Hello Guys, There's this thing that has been bothering me i would love to share..

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a over a year, now this past Friday. On Friday we went on a night out with few friends... While gisting he got on one knee and asked me to marry him.

I was shocked; we hadn't discussed being engaged in the immediate future at all. When I didn't immediately scream "YES!" he deflated and asked me what was wrong, and in the most awkward conversation of my life, I had to tell him that I feel like I'm too young to get engaged and it's too soon in our relationship, even though I love him very much. He was understandably very depressed and told me that he'd decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and that he thought proposing in the presence of friends would be really romantic. I told him the truth, that I felt nowhere near ready or old enough to consider marriage to anyone yet. He took the ring back and we went back to his house, where I stayed over for the night at his insistence. I tried to have a better conversation about what had happened, but he told me that he didn't feel like talking about it and that I should just go to sleep.

Around 7 the next morning he shook me awake and started screaming at me, asking me the real reason why I wouldn't marry him: Did I want to "LovePeddler around" with a bunch of guys? Was he too short? He even asked me if I ever loved him and if that was why I turned him down.. I was pretty offended by everything he was suggesting. He called me soulless for crushing him like that, said that me saying no meant that I didn't love him. He has not talked or called me since then.

I do too love him; maybe in a couple years I would have said yes without hesitation. I get that I crushed him and I feel guilty.

It is Wise Enough to get early at a Young And Tender Age!!

No insults Pls.. Im a Graduate And i have a well paying Job *Cheers*

@21 you should be mentally ready to be married as a lady unless he is one of few boyfriends so far so you needed so time, understandable.

he should be mad it is normal, you've lot of work to do to make him understand. this is one of the vendetta people suffer in relationship. stay with him, persuade and comfort him to feel secure. he will get over it.

You sound like a confuse fellow...(no offence).

You're a graduate @21 with a job.
Dated the guy for over a year before he proposed and you still think is too soon.

Wait until you're 30 and proposal isn't coming forth.

Do what you think is best for yourself...



Abeg, how much be rice now?

What does he do?Does he live on his own and has a decent apartment?
He should have considered if you were ready which i believe should have come up in your conversations before deciding to propose.
Ask him if he is ready to wait if you accept his proposal.Let him give you about a year before marriage plans.

thorpido:
What does he do?Does he live on his own and has a decent apartment?
He should have considered if you were ready which i believe should have come up in your conversations before deciding to propose.
Ask him if he is ready to wait if you accept his proposal.Let him give you about a year before marriage plans.

Yes.. he is quite comfortable from a well to do family background.. I think he is only trying to cage me with the proposal or something

OP COMPARE THESE 2 LIVES BELOW

YOUR LIFE AT PRESENT;

You're just 21

You're a graduate at 21

You have a well paid job

You have a man who definitely has a well paid job too and ready for marriage

You probably would be a grand mother by 45 and b4 retirement ur last child is married

THE LIFE OF ABOUT 80% NAIJA GIRLS AT PRESENT

They're 30

They've graduated and still searching for job. Infact planning to learn tailoring after years of post nysc unemployment as certificate isn't yielding any good income

They have dated minimum of 5 guys who promised marriage and failed but knack their kpekus katakata..many rods have paddled d canoe

Some saw serious guys who are ready for marriage but snurbed them with yanga just like you're doing now.

The present guy they luckily found is either a garri marketer or doing casual labour at a factory at age 35. But will package like banker or unilever snr staff

Some are even educated than their guys but still try to manage him since there's no other guy and can't afford to lose him

Now op judge by urself, which of these 2 lives would you choose now and in the next world?

Tolulope95:


Yes.. he is quite comfortable from a well to do family background.. I think he is only trying to cage me with the proposal or something

Okay,so financially you both are ready.
If you were my sister,i'll ask you to wait a year.

Keep doing shakara. You don graduate, get job at 21, you com dey wonder if youre not too young for marriage. Just continue.

See you in Shiloh 2030.

www.nairaland.com/attachments/2985248_shiloh_jpeg31badd46d6c26f83c691be9b9e1329ac

Dear miss tolulope93 this will be my first sincere comment since i join this forum and its all because you said you are 21.. i bet you dont know all those married folks are just sometimes fed up with marriage.. you really dont want to, as time goes by, you'd be meeting new cool guys, handsome guys and then what would you do? you'd wish you never run into marriage or you'd cheat then? dont dare accept a ring even at age 25 dear... those celebrities you see are not gvn their hand out, it aint as if they are foolish, this is a lifetime stuff so you really need to take your time dear and please dont accept a cuff for now.. please explore first.. and by the way you said you are just 21 and already working? how you take do am? even me self for 23 i never see work do? lol.. just kidding

kelval:
Dear miss tolulope93 this will be my first sincere comment since i join this forum and its all because you said you are 21.. i bet you dont know all those married folks are just sometimes fed up with marriage.. you really dont want to, as time goes by, you'd be meeting new cool guys, handsome guys and then what would you do? you'd wish you never run into marriage or you'd cheat then? dont dare accept a ring even at age 25 dear... those celebrities you see are not gvn their hand out, it aint as if they are foolish, this is a lifetime stuff so you really need to take your time dear and please dont accept a cuff for now.. please explore first.. and by the way you said you are just 21 and already working? how you take do am? even me self for 23 i never see work do? lol.. just kidding

Thanks dear. He's pretty controlling already and that almost always gets worse with time. I can't help but thinking his main goal with marriage is to "lock me down". Although hes loving and caring at the same time...

braine:
Keep doing shakara. You don graduate, get job at 21, you com dey wonder if youre not too young for marriage. Just continue.

See you in Shiloh 2030.

www.nairaland.com/attachments/2985248_shiloh_jpeg31badd46d6c26f83c691be9b9e1329ac

Lol Shiloh Ko, Shiloh Ni

Tolulope95:


Lol Shiloh Ko, Shiloh Ni

There is never a right time for marriage dear. By the time you are "ready", most guys might not be ready for you.

I just checked your profile, you're already adding weight and looking older. Issorai.

Love to be in dis shoe very soon

You're a well-to-do graduate, he is too. So the logical thing to do would be to marry him since you both are in love, right? WRONG!


I have a hunch that this is the first guy you've ever been serious with. I don't know how people view marriage but to me, its not a thing to joke with! Since you're 21 and quite exposed, its safe to assume that you haven't actually lived your own life so what's the assurance that you won't get bored in less than 3 years into the marriage? Is he doing this in an attempt to cage you? I'm not even looking at it from your own perspective @OP, I'm addressing your "BF". He should've given you time to be sure that he's got you wholly before asking you to marry him. You're still young and beautiful, men will still crawl at your feet, what happens after you both are married and you suddenly realise you married the wrong guy due to teenage love or even youthful exuberance? Since you turned him down, you're obviously still searching for something (which he might be missing). If I were him, I would be thankful. Marrying the wrong spouse can be fatal in every sense of the word.

And to you @OP, a man's ego is the most sensitive part of him. Bruise it, and you've scarred him for life! You should've accepted his proposal since his friends were on ground to witness it instead of turning him down. By so doing, you've really shattered what's left of him and I don't blame him for reacting the way he did. Accepting it in their presence doesn't mean you can't call it off when you get back home while talking sense into him. That's where you erred.

Ask him to be patient. Time will tell.

whyx06:
Love to be in dis shoe very soon

Shoes of rejected proposal? Huh?

kelval:
Dear miss tolulope93 this will be my first sincere comment since i join this forum and its all because you said you are 21.. i bet you dont know all those married folks are just sometimes fed up with marriage.. you really dont want to, as time goes by, you'd be meeting new cool guys, handsome guys and then what would you do? you'd wish you never run into marriage or you'd cheat then? dont dare accept a ring even at age 25 dear... those celebrities you see are not gvn their hand out, it aint as if they are foolish, this is a lifetime stuff so you really need to take your time dear and please dont accept a cuff for now.. please explore first.. and by the way you said you are just 21 and already working? how you take do am? even me self for 23 i never see work do? lol.. just kidding

one day u and miss tolulope will wish u took your cake when it came by, everyone doesn't have d same destiny, omotola married at age 18 and she is enjoying marriage and same as okonjo-iweala, both maximized their potentials, and to the advicer u re wicked sha.

Misshatey iamhatey when will our bf's propose

braine:


Shoes of rejected proposal? Huh?

Used ur drug biko...

IamNawty:
Misshatey iamhat.ey when will our bf's propose

I'm single oo


Next year sha

Iamhatey:
I'm single oo


Next year sha

Shey i shu kuku coman propose

y0rmee:



Shey i shu kuku coman propose

oya oooo

falconey:
well in the eyes of the law you are a minor but still capable of making explicit consensual decision like the one you made when he proposed. @21 you should be mentally ready to be married as a lady unless he is one of few boyfriends so far so you needed so time, understandable.

he should be mad it is normal, you've lot of work to do to make him understand. this is one of the vendetta people suffer in relationship. stay with him, persuade and comfort him to feel secure. he will get over it.

She has attained the legal age.
In the eyes of the law, she is an adult capable of being married.

Iamhatey:
I'm single oo


Next year sha

ore u wanto marry nextyr ?

Synzu:
You're a well-to-do graduate, he is too. So the logical thing to do would be to marry him since you both are in love, right? WRONG!


I have a hunch that this is the first guy you've ever been serious with. I don't know how people view marriage but to me, its not a thing to joke with! Since you're 21 and quite exposed, its safe to assume that you haven't actually lived your own life so what's the assurance that you won't get bored in less than 3 years into the marriage? Is he doing this in an attempt to cage you? I'm not even looking at it from your own perspective @OP, I'm addressing your "BF". He should've given you time to be sure that he's got you wholly before asking you to marry him. You're still young and beautiful, men will still crawl at your feet, what happens after you both are married and you suddenly realise you married the wrong guy due to teenage love or even youthful exuberance? Since you turned him down, you're obviously still searching for something (which he might be missing). If I were him, I would be thankful. Marrying the wrong spouse can be fatal in every sense of the word.

And to you @OP, a man's ego is the most sensitive part of him. Bruise it, and you've scarred him for life! You should've accepted his proposal since his friends were on ground to witness it instead of turning him down. By so doing, you've really shattered what's left of him and I don't blame him for reacting the way he did. Accepting it in their presence doesn't mean you can't call it off when you get back home while talking sense into him. That's where you erred.

Ask him to be patient. Time will tell.

I commend you on this; I just spoke to my mum about this.. she said it's one thing for my boyfriend to be hurt by me saying no. But he's handling it really destructively. It sounds like he's the immature one for not just accepting that "the timing isn't right" and "I'd like to discuss my future in a proper grown-up conversation before making a life-changing decision on the spot."

IamNawty:
ore u wanto marry nextyr ?

yea ore, I will marry next year jare. I can't wait to see my kids

.

Tolulope95:


Yes.. he is quite comfortable from a well to do family background.. I think he is only trying to cage me with the proposal or something

Cage? I don't get. You aren't ready for commitment abi kinni?

Iamhatey:
yea ore, I will marry next year jare. I can't wait to see my kids

who will be ur bestlady