robedu:
I graduated quite early and at 22 i already had an okay job, my education was miraculously funded with the little meaner jobs i was doing from house girl to sale's girl, typist etc.

So when i had a job, i decided to help my other siblings both younger and elder ones get qualitative education, for 4 years i work solely to pay their fees, i had no savings, so finally last year the last one standing graduated and i thought i was going to breath fresh air.

One came to stay with me, my immediate elder brother, after his NYSC he started job hunting and couldnt get any, he came to me to explain that he wants to go into photography, that he will use that to establish himself since there are no jobs coming forth, i went ahead to buy expensive photo camera, photo light, printers and all sort of photography stuff for him. weeks pass, months pass without him making any good out of the photography business, i keep on advising him and all.

But early this year when my car started having issues, i decided to change the car, when he saw that i wanted to buy a new car, he came to me to explain that the photography business is not moving, and that i should buy a car that will be accepted in Uber, so he can be driving the car for Uber transport at the weekends when i will not be using the car, initially the car i wanted to buy wasn't uber spec, i wanted to get Lexus 350 or Prius, but because of the way he pleaded with me, i decided to buy camry 2010 which was uber spec so he can use it.

After i got the car, i taught him how to drive and he started driving the car during the weekend, later he came to tell me he can be using the car in the afternoon when i am at work then he will drop me in the morning and pick me up in the evening. this was the hardest part, i couldnt bear not having a car to move around for lunch or client meetings in the afternoon, then he begged me that if i allow him use the car in the day, in 6 months he will make enough money to buy his own car and leave me alone.

So i agreed to allow him use the car in the afternoon, it was the toughest decision have made in my life, I could no longer go for lunch except with one of my colleagues, i had to hire other uber taxi for client meetings, i couldnt have my life like before, but the troubled part was the fact that my brother became arrogant, to even take me to work with my own car became so difficult, he will hurry me to do quick let him drop me else he is going to leave me at home, he doesnt come to pick me anymore from work, i remember the day i had to wait till 11.30pm in the office because the rain was falling and he said i should just find my way, life became so difficult but i was going to bear it for the next 6 months.

But unfortunately, 3 months after he didnt come home that night but that was not the first time he will sleep out so i thought it was his usual ways, i use public transport that day to work, in the office one of his friend called that he had accident and the police said i should come, i went there and the DPO told me why i had to leave my car for somene who is so irresponsible, that he was so drunk last night when he ran into another car, he could not deny that he was driving under the influence of alcohol, i had to start begging the police who refuse to listen to our plea.

He was taken to court where i was ask to bail him out with 50,000, i spend alot of money trying to bury the case, then I had to pay all sort of damages before taking the two cars (the one he hits and my own) to repair, while all of these lasted my head was banging and i was really stressed.

After all of these the car is still being fixed at the mechanic workshop, my brother has not seen anything wrong in all he has done, no sorry whatsoever, instead he came to challenge me to hurry the mechanic to finish up repairs on time so he can start work.

I was thinking that i will not give him the car anymore, but my sister was begging i let go.

What do you think i should do.

PresVA:
I must commend you. .You're really a hardworking woman..

This is really somewhat tough, if we say you collect the car and let him go.. what becomes of him? He may become worse and cause nuisance to the society at large. .

You didn't mention your parents in your writeup? You guys need to call a family meeting to discuss his issue and advise him seriously. ..

After that, I will advise you settle him once and for all based on what he has interest to do... and let him know that would be the last time you're going to do anything concerning helping him.. he should start fending for himself henceforth. . If possible, rent a self contained for him, seems he enjoys so much comfort at your house, let him be totally independent and hustle like others. .. Once in a while, check up on him and see how far he's going. .

Before helping him this last time, make 'noise' about how the economy is affecting your profit at work.... money no dey as e dey before oo..if possible, delay helping him for a while and tell him no money.... Let him know you're struggling to survive too(even if you're not), don't just dish out money...

I wish you the best and hope your brother becomes productive. .

Diplomaticbeing:
@OP
I can relate to your story nay pains 100 percent, because I have been there and still in it. Sincerely, the worst thing that will ever happen to anyone is having sibling(s) who has sense of entitlement complex. And it gets worse when one is an altruistic type; since the sufferings of people closer to you will always automatically knock you down emotionally and physically, by extension you see yourself become self-enslave to them.

Citing your postulation, your brother is the extreme opportunist type, now you have to reciprocate his ill attitude by feigning apathetic towards him. Give him some distance by relocating him to another apartment far from where you live (even if it is a room) and stop discussing your conquests with him. Allow him to fend for himself. This is the easiest way to keep him in check and balance. But before you do that, either consider to leave your current car for him, if you can afford an alternative or you buy him a smaller one/help him get back to his photography business. Once you can do any of this, feign apathetic towards him I say.

If you fails to act now, believe you me, you will soon become his worst enemy. Because he will always expects you to satisfy his request whenever he made one. Such a person never want to hear a "I don't have" kind of reply. To them there's no way you can't have to give, so they always assumed that your inability to satisfy their request at anytime means you have become wicked towards them. In their myopic state, you're a supper human being, so should be living above lacks and difficulties. His type is also quick to taunt, chastise, disparage and judge you.

However, no matter the happenstances, never alienate yourself completely from him, because as the saying goes blood is thicker than water. Siblings will always disagree to agree.

Richy4:
I just read about an adult taking an undue advantage of his younger sister.... What a lucky old boy...Assuming u are older than him, i would have said advice him and bear with him..

If you can pay a bill, so can he. he should find a house of his own.. pay for one year for it and wash your hands off him...
U are a good and functional ATM my dear.

robedu:
He is 29 years old, i pray God help him

robedu:
Thanks for your response, my dad is late, he's been late since i was barely 2 years old, my mom an old woman in the village, she is hypertensive and has issues with bad reports, she will just faint or become sick. have told him this over and over again, even when we were buying the photography stuffs, i said it over and over again, he even came with his friends to beg that once this is done he will be able to stand on his own, after that it was excuse that i keep receiving, i do not know why God will allow me to be stress this way for the life of me, i work hard, too hard for my age to make a living but this people kept on pressing me down like a wild force :- my mates in the office are far better than me, they live a worthy life but here i am always spending money like i uproot them from the farm becaues of family[

ifyalways:
Take the car from him. At this stage in life, all you owe him is accommodation and food and occasional pocket money, let him find his feet.

Tough love.

robedu:
Renting a house is not an option now as my wedding is coming early next year, so i think i will have to put up with him till then, i would have loved to leave the car for him totally but 2 things bothers me, 1) the fact that while he is making money on the car, he cannot even repair it, if anything is wrong with the car he will leave it like that until im tired of complaining then i will fix it myself, if i leave the car i use my hard earn money to buy for him, he will let it rust, secondly, since my weding plans came up my elder sister told me our house in the vilage is in a bad state that even coming for intro will be a serious embarrassment, so i am doing some renovation, at least the roof that has all gone bad so rain will not come and be chasing inlaws on the intro or trad day, putting that house together will cost me over a million naira, and on the other hand, my fiance just started work few years ago, he was living with his parent until our engagement, so renting a comfortable house plus doing all the wedding stuff is going to be difficult for him so i have to save some money to support where i can, so in literal meaning, i need all the money i can get to plan my life, knowing none of them will offer help

Diplomaticbeing:





I say to you once more, I understand perfectly well your trials. At this juncture, you have to seek for an antidote of emotional/psychological blackmail, because he will soon resort to it. I, for one, I can't put up with any form of emotional blackmail because it do weaken me down to the bone marrow. Thus, the reason why if someone around me fails to be a source of positive energy to me, I cut contacts with such a person without wasting time. So, how best you handles emotional blackmail will either make your decision to keep him around a good of bad choice.

Meanwhile, your case is somehow different thou, you're a woman, so you shouldn't postpone your marriage plans - spending your hard earned money to cater for important needs you enumerated - just to fix him up first, no. If you we're to be a man I'd say, for blood sake, postpone your marriage plans and help him one more time to affix himself somewhere and from there start fending for himself.

By the way, doesn't he has unmarried friend(s) who're in a similar or better situation like/than him but ambitious? If he has, use a third party entity (this third party must be a family member who will not go out to tell the whole world the misunderstanding in your family) suggest to him to liaise with such a friend to share his (his friend) accommodation and its expenses. This method will be cheaper for you to use relocate him while at the same time he would be a co-owner and have pride there instead of a freeloader. Anything you can do to get him off closer to you and independent too, I suggest that you do. And since you can't afford leaving the car to him considering the financial burdens on your shoulder, make the sacrifice of helping him to relaunch his photography business, since he already has the equipments - this will also be less expensive for you to bear at this juncture. Don't leave him completely empty handed, because if you do, he may do an unthinkable thing to you.

I am always in support of reducing contacts when disagreement arises between siblings, but I will never supports burning the bridge. So, whatever decision you may conclude taking, make sure that you don't burn the bridge that holds both of you together. All in all givers never lack.

Believe you me, with diplomacy you will always overcome many life difficulties and people that brings negative energy to you without making them feel hurt.

robedu:
Honestly i was telling someone and they told me he might be under spiritual attack, i dont believe he is though, he is simply being careless, when the car had the accident, i had register the car for a comprehensive insurance with excess buy back, meaning insurance will repair the car or refund all the repair cost, okay i ask my brother to bring money so that we can repair the car and i will pay him back once insurance refund us but he said he has no money that only 80,000 remaining with him, how can 80,000 be remaining when in the uber account he has received over 700,000 naira, he doesnt buy anything in the house and that is inclusive of the table water we drink in the house, i buy food stuff, pay for all bills, so where did all the money go, my junior sister is still serving when Buhari didnt pay their Alawee she purposely refused to call me but called him to send money for her to feed, he refused when my sister was almost fainting, she put a call thru to me that she is empty and has been begging him to send at least 5k to her to feed till govt pays but he refused, i was so shock that he couldnt even afford to bail out his little sister with 5k, i had to send the money to my little sister, he hasnt given anyone in the family any money that we know of, where did all 700,000 go. my other brother which i also sponsor his education has warned that i do not spend a peny on him anymore, i wish he can change and also be like every other boy husstling in the street

robedu:
Honestly i was telling someone and they told me he might be under spiritual attack, i dont believe he is though, he is simply being careless, when the car had the accident, i had register the car for a comprehensive insurance with excess buy back, meaning insurance will repair the car or refund all the repair cost, okay i ask my brother to bring money so that we can repair the car and i will pay him back once insurance refund us but he said he has no money that only 80,000 remaining with him, how can 80,000 be remaining when in the uber account he has received over 700,000 naira, he doesnt buy anything in the house and that is inclusive of the table water we drink in the house, i buy food stuff, pay for all bills, so where did all the money go, my junior sister is still serving when Buhari didnt pay their Alawee she purposely refused to call me but called him to send money for her to feed, he refused when my sister was almost fainting, she put a call thru to me that she is empty and has been begging him to send at least 5k to her to feed till govt pays but he refused, i was so shock that he couldnt even afford to bail out his little sister with 5k, i had to send the money to my little sister, he hasnt given anyone in the family any money that we know of, where did all 700,000 go. my other brother which i also sponsor his education has warned that i do not spend a peny on him anymore, i wish he can change and also be like every other boy husstling in the street

Diplomaticbeing:





I say to you once more, I understand perfectly well your trials. At this juncture, you have to seek for an antidote of emotional/psychological blackmail, because he will soon resort to it. I, for one, I can't put up with any form of emotional blackmail because it do weaken me down to the bone marrow. Thus, the reason why if someone around me fails to be a source of positive energy to me, I cut contacts with such a person without wasting time. So, how best you handles emotional blackmail will either make your decision to keep him around a good of bad choice.

Meanwhile, your case is somehow different thou, you're a woman, so you shouldn't postpone your marriage plans - spending your hard earned money to cater for important needs you enumerated - just to fix him up first, no. If you we're to be a man I'd say, for blood sake, postpone your marriage plans and help him one more time to affix himself somewhere and from there start fending for himself.

By the way, doesn't he has unmarried friend(s) who're in a similar or better situation like/than him but ambitious? If he has, use a third party entity (this third party must be a family member who will not go out to tell the whole world the misunderstanding in your family) suggest to him to liaise with such a friend to share his (his friend) accommodation and its expenses. This method will be cheaper for you to use relocate him while at the same time he would be a co-owner and have pride there instead of a freeloader. Anything you can do to get him off closer to you and independent too, I suggest that you do. And since you can't afford leaving the car to him considering the financial burdens on your shoulder, make the sacrifice of helping him to relaunch his photography business, since he already has the equipments - this will also be less expensive for you to bear at this juncture. Don't leave him completely empty handed, because if you do, he may do an unthinkable thing to you.

I am always in support of reducing contacts when disagreement arises between siblings, but I will never supports burning the bridge. So, whatever decision you may conclude taking, make sure that you don't burn the bridge that holds both of you together. All in all givers never lack.

Believe you me, with diplomacy you will always overcome many life difficulties and people that brings negative energy to you without making them feel hurt.

Mehn this is long!!!

robedu:
Honestly i was telling someone and they told me he might be under spiritual attack, i dont believe he is though, he is simply being careless, when the car had the accident, i had register the car for a comprehensive insurance with excess buy back, meaning insurance will repair the car or refund all the repair cost, okay i ask my brother to bring money so that we can repair the car and i will pay him back once insurance refund us but he said he has no money that only 80,000 remaining with him, how can 80,000 be remaining when in the uber account he has received over 700,000 naira, he doesnt buy anything in the house and that is inclusive of the table water we drink in the house, i buy food stuff, pay for all bills, so where did all the money go, my junior sister is still serving when Buhari didnt pay their Alawee she purposely refused to call me but called him to send money for her to feed, he refused when my sister was almost fainting, she put a call thru to me that she is empty and has been begging him to send at least 5k to her to feed till govt pays but he refused, i was so shock that he couldnt even afford to bail out his little sister with 5k, i had to send the money to my little sister, he hasnt given anyone in the family any money that we know of, where did all 700,000 go. my other brother which i also sponsor his education has warned that i do not spend a peny on him anymore, i wish he can change and also be like every other boy husstling in the street

jopretty:
You already know what to do. Unfortunately, persons like this might go the extra mile to inflict injury on their benefactor when they refuse to lend a helping hand again. Maybe you should call the elders in your family and have a meeting.