Igbo/yoruba brothers and sisters a friend of mine is dating an igbo woman and her parents are against the union simply because the guy is yoruba and also from a broken home, so pls advice needed on how they should proceed as they both love each other very much.

pls Nlanders no sarcastic comments as serious and genuine comments only. do you know anyone that has been in the same situation and eventually got married ? the girl is from Anambra dn the guy from ondo state.

There are tons of threads with this same issue. Tell your friend to pray. Really!! Anyway, you said the guy is from a broken home. That goes to show that it's really not about what tribe you marry from. It takes the Grace of God to keep a marriage.  Good luck to your friend. Meanwhile I have noticed that a high percentage of igbo girls that marry yorubas are from Anambra. Nothing wrong ooo, just observing.

@kech

thanks yes they are a few thread each individual cases but i like to pay attention on this particular as responses it important thanks. and its might determine the next line of action. note.

the guy in question actually studying uk but has been to naija 3times already this year just to spend time with the woman and there is 100% honesty and trust between them.

the guys parents are both yoruba and yes it takes grace of God but the girl is under pressure from parents because they are using themselves as a weapon and the parents are threathening to disown her and send her out of the house if she doesnt quit the relationship.

Hey yaa.  Look, if they are really sure they want to be with each other, it's possible, there'll just be some hitches here and there. Tell the girl to just keep on crying for her parents  I'm serious ooo. In this case, the girl holds the power. Trust me. The only way this marriage will not hold is if the girl finally gives up on the guy. Honestly, forget the yoruba factor, I think the fact that he's from a broken home compounded the whole issue. The parents probably think the guy's marriage will end up like his parents'. Truth be told, having your parents as role models is a big deal. It's not the guys fault though. He should try to get close to some people in the girl's family so that they can help him out. At this point he needs to prove to the girl's parents that he is responsible and can think on his own. He shouldn't just sit down and expect everything to be fine and dandy ooo. If the girl is worth it, let him proceed. If he thinks it's an uphill task and it's not worth it, then

My sister married an Edo man. If someone had told me that my parents would allow any girl in my house marry from any other tribe I would never have believed it. It wasn't a funny sometin ooo.  The guy penetrated into our home through our cousins. When my parents realized what was going on, the house was on fire. My dad literally stopped short of throwing him out of the house one day. My mum warmed up to him first (after some begging/secret calls and meetings  ) Before my dad could say abracadabra, everyone in the house was in love with the guy. He was out-numbered. Now my dad and the guy are like siamese twins . Everyone in my family is like huh

@kech.

yes oo the girl holds the final decison in this case, yes its not the guys fault his parents broke up but the guy knowing the kind of background he is from thats why he has even been to naija 3times this year already. last time he went in july was when the whole issue started he had to just abandon his studies and work for 2weeks just to go and support the girl in naija.

the guy cant get close to the girls family members reason being the girls father is the only one that is well to do in his family, and all of the family are against it, ecept for one of their family friend that assisted the girl in telling the parents about the guy, they support the guy and the girl but all they can do is just tell the parents but the girls father is adamant and keep refusing.

after many pleading from the girl to her mother in july the mother invited the guy over to her shop just to speak to him without the father knowing and even advised the guy to bring 1 or 2 of his people to come and beg the dad but the father found out 2days before the proposed meeting and almost send the mother packing out of the house but he later calmed down. and they told the girl to call the guy in their presence and break the relationship. she did just to make the parents calm down but they are still dating. but yesterday night again after making my post yesterday night. the girl called the guy again to tell him that her parents found out that they ae still dating and still threatening.

my guy is really down cos right now he cant do much as per he is trying too get an apartment in naija and furnished against his going home next year and also get it furnished a bit, compounded with that he doesnt have any more holidays left at work and cant go to naija now to support the girl. he is really down seriously.

Let him pray seriously. Some fathers can be pig-headed but I can confidently tell you that as long as the girl sticks with him, things will come to a head. The girl is the one that needs to be strong in this case because there is nothing else the boy can do. Your friend should tell her to keep crying for her father. For real!! She need to put pressure on him. All he needs now is the fathers' consent and everything else will fall into place. There's no need for him to go home again if he has no more holiday time. It won't make any difference anyway. The girl should do her own part down in Naija. She needs to fight for what she wants. This is a partnership. They are both in this together. Tell your friend not to stress himself. As long as he's sure the girl is by his side, there's no problem. He just needs to be patient. These situations are usually like this.

I agree with kech.

The girl shouldn't give up on her marriage plans because of her father. This is the time to put her foot down. If she doesn't she would continue to be a girl he can dictate to and not a grown woman. Igbo fathers can huff and puff but for how long will they keep malice with their daughters and future kids? Impossible.

If they seriously want to be together, without fail, then let the guy get the girl pregnant. Rather than wasting so much time, enough time that someone has actually managed to post the situation here on NL. . . . . .

As for the parents threatening to kick the girl out. . . what exactly is the couple worrying about now? The girl will leave her parents anyway. Why this long saga? The guy should just do quick and get the girl pregnant. This is his opportunity. He should go ahead and put his foot in the door so that the girl's parents (dad more especially) will know that he's serious, and that they have no choice but to get to know him.

ChinenyeN:

If they seriously want to be together, without fail, then let the guy get the girl pregnant. Rather than wasting so much time, enough time that someone has actually managed to post the situation here on NL. . . . . .

As for the parents threatening to kick the girl out. . . what exactly is the couple worrying about now? The girl will leave her parents anyway. Why this long saga? The guy should just do quick and get the girl pregnant. This is his opportunity. He should go ahead and put his foot in the door so that the girl's parents (dad more especially) will know that he's serious, and that they have no choice but to get to know him.

HAHA!!! ChinenyeN I feel you oooo! There nothing Igbo fathers fear like having an unmarried daughter with a child. LOL!! I know a girl who threatened the father that if she didn't marry her efik fiancé, she was going to stay unmarried forever and that she was also going to get pregnant for her efik fiancé. The father called her bluff. He said that was her business. By the time the father could blink, the girl had gotten pregnant. LOL!!! When the father heard about it, he practically summoned the boy to his home and told him to bring his people FAST!! The wedding was put on fast-forward If you had seen the dad on that day, dancing and grinning from ear to ear like that was what he wanted all along.

is it by force to marry outside your tribe?

tpia.:

is it by force to marry outside your tribe?

Is it by force to marry from your tribe? Why should he "settle" for anyone else from his tribe just to "keep to his tribe". I don't think it's fair to him and to the "girl from his tribe" he settles for. What is going to happen is that the poor "girl from his tribe" will end up always being second best. Why would anyone wish that life torture on someone else? I believe if one wants something, and it's worth it, and you have the opportunity, go for it. If you try, and it still doesn't work out, then maybe it was not meant to be. Nothing good comes easy, and this is about life in general. If you don't fight for what you want, you won't get it. Shikena. Some people think this marriage thing is beans and it's shocking. Tribe my butt! I can't tell you how sick I am of hearing friends and colleagues whine about how they made mistakes and how they should have fought harder to get what they wanted bla bla bla Cowardice is no virtue. 

@chinenyen

haba getting the girl pregnant might be good but to be honest the girl doesnt want to get pregnant because no girl wants to get pregnant before she is married and also dont want to bring shame to her family if you understand my point. and also my friend doesnt want to suggest that to the girl either as she might think he is being selfish you know the way you women think sometimes.

@tpia

is it not by force to marry outside your tribe but this is 2009 and tribe should be an hinderance to happiness of two people in love with one another. love can carry anyone to any country and to any tribe.

The guy is patient and supportive of the girl but you know women in situations like this seeing the person also helps to reduce the pressure from her parents. but this cant be the case as the guy cant afford to travel home again till january 2010. currently the girl has been keeping to herself at home and doesnt even eat at home according to her, she eats before getting home and goes straight to bed at night.

the girl in question is from Anambra in a place called niise and the guy is from ondo state.

@kech

thats the thing there most parents dont understand. at first the guys mother said no that she wont allow but the guy being a very strict guy that will go to an extent to get whats he wants fought with the mother and told her that wether she likes it or not he will marry her and told the mother that if she doesnt come for the wedding, someone else will take her place. that was when my guy was in naija in may this year but suprisingly the mother is now the one asking after the girl and telling my guy that na wao the girl cant even call her to greet her and see how she is doing, basically meaning the guys mother has noe come to accept the girl as the guy has stood his ground.

Parents fail to understand that marriage is all about the 2 people involved. we have marriages to same tribe as well as to different tribe that has broken down and also marriages that have stayed strong and still going to same tribe and different tribes.

yes so igbo men can be a bit hard but you know when the man start saying, i will disown you, over my deadbody will you marry a yoruba man, this is bound to make the girl scared. well it all lies with the girl but my friend is scared of loosing her because he loves her so much. to the extent that when the girl told the guy what her father said, my guy collapsed immediately.

Kechi, that's exactly it. The girl ought to realize that as well.

Axeman85, she might think so, but he does not know for sure. I mean seriously, what else proves your seriousness more than children? In Igbo world view (and this view is not yet archaic, believe me), one of the main reasons for marriage is to legitimize children. They don't want non-diala (not of the soil -- i.e. illegitimate) children. That's why Igbo parents (more especially, fathers) almost always seem in a rush to marry off their pregnant daughters. So, if the guy and the girl are both serious, they should utilize this world view to their advantage.

axeman85:

Parents fail to understand that marriage is all about the 2 people involved.

I'm sorry, but I'll have to interject on this one. We are still living in a time where marriage (according to Igbo world view) is viewed as being more than just about the two people involved. So when Igbo people marry, they marry families, and not just the individuals. Believe it.

@chinenyen.

yes i understand your point of view very well, to be honest my guy has also thought about that as well, but he is trying to put things in place get his apartment in naija sorted out first which should be done by january when he arrives naija and then take things from there. as per bearing in mind that the guy is currently in uk and has been. he doesnt want to selfish by telling the girl as she might see it like that. but its something he is definately thinking of if thats the last resort but taking it easy till when next he is is naija. there are more serious than serious sef.

in regards to the marrying a family, i understand, what i meant in that aspect is that it is both of them that will be living in the house together and not with the parents. yes i know once a guys marries an igbo girl he marries the family as well. my guy has no issues with family as his own family are ok and not lacking so no inteferance from his side at all.

Well, if that's how he chooses to work the situation, then I guess that's fine. Good luck to him, but in my honest opinion (at this rate) he might just loose out. Things have a way of working themselves out sometimes. Maybe this situation might just work itself out in favor of the guy.

kech:

Is it by force to marry from your tribe? Why should he "settle" for anyone else from his tribe just to "keep to his tribe". I don't think it's fair to him and to the "girl from his tribe" he settles for. What is going to happen is that the poor "girl from his tribe" will end up always being second best. Why would anyone wish that life torture on someone else? I believe if one wants something, and it's worth it, and you have the opportunity, go for it. If you try, and it still doesn't work out, then maybe it was not meant to be. Nothing good comes easy, and this is about life in general. If you don't fight for what you want, you won't get it. Shikena. Some people think this marriage thing is beans and it's shocking. Tribe my butt! I can't tell you how sick I am of hearing friends and colleagues whine about how they made mistakes and how they should have fought harder to get what they wanted bla bla bla Cowardice is no virtue. 

axeman85:

@chinenyen

haba getting the girl pregnant might be good but to be honest the girl doesnt want to get pregnant because no girl wants to get pregnant before she is married and also dont want to bring shame to her family if you understand my point. and also my friend doesnt want to suggest that to the girl either as she might think he is being selfish you know the way you women think sometimes.

@tpia

is it not by force to marry outside your tribe but this is 2009 and tribe should be an hinderance to happiness of two people in love with one another. love can carry anyone to any country and to any tribe.

The guy is patient and supportive of the girl but you know women in situations like this seeing the person also helps to reduce the pressure from her parents. but this cant be the case as the guy cant afford to travel home again till january 2010. currently the girl has been keeping to herself at home and doesnt even eat at home according to her, she eats before getting home and goes straight to bed at night.

the girl in question is from Anambra in a place called niise and the guy is from ondo state.

see the kind of person thing you're exposing yourself to in the name of infatuation.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-347965.0.html

_{note the OP and that type.}


I hope you understand no one is indispensable. People will cry but after a while they move on with their lives regardless, after you've been bumped off or dealt with as retribution for whatever it is someone is holding against you.


Need more examples? Use the search function. Plenty more where that came from.


Una no dey hear word sha! Carry on!!! Una no wan understand the level of untreated madpeople roaming free in Nigeria!



unless una get strong juju wey una wan take combat each other's tribes sha! In that case, na all of una sabi!

thanks guys and girls for your comments and suggestions. will relate my findings back to my friend.