cococandy:
I agree with this.

There's more to education than just making money.

Much more.

This mentality irritates me to no end.

Grown adult women waiting to be " taken care off" what a shame.

Same way I am irritated by a grown adult man waiting to be cooked and cleaned for.

You are both freaking adults sort your selves out. Every adult should financially take care of themselves and when they have a family financially be responsible to their family same way every adult should be able to cook and clean.

God forbid that any child I have marries a woman with this mentality and God forbid that a daughter I have will marry a grown man waiting to be fed and cleaned.

Raise your children to have sense biko

Mindfulness:


So what are you guys actually disagreeing on? It seems to me that you are actually on the same page.

We are.

Most of my other posts were sarcastic. For those who understand.

cococandy:

We are.

Most of my other posts were sarcastic. For those who understand.

It isn't possible to overlook the sarcasm.

Marriage is a 50/50 thing... The two partners must know what they bring to the table.
If not 50/50 bcs of our African culture then it shoud be 60 on the part of the man and 40 on the part of the wife.
Women claiming their money is theirs and still expect to have a say in the Family right?

raumdeuter:


So what happens when females after marriage decides she doesn't want to work after getting the necessary education should she be left alone to choose what she wants? Also can the man also decide not to work also and be left to decide what he wants


Or can either partner decide that even though I work, I don't want to contribute financially to this family? That my money is my money.

If self domestication also okay?

What are you advocating for?

This your post doesn't seem clear on your position

jaybee3:
Thanks raumdeuter

Nothing more to add

What's your view on the money & domestics thingy.

missvera:
Marriage is a 50/50 thing... The two partners must know what they bring to the table.
If not 50/50 bcs of our African culture then it shoud be 60 on the part of the man and 40 on the part of the wife.
Women claiming their money is theirs and still expect to have a say in the Family right?

What if their family is run on hubby doing 100% finance and wife doing 100% domestics?

bukatyne:


What's your view on the money & domestics thingy.

I believe in fairness and equity but my views would be different IF location plays a factor

However, no matter the location and income disparity, I strongly believe couples should work together as one however way they decide but ensure contribution isn't skewed in order to have deserved equity

jaybee3:


I believe in fairness and equity but my views would be different IF location plays a factor

However, no matter the location and income disparity, I strongly believe couples should work together as one however way they decide but ensure contribution isn't skewed in order to have deserved equity

Share now... irrespective of loaction

raumdeuter:


Housekeeping is contracted out
One working round the clock doesnt care about gourmet meals
Kneeling to pray? The world is too fast paced and most prayers are now done with eyes open while driving to work

Red pant and bra for what? Is she a masquerade
hair on the ground? Most people prefer to step on rugs

As funny as this sounds, it's the truth.

You could even be praying while simultaneously thinking about the best strategy to execute a project....

bukatyne:


Share now... irrespective of loaction

You want specifics?

Here you go:

If my wife happens to earn more than me (Highly likely considering we are both highly educated with years of experience) then she has to contribute equally
If she earns equal or less than me then I contribute more

However much she earns, the house chores will be shared simply because it’s the logical thing to do

I can’t expect a woman that has gone to work all day to come home and start making food for me. I’m only her husband not her boss

I can’t expect her to start fixing mechanical/electrical things because that isn’t her expertise

Children are the responsibility of both parents so time resource will be equally devoted to that

jaybee3:


You want specifics?

Here you go:

If my wife happens to earn more than me (Highly likely considering we are both highly educated with years of experience) then she has to contribute equally
If she earns equal or less than me then I contribute more

However much she earns, the house chores will be shared simply because it’s the logical thing to do

I can’t expect a woman that has gone to work all day to come home and start making food for me. I’m only her husband not her boss

I can’t expect her to start fixing mechanical/electrical things because that isn’t her expertise

Children are the responsibility of both parents so time resource will be equally devoted to that

In summary,

> You expect the couple to contribute a certain percentage of their earnings
> Both parents care for the kid
> The chores are attended to with equity (I don't believe chores can be shared 'equally')

Interesting.

bukatyne:


> The chores are attended to with equity (I don't believe chores can be shared 'equally')

Interesting.

Why not?


Do you want to compare the chores in absolute terms or the resource needed to execute each chore?

jaybee3:


Why not?


Do you want to compare the chores in absolute terms or the resource needed to execute each chore?

Both.

I believe in both parties doing whatever they like with few exceptions like their strengths when they have the time/resources to do so.

bukatyne:


Both.

I believe in both parties doing whatever they like with few exceptions like their strengths when they have the time/resources to do so.

Meaning you agree they can be equally shared if we factor in the degree of difficulty and resource needed to execute each chore

jaybee3:


Meaning you agree they can be equally shared if we factor in the degree of difficulty and resource needed to execute each chore

Examples abeg

Your engilish na waya

bukatyne:


Examples abeg

Your engilish na waya

Which kain yeye english


As an example:

Cleaning the house vs Mowing the lawn

Cleaning the house -
Dusting
Hoovering
Cleaning the toilet and bathroom

In absolute terms, those are 3 specific tasks needed to complete that categorized Job

Whereas

Mowing the lawn is a single task


3 is far greater than 1 in absolute terms

BUT

The single 1 is probably more difficult to achieve than the combined 3

On average, it will probably take you 2 hours to clean the house whereas it might take 3 hours to keep the lawn clean


I know you will come back with the argument of frequency but it's just a simple illustration of how chores can be equally shared

bukatyne:


What if their family is run on hubby doing 100% finance and wife doing 100% domestics?

The guys here won't like this.
Lol.

Mindfulness:
I share your position with regards to this discussion here but education is not only good for making money. The value of education goes beyond that. When I see what people vote for today (Trump, extreme right-wing parties in Europe that promise nonsense, let me not mention Nigerian politicians ), I wish peole had an education. Moreover, uneducated mothers are more likely to raise ignorant children. Let's not reduce education to one benefit, it has plenty.

One of the most important reason for getting an education is to get make a living. Education costs money, Since its considered an investment that will bring future earnings, If you just want to learn about life, you can sit down with an old man and learn his experiences

That is why courses that lead to significant earning potential are more in demand. You will learn more about life if you go into the arts but the truth is many of the arts dont lead to a profitable career.

cococandy:
I'm sure these should be discussed before marriage.
You can't promise someone something else and suddenly decide to change after marriage. That's going against the contract and is understandable grounds for a legal parting of ways.

Either party should be fine with the type of lifestyle their fiancé/fiancée is proposing before saying I do. So the dudes that want domestic wives should make sure they go for women who want such for themselves and vice versa.

Any surprises after the knot has been tied is highly inconsiderate and should not be allowed.

You can discuss before marriage all you want but people change everyday, Some of the things you believed 4yrs ago are different now, A woman or man who believed in earning and making contribution to the family suddenly entered into it and decided she isnt going to follow it anymore

I have a friend who married and both were working or had the impression they would be working, the wife stopped working to have their first child, and she hasnt gone back till now, that child is 14yrs old now and the other kid is 11. So no excuse of child bearing or rearing. She even got a higher degree in between incurred student loans which the husband had to pay

He cant afford to divorce her because he has a lot of asset and he knows she will rip him badly in proceedings but is always complaining and whenever he sees friends whose wifes are workin he will be like "Are these not women? My own wife just sat down at home"

raumdeuter:


Then there is no need to spend equal amount on boys and girls education and just put more money towards the gender who is ready to work and make money for their family

Really?.

bukatyne:
What are you advocating for?

This your post doesn't seem clear on your position

That every adult in the marriage work and contribute to the running of the house

raumdeuter:


You can discuss before marriage all you want but people change everyday, Some of the things you believed 4yrs ago are different now, A woman or man who believed in earning and making contribution to the family suddenly entered into it and decided she isnt going to follow it anymore

I have a friend who married and both were working or had the impression they would be working, the wife stopped working to have their first child, and she hasnt gone back till now, that child is 14yrs old now and the other kid is 11. So no excuse of child bearing or rearing. She even got a higher degree in between incurred student loans which the husband had to pay

He cant afford to divorce her because he has a lot of asset and he knows she will rip him badly in proceedings but is always complaining and whenever he sees friends whose wifes are workin he will be like "Are these not women? My own wife just sat down at home"

Eeerrrmmmmm.... Is there a law in whatever country this friend of yours lives in that says a man must give his wife allowances? What happens if he cuts her off on all her allowances? He already caters for the kids, so he might as well spend for them directly without having to give her the money. Yes, time might be a factor since he may not have spare time ti go shopping with his kids and all, but he can take it as part of what he has to do to TRY and make his marriage work. It's a sacrifice. Besides, it could be fun too. I'm sure that woman will sit up by the time she has no money to spend, nothing to do, not even grocery shopping. E no hard nah. But na question I ask sha

TR1212:
Eeerrrmmmmm.... Is there a law in whatever country this friend of yours lives in that says a man must give his wife allowances? What happens if he cuts her off on all her allowances? He already caters for the kids, so he might as well spend for them directly without having to give her the money. Yes, time might be a factor since he may not have spare time ti go shopping with his kids and all, but he can take it as part of what he has to do to TRY and make his marriage work. It's a sacrifice. Besides, it could be fun too. I'm sure that woman will sit up by the time she has no money to spend, nothing to do, not even grocery shopping. E no hard nah. But na question I ask sha

They live in the US, The laws when it comes to divorce favor the women, So any appearance of abuse (What you are suggesting would be termed financial abuse) would even make the judge even favor her more. He takes care of the kids

His plan initially was to slowly dissolve the assets he has in US and send the money to a Nigerian account where the judge wont be able to touch, when the children are 18 and in college and cant hold him for child support, He will be settling the kids financially on the side. Then he pushes for divorce and claim he is broke after doing a business offshore that went bad.

The problem is he just bought another house last yr and he was like would he be waiting and let good opportunities pass him by because of the wife?

raumdeuter:


One of the most important reason for getting an education is to get make a living. Education costs money, Since its considered an investment that will bring future earnings, If you just want to learn about life, you can sit down with an old man and learn his experiences

That is why courses that lead to significant earning potential are more in demand. You will learn more about life if you go into the arts but the truth is many of the arts dont lead to a profitable career.

It's one, it may be even the most important reason to you, but it's not the only one. I want my kids to have an education even if they decide to become stay at home mums / dads for the reasons I mentioned and more.

raumdeuter:


They live in the US, The laws when it comes to divorce favor the women, So any appearance of abuse (What you are suggesting would be termed financial abuse) would even make the judge even favor her more. He takes care of the kids

His plan initially was to slowly dissolve the assets he has in US and send the money to a Nigerian account where the judge wont be able to touch, when the children are 18 and in college and cant hold him for child support, He will be settling the kids financially on the side. Then he pushes for divorce and claim he is broke after doing a business offshore that went bad.

The problem is he just bought another house last yr and he was like would he be waiting and let good opportunities pass him by because of the wife?

Financial abuse? Really? You still didn't tell me what law states that the man must work and pay her. I'm sorry o, pardon my ignorance, but I'd like to understand what judge will call that financial abuse when she's not sick or incapacitated in anyway. Or is the wife american?

TR1212:
Financial abuse? Really? You still didn't tell me what law states that the man must work and pay her. I'm sorry o, pardon my ignorance, but I'd like to understand what judge will call that financial abuse when she's not sick or incapacitated in anyway. Or is the wife american?

Financial abuse

What is financial abuse?

Financial abuse is one form of domestic abuse. Withholding money, stealing money and restricting the use of finances are some examples of financial abuse. To figure out if your partner is financially abusing you, think about how you are being treated by answering the following questions.

Does your partner:
Steal money from you or your family?
Force you to give him/her access to your bank accounts to make transactions without your input?
Make you feel as though you don't have a right to know any details about money or household resources?
Put you on an “allowance” even if you object to this?
Force to you to account for all money you spend by, for example, asking for receipts?
Prevent you from working or attending school or skill-training sessions?
Overuse your credit cards or refuse to pay the bills (thus ruining your credit)?
Withhold physical resources from you including food, clothes, necessary medications or shelter?
Force you to turn over your paychecks or public benefit payments?
Force you to cash in, sell or sign over any financial assets you own (e.g., bonds, stock or property)?
Force you to agree to power-of-attorney so s/he can sign legal documents?
Force you to work in a family business for little or no pay?*

http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?id=14107&state_code=PG

===========================================

raumdeuter:


Financial abuse

What is financial abuse?

Financial abuse is one form of domestic abuse. Withholding money, stealing money and restricting the use of finances are some examples of financial abuse. To figure out if your partner is financially abusing you, think about how you are being treated by answering the following questions.

Does your partner:
Steal money from you or your family?
Force you to give him/her access to your bank accounts to make transactions without your input?
Make you feel as though you don't have a right to know any details about money or household resources?
Put you on an “allowance” even if you object to this?
Force to you to account for all money you spend by, for example, asking for receipts?
Prevent you from working or attending school or skill-training sessions?
Overuse your credit cards or refuse to pay the bills (thus ruining your credit)?
Withhold physical resources from you including food, clothes, necessary medications or shelter?
Force you to turn over your paychecks or public benefit payments?
Force you to cash in, sell or sign over any financial assets you own (e.g., bonds, stock or property)?
Force you to agree to power-of-attorney so s/he can sign legal documents?
Force you to work in a family business for little or no pay?*

http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?id=14107&state_code=PG

===========================================

And so your friend suffers in bondage. This thing called Marriage..... oh well....

I think it's the man's responsibility to feed, clothe and house his family...if he has the means even if the wife earns more.

That gives him a sense of pride and self-respect.

The wife should be kind enough to support the husband and save her money as their retirement plan provided the woman doesn't run away with a younger man in her 60s.

I guess I'm old school.

raumdeuter:


And this values include you keeping your money while he spends his on you. DIdnt they send you to school just like they sent him? or are you handicapped?

Some men,like my husband insists I keep my money as it is his duty to take care of me....I use my head to do stuffs in the house without even telling him and sometimes he insists on paying me back....We are not very rich,we are just comfortable.

Benita27:
I couldn't speak because of the crowd and i was shy, lol.

The man's money is "our" money, while my money is mine, but, if a need arises and he isn't around or is broke i can assist.

About the Joint account, it's a No! No!! For me, we have to run separate accounts while he will have to give me one of his ATM cards, accounts will be made on expenditures if he cares to know.

I love this babe

Pls don't let raumdeuter bobo you. You are sooo on point.
I have bolded everything you wrote for emphasis.