With Auntie Agatha

Dear Agatha

He Left Me With No Choice But To Have An Affair…………I got married to a Muslim. He actually deflowered me. Unfortunately, his father never supported our marriage because I come from a Christian home as well as tribe. His father never for once hid his desire to have his son marry a Muslim woman.

In his efforts to have his wish accomplished, he convinced my husband to travel abroad to make money. As at the time he left, I was already four months pregnant.

Life became very unbearable after I gave birth to our son as there was no body to help me with the upkeep. My husband wasn’t sending me money and his family just couldn’t be bothered. Infact, they compounded my problem with their treatment and attitude towards me.

After waiting five years for without a word from my husband, I traveled to Lagos to see my brother and look for job. A year after coming to Lagos, I met a uniformed man who came to Lagos for a conference. He stays in Abuja. He offered me a job in Abuja and a place to stay, I took up the offer because I needed to take care of my son, pay his school fees as well as my younger ones since I happen to be the first child of the family.

After five months, the man though married, asked out. We started dating but knew the relationship

will not transcend to anywhere since we were both married to other people.

I don’t know what to do. Please help me.



Worried Woman.







Dear Worried Woman,

No matter the fault of your husband and his family, you were wrong to have gone into an extra marital affair without first terminating your marriage.

Granted his family didn’t treat you right, but you would have found a way to reach out to your husband to demand for explanations as well as his decision concerning your marriage and child.

Legally, you are still his wife and would therefore be label as an adulteress by the discerning society. Besides, his family members, who have been looking for ways to get rid of you from his life, will only be too willing to expose you to him. Then, nobody would consider the emotional pains as well as financial difficulties his attitude has put you through. You will get all the blame for being a bad woman, wife and mother. Honestly, I understand you even risk losing that child to his family what you are going through but you made the decision to marry him; nobody forced you into it.

So don’t allow the situation you are in force you to do what you would normally not do. Given the fact that he met you a virgin is indicative of the high moral values you have. Having extra marital affair isn’t a solution to your situation. What you should do is to face the reality of your situation by being bold enough to make a decision, given all you have been through.

No matter what, your husband owes his child and you some allowances as well. The reason, you must make the extra effort to get him is the probability of his family confiscating the money he is sending you. Irrespective of your pains and disappointment with him, still give him a benefit of doubt by going through the weak chain in the family; that person who isn’t as hostile to you as the rest of them. There is always someone in the family who doesn’t think the way the rest of the people do. You may not have noticed that person because you simply didn’t bother to find out as a result of resentment you have against the headship of the family.

One thing you must not forget is the relationship your son has with them. He will always be their child, no matter what. That child will one day be in a position to ask you certain questions. You must avoid anything that will present you as worthless before your child.

Tough times don’t last; only tough people do.

Given the fact too that this man is married doesn’t do anything for your image. Whether you like it or not, you will return to the street once his wife finds out so, why date a man you cannot be seen with or who can stand by you should everything blow out in the open?



Whatever will demean your position as a mother, don’t do it, no matter how tempting it is to you.

If your mind is made up about your marriage and husband, the least you can do is to tell his family about your decision. Let them know that you are fed up and want the freedom to start something new with your life.

If you do that, nobody will turn around to accuse you of anything immoral or betraying your vows.

As for this married man, it is either he gives you the job without dating you or you look for another job that will give you the freedom to choose who you want to date. In addition, don’t forget he is a married man. Let him enjoy his marriage. The fact that yours isn’t working doesn’t mean his wife shouldn’t enjoy her husband and marriage.

Be hasty in your decision at least for the sake of your son.



Good luck.

More:http://newsherald.com.ng/2016/11/left-no-choice-affair/

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