Saw this somewhere and thought I might share it.

IF NOAH HAD BEEN A NIGERIAN

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: ''I will give you six months to build me an Ark. At the end of six months I will send rain to cover the entire earth and destroy all bad people. However, I want to save a few good people, and the animals, two of every kind. So I am ordering you to build an Ark for me'', said the Lord. In a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark.

''No problem'', said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.

''Six months, and it starts to rain'' thundered the Lord. ''You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time''.

And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark.

''Noah'', shouted the Lord, ''where is my Ark?''. A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah, for emphasis.

''Oga, a beg make you forgive me,'' begged Noah. ''I don try - ah! Ah! De trouble were my eye see no be small, I swear. Dem tell me say I need certificate of occupancy before I go kuku build de Ark. I don waka Ministry of Works so tey I tire. Then, I come see say na money dem want, and I carry all de money wey I get gif dem. Na im dem tell me say make I add extra windows for ''cross ventilation'', and make I divide de toilet from de bath, so that if I de go toilet, another person fit de bath. Anyway, I pay one engineer so, make im modify de plans for me. So, after I don finish dat one, I come go for forest to go get wood. Dem tell me say I no fit cut wood without permit from Forestry people. Anyway, I go see de forestry people dem and dem say I fit go cut de wood. When I reach de village now, dem no gree make I cut wood. Dem say I must gif dem their share - because na so one big man compensation. Na waoh! and me think say government no de gree us export wood. Finally, as dem wan fight me, I quickly settle de village chief, and dem com gree say make I take wood. Before I go carry de wood reach my house, na so so wahala for road. I settle police, I settle soldier, I settle customs, I settle immigration, I settle tax man, I settle local government, then when I don reach my house now, de truck driver and him boys say if I no settle dem, dem no go help me offload de wood''.

''As I start to build de Ark now, na im task force people come mark 'X' for de Ark, say I no suppose to build de Ark for dis place. Dem ask me say whether I no no say ''environmental sanitation decree'' no de allow dis kind thing for inside town. Anyway I think say na my neighbour na im call dem, de man de jealous me well well. Wetin I go do, I settle dem too. As I say make I kuku hurry finish de Ark, na im de carpenters where de help me come talk say dem no go work again unless gif dem extra money. Me sef I surprise wen dem tell me say de here say na big government contract where I de do and plenty money dey inside. To cut long story, I settle dem too. Anyway, people plenty now wey de build de Ark, apprentice full ground''.

''As I begin to gather de animal dem, I come jam another trouble. De ''404'' people dem no want make I take their dogs, dem say na delicacy. Bushmeat and fowl people no gree me. Even de people wey de chop ''isi ewu'' come vex with me. Dem ask me whether I no no say meat don too cost these days, where I wan carry de small meat where dey ground. So, I wan tell you now say, I no fit find dog, fowl, goat, or bush meat, and infact I just manage get cow, as one mallam don nearly dagger me when I want take de cow dem''.

''One day as I de build de Ark now, na im NDLEA come arrest me carry me go prison for questioning. Dem talk say, dem hear say I wan carry de Ark smuggle cocaine & Indian hemp to America. Later, sha dem come find say no be me dem de look for, so dem release me, I never even reach home, when SSS come arrest me for further questioning, say dem hear say I be NADECO, and I wan carry de Ark go smuggle guns and bombs to come overthrow Naija government. Anyway, I come convince dem say I no know wetin be NADECO, dem release but tell me make I de report to force headquarters every day. As I de gather de animal dem, na im FEPA come send me letter say I never gif dem environmental impact assessment for de animal shit where I go throway and de flood where you wan send. I tell dem say na you wan send flood cover de whole world. Dem no happy at all! Dem tell me say nobody fit do dat kind ting without permission from dem. Anyway, as de chief engineer say make I show am de place where de flood go start. I give am map of de world, he no satisfy, so I settle am too.''

''As you see me de cry so, na because ee day like say dis wahala no de finish. De local government chairman where my house dey come call me tribalistic. Him talk say almost all de carpenters and labourers wey de work for me come from my village. Him talk say I must gif work to some of de town boys. I tell am make he send them, him no gree. Everyday him go send ''area boys'' to come cause wahala for me. Dem wan spoil de small part of de Ark where I don build so. Dem no dey gree us work again. Everyday where dem come here I must gif dem money otherwise, dem wan scatter de Ark.''

''Oga Lord, I tell you, I don tire, even sef de other day, tax collector come, come say I never pay tax, say dem wan arrest me. I tell dem say I don pay tax last year, dem tell me say dis year I must pay de tax in advance, so I don kuku spend all de money where I get for settling. Make I tell you de truth, I no think say I go finish dis your Ark sef, even if you gif me five years,'' Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. ''You mean say you no go send flood take destroy de earth?'' Noah asked, hopefully.

''Wrong!'' thundered the Lord. ''But being Lord of the Universe has its advantages. I fully intend to smite the Earth, but with something far worse than a flood. Something man invented himself.''

''Wetin be dat?'' asked Noah.

There was a long pause, and then the Lord spaketh his last word,



''Government.''

That a global cataclysmic flood occurred cannot be denied by considering all the evidence. All nations and all tribes have a story about the flood which has been likely corrupted if the story was passed down orally. I feel so sorry for those who have no knowledge that people in the past (around 1600 AM or 2500 BC) had technology much better than us and we are just beginning to catch up. We still cannot cut large blocks of stone like those ancients in Africa, America, Asia and Europe. Who built the Great Pyramid?? Who built the structures on Easter Island?? One block in Lebanon is so massive NO CRANE ON THIS PLANET CAN CARRY IT!!

Noah built the ark mainly of gopher (cypress) wood but he had metal rivets and washers in the ark. The rivet contained titanium, aluminum, manganese, vanadium and chromium. He need not take the fish with him according to Genesis. He only took a pair [female and male] of every unclean kind and seven of every clean kind. If anyone tells me the dog, wolf and coyote are of the same kind, I would believe the person. The horse, zebra and donkey are the same kind of animal. If the animals could originally bring forth, then they are of the same kind. He did not need to carry massive animals. THE SMALLER ANIMALS CAME TO HIM!! READ: http://www.wyattmuseum.com/noahs-ark-07.htm and WATCH:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Y5ORpMTebI .

How did clams in the closed position get to the top of Mount Everest, Mount Kilimanjaro or the rest? Might I add that clams CANNOT walk? FOSSILIZATION (the hardening of organic tissue) requires a RAPID BURIAL BY WATER to occur. Clams also open when they die so this evinces the clams were not expecting to die.

ALL ANIMALS ARE SMALL BEFORE THEY GET LARGE. Noah could easily have taken 1000's of tiny land animals which would later grow large and adapt to their environment after the flood. In humans, we have seen a White South African give birth to a Black and a Black Nigerian give birth to a White. A similar phenomenon occurs in animals at times. I would rather believe in the most high GOD through his son (Yeshua the MESSIAH) my whole life and when I die find out he is fake than scoff at him my entire life to find out he is real at RESURRECTION.

We comse here to relax and laugh, not to read essays! And if u were gonna write somethin so freakin, u could atleast hav done it in ENGLISH. nkt.

Abeg i don miss road. I be de go joke section na im i come land for dis dust bin

Ooops @ my earlier post, See how u infect people poster,

medube:

Saw this somewhere and thought I might share it.

IF NOAH HAD BEEN A NIGERIAN


''Six months, and it starts to rain'' thundered the Lord. ''You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time''.

And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark.

''Noah'', shouted the Lord, ''where is my Ark?''. A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah, for emphasis.

''Oga, a beg make you forgive me,'' begged Noah. ''I don try - ah! Ah! De trouble were my eye see no be small, I swear. Dem tell me say I need certificate of occupancy before I go kuku build de Ark. I don waka Ministry of Works so tey I tire. Then, I come see say na money dem want, and I carry all de money wey I get gif dem. Na im dem tell me say make I add extra windows for ''cross ventilation'', and make I divide de toilet from de bath, so that if I de go toilet, another person fit de bath. Anyway, I pay one engineer so, make im modify de plans for me.

Are u trying to say God gives out-dated plans?

medube:


The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. ''You mean say you no go send flood take destroy de earth?'' Noah asked, hopefully.

''Wrong!'' thundered the Lord. ''But being Lord of the Universe has its advantages. I fully intend to smite the Earth, but with something far worse than a flood. Something man invented himself.''

''Wetin be dat?'' asked Noah.

There was a long pause, and then the Lord spaketh his last word,



''Government.''

LOL nor be lies!

Not Funny.

awww yearning i sleep wake up sleep and wake up reading this OMG what a waste of time

U can lie! sleep wake n cont'd. .sounds like an interesting movie u didn't want to miss by all means. LOL

mstweeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,

medube, abi wetin b dat ur name, the subject should hvae been

'com waste tym'

Nice one at the first post. I nor fit read the second one abeg

na wah o

How many hours did u use to type this long essay. u came to type your skul project here ,
,
,
,
the next time u try posting anything here try counting the dots 2 to see the stress u are givig people 4 postins dat

Lets sue the guy for abuse of i am not sure what!

yes, tammy,

stud wil b our lawyer

lwkmd, tcheeii my belle oh. hilarious

Hmmn. . . Some people 're Toying with ma God!

Turning ur Lives frm 'more miserable' to 'most miserable' wouldn't be a good story ooo

Yehowah:

I would rather believe in the most high GOD through his son (Yeshua the MESSIAH) my whole life and when I die find out he is fake than scoff at him my entire life to find out he is real at RESURRECTION.

I like dat, It's better 2 believe in heaven and hell and find out there is none than doubt them in life and find out they are real after death.

is than an autobiography? too long poster, gat more important stuffs to do