Treasuredlove:
D na the woman she marry? Sebi when they were getting married, mama too took her vows with them at the altar.
The Bible aptly states that a man will leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife alone because they are one. If mama is not terminally ill and has no one to fend for her, then there is no reason she should come and stay in her son's matrimonial home. Notice the operative word "matrimonial" no third parties involvements and mama will surely involve herself in matters that do not concern her.
I wonder if people actually listen to The sermons preached during wedding ceremonies

Well am not a christian so never really listen to the sermon, But according to my own religion, it says after God it's parents and i believe the bible also say so.

Ephesians 6:2

lollytk:
U won't know a woman's real characters until her son gets married, I used to think my mum was d best until my brother married and she went for omugwo,she complaints that d dil knows she eats breakfast by 6 am n she sleeps till 8-9( d dil just put to bed ooo n she breastfeeds d baby all through d night) my mum became another baby of d house, always looking for attention from d son, takes sides wt my bro whenever she sighted little argument btw d couple, after some time my bro asked her to go back, and my dad said he already bets with my uncle that my mum won't stay long because she used to have issues wt her own mil when we were younger, she painted our grandma black n later started acting d same way she said her mil acted,that law of karma will catch up wt her, na so dem take send mama back after 2 weeks of battle, I felt for d dil because she was always calling n crying, but she got her peace when mil left .most women are like that, they are each other's enemy,my father told my bro that keeping his wife n mother under same room is like marrying 2 new wives .women should learn to be patients with each other because u will surely reap what u sow to ur mil or dil.

May God bless you. My MIL came all the way from the village for omugwo. Hubby not around,he stays in another country. We retained the house I was living before I married. All through 9months, she no come check me and she knows it's just me at home and my mum is late. My father had to be moving from Lagos to Ibadan once in a week to check on me.

When I was due, hubby called that MIL said I should pack my things in preparation to come for naming in their place( Osun state). He said the woman said she will come and pick me and the baby a day to naming and we can leave for Lagos 2 days after naming because the house is not their house(because I rented the place). I sent him to tell them say make I born finish o and to also tell her who will stay with me immediately I give birth till the one day to naming she is talking of. Also, I told him I am not going anywhere for naming as I don't know why someone who refused to come see me for the whole 9 months will be fighting for naming location.

After I born finish, she came 2 days after and she stated her rules. She says the doctor ask her to eat breakfast by 6 am, she can't clean baby navel for the cord to disconnect because it scares her( she ha ha children o). She said she can't rock baby because she has bp and rocking is like jumping to her. She says she can't. Help me massage my body with hot water because leg is paining her. She will sleep all through the night and ignore me and baby till day break, my baby dey eat anything and the only thing that she do is to say won't you both allow her to sleep( she sleeps i? I asked her why she came to lagos if she can't do all she mentioned that she should have sent someone over and she was like in my sons house( now it's her so house o).

I had serious tear that I could barely walk. This woman no care o. We didn't cook in the house for days. She buys bread and make tea for herself. The woman in the middle flat had to be bringing me food while my landlady had to be coming to clean the baby navel, just imagine!

I heard when her daughter gave birth, she was there and left her husband at home saying she couldn't do anything because it's her first born. Now this is my own first born, she no wan hear.

The funniest thing is my hubby is still on her side that she is my MIL an can do whatever she wants. Then I know I don enter one chance.

Someone I haven't seen in th last 1yr 8 months, we went to visit them when hubby came around, we got to their place around 1pm. and we were served food almost immediately. After eating as I stood up to wash my hand, she followed me that I should come and wash some clothes, I was like we just came in now, let me rest or tomorrow morning I will wash it and she said that's the bed sheet you will use to sleep. What if my hubby came alone? Would she have done that?

Some women can be devils. This woman can pretend for Africa too. Out of her 5sons, 3 are very close to her and two out of the 3 have already divorced their wives. My hubby is the third one. The remaining 2 doesn't even let her come near their house. They stylishly push her away. I know I'm the next because the drama has also begun.

Let me just stop here! If I start to talk, I no go fit finish am.

Let God judge me if I have ever done anything bad to deserve this from this woman.

Sorry to bore you with this long epistle but I just decided to write it for those comparing all MIL to angels. And to those who never marry, watch his mum well well o. They don't change.

Sweetcypress:

I'm not, but does singlehood affect people's reasoning? It's just my point of view

Same way I use to think when I was single. Calling DIL bad and selfish people. I have been there and now I know a lot.

May God bless you with a good mother inlaw who will take you as her own daughter .

beedam:


May God bless you. My MIL came all the way from the village for omugwo. Hubby not around,he stays in another country. We retained the house I was living before I married. All through 9months, she no come check me and she knows it's just me at home and my mum is late. My father had to be moving from Lagos to Ibadan once in a week to check on me.

When I was due, hubby called that MIL said I should pack my things in preparation to come for naming in their place( Osun state). He said the woman said she will come and pick me and the baby a day to naming and we can leave for Lagos 2 days after naming because the house is not their house(because I rented the place). I sent him to tell them say make I born finish o and to also tell her who will stay with me immediately I give birth till the one day to naming she is talking of. Also, I told him I am not going anywhere for naming as I don't know why someone who refused to come see me for the whole 9 months will be fighting for naming location.

After I born finish, she came 2 days after and she stated her rules. She says the doctor ask her to eat breakfast by 6 am, she can't clean baby navel for the cord to disconnect because it scares her( she ha ha children o). She said she can't rock baby because she has bp and rocking is like jumping to her. She says she can't. Help me massage my body with hot water because leg is paining her. She will sleep all through the night and ignore me and baby till day break, my baby dey eat anything and the only thing that she do is to say won't you both allow her to sleep( she sleeps i? I asked her why she came to lagos if she can't do all she mentioned that she should have sent someone over and she was like in my sons house( now it's her so house o).

I had serious tear that I could barely walk. This woman no care o. We didn't cook in the house for days. She buys bread and make tea for herself. The woman in the middle flat had to be bringing me food while my landlady had to be coming to clean the baby navel, just imagine!

I heard when her daughter gave birth, she was there and left her husband at home saying she couldn't do anything because it's her first born. Now this is my own first born, she no wan hear.

The funniest thing is my hubby is still on her side that she is my MIL an can do whatever she wants. Then I know I don enter one chance.

Someone I haven't seen in th last 1yr 8 months, we went to visit them when hubby came around, we got to their place around 1pm. and we were served food almost immediately. After eating as I stood up to wash my hand, she followed me that I should come and wash some clothes, I was like we just came in now, let me rest or tomorrow morning I will wash it and she said that's the bed sheet you will use to sleep. What if my hubby came alone? Would she have done that?

Some women can be devils. This woman can pretend for Africa too. Out of her 5sons, 3 are very close to her and two out of the 3 have already divorced their wives. My hubby is the third one. The remaining 2 doesn't even let her come near their house. They stylishly push her away. I know I'm the next because the drama has also begun.

Let me just stop here! If I start to talk, I no go fit finish am.

Let God judge me if I have ever done anything bad to deserve this from this woman.

Sorry to bore you with this long epistle but I just decided to write it for those comparing all MIL to angels. And to those who never marry, watch his mum well well o. They don't change.

Your MIL na real witch oo,I pray God keeps my mother alive so I won't depend on someone's mother

misspatsy:
Your MIL na real witch oo,I pray God keeps my mother alive so I won't depend on someone's mother

Hmmmmnnnn!no be small thing o.

Mother inlaw wants to provide support in the other room.

Having mother-in-law on the same roof with you, is like marrying two husbands. It's not easy. Tell your friend to be prepared as much as her husband is in support. If she is a Christian, prayers will turn all hatred and hidden agenda around. When my mother in law was with us, I never corrected her for any error but I explained to my wife and she does the correction.

UPDATE -

Thanks ppl for all your contributions to the issue. Nairaland anti-spam bot banned me since yesterday when I wanted to submit a follow up comment here.

God will guide and help my friend. Its like she prayed hard cos she just told me that mama is planning to relocate to a rented place of her own now. She will not be alone but will have her single children with her.
I think its a great idea as everybody including mama will be at peace and will be comfortable in their own space.

Aunty Beedam, Chai. U suffer o. Its harder for those wives who have no biological mother again cos some in-laws will feel you are defenseless after all there is no other mother-like figure to help you. So they feel they are doing the wife a favour by even showing up for omugwo.

Sweetcypress , its cos you have not experienced bad mother in-laws before. Even those with good mother in-laws like me prefer not to live together permanently with her. So that over-familiarity will not spoil our existing cordial relationship. I like it the way its going. We are loving each other from afar. Perfect.

wolu4:
my dear No MIL will come to ur house n won't monitor how u live with ur husbby. According to the Bible, A man shall leave his family n be with his wife and the two will bcome 1. Am not against the MIL coming to visit but am so against her coming to stay permanently when she is not sick. What happened to her husband's house?, did her own MIL stay permanently with her in her matrimonial home?. The DIL in question did not stop her son from taking care of her. She should go take care of her hubby's house xcept she is a single mother dat never got married. My mum cannot spend 2weeks outside her late husbby's house.she will tell u to come n do whatever u want to do for her in her house cos she understands what d bible says abt marriage.

My dear, God bless you. Living permanently with your son/daughter's matrimonial home is out of it. If the wife is eventually not in support of one unpleasant attitude of the MIL, and you gently tell mama, she will turn it to another issue. You end up stressing yourself doing what you are not suppose to do. In my house, I wake up anytime I like on weekends, cook anytime I feel like but with third party, you are no more urself.

Visiting is normal but living permanently with me is a capital NO.

beedam:


1) Must she move into their house permanently? A place can be rented/built for her and get someone to stay with her while they visit her and she visits them too. Haba!

2) if the wife's mother didn't take care of her to become the responsible gentle lady he met and admired nko? Meaning should her mother too move in because she trained her daughter?

3) it's the husband duty to pay bride price and that's why he paid it. Don't make it look like the husband did the wife a favour by marrying her as if they won't both get another person if they refuse to marry each other.

I had to log on to respond to your comment too

U girls sounds like dis cuz u all believe mother in law re wicked forgetting ur mum also is a mother in law n u wouldn't want her to b treated badly.... Don't forget dat first point
Also u will one day become a mother in law n a place Wil b rented for u too n a maid will b paid for to takia of u. Don't forget life is a circle...... Always keep dis second point in mind
............. Waiting for ur response.........

PaperLace:


Oga...I said I won't leave my house to live with anyone ooo.
Is it by force?

I will never disturb my children, they should enjoy their marriage independent of me.
Stop shifting goal post! The issue isn't allowing MIL come around, but staying permanently. I can't even live permanently with my own mother in my matrimonial home, if I wanted to be stuck on her, I won't get married.
If my husband wants to be stuck with his mom, then he should have married her.

Why is dat ladies always ve a negative feelings towards their mother in law? But dey always seek for advice from their own mum n wants her to b treated nicely even by their own in law...... Life is a circle

Cctv is not needed,that's rude and if found that can actually make her use her own hands to destroy herself.

sisisioge:
Chai! Fear is already catching me on behalf of your friend already. I think she should tell the guy her concern, if he insists then na gobe be that o.

I think she needs to prepare a sort of armour in anticipation...

Ordinarily, the mother in-law wouldn't think of moving in knowing there is no love lost between her and the DIL if she hasn't been getting her ways with her in the past. The DIL should just be ready to change their relationship asap. No need to fight, no need to talk too much, no need to be rude...na body language! She shouldn't cower for her abeg. Just treat her like another long staying house guest. Maintain your stand and dignity...she no be god biko.

By the way, babes might need to invest in a CCTV o. Just in case things escalate beyond "wetin happen"...a picture speaks more than a thousand words!

Jeez! I don't know why MIL are like this, imagine this poor woman going bunkers just cos mma is coming...can't MILs be civil?

My mom or mother in law will not live with me
i dont want somebody to be telling my wife what to do in a bouse where she is the mistress
If thy do visit i will let them know that i am the master n wifey is the mistress
Under our roof u are under us

Loisemm:
How many of you would not mind your mother Inlaw who just retired and is not sick or needing medical attention come and live with you and hubby permanently?!
My friend's mother Inlaw is planning to do this. My friend is not comfortable with it at all but has resigned her mind to it.

The mother Inlaw often visits them and spends weeks and months with them even though she does not get along with the wife. The wife told me the mama never wanted her first son to marry and would have preferred he continues to bear children outside wedlock. He had a child before marriage. They have children of theirs now.

Sincerely, I can't undastand the rationale behind a mother moving into her son's house without invitation or permission. Is it fair?

Note -she has a married daughter o. Is it not better for her to live with her daughter if her and her daughter in-law dont get along? This lady now has strong cause to believe the mama is out to break her home. Would she now be receptive to her coming to live with them permanently?

The woman better go and live with her daughter..

There shouldn't be two women steering one house..

Loisemm:
UPDATE -

Thanks ppl for all your contributions to the issue. Nairaland anti-spam bot banned me since yesterday when I wanted to submit a follow up comment here.

God will guide and help my friend. Its like she prayed hard cos she just told me that mama is planning to relocate to a rented place of her own now. She will not be alone but will have her single children with her.
I think its a great idea as everybody including mama will be at peace and will be comfortable in their own space.

Aunty Beedam, Chai. U suffer o. Its harder for those wives who have no biological mother again cos some in-laws will feel you are defenseless after all there is no other mother-like figure to help you. So they feel they are doing the wife a favour by even showing up for omugwo.

Sweetcypress , its cos you have not experienced bad mother in-laws before. Even those with good mother in-laws like me prefer not to live together permanently with her. So that over-familiarity will not spoil our existing cordial relationship. I like it the way its going. We are loving each other from afar. Perfect.

I understand you sis. I'm only saying there must be a way out to everything. I'm single but I'm not seeing the world for the first time. What goes around comes around. We'll all get old and become mothers-in-law someday.

beedam:


Same way I use to think when I was single. Calling DIL bad and selfish people. I have been there and now I know a lot.

May God bless you with a good mother inlaw who will take you as her own daughter .

Amen. And turn things around for your good.

Alryt Sweetcypress . For all those thinking if its my own Mum I will like the idea, you are wrong o. For me, temporary stays are my desires for both my blood Mom and my Other Mom (MIL). Safer and more peaceful in the long run. The only exceptions are in cases of ill-health and frail old age. And still the interference from both ought to be minimized (note I used the word 'minimized' cos there must surely be interference and advice/suggestions flowing to we 'children' )

I expect my children to treat me same. That is help oversee my comfort in my own home if I have one of mine. Or to kindly help rent or buy one for me and visit, call me to check up from time to time. Plus if possible, spoil me with monthly upkeep money!

I prefer all these to going to live with them. I love my space na and value my self respect o. Except where I may need more medical care or serious physical support in old age. Even then, I will still prefer to live in my own house if possible..

Some men and double standard. Here is a link to how a man was told to handle his mother in law when he was in the same situation
https://www.nairaland.com/3282011/mother-in-law-visits-too-often-how#48385194 . But when it comes to a woman, they will expect her to stomach everything. This one was just visit o not staying permanently.

ISTANDWITHBUHAR:




Well am not a christian so never really listen to the sermon, But according to my own religion, it says after God it's parents and i believe the bible also say so.

Ephesians 6:2

the Bible doesn't say so. The Bible says honor your parents, it also says leave your parents also and cleave to your wife.
There are boundaries.
I don't think a mother is being honored by being allowed to stay permanently like a second class citizen in her son's house. Take it or leave it, that kitchen belongs to the wife, the biggest meat belongs to the husband and final decisions in the home belongs solely to the couple. The mother still sees herself as the matriarch, forgetting her son has his own family now. Then petty quarrels starts with the wife and mother....i see no honor here. He is just leaving room for the wife to disrespect his mother. Ever wondered why august visitors are treated way better than regular visitors?

Treasuredlove:
the Bible doesn't say so. The Bible says honor your parents, it also says leave your parents also and cleave to your wife.
There are boundaries.
I don't think a mother is being honored by being allowed to stay permanently like a second class citizen in her son's house. Take it or leave it, that kitchen belongs to the wife, the biggest meat belongs to the husband and final decisions in the home belongs solely to the couple. The mother still sees herself as the matriarch, forgetting her son has his own family now. Then petty quarrels starts with the wife and mother....i see no honor here. He is just leaving room for the wife to disrespect his mother. Ever wondered why august visitors are treated way better than regular visitors?

So my mother cannot live in my house according to you bible?

bilulu:

U girls sounds like dis cuz u all believe mother in law re wicked forgetting ur mum also is a mother in law n u wouldn't want her to b treated badly.... Don't forget dat first point
Also u will one day become a mother in law n a place Wil b rented for u too n a maid will b paid for to takia of u. Don't forget life is a circle...... Always keep dis second point in mind
............. Waiting for ur response.........

Bia, what's wrong in getting a maid to take care of a MIL or mother? Can you personally take care of your own aged mother by washing her clothes, sweeping her room , cooking her food, washing her toilet, keeping hospital appointments and ensuring she uses her druG's regularly and working at the same time?
If you cannot personally do all these things for your mother without pushing the responsibility to your wife then you have no right to condemn getting a maid to take care of her.
Pls, taking care of the elderly atimes requires full time care, some may even be suffering from dementia, and other co morbidities. It's unfair to push that responsibility to your wife, as that is what some men's idea of taking care of their parents are.
And you're talking as if getting a maid for a parent is out of place. That's what most people who are working do

ISTANDWITHBUHAR:
So my mother cannot live in my house according to you bible?

hmm...what a thing to say. Anyway, all I will say is this; in everything, a man should deal in wisdom.

Hallelujah! The dust has settled! Thank God.

Treasuredlove:
hmm...what a thing to say. Anyway, all I will say is this; in everything, a man should deal in wisdom.

Yes you are right a man should deal in wisdom but at the same time a man should be able to have control over his home, I have seen a situation where the wife does not want any family of a her husband around, If any of them visit, She will be asking the husband when they will be leaving but always want her own family mostly her brothers/sisters around.

Chaulay1:

Some men and double standard. Here is a link to how a man was told to handle his mother in law when he was in the same situation
https://www.nairaland.com/3282011/mother-in-law-visits-too-often-how#48385194 . But when it comes to a woman, they will expect her to stomach everything. This one was just visit o not staying permanently.

meehnn... people ehh...Smh.
Some sabi hypocrisy oo. Just went to look at this link you posted above. Most advised him to take measures to reduce his mother inlaw's visits/weekend stays. Come n go ooo not permanent move in.

Now cos its the man's mother, these men and some women say ,'is it not her son's house?!' 'So my mother cannot live with me in my own house! 'wives are bad and wicked' 'my mother is free to move in and any wife who is not comfortable, can leave! ... bla bla bla.
Chai... see double standards!

eyinjuege:


Bia, what's wrong in getting a maid to take care of a MIL or mother? Can you personally take care of your own aged mother by washing her clothes, sweeping her room , cooking her food, washing her toilet, keeping hospital appointments and ensuring she uses her druG's regularly and working at the same time?
If you cannot personally do all these things for your mother without pushing the responsibility to your wife then you have no right to condemn getting a maid to take care of her.
Pls, taking care of the elderly atimes requires full time care, some may even be suffering from dementia, and other co morbidities. It's unfair to push that responsibility to your wife, as that is what some men's idea of taking care of their parents are.
And you're talking as if getting a maid for a parent is out of place. That's what most people who are working do

I get u my sister but u no some maids can b terrible at times..... But she being in her child's house (son or daughter) n d maid with dem is better

bilulu:

I get u my sister but u no some maids can b terrible at times..... But she being in her child's house (son or daughter) n d maid with dem is better

Keep deceiving yourself.

beedam:


Keep deceiving yourself.

Wat I c in u girls is dat u girls starts having problems with ur before in law even before d actual problem starts cuz u all ve a premeditated plans concluded even before getting married...... I tell u my mind to he'll with u if u can't respect my mom cuz if not for her u wouldn't ve known me

adorable29:
Haba mana! Why are you skeptical about your MIL coming to ruin your marriage and make your life miserable PERMANENTLY. What kind of daughter in-law are you. If she is troublesome, manage na. Is your mother not troublesome with you too. Oh okay, cos it's your mum and will never take to heart what you do to offend her? It's same circumstance jor.

So what if you will never have peace again. Is it not HER SON'S HOUSE? Is it your house? What have you contributed to raising your family. NOTHING! Your fathers house is your house and not that house you are living. Nonsense.

Anyway the more the merrier. Get your mum and dad to come live permanently too. I don't understand why you don't want to have high blood pressure at an early age!


Warrahel is wrong with you. You married a Nigerian man. Deal with it.


*sips kunu*

Absolute bullshit

miss20:



Absolute bullshit

Yes now, she is a furniture that was acquired and only seats pretty in the house. It isn't her house.
It's only a man that has right to the house. Women are less humans. Even birds have nest but the Nigeria woman is permanently "houseless". That is why the husband will always tell the wife,

"you will pack out of MY house".

Patriarchal bull crap.....

beedam:


May God bless you. My MIL came all the way from the village for omugwo. Hubby not around,he stays in another country. We retained the house I was living before I married. All through 9months, she no come check me and she knows it's just me at home and my mum is late. My father had to be moving from Lagos to Ibadan once in a week to check on me.

When I was due, hubby called that MIL said I should pack my things in preparation to come for naming in their place( Osun state). He said the woman said she will come and pick me and the baby a day to naming and we can leave for Lagos 2 days after naming because the house is not their house(because I rented the place). I sent him to tell them say make I born finish o and to also tell her who will stay with me immediately I give birth till the one day to naming she is talking of. Also, I told him I am not going anywhere for naming as I don't know why someone who refused to come see me for the whole 9 months will be fighting for naming location.

After I born finish, she came 2 days after and she stated her rules. She says the doctor ask her to eat breakfast by 6 am, she can't clean baby navel for the cord to disconnect because it scares her( she ha ha children o). She said she can't rock baby because she has bp and rocking is like jumping to her. She says she can't. Help me massage my body with hot water because leg is paining her. She will sleep all through the night and ignore me and baby till day break, my baby dey eat anything and the only thing that she do is to say won't you both allow her to sleep( she sleeps i? I asked her why she came to lagos if she can't do all she mentioned that she should have sent someone over and she was like in my sons house( now it's her so house o).

I had serious tear that I could barely walk. This woman no care o. We didn't cook in the house for days. She buys bread and make tea for herself. The woman in the middle flat had to be bringing me food while my landlady had to be coming to clean the baby navel, just imagine!

I heard when her daughter gave birth, she was there and left her husband at home saying she couldn't do anything because it's her first born. Now this is my own first born, she no wan hear.

The funniest thing is my hubby is still on her side that she is my MIL an can do whatever she wants. Then I know I don enter one chance.

Someone I haven't seen in th last 1yr 8 months, we went to visit them when hubby came around, we got to their place around 1pm. and we were served food almost immediately. After eating as I stood up to wash my hand, she followed me that I should come and wash some clothes, I was like we just came in now, let me rest or tomorrow morning I will wash it and she said that's the bed sheet you will use to sleep. What if my hubby came alone? Would she have done that?

Some women can be devils. This woman can pretend for Africa too. Out of her 5sons, 3 are very close to her and two out of the 3 have already divorced their wives. My hubby is the third one. The remaining 2 doesn't even let her come near their house. They stylishly push her away. I know I'm the next because the drama has also begun.

Let me just stop here! If I start to talk, I no go fit finish am.

Let God judge me if I have ever done anything bad to deserve this from this woman.

Sorry to bore you with this long epistle but I just decided to write it for those comparing all MIL to angels. And to those who never marry, watch his mum well well o. They don't change.

wow wow wow, you are probably still married because your husband is not around. If he were around, your MIL might have caused confusion between you two.
Hope you plan on settling with your husband outside the country later on, because this kind MIL is best avoided. Pray for your husband too that whatever hold she has on him will loosen in Jesus name!