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This Is What Happens When You Try To "Repair" English. - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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This Is What Happens When You Try To "Repair" English. by Teempakguy(m): 11:46pm On Sep 27, 2016
I saw this on the internet. Try reading it aloud. grin grin grin

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c." Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like fotograf" 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

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Re: This Is What Happens When You Try To "Repair" English. by armadeo(m): 7:29am On Sep 28, 2016
What a masterpiece. Lol.

Lalasticlala read this.

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Re: This Is What Happens When You Try To "Repair" English. by hahn(m): 12:33pm On Sep 28, 2016
Beautiful. I feel we should do this with our African languages. We should reduce different dialects and merge them into one.

But Africans seem to love holding on to old practices that do not work undecided
Re: This Is What Happens When You Try To "Repair" English. by HoldenCaulfield(m): 1:37pm On Sep 28, 2016
avesom vrit up, i lik it aspesialy ze omishon ov ard tu spel 'w' wiz 'v'

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