The answer to this question might differ for a widow hence i want you t

6 months? Apparently, He Was Cheating On Her When She Was On Her Sickbed For Him To Hook Up So Soon. Not Even Upto A Year.?

Whether man or woman, 6 months is a bit early, but people do it.
Its your life, and nobody else's. But marriage should never define you. Another question is do you feel you've given yourself time to grieve and heal?
Give it a year or 2. You can start dating now, but don't go into a long term commitment just yet. Its easy not to be able to assess properly and see people for whom they really are when you've been overcome and your judgements clouded by grief.
Fixating on how your life could have been doesn't help much either. What's happened has happened. Its not your fault, nor your late wife's. You're in no competition nor race with anyone. Date others, take time to study them and don't rush into anything just yet because of your daughter.
Time really has a way of healing our hearts, though its something you don't really ever forget..

In truth, if I'm the only member of the society, I would totally understand him moving on six months after her demise. However, the society at large would frown and assume he's been cheating. Advise him to hold on a little more...everyone would understand if he gives the demise a year of mourning.

I hope the babu is being well taken care of. I pray he finds a good woman who would care for him and the baby like they are absolutely hers.

TheArchangel:
6 months? Apparently, He Was Cheating On Her When She Was On Her Sickbed For Him To Hook Up So Soon. Not Even Upto A Year.?

Some men don't cheat.

6 months is too early,not because of what the society feels or that he must have been cheating while the wife was sick but because his mind might still be hazy.
Trying to marry another woman quickly just to fill up the void might be a big mistake.The lady might be a wrong choice.
If it's about getting someone to care for the baby,the paternal MIL or maternal MIL can handle that.

According to the woman's or mans culture.
If you dont give a crap about culture, marry when your conscience allows you.

1) At 6 months, you're still grieving and probably have a lot of unresolved feelings. Take the time to heal, otherwise your new marriage would have problems.

2) Bringing the right woman into your baby's life should be a concern, not just marrying any woman b/c you're lonely. Marriage is not a cure for loneliness. Make sure you marry someone who's going to love and treat your baby like her own and before this can happen you need to take the time to study the new woman.

Getting married right now, 6 months after losing your wife, is not the solution to your loneliness nor your baby's loss of his/her mother.

If you think the answer should be different because it's a widower who's involved and not a widow, I can't take you seriously.

Bye

There is no minimum time set for widow or widowers to marry. The time should be set by individuals involved.

The most reasonable thing to do is to consider remarrying when the person is healed and ready to move on, doesn't mean that the memory of the late spouse will be lost. It shouldn't be done in haste or with a purpose of forgetting the late spouse. This will only put the new spouse's life in misery.

Be ready, heal and move on with your life.

Your decision shouldn't be based on what the Society will say. Society has never been known to understand issues wholistically but with prejudiced and biased minds.

And no, there is no different standard for a widower as it is for a widow. They both have emotional needs and are both humans.

6 months is too short to replace a cheating girlfriend.


It is not about the society; you are the society, your mind and conscience should tell you that replacing a late wife within that short timeframe is wrong. In 6 months, some people are still yet to recover from their debts, wedding expenses, honey moon, etc. Some are still making attempts to send 'thank you' text messages to their guests. In fact, I am sure about the fact that some presents and gifts you received on your wedding day haven't been touched.

No need condemning the opinion of the society when you have a conscience and a heart. Back to my first statement, I won't replace a cheating or erring girlfriend in 6 months, let alone a late and dearest spouse.

This is the time everyone (both families) would make attempts to see that your child survives. Whether you like it or not, you can't 'damn' your family, the society. No one here would say that to their in-law and parents, we are all part of the society, I am the society, I will judge you. You are the society, your conscience will judge you. The next woman you're going for is the society, she'll most certainly not agree to marry you within that timeframe. Many ladies here won't marry a man with that spec, they are part of the society.

You paid dowry to the society 6 months ago, you will still pay another to the society and whatever they say stands. You can't damn their opinion.

If you have a mother and a mother in-law, I am so certain they will be more than willing to take care of your child. Never you assume a strange woman somewhere will love that baby more than your parents; or even accept to marry you because of your late spouse or your baby... such happens often in Nollywood, but rarely in the real world.

Give yourself time.

cococandy:
If you think the answer should be different because it's a widower who's involved and not a widow, I can't take you seriously.

Bye

if we are for real we will know that in Nigeria a widow belongs to the late husband's family and this changes everything. Adding to the fact that they have a child and more over the widow needs wait for a man to come find her. Sincerely yours, its not the same.

I agree.

thorpido:
6 months is too early,not because of what the society feels or that he must have been cheating while the wife was sick but because his mind might still be hazy.
Trying to marry another woman quickly just to fill up the void might be a big mistake.The lady might be a wrong choice.
If it's about getting someone to care for the baby,the paternal MIL or maternal MIL can handle that.

Makes sense too..

Acidosis:
6 months is too short to replace a cheating girlfriend.


It is not about the society; you are the society, your mind and conscience should tell you that replacing a late wife within that short timeframe is wrong. In 6 months, some people are still yet to recover from their debts, wedding expenses, honey moon, etc. Some are still making attempts to send 'thank you' text messages to their guests. In fact, I am sure about the fact that some presents and gifts you received on your wedding day haven't been touched.

No need condemning the opinion of the society when you have a conscience and a heart. Back to my first statement, I won't replace a cheating or erring girlfriend in 6 months, let alone a late and dearest spouse.

This is the time everyone (both families) would make attempts to see that your child survives. Whether you like it or not, you can't 'damn' your family, the society. No one here would say that to their in-law and parents, we are all part of the society, I am the society, I will judge you. You are the society, your conscience will judge you. The next woman you're going for is the society, she'll most certainly not agree to marry you within that timeframe. Many ladies here won't marry a man with that spec, they are part of the society.

You paid dowry to the society 6 months ago, you will still pay another to the society and whatever they say stands. You can't damn their opinion.

If you have a mother and a mother in-law, I am so certain they will be more than willing to take care of your child. Never you assume a strange woman somewhere will love that baby more than your parents; or even accept to marry you because of your late spouse or your baby... such happens often in Nollywood, but rarely in the real world.

Give yourself time.

Frankly, I'd say him, the widower should know if it's too early for him to remarry or not.

It's a personal choice he himself have to make, be it for him or for his child.

In my opinion though, I think remarry for the sake of the baby is a no no. What happened to the baby's maternal parents, or even his own parents? If his parents (mother) is still alive, then she can raise him.

It's very hard to see a woman who would train another woman's child like her very own child.

JerryQ:


if we are for real we will know that in Nigeria a widow belongs to the late husband's family and this changes everything. Adding to the fact that they have a child and more over the widow needs wait for a man to come find her. Sincerely yours, its not the same.

At the emboldened, you make it sound as if the widow is a slave to the husband's family.

JerryQ:


Some men don't cheat.

OK.

Acidosis:
6 months is too short to replace a cheating girlfriend.


It is not about the society; you are the society, your mind and conscience should tell you that replacing a late wife within that short timeframe is wrong. In 6 months, some people are still yet to recover from their debts, wedding expenses, honey moon, etc. Some are still making attempts to send 'thank you' text messages to their guests. In fact, I am sure about the fact that some presents and gifts you received on your wedding day haven't been touched.

No need condemning the opinion of the society when you have a conscience and a heart. Back to my first statement, I won't replace a cheating or erring girlfriend in 6 months, let alone a late and dearest spouse.

This is the time everyone (both families) would make attempts to see that your child survives. Whether you like it or not, you can't 'damn' your family, the society. No one here would say that to their in-law and parents, we are all part of the society, I am the society, I will judge you. You are the society, your conscience will judge you. The next woman you're going for is the society, she'll most certainly not agree to marry you within that timeframe. Many ladies here won't marry a man with that spec, they are part of the society.

You paid dowry to the society 6 months ago, you will still pay another to the society and whatever they say stands. You can't damn their opinion.

If you have a mother and a mother in-law, I am so certain they will be more than willing to take care of your child. Never you assume a strange woman somewhere will love that baby more than your parents; or even accept to marry you because of your late spouse or your baby... such happens often in Nollywood, but rarely in the real world.

Give yourself time.

You made sense die.

I will judge him to hell an back and will even haunt him if I am the dead wife. No respect. Not even a year. Wtf.

JerryQ:



if we are for real we will know that in Nigeria a widow belongs to the late husband's family and this changes everything. Adding to the fact that they have a child and more over the widow needs wait for a man to come find her. Sincerely yours, its not the same.

With this kind of mindset, women should endeavour to know what it's like being a widow in the culture they're being married into.
I say women because they are usually at the receiving end of these archaic traditions. You'll be shocked at some of these practices.

It's not about meeting in the city and falling in love...ask questions!

Widows do not belong to their husband's family. The man is dead, marriage is over. The only thing binding them is the kids, of which she is supposed to take them to their father's people regularly.

To the poster trying to sound all modern, lemme bring it closer to you... you won't find anything wrong in your BIL 'remarrying' after 6mths? Too much American film is disturbing some of you.

You made lots of sense @ Acidosis

Mimzyy:
Makes sense too..

My babe

There is no minimum time set for widow or widowers to marry. The time should be set by individuals involved.

True

For the man to think about remarrying just six months after the demise of his wife signifies two things.....


1. The man didn't actually love or respect the wife while still alive.

2. Because of the reason above, he's not missing,mourning and grieving about her death. He just want to quickly remarry to be able to quickly forget about her.

It is well!

My personal opinion, please!

**sigh**

greatgod2012:
For the man to think about remarrying just six months after the demise of his wife signifies two things.....


1. The man didn't actually love or respect the wife while still alive.

2. Because of the reason above, he's not missing,mourning and grieving about her death. He just want to quickly remarry to be able to quickly forget about her.

It is well!

My personal opinion, please!


**sigh**

Consider that their 2years of marriage was quite challenging for him too. i don't know if you put that into consideration.

JerryQ:




Consider that their 2years of marriage was quite challenging for him too. i don't know if you put that into consideration.

And what is this suppose to mean?

So,,you mean he want to remarry 6 months after the death of his wife to ease the challenges they both faced during their two years of marriage? Honestly, I really don't understand what you want me to put into consideration here!

Was it the woman's fault that she was having fibroid or having cancer without her knowing? Did she inflict all these on herself by herself to make the marriage challenging to you. I really and honestly don't understand what you're trying to prove here.


I guess you're looking for someone who will justify and support you, please, you don't need anyone's certification before you do that which is in your mind, just go ahead and remarry. I'm sure you already have who you want to remarry with you, you're only trying to sample the public opinion if it will be generally accepted and supported.


I'm out!

**unfollows thread!

Did you say "still mourning "
You can't mourn your wife and still think of another woman.

Please stop thinking of yourself alone, U are not the only one that lost her, what of the baby, her family etc.

I think you should take your time to heal, how r u even sure that the person you want to marry will be a mother to your child. Please don't rush to marry to solve ur present, have you thought about the long term journey of marriage with the new person with regards to your child?

If you are looking for who to take care of the baby, what about your wife's family or yours for now.

Marriage should be a thought at least a year or two. And while thinking of it please don't be selfish as you not going to walk alone to the marriage but also with a child, his welfare should also be a determinate.

My own opinion is that for the sake of respect for your late wife and her family (parents etc), the man should wait. Haba... fear God oo.
Just 6 months!
Woman to care for his baby my foot...I don't believe you. You want someone new to comfort you and warm your bed. Caring for the baby is only a bonus which may even backfire. The step mom may end up adding problems to the innocent child's life.

Just wait at least a year or two. Make konji no kill you men. So irritating to hear. 6months! Shior... na relationship or marriage you dey b4?! It is because of men like you that one late woman's family gave her surviving husband an 'order' not to re-marry before 1year. The man dey scope girls including me before that one year was up. I just gave him a wide berth. Wait pls...

Some men sha.. I just don't understand. 6months after death of wife, husband wants to marry.. Smhhh.
My aunt lost her husband 2nd year of her marriage, with 1year old twins boys to cater for. She mourned her husband for 5years, before she got herself back and started the dating game again . Now she's married to someonelse. Who is even so much more caring and attentive to her needs..
Even everyone in our family were worried and started matchmaking her to move on and marry again.
Op, relax.. Girlfriend is not running away.. U guys will marry in due course but first mourn your wife a little bit more. At least she deserve such.

6months minimum.