Izen:


I have one honest question for men tho. What else do you really have to offer in a relationship besides finance? Most women @have been taught to lose every thing about themselves for the man they love since childhood. The only compensation they've been taught to expect is in terms of finance. So if men hate providing in this generation, what else do they really have to offer?
I'm asking it maybe because it beats me when I hear thing like this especially on Nairaland. It's like no one even values the role women play again. I keep imagining how I would have turned out if my mum didn't have to wake up early to prepare me for school, make breakfast, wash my clothes, care for me when sick, carry me about etc while I was growing up. She was a major part of my growing up years and I loved it. And she did all her wifely duties at the same time. But now, it seems the world doesn't think that's enough unless she contributes financially. Ironically, she does contribute more than enough and that makes her the super woman I don't want to be. Because all I see is her giving and giving and giving. Giving her time, her strength, her self, her money. It must get tiring at some point and I see the stress in her face. It hurts that I had to see my mum cry this year because of the stress of money which shouldn't be her burden.
Anyway, back to my question, honestly if men are not bearing the burden of finance, what else do they have to offer in a relationship/marriage? Is this new ideology of a woman must contribute financially justified or is it due to laziness and lack of responsibility of this generation of men?

dislike women like this, they think they are all intellectual and shiy but just like the rest of em

that d way todays young ladies behave......oga run leave her oo dont marry such type...ok unless ur name na sorry....d day she nop see food for ur house ....she can blow other guys for food..n cash

gedtalks:
Another thing that is really confusing me is that most of the girls I've dated frequently ask for money. I don't know if its the same thing all guys face. in fact honestly I see it as a Nigerian girls character.

this one is annoying me cos I want her to pay attention to more important things.. but she is not. I am really the one reading her. I am seeing a lot of her secrets. Contrarily she doesn't know ANYTHING about me.. she hasn't seen my bad part.. The only way she can discover this is when her interest is in SEEING AND KNOWING MORE. like I am reading her glutinous characters

And you're thinking of getting married to her? Intending couples are meant to know each other. One person doesn't do the knowing alone. It won't suffice.

It's not just okay that you think you know her, you have to be sure she knows and understands you, too. That's the only way an eventual marriage would survive. You might think of yourself as cool, smart, God's gift to humanity and all of that, but when she knows you well enough, she may not appreciate those virtues.

If your only problem with her is the way she always demands to eat out, then talk to her about it. Tell her you want to build something serious with her and to that end, you want her to see you for the man you are.

In my opinion, your relationship isn't solid enough. You two should work on that.

doll912:


Oga, just say you won't spend money and let's hear word. Speak for yourself... a man marries what he wants and you can't judge.... be there forming wise....if you like quote me and say whatever... I'm above the radar.

take this.

jahsson:


The truth "always" has a sour taste...
Don't quote me...

I ain't going that road with you, Gaskia

nnamdiokere45:
omo she has someone else joor.she doesn't love u

Her ATM and confirmed Maga

slex:
Hmm reminds of one girl I dumped. Always asking for money. After I assisted her with 80k for her rent to secure a new place barely 2weeks dating her, only for her to request extra 90k 2 months later saying the agreement and agency fee still remain. I gave her 50k only told her to get the rest herself. The straw that broke the camels back was when we went out for flexing she still reminded me of 40k balance of the 90k. I was shocked and after the dinner I called her and told it was over. After all other spending on hair, sub, stipend and so on.

Hmmm!!! I hope you knack her very well b4 dumping her?

plz dump her before she dumps u.... meanwhile, she is on a mission to ruin ur life

Izen:


I have one honest question for men tho. What else do you really have to offer in a relationship besides finance? Most women have been taught to lose every thing about themselves for the man they love since childhood. The only compensation they've been taught to expect is in terms of finance. So if men hate providing in this generation, what else do they really have to offer?
I'm asking it maybe because it beats me when I hear thing like this especially on Nairaland. It's like no one even values the role women play again. I keep imagining how I would have turned out if my mum didn't have to wake up early to prepare me for school, make breakfast, wash my clothes, care for me when sick, carry me about etc while I was growing up. She was a major part of my growing up years and I loved it. And she did all her wifely duties at the same time. But now, it seems the world doesn't think that's enough unless she contributes financially. Ironically, she does contribute more than enough and that makes her the super woman I don't want to be. Because all I see is her giving and giving and giving. Giving her time, her strength, her self, her money. It must get tiring at some point and I see the stress in her face. It hurts that I had to see my mum cry this year because of the stress of money which shouldn't be her burden.
Anyway, back to my question, honestly if men are not bearing the burden of finance, what else do they have to offer in a relationship/marriage? Is this new ideology of a woman must contribute financially justified or is it due to laziness and lack of responsibility of this generation of men?

I love the way you are being specific...shows you want genuine answers.

Firstly I do not believe the african society(at least my part) teaches a woman to loose everything about herself for the man. And it has nothing to do with civilization, In my part of Nigeria, even before the white man set foot here, women are known as pillars of free enterprise. Marketing and trade was their core. You here things like Iyaloja,Iyalaje et al and mothers even groom daughters to engage in trade and business once they are matured enough. In those days, men were polygamous and mainly gave their wives a fair and reasonable share of what they have, the women often supplement from earnings from trade and other endeavors. My great grand mother was like this likewise my grand mother

Now talking about these days, with education et al, do you seriously think a man will put his daughter through school and possibly even spend more on her(cos the girl child often gets more resources than the boy when growing up, my sisters got what they want while my own small request is always screened ) just so she can pack up? Check the lady topping your class and doing well academically, she obviously won't finish school to pack up...I sincerely believe every woman that packs up for a man never really had plans for a great life. Times changed and a lot of middle class families have diverse ways of managing family while both still earn.A house help on a wage can cook, clean, wash while the woman does something flexible enough to support finance and still have time to instill values in the children.

Simply put a man respects an empowered and level-headed woman...They are assets no man jokes with

gedtalks:
My people pleaseeee I need sincere advise here. Your advise will definitely guide me on the next step to take.

There is a beautiful girl I've been considering getting married to, but the way she requests money and fast food is making her look very ... lol.. "hungry" and opportunistic to me. The values she sees in a man seem to me like its basically what he will BUY for her. I confess that I made matters worse initially by "fast fooding" each time we meet... Now I think she sees me like a free lunch at crunchies. If I call her in the afternoon, she says I'm hungry.. its so irritating now.. in fact I lost a lot of regards for her..but she doesn't know yet.

Recently she asked me for some money and I refused very politely..she said she was "disappointed".

I wonder if she even loves any other thing about me asides the MONEY I WILL GIVE HER. she pays ABSOLUTELY NO attention the things I want her to see in me...like level of maturity, my leadership skills, I taught she was just being childish, but lately I discovered its just her nature. her ideology about a guy is WHAT WILL I GET FROM HIM.. I might dump her .. i wont even talk to her about it. please advise me

Are u kidding me... Ditch the Biitch fast!

Ah why asking for advice? It is obvious she's not a wife material. If you don't want live a frustrated marriage life u better stay away from her.

gedtalks:
My people pleaseeee I need sincere advise here. Your advise will definitely guide me on the next step to take.

There is a beautiful girl I've been considering getting married to, but the way she requests money and fast food is making her look very ... lol.. "hungry" and opportunistic to me. The values she sees in a man seem to me like its basically what he will BUY for her. I confess that I made matters worse initially by "fast fooding" each time we meet... Now I think she sees me like a free lunch at crunchies. If I call her in the afternoon, she says I'm hungry.. its so irritating now.. in fact I lost a lot of regards for her..but she doesn't know yet.

Recently she asked me for some money and I refused very politely..she said she was "disappointed".

I wonder if she even loves any other thing about me asides the MONEY I WILL GIVE HER. she pays ABSOLUTELY NO attention the things I want her to see in me...like level of maturity, my leadership skills, I taught she was just being childish, but lately I discovered its just her nature. her ideology about a guy is WHAT WILL I GET FROM HIM.. I might dump her .. i wont even talk to her about it. please advise me

dollyjoy:
They probably request for money that way because you presented the image of a wealthy guy before then, to impress i think!

Thank you.
That was the card he dealt not one or twice and she is reciprocating.
A simple practical/correction will tell you who she is before its too late.
1. Buy some ingredient one day then when she is around instead of going to buy fast food, ask her to cook
2. Another time ask her to buy the ingredients and cook
3. Gradually you will correct that first impression
4. Once in a while you can buy fast foods
5. If she is a wife material from her cooking and adjustment you will know.
Above all marry a woman that will give you peace.
I wish you the best

Izen:

Anyway, back to my question, honestly if men are not bearing the burden of finance, what else do they have to offer in a relationship/marriage? Is this new ideology of a woman must contribute financially justified or is it due to laziness and lack of responsibility of this generation of men?

Modern society requires that both a man and a woman make financial contributions to make the relationship work. It might not be equal financial contributions, but there has to be some contribution from the lady other than the traditional roles of "the kitchen and the other room". If women do not want men to see them as slaves and sex objects, they have to make tangible contribution.

However, there are some men who actually prefer females that stick to the traditional roles. I think different people look out for different things.

She must be obese now with all of the fast food she has noshing at your expense.....Unless fatsos are your type, that is the indicator you need to get her binned!

gedtalks:
My people pleaseeee I need sincere advise here. Your advise will definitely guide me on the next step to take.

There is a beautiful girl I've been considering getting married to, but the way she requests money and fast food is making her look very ... lol.. "hungry" and opportunistic to me. The values she sees in a man seem to me like its basically what he will BUY for her. I confess that I made matters worse initially by "fast fooding" each time we meet... Now I think she sees me like a free lunch at crunchies. If I call her in the afternoon, she says I'm hungry.. its so irritating now.. in fact I lost a lot of regards for her..but she doesn't know yet.

Recently she asked me for some money and I refused very politely..she said she was "disappointed".

I wonder if she even loves any other thing about me asides the MONEY I WILL GIVE HER. she pays ABSOLUTELY NO attention the things I want her to see in me...like level of maturity, my leadership skills, I taught she was just being childish, but lately I discovered its just her nature. her ideology about a guy is WHAT WILL I GET FROM HIM.. I might dump her .. i wont even talk to her about it. please advise me

so why do you need advise?



You know she's not what you want in a woman and you still want to persist with her?



You better dumo her now become you become a divorcee

Op, seems u and Valentino u are relative? coz if not you would ve sense that, the girl doesn't ve a wife material


she dramatized it to u, campaign it to you and here you are asking what to do



Op, use paracetamol and 7up.....it boost brain faster!

gedtalks:
Another thing that is really confusing me is that most of the girls I've dated frequently ask for money. I don't know if its the same thing all guys face. in fact honestly I see it as a Nigerian girls character.

this one is annoying me cos I want her to pay attention to more important things.. but she is not. I am really the one reading her. I am seeing a lot of her secrets. Contrarily she doesn't know ANYTHING about me.. she hasn't seen my bad part.. The only way she can discover this is when her interest is in SEEING AND KNOWING MORE. like I am reading her glutinous characters

Guy as you are saying this thing, I feel like you are describing the current girl I am dating and thought that I will settle down with because I really like her, but from this her materialistic behaviour, I have already started my car, it remains for me to accelerate and off I zoom. I don't want to be bugged down all life with just a pretty face which obviously fades in a short while. Those girls are just leeches, nothing more

gedtalks:
My people pleaseeee I need sincere advise here. Your advise will definitely guide me on the next step to take.

There is a beautiful girl I've been considering getting married to, but the way she requests money and fast food is making her look very ... lol.. "hungry" and opportunistic to me. The values she sees in a man seem to me like its basically what he will BUY for her. I confess that I made matters worse initially by "fast fooding" each time we meet... Now I think she sees me like a free lunch at crunchies. If I call her in the afternoon, she says I'm hungry.. its so irritating now.. in fact I lost a lot of regards for her..but she doesn't know yet.

Recently she asked me for some money and I refused very politely..she said she was "disappointed".

I wonder if she even loves any other thing about me asides the MONEY I WILL GIVE HER. she pays ABSOLUTELY NO attention the things I want her to see in me...like level of maturity, my leadership skills, I taught she was just being childish, but lately I discovered its just her nature. her ideology about a guy is WHAT WILL I GET FROM HIM.. I might dump her .. i wont even talk to her about it. please advise me

just tell her is not going to work between both of you, buh that u guys can be friends i hope u don chop am

Eddodoh:

Hmmm!!! I hope you knack her very well b4 dumping her?

Bro, truth be told i no too do am like that

Must all ur posts be long and lengthy,your problem is that u too know book

Oliviaarims:


And you're thinking of getting married to her? Intending couples are meant to know each other. One person doesn't do the knowing alone. It won't suffice.

It's not just okay that you think you know her, you have to be sure she knows and understands you, too. That's the only way an eventual marriage would survive. You might think of yourself as cool, smart, God's gift to humanity and all of that, but when she knows you well enough, she may not appreciate those virtues.

If your only problem with her is the way she always demands to eat out, then talk to her about it. Tell her you want to build something serious with her and to that end, you want her to see you for the man you are.

In my opinion, your relationship isn't solid enough. You two should work on that.

des4ella:
U be the baddest... Buhari need u for his economic advisory team to pull the economy from recession.

Loooool! Thanks bruh! But Buhari would be stingy so I wont be part of his economic wateva*rolling my eyes*

Saidu22:

Hahahaha... ATM ke

Ayam telling u....

Onyedika11:
Now this is Legendary

Loooool!

SycophanticGoat:


Being a goat is better than being you tho..

Being me? U can NEVER be me.....there is only one of ME! But u can be.like me....n DAT would be d beat thing that ever happened to U!

masseratti:
hian, she be village girl and you are in the city? please marry her 1st and you will see all that is a charade, no one hates good things in life, but its not good for any lady to remember her tummy, or her hair, phones only when he sees her man/bf.

my bro, she ain't no village girl, her excuse back then was,we r both students,can't burden you with my wants, she's only giving in now that am done with school,there was this lady I knew who gives out a list to prospective boyfriends, just like an engagement list, thats your definition of city girls shey? you v probably been meeting all this money oriented ladies, some ladies don't give a f*ck bout your purse, not that they don't want a good thing, they just wouldn't demand for it or make it a priority, they'd rather you do it at your own pace and discretion, I hope u get ma point now.

streetzdreamz:
my bro, she ain't no village girl, her excuse back then was,we r both students,can't burden you with my wants, she's only giving in now that am done with school,there was this lady I knew who gives out a list to prospective boyfriends, just like an engagement list, thats your definition of city girls shey? you v probably been meeting all this money oriented ladies, some ladies don't give a f*ck bout your purse, not that they don't want a good thing, they just wouldn't demand for it or make it a priority, they'd rather you do it at your own pace and discretion, I hope u get ma point now.

Lolz, av met them all, you should have started it that it was in school, if you are talking about that, definitely many girls will do you without money,, just be out of the system no matter how fine you are, unless you want to do an old cargo or an ugly girl.

gedtalks:
Another thing that is really confusing me is that most of the girls I've dated frequently ask for money..maybe because they see I'm working.. I really don't know if its the same thing all working class guys face. in fact honestly I see requesting as a Nigerian girls character.

this one girl is uniquely annoying me cos I want her to pay attention to more important things.. but she is not. I am really the one reading her. I am seeing a lot of her secrets. Contrarily she doesn't know ANYTHING about me.. she hasn't seen my bad part.. The only way she can discover this is when her interest is in SEEING AND KNOWING MORE. like I am reading her glutinous characters

Not all of them I dated a lady sometimes ago, without a doubt I know she loves me and I loved her too but she hardly request for anything despite she was a student in fact because of that I always makes sure she lack nothing would have marry her but it's a pity her people won't allow her to marry a Yoruba/Muslim cos she's an ibo babe one d best I ve seen

masseratti:
Lolz, av met them all, you should have started it that it was in school, if you are talking about that, definitely many girls will do you without money,, just be out of the system no matter how fine you are, unless you want to do an old cargo or an ugly girl.

I still don't think its the school factor, its more of a personality, even now that am outa school, she still finds it difficult to make a request, some ladies ain't just the booze party money freak, she had her birthday last month and wouldn't even go out, with all ma talks and cajoles of stepping out with her brothers since i wasnt around,she slept all day!!!!!

yinkhar:

Reasonable ladies like ur gf does dat but these days, ladies tend to b unreasonable towards material things and food. At Op, ur impression of spoiling her with fast food in d beginning was ur fault bt nw u have to sit her down and talk sense into her and see if she changes bt if she doesnt, u shud knw by then that u are jst one of her maga. Relationships shouldnt base on gifts bt love and understanding

exactly, met a lady who was always hungry, I mean always!!! I once bought her a meal from an eatery around 10pm, it just changed everything I might have felt for her, money,food,material driven ladies are a big turn off for guys, even the super rich dude will get fed up one day, your last sentence and moderation in everything is the key to a lasting relationship.

bbmpin:
One of my favorite quotes

"A person's tongue can give you the taste of his heart."

Most importantly, NEVER ignore your feelings, They are a best barometer as to where you should be heading, Can't stress that enough.

As for her, don't judge her, Judgment doesn't help, I can't confirm (based upon the incidents you mentioned) that she is 'materialistic'

Everyone has seeds of 'materialism' and 'spirit' and 'intellect' ingrained in them. Too difficult to judge a person

I would recommend just talking to her about it and telling her how it makes you feel. Otherwise if you never speak up

I can guarantee you that things are never going to change.

Exactly.. He should first of all discuss with her before taking any action.

Floor it, she's channeling your money to her lover who must be a 419,any woman who loves you will only demand from you wen the problem is about to kill her,she will always make the spending 60/40 wen u go out,be wise my brother

Please try discussing with her. Let her know how her actions makes you feel. Her response and reaction will let you know what next step to take. She might not know what she is actually doing is wrong. Talk to her and let her know how you feel about it before thinking of breaking up with her. It's better you let her know you feel now that there is still relationship, than when you have broken up the relationship. You never can tell, you might be saving her from more mistakes.