Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving.
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THANKS.

#XAVIER.
#I_AM_A_GOD.
#I_AM_A_PRINCIPALITY.
#I_AM_AN_ASSET.
#I_AM_OBSESSED_WITH_SUCCESS.

Is there something bugging you about Nairaland that you will like to say if given the platform. If yes, worry no more because that platform is now a reality.
Go to the Nairaland Public Complaint, Suggestion, Say And Opinion Thread and voice out your complaint, say, opinion, thoughts and suggestions about Nairaland through the below link

https://www.nairaland.com/4112717/nairaland-public-complaint-suggestion-say#61374210

THANK YOU.

#XAVIER.
#I_AM_A_GOD.
#I_AM_A_PRINCIPALITY.
#I_AM_AN_ASSET.
#I_AM_OBSESSED_WITH_SUCCESS.

This is not what Myles Munroe meant when he said "MAXIMIZE YOUR POTENTIALS". From Pushing Cars To Pushing Planes. Nigerians always breaking bounds. I call it taking the ministry farther.

Slayqueens excuse

That moment when you hear Nigeria is now a first world country, you will be like "what I'm I even doing here abroad, let me go home jare, I'm a citizen, I must not miss my right, no place like home"

Na like this domestic violence dey take start.

When Your Stupidity Is Anchored By The Devil Himself.

Only The Wise Will Understand.

That Moment When A Slayqueen Said She Branched London When Travelling To UK.
Me: Eheeeeee

That Moment When Bae Is Lying Not Knowing You Already Know The Truth. That Feeling Sha.

Now Lie That You Weren't Guilty Of This.....

That Moment When The Girl You Sexed On Saturday Evening Falls Under The Anointing During Sunday Service, You Will Be Like "Eheeeee, Even This One Too". .

Stupidity is when you didn't kill a cow for your mom or dad to enjoy when they were alive but when they died you killed one to hold their burial ceremony.
My Friend, just come forward, pack your bags, take the next available bus to Mountain Of Fire Prayer City at Lagos Ibadan expressway for the next Deliverance Session. What Nonsense.

#Xavier.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Just Pondering Sha.

That moment when you fall off a bike and your crush is passing by.

Ochugo: Akpors, I can't wait to be done with my NYSC, get a good job or start up a successful business, get married to the love of my life, get kids and build a home together with my wife.

Akpors: That's good, mmmmmm, as for me, i Can't Wait To Get Married, Have Kids, Steal Meat From The Pot, Nd Tell My Wife It Was The Kids.

#Xavier.

1. I wanted to go for jogging early morning. BUT when I opened the Bible, Proverbs (28-1) says; "The wicked run when no man is chassing them" .... And I went back to sleep. Yes nah! I'm not a wicked person.

2. The night before Valentine’s Day, Akpos and his girlfriend had this conversation:
Girlfriend: (Just waking up) Heeeey! Honey! I dreamt that you bought me a diamond ring on Valentine’s day.
Akpos: Wow! Go back to sleep and wear it.

3. It's only in nollywood you will see an angel with
tribal Marks. Nawa o!!

4. I was very shocked when my neighbor's daughter told me the opposite of "HANDSOME" is "LEGSOME" Chisos! I'm still searching for a suitable place for fainting.

5. I said, "I will take you to a place you've never been before" She became so happy . Then I took her to my village, she start to vex. Abeg, has she been to my village before ... Mtchew!

6. My guy searched these keywords on GOOGLE search "HOW TO MAKE A LADY HAPPY WHEN WE DON'T HAVE MONEY." GOOGLE replied, "Bro, good morning o! No result found! Abeg, tell us when you've gotten the answer, thanks!".

7. LWKMD ... I was confused when my guy told me he watched a Nigerian porn yesterday and they ended it with "TO GOD BE THE GLORY" Yeehhhh!!! I still dey look for where I go faint o.

8. My English Teacher in Secondary School taught me "MY NAME IS" The University taught me " MY NAMES ARE". But the Society now is teaching me 'MY NAME NA' Abeg! Why are u people confusing my Life??

9. The shortest conversation in the world is that moment when you are in the toilet, and someone opens the door .
YOU: EEEEEH!
THE PERSON: AAAAAH!

10. After stopping a car, checked the papers, 9ja police would be like:
POLICEMAN: If you start feeling sick on the steering, who would drive this car home?
MOTORIST: I don’t intend to fall sick, officer, but thank God I have my friend here. if I fall sick, he will drive me home.
POLICEMAN: (turns to his friend) Where is your driver’s license?
FRIEND: I don’t have one.
POLICEMAN: You are under arrest for intent to drive without a licence!

1. LWKMD!!! The moment I knew Nigeria was in trouble was when someone stole his neighbor's goat and dyed it BLACK. Only for the neighbor to say, "It is my goat, I recognized it by its smile
" Lolz....

2. A girl posted a blank picture yesterday. And a guy still had the mind to ccomment, " wow! You look dark and lovely"! But bro, why nah

3. They said Dangote started his business with the $3000 his uncle gave him. My own problem is my uncleuncle. If I flash him, he will flash back. If I send him "pls call me" he will text me back ""pls call me it's urgent"" twice!

4. HEART BREAK is that moment when you play bet9ja with your school fees...predicting Chelsea to win Barcelona... but just about 3mins after the kickoff time; Barcelona scored their first
goal... You would be like, "Oh God, quickly show me the fastest mean of transportation to heaven".

5. Hypertension is that pain u get at the back of your head after selling ur land to send ur daughter abroad to study Medicine and she comes back as a make up artist.

6. I was shocked when a girl asked me on Facebook, "how much is your age??" Chinekemo!! I replied, "sister, nah 20naira oo"...

7. Akpos opened his eyes after a surgical operation and breathed “Thank God it’s over”. A man on the other side of his bed said, “don’t be so sure, they left an injections in my belly and had to open it again”. Another patient added, “same with me but mine was a pack of cotton wool”. Almost immediately, the doctor who did the operation stormed in and asked, “Has anyone seen my watch?” Akpos fainted.

8. Welcome to 9ja where girls celebrate their birthday every 4months just to get a new shoe from their boo...haha lemme start running
away with the speed of thunder b4 they bite my lips

9. Atongo: what's going on in the next house?
Akpos: Oh! It's a birthday party
Atongo: Whose birthday party?
Akpos: Tuyu!
Atongo: Who is Tuyu
Akpos: I don't know him, but they keep singing;
"Happy birthday tuyu... Happy birthday tuyu

Up till now, nobody have actually explained to me why I wrote junior waec.

#Xavier.

JSS 1: I want to be a Doctor.
SSS 1: I want to be a Lawyer.
10 Years Later: Contact me for your iTunes gift card for instant cash out.

#Xavier.

But bae, no be by force na........

Is This Suppose To Creativity Or What? Cos Me I Am Not Understanding.

1. There must be something about single girls with a nose ring.
I don't know if they are trying to smell an engagement or marriage.

2. Even if u're ugly as hell when you have money, women will always find something cute on you like. They will be like: "Awwww he has nice finger prints".....or "Awwww he has such a cute shadow". Girls of nowadays sha.

3. I seriously need to stop listening to people's conversation in a taxi...I once followed someone home just to hear the rest of the story.

4. Girls that plait Ghana weaving with Brazilian wool on their Nigerian hair... Come let's talk! How do you survive with three nations on ur head.

5. Not all couples have sex on their wedding night, some spend it arguing about how the jollof and drinks disappeared. Lmaooo.

6. Teacher: What's the full meaning of AIDS
Pupil: Arsenal Is Dying Slowly.

7. Nigerian parent be like: Mayweather $300million(114billion naira) for just 1 fight. God punish any teacher that separates my son when fighting in the school.

8. Witchcraft Is When You Want To Give Your Mom Money, But Then You Take Out A Condom... Even fainting will not save you.

9. When You Ask People For advice They Will Tell You To Listen To Your Heart, But All You Can Hear Is "Tum tum tum".........

10. Boy: From the day I met u, I m not able to eat, drink or smoke...
Girl: How sweet, so u r madly in LOVE with me..
Boy: SHUT UP..!! U made my pocket empty

Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving.
And don't forget to leave a comment, hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread.

THANKS.

#Xavier.

Your monthly salary : 90k
Your child's school fees: 80k
And you hear your child saying:
Capital Letter Five.... And Small Letter Five.

YOU: