So my people, my gist is simple. After the death of my late husband 3 yrs ago and the drama that ensued with the family trying to get his benefits and leave me and the kids in the cold.The kids were both under the age of four then.

Anyway, I quit my banking job and relocated abroad with the kids and God has blessed me. Kids are doing great and I have found myself. No contact whatsoever with the in laws.

Now, I have found love again and recently got married to a non-african and suddenly, as soon as the interracial wedding pictures hit Facebook, I am inundated with Facebook requests from the in laws.

What do you reckon is the best line of action?

You have triumphed ... Now have you heard the phrase forward ever backward never ?

You can accept the requests but that's where it stops , an occasional reply to a message won't hurt but nothing more.

When the kids are old enough they can decide if they wanna get close to their cousins and such .

Your late husband would be so happy you found love again and I am happy for you dear.

Move on and soar on the eagle's wings and be happy life is too short

@leslat:thanks

coldgate:
So my people, my gist is simple. After the death of my late husband 3 yrs ago and the drama that ensued with the family trying to get his benefits and leave me and the kids in the cold.The kids were both under the age of four then.

Anyway, I quit my banking job and relocated abroad with the kids and God has blessed me. Kids are doing great and I have found myself. No contact whatsoever with the in laws.

Now, I have found love again and recently got married to a non-african and suddenly, as soon as the interracial wedding pictures hit Facebook, I am inundated with Facebook requests from the in laws.

What do you reckon is the best line of action?

Thank God for you.


Keep in touch with them for your children sake and don't get close to them too much cos time will come when they will ask about their home.

You can accept the friends request but don't be too harsh and too friendly with them.

Safe

Hardly would you see any family in Nigeria that wouldn't make that attempt to get their son's benefits. (Especially) knowing that their son has only barely spent 4 years(?) in the marriage and the fact that his wife had a good job to take care of herself might trigger the moves. I bet your late (ex) husband doesn't have a will. Who would ever believe he'll depart that soon?
The only difference is that the levels of dispossessions, damage and threats from these in-laws differ. So your actions should be based on the level of damage you received. Did they truly sent you out in the cold with the kids?


Well, now you have found love again, you have to do that which is honourable or acceptable by your husband. Those sending the request do not care about you as much as your husband. So you have to be sure a renewed communication with the 'past' will not hurt him.


Again, before you accept the requests, you have to be sure they aren't from those who have issued direct or diabolical threats. All in-laws cannot be Judas at the same time. History has shown that such threats usually come from the oldies in the family..majority of whom may not be socially available on the social media. So if such requests are from people who have, at a point in time, shown you brotherly or sisterly love (perhaps, from a brother in-law), I'd say consider such requests (without hiding anything from your hubby).

It is very possible that they're still grieving, and just a message from you about how your kids (their niece, nephew, grandson or granddaughter) are doing might bring about a lasting peace.

No one will tell you to fly your kids back to Nigeria. No, they wouldn't say such. With time, your kids will naturally find their root, and even if they decide otherwise, who can force them?

Cheers ma

You can accept their requests and keep conversations simple just for the sake of the kids.
If anyone tries to get unduly friendly or harsh,you just block them.
Live your life.Nobody deserves ill treatment from in-laws.

How did they even see your wedding pictures when they're not on your friends list?
There are privacy settings on Facebook that restrict viewership of your posts to only those on your list.

That said, your next line of action is dependent on how you feel about your late husband's family...remember you're still connected to them by virtue of those kids whether you like it or not.

You have two options:
- You can block them without accepting the requests...doing this will make you completely invisible to them on Facebook. They won't be able to search for you or see anything you do, it'll be like you don't have a Facebook account anymore.

- You can accept the requests and restrict their access. You can even block them from sending you Facebook messages if you wish, or choose not to respond to every thing.

Cheers...

Thanks@torpido and Acidosis: The only reason I may consider having any form of contact with them will definitely be because of the children who may still want to know about their roots in future.And no, they didn't succeed in pushing us out in the cold because I was too enlightened for all that , I guess. It was checkmate

However, there were a lot of spiritual attacks on my person when I still lived in Nigeria and they even enlisted the help of a lawyer to engage in a legal battle with me but they lost. Could this new-found friendship be a ploy to get my attention so that they could wreck havoc on my family?

@crackhaus: we still have mutual friends. We attended the same church with some of them. It seems blocking them completely would be the safer option?

coldgate:
@crackhaus: we still have mutual friends. We attended the same church with some of them. It seems blocking them completely would be the safer option?

Lol @safer.
But hell yea, if blocking them makes you feel safe then go for it.

Good for you.

Hope you gave them something out of the benefits though. Do for them what your husband would want you to. Also let them have minimal access to the kids. Like phone calls.

A little empathy never hurt anybody.

coldgate:
So my people, my gist is simple. After the death of my late husband 3 yrs ago and the drama that ensued with the family trying to get his benefits and leave me and the kids in the cold.The kids were both under the age of four then.

Anyway, I quit my banking job and relocated abroad with the kids and God has blessed me. Kids are doing great and I have found myself. No contact whatsoever with the in laws.

Now, I have found love again and recently got married to a non-african and suddenly, as soon as the interracial wedding pictures hit Facebook, I am inundated with Facebook requests from the in laws.

What do you reckon is the best line of action?

I love topics like this, let start by saying my father died , and his family took alot of our properties i've written about all this in my diary on Nairaland before, we were young and we suffered alot and we made it and my mother re-married. Now I will be honest with you am 30 and not married, so it means am not matured enough to really advice you as positions are different. But this is my take, I personally for the past more 10 years and more have considered my father's people dead to me except for some few. The real truth is that the only connection you have with them is because of your children, you need to be be careful about what type of information you give to your in-laws because deep-down, they might not be happy things are going well for you. My immature advice is to ignore the Facebook Request if they need any information, the email would suffice, accepting them into your Facebook, means sharing your personal digital space with them.

Note: Don't think the kids would be affected by not meeting their in-laws, infact the little they know about the whole issue the better, because I was young and was involved with a lot of issues that were too much for a kid and because of that i get emotionally unstable and unnecessary angry at my father's people and always drinking.

My honest advice I wish you all the best with your new family. pls ignore the grammatical errors

Ignore them biko.

Congratulations for your new found love!


Abeg, no long story...... Simply block them. If they could be dangerous when you just lost your late husband, they'd be more dangerous they see that you're now happy without them.


This is Africa!

#ignore them for now.

They just want to gossip and hear gist, or even to insult you on your wall for moving on.

I'm surprised they didn't ask to be friends earlier , at least to check up on the kids. So their interests are not genuine IMO.
But bear in mind your kids would be curious to know about their father's people when they're older. I guess when that time comes, you should be ready to deal with it

like some people above me have said, ignore them. When the going was rough, why did they not add you? when they see you got married to another man, they think it's now rosy, they want to add you, how are you sure they are not about to spew trash to your new husband via facebook message? abeg ignore them and double block them. Selfish greedy people