back to me after two guys and now in a marriage. It make sense to think before throwing accusations. I am very much aware of the way some people reason as if the head is not in the right place.

Secondly, the text message she sent was not included in my post. A sane person should have asked what was the content of her text message before making judgment. Wat is more, I did not even crucify her. I was lambasting the husband and I believe I was right to do that. He txt message did not actually indicate she wanted to return to me. Which was something that make me feel the man has gone too far. She merely soaught help. But I called someone who is living near her to assess her her condition and tell me what is happening. That is from whom I got the message that all was not well in her home. and it is from the follow that I knew wat was going on. So, it fair, and I know I am fair to say I can help her.

Thirdly, on this forum, I cannot remember the numebr of comments I have dropped for people neither could I remember the number of people I have helped in real life. the girl know who I am, so her contacting me was because she needed someone. Unfortunately, for her, I happened to be her first love. that make it emotional. I am aware that many guys in that situation will use the opprotunity to chop and lick mouth. That is many guys.

Hey, those saying that I must have dated her when she is too young need to beat a retreat, I mentioned the whole things lasted 8 years and it w a very decent one. She fumbled, but I stayed on for two more years before I finally  agree to leave her. She dated the guy even when she told me she will leave.  and soon, she calledit up.

As for those saying she is too young, it is a pity. I can say she is just 3 year younger than I am. At JSS2, I have started teaching. and by SSS3, I was known as a "teacher" though not qualified. Professioanally.  It is a pity some people imagine that every young man in secondary school must be a baby. If there is anything that is good in me, or whateevr, I think I learned them while I was in primary schoo through secondary school. I am not gifted, but I grew up in a house where I was trusted into the world of teaching rght from primary school. It started from teaching your classmates what they don know while the teacher relax and it went on to become a part time vocation by secondary school.

One thing I have found out in my journey on earth is that, age has nothing to do with wisdom. Many people with gray hair do behave foolishly. Some people grew up faster than others. While we read all manner of silly posts here from adults, it may interest some to note that sensible posts does come from those who are younger. My being wiser than her has nothing to do with my age or her age. It is purely a result of my upbringing. If you spend your youth chasing wisdom, there is no way you will grow up as a fool and in the same level as your peer who spend their youths chasing money or ladies. Age has nothing to do with it. i think I am lucky to grow up in the home I was raised. what do you think we spent the years on when we have no intimate/sexual contact? Well, only those who have had such relationship can tell. the rest may continue to guess.

tpia.:

what does this mean?

you nor fit kill me you this people

tpia na one kin funny lady o

Nods head.Poster trying to help someone he's not even be talking to for years.And the whole nairaland section turns it to a chauvnist post.Guy i feel you.But don't help pple if they want to fall let them fall with thier own hand.That way it won't be ur problem afterall she married the psycho so it's her loss.It's time to cut the bonds.Emotions will only slow you down.

you did the right thing, am proud of you man

I have observed the tendency for some people to always turn every thread on nairaland to a fight and attack on posters and one another.  It has been a long time I came to nairaland to make posts. But my first port of call was religion section. A section that I hate to visit. I think to some extent, I made my voice known.

But here, it is a difference problem. A lady said her bf that did not proposed to her wanted to marry her by force and people called her double dater. The thread ended up as a fight. So many of them. This is time for me to show if I am truly a cool headed guy or a foolish one. I am going to encourage everyone to post his or her opinion. But I must remind you that I have no problem at all. I have dealt with the issue before coming to nairaland. Since, it worked for me, need I pick a fight with anyone who spend his time looking for who to fight on internet? If your reply has merit, fine If not, dont worry, it will help the thread grow into many pages with people like you reading and assimilating it.

@tipia,
that may be true if your ex is like that but not for me. You know what, someday, I will share a secret with this forum. As much as most people here are anonymous, I can tell to some extent what your personal life is like. It is not a rocket science. All you have to do is to use a "mirror effect". That will be sometime later. Suffice it to say that you have just let me into your personal world. I think I can fairly appraise your personality and your attitude to relationship. By their words, we shall know them.

No matter what you say, you will find out that you meet the wrong man if your intention is to create an atmosphere for misinformation and abuse. I always enjoyed it when people do that. as long as I am not replying them.

@mcdoe,
You are very correct in a way. At least based on the guy's text, there is something like that. It is like they have been having the problem for sometimes. And that the habit of readng one another text is a fallout of "Mutually Delivered Infidelity" Why I said that? Well, I got in touch with  uncle who gave her my number in the first place ad he told me what is going. I did that even before replying her texts.

During the last two year we are together, a series of events happened. I was not in the area again, but I did visit every week to try to pactch things up. Fortunately, I have an uncle who still live there. Our houses is just next to one another. so each time I came back from school, I would be treated with story of how the girl has changed and is moving with certain elements. I often ignore the negatives and continues to believe I can influence her. Truly, I did have a way of influencing her. Sometimes, she would cry and then confess. Sometimes, she would run away only to drop letter that she is ashame of seeing me.

Anyway, after she lost her virginity, she became a different person. It is like for some ladies, virginity is just a veil being used to cover up their immorality. Some ladies just become wild after losing thier precious pots. I made reference to her in one of my recent posts here. I am aware he was dating two guys during our last year together, not just the guy that deflowered her.

Oh, was I completely innocent? No!! I was partly responsible for the permanent break. I gave her ultimatum to shape up or shape out. And I stopped visiting her in that last year as frequently as I used to do. And when we are together, I did not talk of future as I always do. And when she said she want out, I did not even look for her. In fact, that was the last time I saw her to this day. Although I went to our house in the area once a while, she had relocated and so the past was buried.

My reason for posting the thread in the first place is to let would be nose poker who daily read their wife texts know that it is no every time the man they will contact will melt like a jelly after being threatened. If I were the husband, the first thing I will do is to talk to my wife and seek clarification and not to go and buy new line and start making threat at the other people to stay away from my wife even before you now who they are. That is a foolish behavior that often destroy homes. And that is what the guy did. He even chat me with me using an european name. The chat failed when I found out that he is a man instead of a woman, and I rebuked him for doing that. I then asked him not to bother again because I will find out it is him. The second thing he should have done is to investigate. It is so easy since both of them share phones and read one another texts. But the man did not do that. he bungled the opportunity for good. If the lady know her husband has been contacting people she texts and call behind her, I am sure she would stop being open to him.  And if indeed, she has been flirting around, he may never found out. And that is what one get when one fail to think before acting.

@ Poster
Please get a wife and stop disturbing a marital home.Its a shame that you are still trying to argue your actions instead of picking up your phone and apologize to the gentleman.Its a shame.
Marriage is between husband and wife not between husband,wife and ex-boyfriend.If they have problems between them you are not the right person to settle it.STAY AWAY from them please.How will you feel if your wife's ex-boyfriend is meddling in your affairs.Please use your head and put yourself in the husbands position.
Please be civil in your actions because so far you are not.A gentleman knows his bounds and respect another man's business(wife or girlfriend).
I beg you not to destroy another man's family.Do you know that you have caused unforgivable problem in that house because the man will always deal(directly or indirectly) with the wife because of your insult to him(you know men are unforgiven).Apologize to the man,that's the only way to help now.
Cheers.

olanajim:

@tipia,
that may be true if your ex is like that but not for me. You know what, someday, I will share a secret with this forum. As much as most people here are anonymous, I can tell to some extent what your personal life is like. It is not a rocket science. All you have to do is to use a "mirror effect". That will be sometime later. Suffice it to say that you have just let me into your personal world. I think I can fairly appraise your personality and your attitude to relationship. By their words, we shall know them.

No matter what you say, you will find out that you meet the wrong man if your intention is to create an atmosphere for misinformation and abuse. I always enjoyed it when people do that. as long as I am not replying them.

so because pcguru posted some crap, you now want to turn about like a doublecoat and attack me?

You already reponded to my post before pcguru came in to instigate and point useless fingers.

So why the insults now?

I'm disappointed in you I must say. Thought you were more matured but I was obviously wrong.

This is how people are destroyed by bad advice when they think someone is watching out for their welfare when in actual fact the person they trust is only out to destroy them.

Dont think I'm surprised oh! I was waiting for you to respond in this exact manner after pc guru gave his two cents. I know una mode of operation.