A wife & husband visited a farm, they saw a bull having sex with a cow the wife ask the farm manager. Wife: how many times does a bull have sex per day? Manager: 6 times a day. Wife: looks at her husband and says .....you see! Then the husband ask the manager Husband: u mean 6 times a day with the same cow? Manager: no no with different cows everyday. Husband: looks to his wife and says ....you see

Assuming u heard a knock on ur door...and u wanted to stand up to open the door....in d process of standing up,u hit ur leg on the table beside ur bed and fell down...while trying to stand u kicked the bucket of water dat was right under your bed..the bucket of water emptied in yur room..as u wanted to pick up the bucket...due to d moisture of d floor..u slipped off and this tym hit d shelf of books which all ur books droped into d water...the shelf deflected u and u landed on d bucket of water u were boiling with boiler...it shocked u mercilessly... Throwing u up and down.. While it was throwing u up and down ur left hand mistakenly hit ur 44 inches plasma t.v...and ur infinixzero4 was charging right under d t.v.. The t.v fell on ur phone.. And d both got destroyed.. Then u stood up to open d door cos d person was still knocking.... You open the door and you hear... Hello Where's your Nepa Bill?

What will be your reaction

THUNDER WEY GO FIRE YOU.

1). The thunder wey go fire you go be like etisalat..... 0809ja for life.
2). The thunder wey go fire you go be like price tag..... #200, #400, #1500, #75000.
3). The thunder wey go fire you go be like the importance of water....... Regulates the body's temperature.
4). the thunder wey go fire you go be like Baba ijebu....... 2 sure.
5). The thunder wey go fire you go be like zebra crossing..... Black and white.
6). The thunder wey go fire you go be like yansh wey dey occupy space...... aka matter.
7). The thunder wey go fire you go be like maths subject......double period.
. The thunder wey go fire you go be like mad beat.....aka itz young john the wicked producer.
9). The thunder wey go fire you go be like John 1:1.....In the beginning was the thunder, and the thunder was with you, and the thunder fired you.
10). The thunder wey go fire you go be like ashewo wey dey do lap dance with fela song...... 1 hour and counting....you're on a long thing.
11) The thunder wey go fire you still dey do press up.
12) The thunder wey go fire you go they like drug prescription. Three in the morning, three in the afternoon, three in the evening.

Hahahaha, friends are always wonderful.
I reached home late last night and dad asked me "where were you?
Me : At a friend's place dad.
In front of me, dad called 10 of my friends.
4 of them said "yes sir, she was here",
2 said "she just left sir",
3 said "she's here sir, studying, should I give the phone to her? and 1 of them went an extra mile to speak to dad (in my voice) "Yes dad...what's happening"
I fainted.
Frnds are the best

PRAYER WARRIORS

This is how some prayer warriors
make GOSSIP sound like PRAYER
POINTS.
They start like this, "People Of God,
let's remember Brother Tobi Alex in
our prayers. He has gonorrhea and
doctors said they are even screening
him for HIV too, but we know that
our God can heal him. So brothers
and sisters let's pray for divine
healing, pray, pray."
"Brethren let's also pray for Sister
Annabel and Brother Chinedu. Sister
Annabel is pregnant for
Brother Chinedu and Brother
Chinedu is not ready for marriage
now, you know they are not married
abi? Okay! He told her to abort it
but she refused. The situation is
tearing them and their families
apart. Let's pray to God for peace
and amicable settlement."
"Children of God's kingdom, let's
remember Mr and Mrs Kwame in our
prayers. Mr Kwame left Mrs Kwame
for Sister Joy in the choir. That light
skin slim sister that works in the
Bank, Hmmm! Let's pray for God to
restore Mr and Mrs Kwame
marriage."
"Brethren pray, open your mouth
and pray. The Lord will answer us."
"And finally before we round up, let
us lift Sister Rosemary before the
Lord. She has been suspended from
her place of work due to some fraud
in her office. We know she is
innocent. Even though she has been
wearing some bling bling lately plus
that new car she just bought. Erhh,
let's pray that as the police are
carrying out their investigations,
those things will not be seized.
Please praaaaay! She is our Sister.
Pray, pray, pray!!!".

The Day I Met One Of My EX
I stood beside the road waiting for a taxi. suddenly, I heard a voice shouting my name-Tariebi-Tariebi from the other Lane of the highway, I felt surprised and shocked when I saw it was one of my Ex because I knew how bad I treated her and dumped her after some years. Lucky for me, A long bus slowed down for parking, I quickly took the advantage and hid behind a container shop.
I hid there for almost 30minutes and later came out hoping she has left. I stoped the Cab I saw immediately and entered, I didn't bother to look at the person sitting beside me.
I just heard the voice said: Helloo! Super Duper. It was the girl I hid for...I decided to stop being a coward and took the courage. So I burst into laughter and said: Wow! baby long time o.
She replied with frowned face- Yeah! its been a while.
We made a Little conversation...after some minutes, She said: oh! That reminds me...here is my wedding invitation card and its coming up next week.
As a smart guy, I came up with an Idea...
I replied: wow! I'm very happy for you...I will also like to invite you to my naming ceremony, My Third Wife Gave Birth To Triplet yesterday, will you be present?
SHE FAINTED!

SEE YAWA As I was gisting with my friends outside, a tall, black, pretty, Coca-Cola bottled girl came out from her friend's compound. I approached her... ME: Hello... Hellooo GIRL: What! Why are you purchasing me? ME: (Shocked) It seems you're very new in this area. GIRL: Yes Yes Yes... I'm a nuisance in this area so?! ME: (scratches head) Okay, why don't you come and say hello to my friends She greets them and tries walking away... ME: Come on... are we quarreling? GIRL: Oh my gods! (sighs) Look I'm tired, okay. ME: Oh! I can really see fatigue written all over your face. GIRL: Really? I just rub it this morning. ME: Since you're tired, why don't you come and sit with us for a while. She agrees... FRIEND 1: Seriously, do you care for Shawarma? GIRL: No! I don't take alcohol. FRIEND 2: (shocked) Do you prefer snacks? GIRL: No! It's too sugary. FRIEND 3: How about ice cream? GIRL: It's too hot for my liking ME: (stands) Alright can you follow us on Twitter? GIRL: Men! I hate that restaurant. We all ran away!

SEE YAWA As I was gisting with my friends outside, a tall, black, pretty, Coca-Cola bottled girl came out from her friend's compound. I approached her... ME: Hello... Hellooo GIRL: What! Why are you purchasing me? ME: (Shocked) It seems you're very new in this area. GIRL: Yes Yes Yes... I'm a nuisance in this area so?! ME: (scratches head) Okay, why don't you come and say hello to my friends She greets them and tries walking away... ME: Come on... are we quarreling? GIRL: Oh my gods! (sighs) Look I'm tired, okay. ME: Oh! I can really see fatigue written all over your face. GIRL: Really? I just rub it this morning. ME: Since you're tired, why don't you come and sit with us for a while. She agrees... FRIEND 1: Seriously, do you care for Shawarma? GIRL: No! I don't take alcohol. FRIEND 2: (shocked) Do you prefer snacks? GIRL: No! It's too sugary. FRIEND 3: How about ice cream? GIRL: It's too hot for my liking ME: (stands) Alright can you follow us on Twitter? GIRL: Men! I hate that restaurant. We all ran away!

SEE YAWA As I was gisting with my friends outside, a tall, black, pretty, Coca-Cola bottled girl came out from her friend's compound. I approached her... ME: Hello... Hellooo GIRL: What! Why are you purchasing me? ME: (Shocked) It seems you're very new in this area. GIRL: Yes Yes Yes... I'm a nuisance in this area so?! ME: (scratches head) Okay, why don't you come and say hello to my friends She greets them and tries walking away... ME: Come on... are we quarreling? GIRL: Oh my gods! (sighs) Look I'm tired, okay. ME: Oh! I can really see fatigue written all over your face. GIRL: Really? I just rub it this morning. ME: Since you're tired, why don't you come and sit with us for a while. She agrees... FRIEND 1: Seriously, do you care for Shawarma? GIRL: No! I don't take alcohol. FRIEND 2: (shocked) Do you prefer snacks? GIRL: No! It's too sugary. FRIEND 3: How about ice cream? GIRL: It's too hot for my liking ME: (stands) Alright can you follow us on Twitter? GIRL: Men! I hate that restaurant. We all ran away!

SEE YAWA
As I was gisting with my friends outside, a tall, black, pretty, Coca-Cola bottled girl came out from her friend's compound. I approached her...
ME: Hello... Hellooo GIRL: What! Why are you purchasing me? ME: (Shocked) It seems you're very new in this area. GIRL: Yes Yes Yes... I'm a nuisance in this area so?! ME: (scratches head) Okay, why don't you come and say hello to my friends She greets them and tries walking away... ME: Come on... are we quarreling? GIRL: Oh my gods! (sighs) Look I'm tired, okay. ME: Oh! I can really see fatigue written all over your face. GIRL: Really? I just rub it this morning. ME: Since you're tired, why don't you come and sit with us for a while. She agrees... FRIEND 1: Seriously, do you care for Shawarma? GIRL: No! I don't take alcohol. FRIEND 2: (shocked) Do you prefer snacks? GIRL: No! It's too sugary. FRIEND 3: How about ice cream? GIRL: It's too hot for my liking ME: (stands) Alright can you follow us on Twitter? GIRL: Men! I hate that restaurant. We all ran away!

Always tell your children the truth, they are just too inquisitive. *Son:* Mum, what is a penis? *Mum:* Sandles. *son:* What about vagina? *Mum:* Shoes. *son:* What about fucking? *Mum:* Walking. *The next day visitors came...* *son:* You're most welcome visitors! *Visitors:* Thank you. *son:* Please remove all your joysticks and vaginas before you enter inside house *Visitors:* Eeeeeeeeh! Why? *son:* Because they are dirty, you have been fucking along the road... *Please, educate the children*

Please o, any news on npower in lagos state particularly dose registered under Alimosho LGA. Abeg o

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.
Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"
I said, "$200 and it's yours."

1Brazilian hair = 68 bags of cement, 1 quality handbag = 10 tankers of water, 1 quality shoe = 1 trailer of sand, 1 iphone 7 = 80,500 blocks... These are enough to build a 4 bedroom flat. Ladies! Please allow your boyfriends to be landlords this year...

Teacher : simply define Confusion
Chinedu: CONFUSION is when you go steal meat from the pot, and you forget whether the spoon was on top or inside the pot

A boy watched their hen being mounted by 5 cocks same day,at the end of the day the hen was served as dinner.
The boy pushed his plate away and said"I'd rather sleep hungry than eat this prostitute.

That annoying moment when your parents call all your, uncles aunties, elder cousins and more.
Telling them that you have joined bad gang. simply because you dodged their slap.

That awkward moment when after inserting a Disc in your dvd and find out its a porn video.....immediately, nepa takes light and brings it back in the night when ur entire family has gathered to watch d film showing last memory.
U don die.
My friend start looking for a tangible explanation to give.

Why do some girls think its cool to remove a guys cap from his head and playfully run around with it...? If I remove your wig from your head and playfully run around with it, would you still find it funny?

Girls name on Facebook
1. American qirl _ maria Smith
2. Japanese qirl _ Natasha Lee
3. Ghanaian qirl _ mensah appian
4. Nigerian qirl _ "etz dah sexy pweedy curvy Ass chocolate slay Queen dah lives at dah bending corner before shoprite"
Nawa oooooooh. Naija galx hail oh

Last week.., there was a program going on in our church titled "law fest"..
This is a program where by, you will buy a gift, wrap and package it, another person will buy his or her own gift, wrap and package it, then we will all gather in the church and exchange the gifts.
So last week, I don't have much money with me and I don't want to miss the program because, I must gain a nice gift from someone.. So I decided to buy anything, I went and bought garri, u know that garri use to be heavy, so I package the garri in form of television, I bought a carton of television, put the garri inside and support it with a heavy stone, then i packaged it, and it gave me a shape of television.
So when I arrived at the church, people were dragging to seat with me because they want to exchange their own gift with mine. (Una don die today) I said in my mind"
Finally a girl who also brought her own gift sat near me, her gift has the shape of a fridge, I don't know what is inside but I believe is a nice gift. (I don hammer" I said in my mind)
So when it got to the time of exchanging of gifts, me and the girl both exchanged our gifts, she smiled and collected my own gift that contains garri and stone but in shape of television.
I collected her own gift, it was heavy like a fridge, I ran home quickly before the girl will change her mind.
When I got home, I lock my door and windows, very happy that I have cheated the girl and collected her nice gift, but I have begged God for forgiveness because I don't have much money.
When I opened the gift, behold!! I saw two bags of sand with two heavy stones bigger than the stone I put inside my own gift, when I opened the bag of sand I saw a written letter, which reads:.. "I saw you yesterday when you are packaging your own garri and stone, you think you are wise".
Na dere I know say I don enter one chance.

A boy called an Fm radio station. Boy: hello, I found a big bag with #1,700, 0000.00, an ID card and master card belonging to one Mr. ALADE LANRE PETERU, residents@plot 4 Donald estate, Calabar.
Presenter: you are such a honest boy. So, I believe you want to return the bag?
Boy: No ooooo, I dey craze? For this Buhari time? I just want you to play a song for me...."I don get alert, na God win".........

A Guy living abroad called his mum to say
.
OLA: "mom, I've got HIV n so I'm coming
home"
MOM: (begging) please, OLA, never come back
home".
OLA surprised) "why"
MOM: "If you come home, your wife will get it
and she will give it to ur brother, ur brother
will
give it to our house girl and she will give it to
your father. Your father will give it to me and I
will give it to our driver, our driver will give it
to
ur sister and if your sister gets it, then the
entire
village will get it. So we are counting on you to
die alone.

Some guys will be going to gym all the time only to come out looking lyk improper fraction
*Big head* *broad shoulders *big chest*and *toothpick leg.
What in the world is going on?

My dear sister
You leave Your house in lagos
And go all d way to Ogbomoso To see a guy... And den something wants to happen & u r telling him u didn't come for dis....
Wah did u come for?
To watch dstv?

Some girls be snoring like dragon
only for dem to wake up and be updating their status like... "Gosh! I slept like a baby"
Huuunnn. Baby dragon indeed.

Nollywood Saga

Someone flashes bck to 1982 and behind him is a sign board *VOTE FOR GOODLUCK EBELE JONATHAN*
So GEJ has been campaigning since then?

I dont know why when we bite our tongue intentionally, it doesnt hurt. But when we accidentally bite our tongue, it really hurts! And i really dont know why you are biting your tongue right now.

a woman went to her priest with a problem. 'father, i have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is ''hi, we are prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?''
''that's terrible!'' exclaimed the priest. ''but i think i can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and i will put them with my two male parrots whom i taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your parrots will learn to praise and worship''
The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the males, The female parrot said, ''hi, we are prostitutes. Wanna have some fun? ''
one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed ''put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!''

A baby boy and a baby girl in a bathtub having a bath, baby girl looks down and says: can i touch it?
Boy: No way! You have already broken yours!!

I Promised Felicia 10k Last Week As We Were
Chatting on BBM. She Came To Abuja Yesterday, An
Unexpected Visit. Dis Morning, She Asked Me Of
The 10k I Promised Her. I Then Told Her Dat I Want
To Leave For Makurdi In The Next 5mins. I Gave Her My First Bank ATM Card Dat She Should Take It nd
Withdraw All She Wanted
(Knowing Fully Well Dat I
Had Less Dan 3k In Dat Account).
As Soon As She Kissed Me & Left, I Quickly Left The
House Knowing Dat She Will Kom Crying Back To
Me.
As I Got To AYA Junction,
Moses My Elder Brother Called Me On The Phone Saying "Lucky,You
Don Get The Alert, I Just Dey Komot From FirstBank
oh! I Don Pay That 80k Wey I Been Owe Ƴöů Into Ƴöůr Account, Thanks"...
Mheen!!! See Sweat!!!
Few Minutes Later, I Got The Alert!! Confirm 80k Credited.
I Wan Die As d Money
Enter.
Tried calling Felicia's phone, Switched Off. Tried PING!!! PING!!! No Delivery.
The Next minute, Alerts: 20k Debited,
20k Debited,
20k debited,
20k debited.
Even the Last 2k Withdrawn... I No Know Wetin Happen To Me, I Found Myself On
Hospital Bed.
Now They Are Asking Me What
Happened?
But Wot Will I Say

Pastor received chicken as charity from a
certain farm.. Unfortunately One expensive
cockk went missing...the next day, Pastor
asked the congregation:"Who has a cocck?"All the men got up..."No, I mean who has seen a
cockk?"All d women got up..."No, no, I meant
who has seen a cockk that isn't theirs?"Half of
the women got up..."Oh my goodness!!Who
has seen my cocck?"All the choir girls stood up.