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Its such a pity that we still have this kind of mentality in this age and time. Why on earth cant we all live and let live? Why on earth cant we just love each other? Why must it be such a problem existing beside each other?

Much as I feel your pain, If I were in your shoes, I would just find an excuse not to go. Who knows, if anything should go wrong that day, fingers would surely point at you. Its quite admirable that you guys are trying to bridge the gap. My belief is that life is too short for all this kind of rofo rofo (as Baba 70 calls it). I'm sure other members will come up with some suggestions as well.

U see, it's not very easy for two women to live under the same roof sharing one man as a husband. Women are too jealous and so, one must feel she's not been given adequate love. The man would just try in vain to please them.

If I should say, men should learn to be contended with one woman as a wife even though having concubines is hard to avoid. Marry one wife and love her as much as you can.

The bible said something about a time to come when seven women would run to one man just to be called wives. As we wait for that time to come, let men learn to marry one wife and run away from the problems of polygamy, which includes constant quarreling among the wives and children, additional expenses, development of hypertension, restlessness, sudden deaths and what have you.

I have never seen any advantage attached to polygamy.

A lot of problems including SPIRITUAL ATTACK from the jealous party

Definitely it is not fair.

I am from a Polygamous family and my mum is the first wife of the 3 of them but what matter most is you understanding the parties. Most times children get along though once in a while, there are issues but they get along better than the wives.

I can say from my own point of view the best way you can enjoy the problems of Polygamous family is to believe no one can harm you and if it does happen, it is because God's wants it like that. (MAKESURE YOU KNOW THE GOD YOU SERVE FAITHFULLY). I take anything from my sisters and brothers including the 2 other wives. They've got their weaknesses too but you can suppress it all if you plan the way you want to enjoy this situation which is your destiny.

If you PM your MB maybe we JIST more.

All I can shout out is "illiteracy is at it again". And as one of my uncles friend says and I quote "illiteracy is a poisonous disease".

You might wonder what on earth I am talking about. The question is, only the uneducated would do such a thing. All this polygamous conflict, brought about by jealousy, superstitious beliefs etc, is caused by illiteracy.

Polygamous conflict again You guys should show up at the engagement no matter what.

Talk of fairness, it's not fair.

I wouldn't ask you to go for the engagement just like that. But let me ask you this. What did your mum and siblings say about it? Maybe you all should just sit down and talk about it and come to a good conclusion.

I would suggest if you all decide not to go, you could buy him a gift and present to him later, since you guys get along well, he'll collect and understand why.

That's just what I'll advice.

Kazey, it's not illiteracy o! There are many enlightened and educated guys(sorry, men) in Nigeria who have two or more wives. A good example is Gani Fawehinmi.

thats not fair at all.
but if she does not want u to attend the
engagement party then don,t attend,



[glow=red,2,300]he who dines with the devil uses a long spoon[/glow]

Let's go ahead and answer the question in this thread's topic: what are the problems commonly faced by members of polygamous families? (We need those with real experience to answer this question, not just those who have watched Fuji House of Commotion!)

well y dont u call a family meeting and ask your stepmom y u shouldn't come

and before u do that and anything else pray.

well, i know i am new here and i have read through all the things you did put on there. this is my own opinon. not many of us have a loving relationship with our step-ums. we have to work just twice as hard to get money to feed let alone buy whatever we want to buy. this is called surviving and that is the only thing we know how to do. how many times have to had to go to the hospital simply because you have all the unwanted hide in that family. well it would be nice if we can all get along but there is no way in nigeria that steps in any form or any way can get along without them not having one grudge against you or wanting to harm your being. please just call it as it is. and my mum is the first wife and there is no way that we are having fun or can get along in this earth.

My friend, since you are in good relationship with your step brother, I think you, your siblings and step brother need to find a way of making peace between the two mothers. I'm sure that you can do that if you pray and believe.
Face your step mother and tell her that you will attend the party unless your step brother tells you not to come.
I have a good friend who is the son of the second wife. Just like your situation, he is in good relationship with his step siblings. His father died without a house and inheritance for all the children. Luckily his step brother, who travelled out, built a house and his step mother moved into her son's house. My friend and brother joined them in the house. The step mother told them to leave the house but he said that unless his step brother tells him to leave the house he wouldn't. The step mother liked him for the reply he gave. He lived in the house for close to 4 years and supervised building projects for his step brother who resides in the States. The step mother is a nice woman. She was there at my friend's wedding in a very far state and took significant part in the ceremony. Today, both women and their children make a big happy family.
This can be your story. No matter how hard the heart of a person is; it will respond positively to love. Women love people who love their children.

@Brownlolly

He was having an engagement party, and we wanted to go as usual, but his mum would not want us to attend her son's party. Do you think this is fair enough?

That's terrible.

Problems adults have, children should never be put in between. Adults act worse than children at times. You just remember that when you become an adult, you show your parents how it should be done, you won't put children in between the arguments you have with other adults and you will not marry more than one woman when it is no doubt that they do not like each other.

Didn't your father have to have permission to marry the second wife? Didn't his first wife have to agree wit the second union?

At this point, how do you feel about polygamy? Do you think it is something you want to do when you begin to think about marriage?

.

valianty:
My friend, since you are in good relationship with your step brother, I think you, your siblings and step brother need to find a way of making peace between the two mothers. I'm sure that you can do that if you pray and believe.
Face your step mother and tell her that you will attend the party unless your step brother tells you not to come.
I have a good friend who is the son of the second wife. Just like your situation, he is in good relationship with his step siblings. His father died without a house and inheritance for all the children. Luckily his step brother, who travelled out, built a house and his step mother moved into her son's house. My friend and brother joined them in the house. The step mother told them to leave the house but he said that unless his step brother tells him to leave the house he wouldn't. The step mother liked him for the reply he gave. He lived in the house for close to 4 years and supervised building projects for his step brother who resides in the States. The step mother is a nice woman. She was there at my friend's wedding in a very far state and took significant part in the ceremony. Today, both women and their children make a big happy family.
This can be your story. No matter how hard the heart of a person is; it will respond positively to love. Women love people who love their children.

i dont know why people value polygamy above planning.


the father had no house yet multiple wives?

brownlolly:
My story goes thus:
Okay, my mum and my step-mum are sworn enemies, but we their offsprings are close to each other. Now my step-mum has a boy as her first and last son; he is the last boy from her womb.

He was having an engagement party, and we wanted to go as usual, but his mum would not want us to attend her son's party. Do you think this is fair enough?

if his mum doesnt want you at her son's party, then why are you going?

The yoruba elders say orisa jenpe meji kosi.meaning it is very IMPOSSIBLE for two or more women screwing the same dheek to love each other. They will forever be sworn enemies. No matter how many times they come to settle their fight. The highest they can do is pretend they love each other so that the people settling their fight can gp so that they will start another round of brawl and sadly they unconsciously force their children into their animosity. The animosity that was there before the kids were even born.they will perpetually be rivals and suspicious of each other. Even the man that pack them put inside the house sef is not safe in his own home because when they are throwing physical and spiritual missiles at each other, it can accidentally hit the head of the husband. And that's why yorubas call polygamous home a dungeon of mad people because every imaginable and unimaginable things full that house

jogego:
Its such a pity that we still have this kind of mentality in this age and time. Why on earth cant we all live and let live? Why on earth cant we just love each other? Why must it be such a problem existing beside each other?

Much as I feel your pain, If I were in your shoes, I would just find an excuse not to go. Who knows, if anything should go wrong that day, fingers would surely point at you. Its quite admirable that you guys are trying to bridge the gap. My belief is that life is too short for all this kind of rofo rofo (as Baba 70 calls it). I'm sure other members will come up with some suggestions as well.

I've learnt a big lesson. Years after, my father has passed on, and our step siblings have looked away. We don't have a good relationship. Haven't spoken to them since 2013. I'm just a bit bothered cos I've never developed a relationship cos I fear that I may end up like my dad.

Sista:
@Brownlolly




That's terrible.

Problems adults have, children should never be put in between. Adults act worse than children at times. You just remember that when you become an adult, you show your parents how it should be done, you won't put children in between the arguments you have with other adults and you will not marry more than one woman when it is no doubt that they do not like each other.

Didn't your father have to have permission to marry the second wife? Didn't his first wife have to agree wit the second union?

At this point, how do you feel about polygamy? Do you think it is something you want to do when you begin to think about marriage?

Visit this thread to read interesting submissions on matters arising in polygyny, like: Is it advisable for the first and second wife to live together? ; should a man that is not capable of fulfilling the sexual needs of the first wife take a second wife?
https://www.nairaland.com/4112695/polygyny-should-live-second-wife#61411074