The Federal Republic of Nigeria,
West Africa, Africa,
Planet Earth.

Nigerian Wombs,
Implanted uteruses.

Dear Angel,
LETTER TO A NIGERIAN FOETUS
Just the same way the wind at times blows down ripe fruits for a hungry goat, the supreme being has a way of meeting every individual at their respective point of need. If not for the fact that you, as the guiding angel might read this letter before the actual would be recipient could get the content, I would have said that the Yorubas say; 'nnkan ti aja maa je, Esu maa se'. There is really no time to translate that, but in summary, God works wonders.

I accidentally listened to this old song by Faze (wish that rings a bell) titled; 'letter to my brother' and that was all I needed to write this letter to the prospective citizens of a country called Nigeria.

I did not write you this in order to scare you and other prospective Nigerians. I wrote it in order to give you a heads up. At least, to be fore warned is to be fore armed. This is a rare opportunity most of us do not have. Let me thank you, guiding Angel, for reading this for the lucky foetus to hear.

I would like to tell you that you are coming into a country where budget padding is not a crime. Just so you understand what that means. you can come here to tell your dad that your school fee is N200,000 even when he knows it's N50,000. Yes, it's true. Don't be shocked, dad too might understand.

Again, I want you to realize that you are equally free to do whatever you like as soon as you have a political power. You can trample upon anybody's right. Nobody can touch you, even if you make the entire world realize that you have so huge an influence that the Military can do you nothing such that anybody is killable. Yes, even after you must have distributed the wealth of your state to some Van Damme, you are still their hero. In fact, for that alone, you are the man of the year. Oh! you are surprised? padi mi, bo se n lo niyeen!

The most high must have told you your sex by now, I guess. If by any chance you are a girl, please try as much as possible not to become a professional footballer. And if you do, make sure you don't play for the country. And if you must, don't go with them to AWCON because someone important might not really expect your team to win the trophy. Hmmmm, if you win........ Ok. Well, just try and win, then you will realize why no one understood the reason the male team got stranded at the United States of Nigeria.

Look, you need to equally understand that right now in the entire world, strange things are happening and our country is not left out. Recently, a lady said she is a virgin in this country and that became news. If it had ended with just that, I wouldn't have said anything about that in this letter but the real shock was, most ladies couldn't even say less than 'who virginity epp?' after hearing the so-called news. Moreso, you don't really need to be of enviable character before winning an election in some parts of our planet plus you will get luxury cars after serving the nation in a capacity as the President. That is a sign of honour my dear because it doesn't matter if you can afford fifty of such car. Yes, Na so!

I'm sure you are more than surprised at this point because all these negate the teachings over there, but you've not heard up to 5% of what goes down in your country to be. Wait, don't do anything nasty with that umbilical cord please. If you have been deployed there, you have to go. This is just a way of giving you a heads up before coming getting there. You don't have to seek redeployment. We adapted to the entire situation and I'm sure you will too. I wish you happy womb escape in advance. Ma sunkun! You will get used to the system. You will be fine. I promise.

Yours truly,
A Senior Citizen.

The person above me, what's that for?