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Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by ud4u: 11:31am On Nov 04, 2009
My dear you have to take it easy with him, just explain to him the consequences of involving his family in you private life. But let it not cause quarrel between two of you.
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by emiemi(f): 11:39am On Nov 04, 2009
snowdrops:

bringing your domestic affairs to a public forum is one way not to solve it.
trust me, many of the respondents are no saints and have husbands/wives that are far far worse than yours. no man is perfect. accept him for who he is.

But do you know the poster in person? Where do you go to for advice? She might be living in
an environment where she doesn't have 'real friends' close by. Where does she turn then?
I have found out that NL offers people good advice only it has to be sieved. You tend to get
varied opinions on the issue and that way decide what your next line of action will b.

I do hope you don't practice this kiss and tell. tongue
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by yeswecan(m): 11:59am On Nov 04, 2009
You have to seat him down and explain your feeling to him, it is good to empty your mind on such issues, state your position or you will be in constant pain. He is a matured person, am sure after that he will see reasons with you, i don't blame her sister, female.

This has to do with his up bringing, he is obviously not an independent person, the parents must have brought them up to be dependent on each other if not i don't see the reason why a married man will sought permission from his family in such insignificant issues. Talk to him
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by galatico(m): 12:15pm On Nov 04, 2009
Baby Girl you've got every right to be angry, Goosh!!! I wonder why some guyz still act that way every decision has to go through the Sister it sucks .
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by texazzpete(m): 3:37pm On Nov 04, 2009
Typical response from ladies - blame the man!

@Poster Your husband is supposed to be your best friend and chief confidante and vice versa. Why is that not the case here? I suggest you work towards that role as soon as possible.
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by touchmeder: 4:04pm On Nov 04, 2009
pray about it. When words aint working pray.
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by Tgirl4real(f): 4:18pm On Nov 04, 2009
@ poster,

U have a valid reason to be pissed, but take things easy. Try talk to ur hubby and let him see ur point. It's definitely not right to involve extended family members in ur marital issues.
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by yeswecan(m): 8:15pm On Nov 04, 2009
texazzpete:

Typical response from ladies - blame the man!

@Poster Your husband is supposed to be your best friend and chief confidante and vice versa. Why is that not the case here? I suggest you work towards that role as soon as possible.

The best post ever. @ Poster try to make corrections, think the problem might be urs
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by muffins(f): 1:59am On Nov 05, 2009
That man must be cheating. grin grin grin
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by Ndipe(m): 3:01am On Nov 05, 2009
I think most reasons men involve their sisters in marital decision is the fear of being accused of neglecting their family, or worse, being tied to the woman's wrapper. Women detest that, but alas, they are their worse enemies.
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by Nobody: 3:01am On Nov 05, 2009
@ topic

You can still do something since it's not his mum because in that case you wouldn't win the battle.
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by aluga: 6:09pm On Nov 05, 2009
Insert Quote
You have to seat him down and explain your feeling to him, it is good to empty your mind on such issues, state your position or you will be in constant pain. He is a matured person, am sure after that he will see reasons with you, i don't blame her sister, female.

This has to do with his up bringing, he is obviously not an independent person, the parents must have brought them up to be dependent on each other if not i don't see the reason why a married man will sought permission from his family in such insignificant issues. Talk to him
Posted on: Yesterday at 11:39:10 AM Posted by: emiemi
stop killing urself, he is ur man. seat him down talk sense to his brain and he will got it right.
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by slimes(m): 9:09pm On Nov 05, 2009
Even in law the privity of contract excludes an outsider from the agreement.
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by ayomidej(f): 5:26pm On Nov 06, 2009
Am sorry to say this but your husband is not a MAN if he cannot make decisions without consulting his family. He is wuss if you know what I mean and his sister has got nothing better to do.
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by amebono1: 10:54am On Nov 07, 2009
This is what happens when you marry kids as husband, when i say kid, i aint talking about age, but the level of development up there, come to think of it, how old is he?

Some men pretend i know, but if you are a smart woman you can easily detect a guy"s character, before marriage

well good luck in you family affairs grin grin dont forget to tell your daughters to look before they leap wink
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by Radiant(f): 2:44am On Nov 09, 2009
Totally unacceptable cheesy Even if he tells the sister and she suggests something he shouldn't actually tell you everything the sister says Dude knows you don't like such so why does he continue to do that? That's so annoying.
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by viaro: 8:05pm On Nov 09, 2009
sad that some guys just wear trousers and act unmanly. undecided
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by ellagold(m): 2:35am On Nov 10, 2009
Please take it easy I am really not in support of your man attitude but you need to really assess the situation frankly before taking a major decison about it , a wise woman build her home. Remain blessed
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by Radiant(f): 2:40am On Nov 10, 2009
ellagold:

Please take it easy I am really not in support of your man attitude but you need to really assess the situation frankly before taking a major decison about it , a wise woman build her home. Remain blessed

Yea, you don't want a finger stuck in ur eye for too long 'cause you just might loose your sight. All na wisdom.
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by Thelmabee: 1:12am On Jul 10, 2010
[b][i]@OP
It's so sad you are married to a weak ling ,who can not make simple decision on his own and lacks courtesy in handling matters with his wife.
From what I read, this had been the trend with which he operates since you married him- truth is, its a habit and you know what they say about old habits.

Your hubby is a coward and not a real man(no insult intended but that's the truth), they'll say he deserves better but I'll say you deserve the best.
His kind are usually very defensive of their action and will make it cumbersome for you to hold a reasonable conversation wiv them,so I truly understand why you had to come here.
You see,his sister is totally jobless or has no head on her shoulders or just plain cruel- if she knows better she'd mind her business. Since she doesn't want to behave properly like a real woman would, just blank her,abeg DO NOT LOOSE SLEEP OVER THAT ONE,she's frustrated and a waste of time, not worth it.

As per your hubby, I'm sorry to tell you he needs some growing up to do,it will take time for him to realise his mistakes-mistakes which he will learn from;after all don't they say an expert makes the most mistakes.,and hopefully start acting like the real man you deserve to be married to.

During this waiting period my dear, you have to be absolutely patient with your man,the man you were so deeply inlove with.

Then woman to woman,:
Their might be some other details that you decided not to disclose here,I understand- work on yourself too,theirs no way you're perfect.

This is not a verdict,just my opinion.[/b][/I]
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by mutter(f): 1:38am On Jul 10, 2010
Sorry but I can see absolutely nothing wrong with what he did.
Why can`t he talk to his sister about what he just bought, she is a part of his family too and what is wrong with her suggestion. All you needed to have told her was yes you know but you liked that one. I see nothing wrong with that at all. Don`t even friends tell one another when they buy things how much it cost etc, to know if they made a good buy.
I think you have something against the closeness but I can`t understand why.
They too are a part of his family and why should he no long discuss such issues with them just because he is married.
Sorry because I have a husband I cannot tell my sis about what I bought I think that is absurd.
Even in cases where husband and wife have differences it is very common that the extended family get involved and try to settle the issues. Now you may not be satisfied with their decision but it does help and has saved many marriages. If you had a good relationship with her you would have made that call with your husband.
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by Nobody: 11:35am On Jul 12, 2010
mutter:

Sorry but I can see absolutely nothing wrong with what he did.
Why can`t he talk to his sister about what he just bought, she is a part of his family too and what is wrong with her suggestion. All you needed to have told her was yes you know but you liked that one. I see nothing wrong with that at all. Don`t even friends tell one another when they buy things how much it cost etc, to know if they made a good buy.
I think you have something against the closeness but I can`t understand why.
They too are a part of his family and why should he no long discuss such issues with them just because he is married.
Sorry because I have a husband I cannot tell my sis about what I bought I think that is absurd.
Even in cases where husband and wife have differences it is very common that the extended family get involved and try to settle the issues. Now you may not be satisfied with their decision but it does help and has saved many marriages. If you had a good relationship with her you would have made that call with your husband.

Are you for real? I have always admired your post but this one is balderdash, sorry but it is true

Why would a man tell his sister abt every boxer or briefs he puts on in the name of love for a sister

There is a limit to everything, a man should be able to make a decision with his wife without involving unnecessary third party.

Such a man shouldnt be called a man but a weakling, if that is what you call a man then you dont know the definition of that word "MAN"
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by ellagold(m): 2:43pm On Jul 13, 2010
Kindly stand firm your ground this issue will die naturally if you dont compromise your faith in God.This light affliction is working for you an eternal weight of glory,so hold your peace and soon you will see the salvation of God.
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by medoyejoseph: 2:59pm On Jul 15, 2010
Marriage is instituted for matured men and women. It entails FINANCIAL, SPIRITUAL,PHYSICAL MATURITY before anyone could say I DO.I am not discarding the fact that you should not listen to your parents or family members,but your decisions should be final no matter whose ox is gored.Take for instance,if you have nobody won't you suivive? Take this advice! If you have any decision to take you either go to your SPIRITUAL FATHER if you are a Christian or your IMAM if you are a muslim.If you neither here nor there you can go to your group leader you belong. It is RIGHT this way. Mind you, you have your LIFE to live and it depends on the decisions you take.
Re: Involving Extended Family In Decisions - Is It Right by Nobody: 8:08pm On Jul 15, 2010
The original poster has every reason to be pissed off. A man who needs his sister, brother, be they older or younger to help him make decisions regarding his household / personal life, is less than a man.

I wouldn't consult my older brothers or sisters when it comes to marital issues that can should be sorted out between my wife and myself. Even if my parents were still alive, my say would be the ultimate one.

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