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Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage - Family - Nairaland

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Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by oloyede252(m): 9:14am On Nov 05, 2016
I am a 34 year old man. I have been with my wife for nine years - married for the last five. When I married her, she had very traditonal values. We had a lot in common - both somewhat shy, both non drinkers and non smokers - very respectful - spiritual rather than religious ,ethically proper and commited to one another. We've always been very honest with each other as well. Our physical intimate life started off rather pedestrian - very unadventurous but slowly grew as we did into something wilder and special - however we remained monogamous. One time my wife got very jealous when I told her I had visited a strip club with friends and was very hurt by it. I promised her I would not go to one again. This was about three years ago. My wife has since had some revelations and has changed. Long story short - she suggested to me that we consider an "open marriage". Apparently at work a fellow she was attracted to hit on her and she was flattered, so much so that it brought forth an idea she said she'd had on her mind for about a year now ... the idea that society puts too much emphasis on sex and that if we can have our needs met by someone else other than our partner that we should go ahead and do it. She said she would have no problem with me being with other women if I felt it was right. I CANNOT sleep or eat. I am in agony. I love her so much and respect what she has to say but this hit me like a ton of bricks. I have no interest in being with anyone other than my wife EVER. I told her I would consider it and try and be a litle more evolved in my thinking but I don't think i can. The thought of my wife being with another man makes me ill. My wife argues I am being possesive and territorial. She is being great about this , by the way, she is simply expressing her feelings and being honest with me - and given the situaltion I couldn't ask for more. My wife is prone to quite analytical and is a real thinker and we have considered this is just a phase she's going through. But what if it isn't? I want her to be happy and I don't want to supress her in any way. But I don't think I could deal with her being with other guys. Please help - thank you in advance.

1 Like

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by talktonase(m): 9:26am On Nov 05, 2016
This is not a 'smalling something' that your wife is requesting for oh! Wonders shall never end! This women empowerment thing the world preaches is really going to destroy marriages.I suggest to go on your knees to pray and fast because sex sells like crazy this days,it is like a common handshake and the devil wants to use it to destroy us all.

3 Likes

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by jeff1993: 9:42am On Nov 05, 2016
This is what Feminism is all about ...... As a man am OK wit gender equality bug feminism is a NO NO

1 Like

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by pcguru1(m): 9:52am On Nov 05, 2016
jeff1993:
This is what Feminism is all about ...... As a man am OK wit gender equality bug feminism is a NO NO

Actually this is nothing attributed to feminism. Femisnim is about equality in terms of wage pay, education and opportunities. This is something else but definitely not feminism and I think feminism is a good thing if not women wont be educated or given freedom. An example of the disadvantage of not embracing feminism that of Saudi Arabi;a the concept of guardianship. If a woman was bleeding to death and needed to be taken to the hospital and her guardian was no where to be found. She's going to die , I actually read something similar but the guardian came eventually but she bled alot . Read up more on feminism and I know third wave feminist can be a pain in the ass and I hate 3 wave feminist too but the earlier waves fought a good battle. The recent ones are insecure white bored women looking to play victim hood

8 Likes

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by irepnaija4eva(m): 9:55am On Nov 05, 2016
Your wife brought up the issue of an open marriage,and you said you will consider it? You didn't even rebuked the idea.
My man you dey Bleep up.you better man up before is too late o.

#smhpussyniggerseverywhere.

4 Likes

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by Viking007(m): 10:03am On Nov 05, 2016
Open marriage? That's like a free license to cheat. Makes no sense.

That she was even bold enough to tell You such a sick idea is just ____. Marriage don finish be that.

2 Likes

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by nnamdibig(m): 10:09am On Nov 05, 2016
No hard feelings about it, the moment your wife thinks she can be with another man and thinks she is ok & how you feel about it means nothing to her, the moment she should leave your house & go stay with the said man or go to her parents may be to reset her settings. In fact it's not just the wife but both wife & hubby. The moment both thinks they can sleep with opposite sex & thinks it's cool, both need to restore their factory settings

5 Likes

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by pocohantas(f): 11:46am On Nov 05, 2016
jeff1993:
This is what Feminism is all about ...... As a man am OK wit gender equality bug feminism is a NO NO

Woman say she won't born more than 3, feminism.
She say she won't cook, feminism.
She wants to further in her career...still feminism.
This one wants open marriage, you call it feminism too.

Oga, please try read.

You support gender equality but not feminism?
Lols...

7 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by pcguru1(m): 11:54am On Nov 05, 2016
pocohantas:


Woman say she won't born more than 3, feminism.
She say she won't cook, feminism.
She wants to further in her career...still feminism.
This one wants open marriage, you call it feminism too.

Oga, please try read.

You support gender equality but not feminism?
Lols...

Feminism doesn't mean a woman shouldn't cook it just means it should be of her own accord rather than be commanded to. Nothing given birth to a number of children has nothing to do with feminism that's just preference. Furthering career also has nothing to do with feminism the fact she wants to further her career means feminism is already working as she's not denied opportunity to learn.

Left to me sorry to say i consider Islam as anti-feminist to a large extent. and sadly alot of Africans/Nigerians don't know what feminism truly means but i guess Africans generally don't like to read.

Wanting open marriage is just someone's personal preference.

3 Likes

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by Sealeddeal(m): 12:15pm On Nov 05, 2016
talktonase:
This is not a 'smalling something' that your wife is requesting for oh! Wonders shall never end! This women empowerment thing the world preaches is really going to destroy marriages.I suggest to go on your knees to pray and fast because sex sells like crazy this days,it is like a common handshake and the devil wants to use it to destroy us all.
if marriages is destroyed, so what? Women empowerment is something that must be promoted against all odds. in fact, you sound so confused. Why not ask for men to be de-empowered?

3 Likes

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by talktonase(m): 12:16pm On Nov 05, 2016
Sealeddeal:
if marriages is destroyed, so what? Women empowerment is something that must be promoted against all odds. in fact, you sound so confused. Why not ask for men to be de-empowered?
Can you listen to yourself speak?

1 Like

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by TV01(m): 12:31pm On Nov 05, 2016
pcguru1:
Actually this is nothing attributed to feminism. Femisnim is about equality in terms of wage pay, education and opportunities. This is something else but definitely not feminism and I think feminism is a good thing if not women wont be educated or given freedom. An example of the disadvantage of not embracing feminism that of Saudi Arabi;a the concept of guardianship. If a woman was bleeding to death and needed to be taken to the hospital and her guardian was no where to be found. She's going to die , I actually read something similar but the guardian came eventually but she bled alot . Read up more on feminism and I know third wave feminist can be a pain in the ass and I hate 3 wave feminist too but the earlier waves fought a good battle. The recent ones are insecure white bored women looking to play victim hood
Firstly, your opening 2 sentences contradict your last 2. Secondly, the equality you refer too was something that was being pursued by various ways and means prior to feminism. I am, as are most, all for equal opportunities. Feminism did not introduce that notion.

Like a lot of political or ideological movements, it's typically a handful of people at the top/in control, influencing and driving the agenda. And it is these 3rd wavers who are that handful of people for feminism today.

Feminism considers marriage an oppressive patriarchal construct, that oppresses and subjugates women - if not something that was developed to do just that. They want it destroyed. The more moderate amongst them are pushing for a kind of sameness in role, hence the obsession with men doing chores grin.

Feminism considers a womans body hers to do with as she wishes. That is what gives us the drive for abortion at any time and for any reason. That's what drives notions of marital rape, and a husband only being able to sleep with his wife - ATBE - if she consents.

That is what gives the OP' wife the perceived right to suggest/pursue the course of action outlined. The core and heart of marriage is conjugality. If that is discarded, where it exists, it's not actually marriage.


TV

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by pcguru1(m): 12:42pm On Nov 05, 2016
TV01:

Firstly, your opening 2 sentences contradict your last 2. Secondly, the equality you refer too was something that was being pursued by various ways and means prior to feminism. I am, as are most, all for equal opportunities. Feminism did not introduce that notion.

Like a lot of political or ideological movements, it's typically a handful of people at the top/in control, influencing and driving the agenda. And it is these 3rd wavers who are that handful of people for feminism today.

Feminism considers marriage an oppressive patriarchal construct, that oppresses and subjugates women - if not something that was developed to do just that. They want it destroyed. The more moderate amongst them are pushing for a kind of sameness in role, hence the obsession with men doing chores grin.

Feminism considers a womans body hers to do with as she wishes. That is what gives us the drive for abortion at any time and for any reason. That's what drives notions of marital rape, and a husband only being able to sleep with his wife - ATBE - if she consents.

That is what gives the OP' wife the perceived right to suggest/pursue the course of action outlined. The core and heart of marriage is conjugality. If that is discarded, where it exists, it's not actually marriage.


TV

All these bold points represents 3rd wave feminism and I hate them with a passion. infact isn't Feminism pointless and egalitarianism better ?
Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by Nobody: 12:49pm On Nov 05, 2016
op , where did u copy dis from ? pple shud try sourcing their posts na

3 Likes

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by TV01(m): 1:00pm On Nov 05, 2016
pcguru1:
All these bold points represents 3rd wave feminism and I hate them with a passion. infact isn't Feminism pointless and egalitarianism better ?
The "3rd wave" qualifier is as pointless as qualifying the word desert with "sandy". It's just feminism.
And the harder core aims always distil and percolate into other noxious notions.In fact, so do the seemingly harmless ones angry.

As we advance and mature societ/ies and cultures will always tend toward a better deal for it's members. Men and women are generally in accord, we, and our children have a shared destiny. The male/female dynamic has evolved over eons.

It was never based solely on oppression, and forms of oppression are being eroded. This was before and without feminism, which is extremist, and only serves to destroy as opposed to improve.


TV

2 Likes

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by UIA04(f): 1:30pm On Nov 05, 2016
aflyingbird:
op , where did u copy dis from ? pple shud try sourcing their posts na
You think it's fake?
Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by Nobody: 1:41pm On Nov 05, 2016
Op you can lie. first of all you don't look 35, you should be in your 20s. Lie lie pants on fire.
Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by Nobody: 1:43pm On Nov 05, 2016
UIA04:
You think it's fake?
Its a fabricated story.

1 Like

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by oloyede252(m): 1:57pm On Nov 05, 2016
aflyingbird:
op , where did u copy dis from ? pple shud try sourcing their posts na
why not comment based on the topic rather than looking for where I copy it from.
Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by oloyede252(m): 2:00pm On Nov 05, 2016
Catalin:
Op you can lie. first of all you don't look 35, you should be in your 20s. Lie lie pants on fire.
Lol..
Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by pocohantas(f): 2:44pm On Nov 05, 2016
pcguru1:


Feminism doesn't mean a woman shouldn't cook it just means it should be of her own accord rather than be commanded to. Nothing given birth to a number of children has nothing to do with feminism that's just preference. Furthering career also has nothing to do with feminism the fact she wants to further her career means feminism is already working as she's not denied opportunity to learn.

Left to me sorry to say i consider Islam as anti-feminist to a large extent. and sadly alot of Africans/Nigerians don't know what feminism truly means but i guess Africans generally don't like to read.

Wanting open marriage is just someone's personal preference.

I was actually being sarcastic. Recently they tag every feminine character that doesn't agree with the norm as feminism.

1 Like

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by sisisioge: 2:55pm On Nov 05, 2016
Chai! You must be in oyinbo land. This is totally unheard of here in naija!...and she open her mouth take talk am...and you too decided to think about it?

Hian! It is finished! May God help us all.

1 Like

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by pcguru1(m): 3:11pm On Nov 05, 2016
pocohantas:


I was actually being sarcastic. Recently they tag every feminine character that doesn't agree with the norm as feminism.

I wasn't referring to you i was expanding on your point to explain to others.
Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by Richy4(m): 5:02pm On Nov 05, 2016
I just gave up when the Op said he will consider it because he wants to make the wife happy.....As in... He will consider the wife to be a doormat with welcome boldly written all over it...... sad

1 Like

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by Bibors(m): 6:46pm On Nov 05, 2016
OP you have a bigger problem. In fact you didn't tell us the truth.
Are you a Christian?
Are you African?
What texts do you read from?
We're you raised in America?.

Reset that brain before it resets yours.
If she wants to cheat, she can go ahead but don't inform you and never get caught but to discuss it is a No No.

Well I leave you unto your fate coz I know you already know what to do.

1 Like

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by Funnyguy83: 9:04pm On Nov 05, 2016
EWOOO!
Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by dangotesmummy: 10:12pm On Nov 05, 2016
Mshewww.as if open marriage is a new thing in Nigeria
Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by Gluthatione: 10:36pm On Nov 05, 2016
oloyede252:
I am a 34 year old man. I have been with my wife for
nine years - married for the last five. When I married her,
she had very traditonal values. We had a lot in common -
both somewhat shy, both non drinkers and non smokers -
very respectful - spiritual rather than religious ,ethically
proper and commited to one another. We've always been
very honest with each other as well. Our physical
intimate life started off rather pedestrian - very
unadventurous but slowly grew as we did into something
wilder and special - however we remained monogamous.
One time my wife got very jealous when I told her I had
visited a strip club with friends and was very hurt by it. I
promised her I would not go to one again. This was
about three years ago.
My wife has since had some revelations and has
changed. Long story short - she suggested to me that we
consider an "open marriage". Apparently at work a fellow
she was attracted to hit on her and she was flattered, so
much so that it brought forth an idea she said she'd had
on her mind for about a year now ... the idea that society
puts too much emphasis on sex and that if we can have
our needs met by someone else other than our partner
that we should go ahead and do it. She said she would
have no problem with me being with other women if I felt
it was right.
I CANNOT sleep or eat. I am in agony. I love her so much
and respect what she has to say but this hit me like a ton
of bricks. I have no interest in being with anyone other
than my wife EVER. I told her I would consider it and try
and be a litle more evolved in my thinking but I don't
think i can. The thought of my wife being with another
man makes me ill.
My wife argues I am being possesive and territorial. She
is being great about this , by the way, she is simply
expressing her feelings and being honest with me - and
given the situaltion I couldn't ask for more. My wife is
prone to quite analytical and is a real thinker and we
have considered this is just a phase she's going through.
But what if it isn't?
I want her to be happy and I don't want to supress her in
any way. But I don't think I could deal with her being
with other guys.
Please help - thank you in advance.
Sir I'm not trying to make gest of u, but this must be d joke of the century!
Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by NevetsIbot(m): 11:34pm On Nov 05, 2016
woman wey yu suppose slap hard as she talk am. Spoilt wife, ballless husband
Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by Chubhie: 2:19am On Nov 06, 2016
One time my wife got very jealous when I told her I had visited a strip club with friends and was very hurt by it.
You murdered sleep. You had a loving,loyal,spiritual and philosopher wife yet you went to watch Unclad women in strip clubs?

An edge has been broken and demons from strip club now has a foothold on your once serene marriage.

You really hurt a good and godly woman. Your actions has turned her into good girl gone bad and godly woman turn ungodly.

Tables has turned.brace up for some bumpy rides. She probably won't stop till a stranger hits her paradise and she thinks she has hurt you enough.

Quite an intelligent woman you've got. You are already handicapped.

wack her current object of distraction/attraction to make a very cold statement if you be man enough or walkway now!
Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by Chubhie: 2:28am On Nov 06, 2016
NevetsIbot:
woman wey yu suppose slap hard as she talk am. Spoilt wife, ballless husband
A once spiritual husband goes to strip club to watch Unclad women and you think the wife deserves a slap for reacting the way she did?

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help - My Wife Wants An Open Marriage by Nobody: 7:12am On Nov 06, 2016
pocohantas:


Woman say she won't born more than 3, feminism.
She say she won't cook, feminism.
She wants to further in her career...still feminism.
This one wants open marriage, you call it feminism too.

Oga, please try read.

You support gender equality but not feminism?
Lols...

Feminist undecided

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