Justdulla:
That why i advice against away match. Some parents ehn they are messed up.
Back to tha topic, he has to spend some time in a family house setting. Probably his relatives or a friend. Secondly he has to get married to a very good homely lady. A lady that understands the virtues of motherhood and taking care of her home. So he has to avoid the city ladies or open eye babes in nairaland, and search for the reserved up and doing lady from a rural setting. Am talking from experience ooh cos very few city ladies make good wifes.
Furthermore he has to change that notion of baby mama drama, let him think positively about life. And Lastly, Marriage is not by force, baby mama is not by force either, enjoy yiur single life, adopt a kid and die.. Afterall no one lives more than 90 something these days, so why should we carry life matter ontop our head like agege bread

Open Eyes Babes On Nairaland!

Oga, You Wicked

YourCoffin:
Marriage is not by force na OP. He knows what he wants. Leave him be. After all it's the trend in western countries and it's a success there...

Your moniker is creepy. Deactivate and open another account with a better moniker.

Im glad my mom kept me n didnt throw me out when my dad abandoned me
Now im good wit it
Only problem is that im too romantic n idk why girla just dont like me for that.....and if i fall in love then im hooked and i find it real hard to give it up
My life has not been so rosy in terms of relationships

Catalin:
If your friend wants to get married, he will. All these ones na long Tory. What about orphans that grew up without any parental guide but the are doing well in their various families and partners. He even saw a grandmother that raised him. Where did you say your friend is from

some people worry about things like this you know....am very far from that marriage age but I worry about failing my kids (when I have them tho)....so I feel the solution is I don't get married till I feel I am ready for that father role, might not have kids till I know am ready and that might take a long time...so you should try to put urself in ppls shoes and feel how it hurts

Haute:


Spot on. I would've called you smart, but I won't: because of your moniker. Yes I'm judging you. And yes you can call me Judge Dredd.

Judge me all you want. That just shows your lack of intelligence. Where I come from kitty also means bank or savings and not only pussy like where your dirty, dumb mind is thinking about.

kateskitty:
You can't give what you don't have

U remind me of Keke Palmer.
Go check ur linage.
Mind u, u can have wat u never had...by so doin, u then give wat u have.
cah-PEE-shee?

"He told me that doesn't remember any bit about any 'reasonable' time spent with his real dad or mom before he lost them at his teens age".



I understand this guy so very much. His temperament have played key role in his actions. Only victims can understand him. But, if he allows his life to be ruled by his negative past, he can never reach out to his colourful future and too much worry will make him feel sorry always.

He should get good books about temperament, personality and relationship. He should take his time to get a partner suit for his kind. Above all, he should be closer to God. He'll make a good home.

kateskitty:

Judge me all you want. That just shows your lack of intelligence. Where I come from kitty also means bank or savings and not only pussy like where your dirty, dumb mind is thinking about.

Lol, u see naa...just b4 I quoted u.
Exactly same replied Keke Palmer gave to Jeremy Jordan.
Find out the movie...lol
Better go look for ur sister.

Justdulla:
That why i advice against away match. Some parents ehn they are messed up.
Back to tha topic, he has to spend some time in a family house setting. Probably his relatives or a friend. Secondly he has to get married to a very good homely lady. A lady that understands the virtues of motherhood and taking care of her home. So he has to avoid the city ladies or open eye babes in nairaland, and search for the reserved up and doing lady from a rural setting. Am talking from experience ooh cos very few city ladies make good wifes.
Furthermore he has to change that notion of baby mama drama, let him think positively about life. And Lastly, Marriage is not by force, baby mama is not by force either, enjoy yiur single life, adopt a kid and die.. Afterall no one lives more than 90 something these days, so why should we carry life matter ontop our head like agege bread

I think he has to spend more time is a God fearing family. Probably watch his pastor's family and try as much as possible to understand why some sacrifices are made, he should look around him and try to take note of the reasons men wants a woman to be happy excluding the sexual part of it. Try to look at what and why mother's fight strangers for their kids and take note of a father -daughter relationship, mother -son relationship, brother - brother and Sister -brother. The first one which is father - daughter relationship is more important to him cos that will help him know how and why ladies are treated the way they are. He should also get a lady with good home training and full of respect then put himself up to a task that no matter what happens the relationship should get to a year at least. With all these he will understand family ties.

and I thought this phobia only happened in movies (hollywood)

he needs a serious counselling and prayers. a love therapies that will talk into him..i may suggest one for him if you guys are interested ooo. thank you

Oloniyan:
My Friend just confided in me the real reason he has been avoiding and evading any discussion that has to do with marital affairs.

This guy is a very handsome dude and a jovial kind of being. I noticed that since I've known him that he hasn't keep any relationship beyond 4 months. I used to brushed this off with the reason that my friend must be a playboy until yesterday evening when he opened up to me because of his 'High' state

He told me he was born out of wedlock and he was taken from his mother when he was just a year plus (as he was told) to be living with his paternal Grandmother. The Grandparents were farmers and they have little or no time to attend to his mental developments.

He told me that doesn't remember any bit about any 'reasonable' time spent with his real dad or mom before he lost them at his teens age.

Now to cut the story short, he said he couldn't bring himself to understand what a Parental care or love is. He doesn't know anything about family setup because the people he lived with in his early age were farmer that start their daily routine of farming as early as 6am and ends it around 6pm which hindered them from showing him that love or care he craves for.

The fear in his mind now is how he's gonna be relating with any woman he marry? How do families relate together? What does it takes to be a loving, caring and responsible father? Mind you these are what he couldn't get as a person to the extent that he has been finding it difficult to hold any lady down cos they used to complained that he is too cold. and he told me he is trying his possible best to be romantic.

He told me that he don't wanna be like his father or mother. He don't wanna fail his own family.

Dear Nairalanders, Please my guy needs mature advise cos he told me that he is contemplating impregnating any lady and accept the kid and not the mother. I told him he is on the way to creating another version of him.

Please Your Advise and counseling might save a traumatised fellow.

Mods.....please move this to front page for my guy sake....he is also a Nairalander and might see this. thanks

He must stop living in the past...he must stop the self pity state and move on from what he can't change.
The difference between president Obama and your friend is the way they choose to react to their common childhood challenges. What had happened Is a fixed deposit, he must stop blaming his parents or grandparents for that; it's time for him to forgive them, forgive himself and move on.
To tell you the truth, your friend stand a better chance of being a better parent and husband than those who grew up in a loving family because he is the one with a real life experience; he know what not to do and he know how to do it better than others but his problem lies in "living in the past"....if we don't forget the past; our tommorow cannot come.
His life will start afresh only when he choose and determine To move on!

OP, you or/and your friend are not ready for marriage. You know why.

kateskitty:
You can't give what you don't have

Preach!!!!!!

Justdulla:
That why i advice against away match. Some parents ehn they are messed up.
Back to tha topic, he has to spend some time in a family house setting. Probably his relatives or a friend. Secondly he has to get married to a very good homely lady. A lady that understands the virtues of motherhood and taking care of her home. So he has to avoid the city ladies or open eye babes in nairaland, and search for the reserved up and doing lady from a rural setting. Am talking from experience ooh cos very few city ladies make good wifes.
Furthermore he has to change that notion of baby mama drama, let him think positively about life. And Lastly, Marriage is not by force, baby mama is not by force either, enjoy yiur single life, adopt a kid and die.. Afterall no one lives more than 90 something these days, so why should we carry life matter ontop our head like agege bread

don't yab Nl babes again ooo

finally, m A nairalander...

Quintessential1:


Your moniker is creepy. Deactivate and open another account with a better moniker.

Yes ma. Don't worry you are safe with the moniker.

YourCoffin:


Yes ma. Don't worry you are safe with the moniker.

Hmm.

Hmmm....the guy should upgrade his spuntus. What's his financial and schedule status? Is he doing well and also very be busy? If NO, don't worry, when he's got something doing, he will be the one to tell you that relationship is so sweet.
He doesn't wanna commit. We have several persons with similar stories that are married happily and some in sweet n sexy relationship.
The guy de find how e wan tey bobo you enter your pant.

[color=#990000][/color][b][/b] may god help u

Quintessential1:


Hmm.

On the contrary, If I change it what's my reward?

YourCoffin:


On the contrary, If I change it what's my reward?

Lol. I'll say a heartfelt prayer for you.

Quintessential1:


Lol. I'll say a heartfelt prayer for you.

I have prayers that can last me for 50yrs. I can suggest you upload a profile pic. Gotta satisfy some curiosity.

First thing I noticed abt your friend is his good intentions. He's avoiding marriage so he won't fail. That's a good one on his part.But I've seen and heard abt more emotionally damaged persons who have great marriages because of their conscious efforts on their parts to improve.
Your friend needs a counsellor, he also needs to read alot of books about marriage and family. Infact some people who grew in family settings still don't have the capacity to hold down a family but if he can develop himself properly he'll do better than them.
Lastly your friend needs a woman who will love and understand him. That's the most important part because if he doesn't get the right woman, He has to choose his wofe carefully because a bad woman will frustrate all his efforts.

YourCoffin:


I have prayers that can last me for 50yrs. I can suggest you upload a profile pic. Gotta satisfy some curiosity.

Prayers never get too much. My pic doesn't come any close to what a heartfelt prayer would do.

Quintessential1:


Prayers never get too much. My pic doesn't come any close to what a heartfelt prayer would do.

I'm the reciever you know so I ought to be the judge of that. But if you say prayers said together in a private room, I will agree. Is that how you would like to say the prayer?

ur frnd shld find a lady dat has gone thru something similar, cos she will give him d care nd love nd support dat he needs

Tell your friend to read" The road less traveled" by Scot Peck

It's a wonderful book and I believe he will learn alot from it.

Talking from experience

YourCoffin:


I'm the reciever you know so I ought to be the judge of that. But if you say prayers said together in a private room, I will agree. Is that how you would like to say the prayer?

Lmao... This is my cue to bolt!

Catalin:
If your friend wants to get married, he will. All these ones na long Tory. What about orphans that grew up without any parental guide but the are doing well in their various families and partners. He even saw a grandmother that raised him. Where did you say your friend is from

Environmental influence is as strong as genes. Remember, there are certain people who are natural introverts, and without a social/loving background, it could be something else.

Oloniyan:
My Friend just confided in me the real reason he has been avoiding and evading any discussion that has to do with marital affairs.

This guy is a very handsome dude and a jovial kind of being. I noticed that since I've known him that he hasn't keep any relationship beyond 4 months. I used to brushed this off with the reason that my friend must be a playboy until yesterday evening when he opened up to me because of his 'High' state

He told me he was born out of wedlock and he was taken from his mother when he was just a year plus (as he was told) to be living with his paternal Grandmother. The Grandparents were farmers and they have little or no time to attend to his mental developments.

He told me that doesn't remember any bit about any 'reasonable' time spent with his real dad or mom before he lost them at his teens age.

Now to cut the story short, he said he couldn't bring himself to understand what a Parental care or love is. He doesn't know anything about family setup because the people he lived with in his early age were farmer that start their daily routine of farming as early as 6am and ends it around 6pm which hindered them from showing him that love or care he craves for.

The fear in his mind now is how he's gonna be relating with any woman he marry? How do families relate together? What does it takes to be a loving, caring and responsible father? Mind you these are what he couldn't get as a person to the extent that he has been finding it difficult to hold any lady down cos they used to complained that he is too cold. and he told me he is trying his possible best to be romantic.

He told me that he don't wanna be like his father or mother. He don't wanna fail his own family.

Dear Nairalanders, Please my guy needs mature advise cos he told me that he is contemplating impregnating any lady and accept the kid and not the mother. I told him he is on the way to creating another version of him.

Please Your Advise and counseling might save a traumatised fellow.

Mods.....please move this to front page for my guy sake....he is also a Nairalander and might see this. thanks

One thing I feel that would go a long way is getting used to family life and care. He has to learn no matter how little he can. In as much as he is somewhat cold to women, he should be free with his relatives/folks, hence, the reason mingling amongst those he is used to would go a long way.

Justdulla:
That why i advice against away match. Some parents ehn they are messed up.
Back to tha topic, he has to spend some time in a family house setting. Probably his relatives or a friend. Secondly he has to get married to a very good homely lady. A lady that understands the virtues of motherhood and taking care of her home. So he has to avoid the city ladies or open eye babes in nairaland, and search for the reserved up and doing lady from a rural setting. Am talking from experience ooh cos very few city ladies make good wifes.
Furthermore he has to change that notion of baby mama drama, let him think positively about life. And Lastly, Marriage is not by force, baby mama is not by force either, enjoy yiur single life, adopt a kid and die.. Afterall no one lives more than 90 something these days, so why should we carry life matter ontop our head like agege bread