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Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? - Family - Nairaland

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Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by Joy1706(f): 11:09am On Nov 02, 2016
If feminism can destroy the whole African family unit then not much other than the oppresion of women held it together then.

(I would not love to add anything to the above. Read that late last night and it kept me awake. It is one of the most powerful things I'll read this year)
If speaking out against oppresion makes you uncomfortable, defensive and afraid, then I am not sorry to say this; you just proved yourself as the oppressor.

"The enemy is fighting marriage and the home by teaching our women feminism". This was said to me by a married man, an elder in a church, who sees nothing wrong in sleeping around and mistreating his wife and then telling me he is entitled to his actions because he is "the" head yet, he is blaming feminism because his wife now knows better than to accept such disrespect.
Feminism is not destroying your homes or the 'illusion' you call marriages. Forgive me or not but I am feeling stung and I can't water this down.

You refuse to partake in your home and then turn around to blame feminism because you are called upon to truly be a partner?
You breed children and then dump their entire training and grooming on your wife and then turn around to blame feminism when she asks for your participation?
You made vows to dedicate your life to this one woman yet you chase everything on skirt, endangering her physically and healthwise and then turn around to blame feminism because she won't take such from you? Just pick a struggle. You want to rely on the bible to be the head but still pitch tent with saying "you're polygamous in nature" because culture says so when your bible clearly forbids adultery. You'll hang onto anything from anywhere that gives you excuse to oppress another human.

You use a religious manual to trample upon another human like you and hide behind the altar of 'headship and submission' and then blame feminism when she knows better?
No sir. Satan has nothing to do with this one. This is all you. Stop pretending to be mad at Feminism. You know who the problem is. Or do you?
You are praying against the spirit of Feminism in me? LOL.
Feminism is not your problem. Your inhumane and inconsiderate actions (wrapped up as culture and religion) is the problem. Fix that.

BY ENWONGO CLEOPAS
*just had to share this. So apt*

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Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by megareal: 11:36am On Nov 02, 2016
Nail on the head. The typical African man operates on double standard. He Sees the woman as inferior and weak while saddling her with major responsibilities that should mainly be executed by the stronger person (the man).

Now the women are waking up from their slumber after having seen their mothers and grandmothers live miserable lives and aged overnight while the men continued to flourish and procreate. They called them successful marriages but it was all a farce.

I like women who place value on themselves and take steps to be happy in their marriages. Who refuse the age long traditions of enduring and sighing till death. Call it feminism or what you like. A woman deserves to be happy and valued too..

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Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by oloyede252(m): 12:12pm On Nov 02, 2016
megareal:
Nail on the head. The typical African man operates on double standard. He Sees the woman as inferior and weak while saddling her with major responsibilities that should mainly be executed by the stronger person (the man).

Now the women are waking up from their slumber after having seen their mothers and grandmothers live miserable lives and aged overnight while the men continued to flourish and procreate. They called them successful marriages but it was all a farce.

I like women who place value on themselves and take steps to be happy in their marriages. Who refuse the age long traditions of enduring and sighing till death. Call it feminism or what you like. A woman deserves to be happy and valued too..

magareal so your mother and grandmother lived a miserable lives and aged overnight. sorry dear it will be well,don't think about it the future will be better for you.once again sorry for what your family experienced.


@joy feminism should be encouraged but the pattern at which Nigerian women are going it is hypocritical in the sense that they only apply the concept of feminism to what suit them.

11 Likes

Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by TV01(m): 12:13pm On Nov 02, 2016
Joy1706:
If feminism can destroy the whole African family unit then not much other than the oppresion of women held it together then.
OP falls flat at the very first sentence. Firstly it assumes "feminism" is simply no more than the fight against oppression of women. Further, it assumes that the stated aim is what it singularly pursues, and all outcomes further only that stated aim.

Secondly it assumes that men cannot be/are not oppressed, thirdly it does not define in any substantive way what oppression actually is As not all may, or will agree on any given definition, taking it as read is at best deceitful.

Joy1706:

(I would not love to add anything to the above. Read that late last night and it kept me awake. It is one of the most powerful things I'll read this year)
If speaking out against oppresion makes you uncomfortable, defensive and afraid, then I am not sorry to say this; you just proved yourself as the oppressor.
As above, a non sequitur.

Joy1706:
"The enemy is fighting marriage and the home by teaching our women feminism". This was said to me by a married man, an elder in a church, who sees nothing wrong in sleeping around and mistreating his wife and then telling me he is entitled to his actions because he is "the" head yet, he is blaming feminism because his wife now knows better than to accept such disrespect.
A canard. Silence challenges to your viewpoint by smearing those who question it. I do not, and have never slept around. I do not mistreat my wife - on the contrary, it's rather the opposite, and neither do I justify wrong-doing or inappropriate behaviour on my part with my "headship". Yet for sure, feminism in it's current guise and what it pushes for is deleterious to the family unit - be that in Africa or anywhere else cool

Joy1706:

Feminism is not destroying your homes or the 'illusion' you call marriages. Forgive me or not but I am feeling stung and I can't water this down.
Stung, sting, stang, whatever, feminism is a crock grin

Joy1706:

You refuse to partake in your home and then turn around to blame feminism because you are called upon to truly be a partner?
You breed children and then dump their entire training and grooming on your wife and then turn around to blame feminism when she asks for your participation?
You made vows to dedicate your life to this one woman yet you chase everything on skirt, endangering her physically and healthwise and then turn around to blame feminism because she won't take such from you? Just pick a struggle. You want to rely on the bible to be the head but still pitch tent with saying "you're polygamous in nature" because culture says so when your bible clearly forbids adultery. You'll hang onto anything from anywhere that gives you excuse to oppress another human.
A crock of canards. Feminism is not good because there are bad men, it fails simply on it's own merits, or lack thereof. Just like HRC does not become a good candidate because DT is a bad one cheesy.

Joy1706:

You use a religious manual to trample upon another human like you and hide behind the altar of 'headship and submission' and then blame feminism when she knows better?
No sir. Satan has nothing to do with this one. This is all you. Stop pretending to be mad at Feminism. You know who the problem is. Or do you?
You are praying against the spirit of Feminism in me? LOL.
Feminism is not your problem. Your inhumane and inconsiderate actions (wrapped up as culture and religion) is the problem. Fix that.
We have now advanced to "crockery" - find your way to the right room grin. For Christians, biblical headship and submission are valid scriptural imperatives for marriage. Anything done beyond or outside of what scripture enjoins is not the fault of scripture or Christianity. Don't fault "The Way" because some practice it badly, or deceitfully ascribe it tenets to propagate evil.

Joy1706:
BY ENWONGO CLEOPAS
*just had to share this. So apt*
And thanks for doing so, but like I said, to all intents and purposes, it's worth little more than hyena dung - for the reasons outlined.

Many things, or behaviours may be harming marriage in Africa, however new-era feminism is certainly not helping.

Cheers big ears cool


TV

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Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by megareal: 12:24pm On Nov 02, 2016
oloyede252:

magareal so your mother and grandmother lived a miserable lives and aged overnight. sorry dear it will be well,don't think about it the future will be better for you.once again sorry for what your family experienced.


@joy feminism should be encouraged but the pattern at which Nigerian women are going it is hypocritical in the sense that they only apply the concept of feminism to what suit them.

Deduce what you like, but the generality of older people I have met live this lie. They are the ones quick to advise young women to endure whatever their husbands do. To be quiet and submissive even when they are dying.

They are quick to remind you that it is a man's world and there is nothing you can do to change it except pray.

I grew up hating the concept of marriage because of their rubbish outlook on life. You find them in church, communities and families.

Incidentally, my mum and grandma were the ones I drew positive inspirations from.

Too busy. Im out.

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by oloyede252(m): 12:37pm On Nov 02, 2016
megareal:


Deduce what you like, but the generality of older people I have met live this lie. They are the ones quick to advise young women to endure whatever their husbands do. To be quiet and submissive even when they are dying.

They are quick to remind you that it is a man's world and there is nothing you can do to change it except pray.

I grew up hating the concept of marriage because of their rubbish outlook on life. You find them in church, communities and families.

Incidentally, my mum and grandma were the ones I drew positive inspirations from.

Too busy. Im out.
older people in your family are miserable and they are advising you and your sisters to endure anything and be submissive enemy when they are dying. I think they want you to continue your family heritage.

incidentally ko accidentally ni.

4 Likes

Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by megareal: 1:07pm On Nov 02, 2016
oloyede252:

older people in your family are miserable and they are advising you and your sisters to endure anything and be submissive enemy when they are dying. I think they want you to continue your family heritage.

incidentally ko accidentally ni.

People like you are reasons I prefer to read , not comment. I dnt have time to bandy words to and fro.

You are obviously too narrow minded to reason that you don't need personal experiences to draw conclusions. You only need to be apt and observant to notice the craziness going on around you. Since you are quick to jump to conclusions, na you sabi. I never said I have sisters, but its there in ur mention . Goes to show just how you interprete words.

Now if you are done being a nuisance, go concentrate on something else like I'm doing. And keep your myopic interpretations to yourselves.

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Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by Timbuktuo: 1:25pm On Nov 02, 2016
Booker T. Washington.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by oloyede252(m): 2:09pm On Nov 02, 2016
megareal:


People like you are reasons I prefer to read , not comment. I dnt have time to bandy words to and fro.

You are obviously too narrow minded to reason that you don't need personal experiences to draw conclusions. You only need to be apt and observant to notice the craziness going on around you. Since you are quick to jump to conclusions, na you sabi. I never said I have sisters, but its there in ur mention . Goes to show just how you interprete words.

Now if you are done being a nuisance, go concentrate on something else like I'm doing. And keep your myopic interpretations to yourselves.
Lol. why you angry?

1 Like

Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by bitchcrafts: 2:17pm On Nov 02, 2016
megareal:
Nail on the head. The typical African man operates on double standard. He Sees the woman as inferior and weak while saddling her with major responsibilities that should mainly be executed by the stronger person (the man).

Now the women are waking up from their slumber after having seen their mothers and grandmothers live miserable lives and aged overnight while the men continued to flourish and procreate. They called them successful marriages but it was all a farce.

I like women who place value on themselves and take steps to be happy in their marriages. Who refuse the age long traditions of enduring and sighing till death. Call it feminism or what you like. A woman deserves to be happy and valued too..


While I'm in no way opposable to the prospects of Feminism , I don't see to the practicability of it. The odd feeling that it won't just work lingers... It's principles too simple and straight, promises too good and sweet to be true; ideals too perfect for an imperfect human. . . Equality is a false god ! I hope u grab?
Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by Nobody: 3:34pm On Nov 02, 2016
kiss kiss kiss Tell 'em sister smiley

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Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by raumdeuter: 4:02pm On Nov 02, 2016
First of all its only an African problem according to the OP but coincidentally thousand of non African article are pointing to the same

I found this article interesting

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/thinking-man/11824814/Is-feminism-destroying-the-institution-of-marriage.html

You can open the link and read but some of the excerpt are these

I dont know any man who doesnt help on the home front

Women claim marriage is bondage yet women desire marriages more.
Among cohabiting couple its found that the men are happier and the women push for marriage or just breakup as a result of the guys reluctance to commit to marriage(the same bondage marriage)

You can ask any lady here, If your boyfriend tells you he doesnt want to get married will you continue, and see the overwhelming answe

Now another point

Women are also divorcing even at a higher rate men who stay at home to take care of the kids and clean

I came across sobering news when speaking to one of London’s top divorce lawyers, Vanessa Lloyd-Platt.
She told me the second-biggest boom in UK divorces – almost all of which were initiated by women – were those where the man was a stay-at-home-dad while she a high-earner. Ms Lloyd-Platt claimed women dumping stay-at-home dads accounted for 10 per cent of all divorces, which had doubled in five years, and affected 25-30 per cent of all couples in that dynamic.

“After about six to 12 months, the novelty of having a beta male who does the dishes wears off," said Ms Lloyd-Platt. "They just don’t find subservient guys sexy – and so look to alpha males in the workplace.”

So basically a feminist dream is to be married to a man, an alpha male, who earns a lot to take care of her and the man still does all the chores at home at least till she gets bored and walk out to the next guy

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Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by sisisioge: 4:30pm On Nov 02, 2016
Dearest OP, the best is just to hope one pitches one's tent with a good person...issue resolved.


If he fears God and respects humanity, then he would do the right thing. Of course, one has to be good too. Just find a good one from the lot of them...

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Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by Joy1706(f): 4:59pm On Nov 02, 2016
oloyede252:

older people in your family are miserable and they are advising you and your sisters to endure anything and be submissive enemy when they are dying. I think they want you to continue your family heritage.

incidentally ko accidentally ni.
Keep denying all you want. But the reality is that most nigerian marriages have never been and still are not anything to write home about.

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Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by TomHagen: 5:50pm On Nov 02, 2016
Joy1706:

Keep denying all you want. But the reality is that most nigerian marriages have never been and still are not anything to write home about.
...and ''foreign'' marriages are crashing and crashing. The ''nigerian'' ones that attempt to copy their model are following suit. Wanna guess why?

4 Likes

Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by TomHagen: 5:53pm On Nov 02, 2016
sisisioge:
Dearest OP, the best is just to hope one pitches one's tent with a good person...issue resolved.


If he fears God and respects humanity, then he would do the right thing. Of course, one has to be good too. Just find a good one from the lot of them...
Please define the highlighted.
Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by sisisioge: 6:02pm On Nov 02, 2016
TomHagen:
Please define the highlighted.

A good person here
- Fears God
- Respect humanity
- Is fair in his dealings
- Of good family orientation
- Empathizes with others
- Loves unreservedly
- Super sexy ( u should know u can't score much with a fagged out person, if u are committed to enslaving your significant other)
- Good education


If one finds a person that checks all these boxes...na jackpot! But then, wouldn't you agree that this isn't too much to ask for?

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Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by dangotesmummy: 6:11pm On Nov 02, 2016
grin

Brb grin
Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by TomHagen: 6:14pm On Nov 02, 2016
sisisioge:


A good person here
- Fears God
- Respect humanity
- Is fair in his dealings
- Of good family orientation
- Empathizes with others
- Loves unreservedly
- Super sexy ( u should know u can't score much with a fagged out person, if u are committed to enslaving your significant other)
- Good education


If one finds a person that checks all these boxes...na jackpot! But then, wouldn't you agree that this isn't too much to ask for?
These are just qualities. They are independent of marriage. Perhaps I should have asked what the ''right thing'' as used in your previous comment means.
Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by Nobody: 6:23pm On Nov 02, 2016
Family's section favourite topic. grin

1 Like

Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by sisisioge: 6:24pm On Nov 02, 2016
TomHagen:
These are just qualities. They are independent of marriage. Perhaps I should have asked what the ''right thing'' as used in your previous comment means.

Oga, I don answer your question o if you wan mark me wrong na you sabi. Those are the attributes of a good man... If I find one like that peren and we are good in both chemistry and physics, the rest go be history!
Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by TomHagen: 6:35pm On Nov 02, 2016
sisisioge:


Oga, I don answer your question o if you wan mark me wrong na you sabi. Those are the attributes of a good man... If I find one like that peren and we are good in both chemistry and physics, the rest go be history!
Heheheehe...Na list and explain na. You no do WAEC ni?
Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by raumdeuter: 6:38pm On Nov 02, 2016
Joy1706:

Keep denying all you want. But the reality is that most nigerian marriages have never been and still are not anything to write home about.

Have the foreign ones been something to write home about? In the US the divorce rate is in the region of 50% Maybe they are copying the Nigeria marriages

4 Likes

Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by oloyede252(m): 7:06pm On Nov 02, 2016
Joy1706:

Keep denying all you want. But the reality is that most nigerian marriages have never been and still are not anything to write home about.
I agree with you that your parents marriage is nothing to write home about,but they are in the minority so no problem.

wait How many Nigerian states have you visited? later you will say it's bad to generalize.
Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by misspicy(f): 7:45pm On Nov 02, 2016
I think it is high time women pick up their individual self and speak for themselves and not the gender.


because

Some women are not ready to be liberated, they erroneously believe they are not and were never in any bondage.

For that I have decided to sit on the fence on the issue of feminism,by doing what pleases me only,no need preaching and attacking the men. It's a futile attempt at equity and equality especially in Nigeria my immediate environment.

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Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by eyinjuege: 8:08pm On Nov 02, 2016
Life would be better if men and women are fair in their dealings with each other.
Just apply the principle of "do unto others as you want done to you".
Just be a decent human being. Life isn't so hard, and we only make it so.
However, regarding divorce, people do sadly fall out of love when the novelty of marriage wears off. Some would rather stay and rough it out, while others will have non of that in the pursuit of personal happiness.
Some would have regrets afterwards, while others would feel that's the best decision they've ever made. We all have to live with the consequences of our choices, and decisions.

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Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by cococandy(f): 8:14pm On Nov 02, 2016
[size=18pt]If feminism can destroy the whole African family unit then not much other than the oppresion of women held it together.[/size]

Simply put. The rest wasn't even necessary.

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Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by Amicable24: 8:36pm On Nov 02, 2016
megareal:
Nail on the head. The typical African man operates on double standard. He Sees the woman as inferior and weak while saddling her with major responsibilities that should mainly be executed by the stronger person (the man).

Now the women are waking up from their slumber after having seen their mothers and grandmothers live miserable lives and aged overnight while the men continued to flourish and procreate. They called them successful marriages but it was all a farce.

I like women who place value on themselves and take steps to be happy in their marriages. Who refuse the age long traditions of enduring and sighing till death. Call it feminism or what you like. A woman deserves to be happy and valued too..


Brilliant post kiss
To add to it , I don't know why men especially see everything wrong about the feminism thing.. Women ought to be valued and respected.. Gone are the days when a woman's role is in the home/kitchen alone.. Now even men suggest women should work, earn a living and support them financially.. I don't support ladies who confront guys by saying they are equal in every sphere. I'm a Christian and believe wives should be submissive to their husbands but husbands must love their wives too..
In conclusion, I believe we should do UNTO others what we want them do to us. If only we could love one another as Jesus commanded us to, this world would have been a better place undecided

4 Likes

Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by Amicable24: 8:49pm On Nov 02, 2016
megareal:


Deduce what you like, but the generality of older people I have met live this lie. They are the ones quick to advise young women to endure whatever their husbands do. To be quiet and submissive even when they are dying.

They are quick to remind you that it is a man's world and there is nothing you can do to change it except pray.

I grew up hating the concept of marriage because of their rubbish outlook on life. You find them in church, communities and families.

Incidentally, my mum and grandma were the ones I drew positive inspirations from.

Too busy. Im out.
The bolded is the one I don't just gbadun at all.. It's a man's world they say, they are free to do anyhow. The woman on the other hand is not allowed the freedom.. There are some things I don't pray for sha cry

1 Like

Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by johnson232: 9:45pm On Nov 02, 2016
This op don escape from psychiatric hospital again.... embarassed who get chain abeg...

1 Like

Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by johnson232: 9:46pm On Nov 02, 2016
misspicy:
I think it is high time women pick up their individual self and speak for themselves and not the gender.


because

Some women are not ready to be liberated, they erroneously believe they are not and were never in any bondage.

For that I have decided to sit on the fence on the issue of feminism,by doing what pleases me only,no need preaching and attacking the men. It's a futile attempt at equity and equality especially in Nigeria my immediate environment.
embarassed

Re: Is Feminism Really Destroying Marriages In Africa? by joseph1832ng: 9:50pm On Nov 02, 2016
Joy1706:
If feminism can destroy the whole African family unit then not much other than the oppresion of women held it together then.

(I would not love to add anything to the above. Read that late last night and it kept me awake. It is one of the most powerful things I'll read this year)
If speaking out against oppresion makes you uncomfortable, defensive and afraid, then I am not sorry to say this; you just proved yourself as the oppressor.

"The enemy is fighting marriage and the home by teaching our women feminism". This was said to me by a married man, an elder in a church, who sees nothing wrong in sleeping around and mistreating his wife and then telling me he is entitled to his actions because he is "the" head yet, he is blaming feminism because his wife now knows better than to accept such disrespect.
Feminism is not destroying your homes or the 'illusion' you call marriages. Forgive me or not but I am feeling stung and I can't water this down.

You refuse to partake in your home and then turn around to blame feminism because you are called upon to truly be a partner?
You breed children and then dump their entire training and grooming on your wife and then turn around to blame feminism when she asks for your participation?
You made vows to dedicate your life to this one woman yet you chase everything on skirt, endangering her physically and healthwise and then turn around to blame feminism because she won't take such from you? Just pick a struggle. You want to rely on the bible to be the head but still pitch tent with saying "you're polygamous in nature" because culture says so when your bible clearly forbids adultery. You'll hang onto anything from anywhere that gives you excuse to oppress another human.

You use a religious manual to trample upon another human like you and hide behind the altar of 'headship and submission' and then blame feminism when she knows better?
No sir. Satan has nothing to do with this one. This is all you. Stop pretending to be mad at Feminism. You know who the problem is. Or do you?
You are praying against the spirit of Feminism in me? LOL.
Feminism is not your problem. Your inhumane and inconsiderate actions (wrapped up as culture and religion) is the problem. Fix that.

BY ENWONGO CLEOPAS
*just had to share this. So apt*
If she feels oppressed, what stops her from leaving the marriage?

Her husband is holding a gun to her head, is he?

I'll always say this: women who stay in abusive marriage(s) have themselves to blame. It's just that simple.

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