Your friend is right to be concerned. you can't give what you don't have. That's why a lot of marriages fail, a lot of people grew up in a messed up environment. He is very intelligent and humble and I understand him real good.
Humans tend to recycle their upbringing. For example
1. Men who saw their Fathers beat their mothers will most likely repeat the same thing.
2. Children from divorced home stand at a higher risk of being divorcees themselves
3. This guy in question is already thinking of repeating his Father's mistake I.e impregnate a girl, accept baby and not the mother . if he goes through with this, the cycle will continue
My advice.
Find a Father and mother figure around you with a good family. Learn from them and over time it will add up.

Bisjosh:
Yimu

Doesn't he have friends that have proper family?

Dude is scared of commitment. ..no let am bobo u

What has handsome gotta do with his dysfunctional family?

exactly u said my mind


judge ; did u commit the crime?
me ; im a man , im scared of commitments
judge; hahahahaha
me ; hahaahahha
judge; discharged and acquitted

Your friend just needs brain surgery trust me... Some wires jus dey touch and spark anyhow. .. And who is that mod that moved this piece of fart to fp?

Oloniyan:
My Friend just confided in me the real reason he has been avoiding and evading any discussion that has to do with marital affairs.

This guy is a very handsome dude and a jovial kind of being. I noticed that since I've known him that he hasn't keep any relationship beyond 4 months. I used to brushed this off with the reason that my friend must be a playboy until yesterday evening when he opened up to me because of his 'High' state

He told me he was born out of wedlock and he was taken from his mother when he was just a year plus (as he was told) to be living with his paternal Grandmother. The Grandparents were farmers and they have little or no time to attend to his mental developments.

He told me that doesn't remember any bit about any 'reasonable' time spent with his real dad or mom before he lost them at his teens age.

Now to cut the story short, he said he couldn't bring himself to understand what a Parental care or love is. He doesn't know anything about family setup because the people he lived with in his early age were farmer that start their daily routine of farming as early as 6am and ends it around 6pm which hindered them from showing him that love or care he craves for.

The fear in his mind now is how he's gonna be relating with any woman he marry? How do families relate together? What does it takes to be a loving, caring and responsible father? Mind you these are what he couldn't get as a person to the extent that he has been finding it difficult to hold any lady down cos they used to complained that he is too cold. and he told me he is trying his possible best to be romantic.

He told me that he don't wanna be like his father or mother. He don't wanna fail his own family.

Dear Nairalanders, Please my guy needs mature advise cos he told me that he is contemplating impregnating any lady and accept the kid and not the mother. I told him he is on the way to creating another version of him.

Please Your Advise and counseling might save a traumatised fellow.

Mods.....please move this to front page for my guy sake....he is also a Nairalander and might see this. thanks

according to you, your friend revealed this to you due to his "high" state. how are we sure that he needs this advice now that his normal?

he should stop hiding his real self to the only one he trust and want to marry. note, he shouldn't father any child out of wedlock because of annoyances. repeating the same mistake his dad did isn't an option but correcting his father mistake is what he need to do to be responsible man

Marriage is bondage most of the time. Most people in it are not happy.

I feel his pain because I perfectly understand where he is coming from but his past can not mare his future. Let him come to me, so we can reason together (lol)

Your friend needs to see a psychologist to help with this issue. It is a serious problem if he doesn't resolve it. I'm a student of psychology and I can relate with his fears and I recognize some signs of serious symptoms of abandoned child syndrome. If he really wants a family and doesn't want to create a copy of himself in his children, he should seek help.

I can recommend a book for him,

Things I wish I knew before marriage by Gary Chapman

Understanding the purpose of women by Myles Monroe


And above all, he should pray to God for the right woman

Catalin:
If your friend wants to get married, he will. All these ones na long Tory. What about orphans that grew up without any parental guide but the are doing well in their various families and partners. He even saw a grandmother that raised him. Where did you say your friend is from

Are u kidding me?



Until u realize the dangers associated with broken homes, u won't be saying this.

If I may ask, what sort of orphans are u referring to? The ones that lived in orphanages or the ones that got adopted?

The kind of love u receive from the orphanage is greater than the one u receive from ur parents and blood siblings knowing fully well that the people u have be staying with are in no way related to u but they care that u survive.


When u grow up on a loveless environment where u don't know what care means, please tell me how u can give what u don't have.








Op, the damage has been done already, it is true that ur friend is an adult, he should look for a good family spend time with them.


If u live with a father who beats the wife every single time and the wife sees it as nothing, all the children in that house will start seeing such treatments as a norm until they learn otherwise. Live with beasts, u behave like one, What ever good character and love we share today is as a result of we saw happen in our families as kids till we are all grown.


If u live with a mother who sleeps around even when married to the father, it is most likely that her daughters will follow her foot steps, not because that is the right thing but bcoa they have been groomed like that, they will never see anything wrong with it until dey learn otherwise.

I would have given some examples using some of our muslims brothers but it might be tagged tribalism, so I will not say anything.




My point is this, u can not give what u don't have. His problems is not about keeping a woman but about knowing if he can keep a family.




Doubt me, go to motor parks, ask all those touts that grew in the streets but are now married how they cope or handle their families and then do same with that young man or woman who lived in a closely knitted family savoured with love and care how he/ she lives with their present family.



I am not sting that it is 100% as I said it, but more than 80% is permissible.

kateskitty:
You can't give what you don't have

Intelligent answer, that's what the guy is afraid of.

Oloniyan:
My Friend just confided in me the real reason he has been avoiding and evading any discussion that has to do with marital affairs.

This guy is a very handsome dude and a jovial kind of being. I noticed that since I've known him that he hasn't keep any relationship beyond 4 months. I used to brushed this off with the reason that my friend must be a playboy until yesterday evening when he opened up to me because of his 'High' state

He told me he was born out of wedlock and he was taken from his mother when he was just a year plus (as he was told) to be living with his paternal Grandmother. The Grandparents were farmers and they have little or no time to attend to his mental developments.

He told me that doesn't remember any bit about any 'reasonable' time spent with his real dad or mom before he lost them at his teens age.

Now to cut the story short, he said he couldn't bring himself to understand what a Parental care or love is. He doesn't know anything about family setup because the people he lived with in his early age were farmer that start their daily routine of farming as early as 6am and ends it around 6pm which hindered them from showing him that love or care he craves for.

The fear in his mind now is how he's gonna be relating with any woman he marry? How do families relate together? What does it takes to be a loving, caring and responsible father? Mind you these are what he couldn't get as a person to the extent that he has been finding it difficult to hold any lady down cos they used to complained that he is too cold. and he told me he is trying his possible best to be romantic.

He told me that he don't wanna be like his father or mother. He don't wanna fail his own family.

Dear Nairalanders, Please my guy needs mature advise cos he told me that he is contemplating impregnating any lady and accept the kid and not the mother. I told him he is on the way to creating another version of him.

Please Your Advise and counseling might save a traumatised fellow.

Mods.....please move this to front page for my guy sake....he is also a Nairalander and might see this. thanks

in my own case, i got to know my dad at the end age of 18 which was in 2014 and falling in love was a big problem to me. I only get infatuated for a short period of time like 1----4 month and after then the lady can go to hell for non I care course i am no longer consumed by the all consuming love ............. Most times i say to my friend that I will just marry any woman who comes my way.....at Times i wonder if love truly exist course i don't feel it at.......... I only played along with my past crush because they like me an i would accept it like that course i don't have a choice .I promise my self that i will be a good father to my unborn children even though i never had one .. And also i will marry any lady that got pregnant for me even though she wants to go and she had a thousand reason to do so, i will give one reason to stay and i will learn to love her.......

Don't blame him. It's difficult to give what you don't have. Besides you will never understand the stigma of being born that way. You live and breathe the shame.

watin this one they talk self


go watch Nollywood movies or better still Yoruba movies

shikina

He needs to work on his self esteem, n moreover how old is he? Cos life encounter itself teaches alot via socializing n d calibre of friends he rolls with

if he wants to hv feelings nd hurt let him invest in mmm wit enough money.tnk me later

ore re ti ya werey jare!

@o.p,your friend is scared of the unknown and probably has trust issues.he should be open-minded and be on the look out for a lady that is understanding of his plight and is ready to start a family,i suggest he hangs around families that project love,so that he will know how to project love when he gets his and he should also know the right time to be a disciplinarian.

Oloniyan:
My Friend just confided in me the real reason he has been avoiding and evading any discussion that has to do with marital affairs.

This guy is a very handsome dude and a jovial kind of being. I noticed that since I've known him that he hasn't keep any relationship beyond 4 months. I used to brushed this off with the reason that my friend must be a playboy until yesterday evening when he opened up to me because of his 'High' state

He told me he was born out of wedlock and he was taken from his mother when he was just a year plus (as he was told) to be living with his paternal Grandmother. The Grandparents were farmers and they have little or no time to attend to his mental developments.

He told me that doesn't remember any bit about any 'reasonable' time spent with his real dad or mom before he lost them at his teens age.

Now to cut the story short, he said he couldn't bring himself to understand what a Parental care or love is. He doesn't know anything about family setup because the people he lived with in his early age were farmer that start their daily routine of farming as early as 6am and ends it around 6pm which hindered them from showing him that love or care he craves for.

The fear in his mind now is how he's gonna be relating with any woman he marry? How do families relate together? What does it takes to be a loving, caring and responsible father? Mind you these are what he couldn't get as a person to the extent that he has been finding it difficult to hold any lady down cos they used to complained that he is too cold. and he told me he is trying his possible best to be romantic.

He told me that he don't wanna be like his father or mother. He don't wanna fail his own family.

Dear Nairalanders, Please my guy needs mature advise cos he told me that he is contemplating impregnating any lady and accept the kid and not the mother. I told him he is on the way to creating another version of him.

Please Your Advise and counseling might save a traumatised fellow.

Mods.....please move this to front page for my guy sake....he is also a Nairalander and might see this. thanks

is better like that!

women this days!

He is scared of getting married... I hope he is a Virgin and scared of using his preek.

E dey fear to marry but e no fear to Phuck toto. Talk another thing abeg

Tthe first step in solving a problem is admitting you have one.....now that he knows what his problem is,he should try been patient with ladies,open up more often with his lady,ladies are sensitive,if he opens up,his lady understands and becomes more patient with him and will slowly prod him in the right direction. His actions show he has a good heart. A happy family is built,he should start learning to build,and not let his past colour his future..........

tayoxx:
Those who gave a fuckkk went where?

The went hunting for grasscuters!

tayoxx:
Those who gave a fuckkk went where?

The went hunting for grasscuters!

He should just turn to a rev fada!! I think that's the best

His dad snatched him from his mom only to dump him with his grand parents who don't have time for him. Hmmmm, I feel so sorry for what life put him through.
He should take it one step at a time, he should just do things he knows would bring his partner joy. The most important thing is for him to marry a woman who loves him and knows his story too. That way, she would walk the walk with him.

If he finds a lady that he yearns to be with and also the lady, he should open his predicament to her as this might help the lady to adapt to his state and gradually through his determination change as the love increases. He should pray to God for the willingness to change.

okowande:
The went hunting for grasscuters! The went hunting for grasscuters!

Chei this your name get as e b oooo.. (OKO)wande...

Wande's prick

I really do not like this op, you just described me down to the bone. I've made up my mind not to get married tho, just gonna get a lady pregnant and accept the kid. I know myself and I know my shortcomings so there's no need to beat around the bush. Let's just say I don't think I can cope with any type of lady...

The womanizer is just giving silly excuses. What does he think love is ?

He's never been in love yet. Tell him to open his heart to genuine love. Wanting to get married and have a blissful home naturally follows.

Most parents do parenting by trial and error until they get it right. The only criteria is that you love your family unconditionally. That love will influence your interactions, care, discipline and decisions.

He will be just fine. He should only let go of fear.

He needs counselling