Dear Nairalanders, I thought I could solve this all by myself but here I am desperately seeking for advice.

I reside in Abuja, and there's this girl I met about 4 months ago through facebook who resides in the USA. We got chatting, webcam, e-mails, telephone calls, skpe, etc. like every minute for the next 2 weeks. We got along real great, and we started dating. We were so into each other even though we had not met physically. 2 months ago, she asked to come visit me in Nigeria for two weeks that I was gonna pay the bills. I agreed for the love we shared.

When she arrived, she suddenly turned cold towards me. I remember begging for at least a hug at the Airport. She came to my apartment, and there was no chemistry whatsoever like we shared through the internet. I asked her the reason for this, and she claims she is just getting to know me and needed time to build a relationship. Same relationship that she used to tell me over the phone "I love you, and can't live a day without hearing from u". To cut long stories short, out of the two weeks she stayed in Nigeria, she stayed only about 5 days at my place. She spent the rest of the time visiting friends, ex-boyfriends, family, dating, shopping, distributing gifts (she didn't bring any gift for me), making her hair, and girl stuff. We had sex once, but to me dat was rape, cos there were no emotions shared.

Then she returns to the US and leaves me feeling av been used. I decided to move on. But NO WAY! She starts calling, skype, chatting, facebooking, etc, again. Saying I miss you, and I love you. She is gonna come to Nigeria again soon. Now am confused cos I really really like her cos she's pretty and smart. I loved her! Is she doing all this to use me again? Should I agree for her to come and pay the bills again? She is gonna move finally back to Nigeria in a couple of months. Guys, this could be my dream girlfriend and future wife, but I just need to know if am being used. I can't afford to get hurt again.

every person that holds your hands, looks deep into your eyes and creates mind blowing fireworks with you does not love you

And that means?

for the 1st time the ever reliable 190 has finally become CONFUSED on this subject~

You should try to differentiate infatuation from love.

At the end, what really matters is how you really feel about her.

Dude,

The true test of her feelings is to introduce competition.

you're giving her too much of your time right now, get another babe that can split up your time for her and then watch to see how she reacts to this.

It can only favour u in both directions. . . cos if she truly loves u and u can see it, then u can amend the situation, and if she doesn't love u, her replacement is already in the frame

Poster, if you have any sense, ignore whitelexi.

Does it make any sense to hook yourself to any nikki or vicki just to know if bukky loves you?

Damn. . . Does that mean I don't have any sense? Cos I was already making sense outta whitelexi. . . Just that its not that easy picking up any nikki or vicki, and start faking feelings for em when my heart (I know) lies with Bukky!

server34:

Damn. . . Does that mean I don't have any sense? Cos I was already making sense outta whitelexi. . . Just that its not that easy picking up any nikki or vicki, and start faking feelings for em when my heart (I know) lies with Bukky!

you're afraid of being used. to prove her love, you intend to use another person to get your answer.

Ever heard of "becoming your own nightmare"?

@Poster, Gators just doesn't want u out of this mess. . .

Do u wanna continue spending for her to come home and rape u? and then she's off to visit ex's - perhaps to rape them too?

Dude, help yourself, i never said get any nikky, i said introduce competition! Get a girl on the side, someone u r attracted to as well!

Besides, Gators is a woman. . . Will u take advice from a woman on this issue Or will u take from a man who is seasoned in the art of relationships

The fact that he has to use another method to find out the truth does not mean that I dnt have his best interest at heart.

_{If I had wanted my sex publicized, I'd have had a (f) in front of my username.}

^^ this flgator has been making increasingly senseless posts lately. wtf  
@poster, your gut feeling tells you that the girl used you because THE GIRL USED YOU. You fell for her kindergarten plot because you do not have a girl of your own at the moment. Happens . If you wish to continue wasting time with her on facebook, skype I cant stop you but next time she wan come over tell her to pay her own way.
P.s.

jidobaba:

^^ this flgator has been making increasingly senseless posts lately. wtf  

am I suppose to get furious just because you decided to add to the number of senseless posters?

jidobaba:

^^ this flgator has been making increasingly senseless posts lately. wtf
@poster, your gut feeling tells you that the girl used you because THE GIRL USED YOU. You fell for her kindergarten plot because you do not have a girl of your own at the moment. Happens . If you wish to continue wasting time with her on facebook, skype I cant stop you but next time she wan come over tell her to pay her own way.
P.s.

LMAO

Okay, let me tell you what I think from a girl's prspective. This is my own view oooo. Others may disagree. I don't think the girl is really into you. People say all kinds of things online. I have  . The true test of her feelings was when she came back to naija and she FAILED it woefully. She WILL do it again when she comes a second time, after you have paid for the air fare AGAIN!! She is relocating back to naija soon. She is going to come back, get a "feel" of the people and environment again, try and see if she can re-kindle old flames or not, before settling down with someone of her choice.
Truth is, you guys don't know each other. Forget facebook love. I suggest you hold back and see if she pursues it. If you want to keep telling her you love her after she says the same, feel free, but if she wants to come to naija to "see you", let her pay for her fare (very important oooo, don't say I didn't warn you! ) Just blow one lie about money. If she really wants you she'll find her way back,  If she can't, tell her you'll see her when she relocates. Better toughen up now ooo. Unless dem go just do you "the more you look, the less you see." And no look uche face abeg. No be fine face we go chop.

FL Gators:

You should try to differentiate infatuation from love.

At the end, what really matters is how you really feel about her.

Gators is growing before my very eyes . . . yipee . . . .  

Nice response . . . i am impressed.


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@poster

Be real with yourself . . . in most cases . . .online relationships are either hormonal or sexual or infactuation.

You cannot love the person until you actually know the person . . . anyone that says otherwise is lying to you.

Becuase someone is attractive does not mean you love the person . . . infact it might just mean that you are attracted to the image you see but not the person represented by the image.

Do yourself a favour and cut yourself off from her . . . . HER PRESENCE IN NIGERIA HAS ALREADY GIVEN YOU A TASTE OF WHAT YOU CAN HAVE WEN YOU ACTUALLY GET TO LIVE WITH HER.

The initial stages of a relationship are usually when most people are in their best behaviour (i know cus i not a novice as far as relationships are concerned), hence once you start having doubts and difficulty with trust early on in the relationship . . . the reality is that something is fundamentally wrong . . .

Trust is everything . . . hence that she has already caused you mistrust her is enough ammunition for you to realise that there is fire on the mountain . , hence the reason for you to move on with your life . . .


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@poster

I have my own standards of beauty (i.e. the kind of people am attracted to etc) . . . nevertheless what i have found out from experience is that:

- A lady might meet and even exceeed your standard of beauty and yet for some unknown reason . . . you would prefer not to choose her as a partner. Infact you might find out that what you feel towards her does not go beyond asthestics and sex.

- A lady might just be okay as far as your own standards are concerned and yet for some unknown reason, you find yourself falling more and more in love with her.

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@poster

HERE IS MY ADVICE TO YOU:

. . . CUT HER OFF . . .

SHE HAD HER CHANCE AND SHE BLEW IT.

Kech and whitelexi are on point, Sorry gators, u're wrong on this one.

why u allow d girl play u wayo ?hook up with chicks arround u.

@poster, u better take Kech advice.

Thanks Y'all for ur input. @ kech, u be winsh? u just got the whole scenario right. I think its time to confess, there's more to the story.

I decided to take another chance and let her visit again for 1 week. But this time, she paid her fares, cos she could already sense that I was suspecting games. She came and the same thing happened - cold attitude, forced sex, used me as her driver to go shopping and do stuff, but visited male friends on her own. There's this particular guy I suspect that even comes to visit her, and they sit in his car outside my gate for hours. I made up my mind THAT WAS IT! She went back to the US and I couldn't get my mind off her. The way she talks, the way she smiles, even the way she makes me hate her for toying with my emotions, all this makes me love her even more! I see her face everytime I close my eyes. Av met several girls after her, and I cant help mentioning her when am with other girls. I go to bars to get drunk, pick up girls from the club and sleep with em. I never used to do these things, now I do all of em in an attempt to get her off my mind. BUT NO. . .  SHE'S LIKE A MELODY IN MY HEAD THATS STUCK ON REPLAY.

Ok now, she's finally moved back to Nigeria and resides in Lagos, I'm in Abuja. And she keeps calling and sending me sms that she wants me now more than ever. Av refused to answer her calls or reply her messages. Pleasee. . . . Am I on the right track to get her off my mind? Or am I just  running away from my "TRUE LOVE"? cos av neva felt this way abt any girl in my life b4.

LOL

Free accommodation and feeding, plus an air-conditioned car with a driver

What else do we really need when we return to naija??

Dude, i'll be coming home for xmas, will u be available to drive me around town too

Forced sex or not, I think u're already womanliness whipped!

Thank ur stars we're drawing close to the end of the year. Just let the babe follow 2009 go oooooh! If u continue like this for next year. you most probably won't have a roof over ur head for u'll be so distraught u'll lose everything!

Now be a man and snap out of this ur comatose-one sided love affair!

The way she talks, the way she smiles, even the way she makes me hate her for toying with my emotions, all this makes me love her even more! I see her face everytime I close my eyes. Av met several girls after her, and I cant help mentioning her when am with other girls. I go to bars to get drunk, pick up girls from the club and sleep with em. I never used to do these things, now I do all of em in an attempt to get her off my mind. BUT NO. . . SHE'S LIKE A MELODY IN MY HEAD THATS STUCK ON REPLAY.

Whats the meaning of all that nonsense . . . you better get real with yourself

I need to get puss.y whipped Damn! This thing that turns grown men into children, i need it. . . FAST!!!

server34:

Thanks Y'all for your input. @ kech, u be winsh? u just got the whole scenario right. I think its time to confess, there's more to the story.

I decided to take another chance and let her visit again for 1 week. But this time, she paid her fares, cos she could already sense that I was suspecting games. She came and the same thing happened - cold attitude, forced sex, used me as her driver to go shopping and do stuff, but visited male friends on her own. There's this particular guy I suspect that even comes to visit her, and they sit in his car outside my gate for hours. I made up my mind THAT WAS IT! She went back to the US and I couldn't get my mind off her. The way she talks, the way she smiles, even the way she makes me hate her for toying with my emotions, all this makes me love her even more! I see her face everytime I close my eyes. Av met several girls after her, and I cant help mentioning her when am with other girls. I go to bars to get drunk, pick up girls from the club and sleep with em. I never used to do these things, now I do all of em in an attempt to get her off my mind. BUT NO. . .  SHE'S LIKE A MELODY IN MY HEAD THATS STUCK ON REPLAY.

Ok now, she's finally moved back to Nigeria and resides in Lagos, I'm in Abuja. And she keeps calling and sending me sms that she wants me now more than ever. Av refused to answer her calls or reply her messages. Pleasee. . . . Am I on the right track to get her off my mind? Or am I just  running away from my "TRUE LOVE"? cos av neva felt this way abt any girl in my life b4.

I talk am oooo  Look, move on. I'm serious. She's still keeping in touch cos she needs to make sure your end is solid. Her mind is really somewhere else, most likely with "that guy". The fact of the matter is, at this point, "that guy" is not forth coming so you are her INSURANCE, someone to fall back on in case all else fails. A lot of ladies do this. Please run!! This is not true love. Don't deceive yourself. And Pray please, cos you are beginning to sound coco  

kech:

I talk am oooo Look, move on. I'm serious. She's still keeping in touch cos she needs to make sure your end is solid. Her mind is really somewhere else, most likely with "that guy". The fact of the matter is, at this point, "that guy" is not forth coming so you are her INSURANCE, someone to fall back on in case all else fails. A lot of ladies do this. Please run!! This is not true love. Don't deceive yourself. And Pray please, cos you are beginning to sound coco

Miss kech, I dey feel ur advice, infact I dey feel ur personality and I don't mind to be ur driver and ur insurance! Any chance of meeting up with u?

kech:

I talk am oooo  Look, move on. I'm serious. She's still keeping in touch cos she needs to make sure your end is solid. Her mind is really somewhere else, most likely with "that guy". The fact of the matter is, at this point, "that guy" is not forth coming so you are her INSURANCE, someone to fall back on in case all else fails. A lot of ladies do this. Please run!! This is not true love. Don't deceive yourself. And Pray please, cos you are beginning to sound coco  

But that is technically cheating . . . . . .

No2Atheism:

But that is technically cheating . . . . . .

Seriously!

No2Atheism:

But that is technically cheating . . . . . .

It is cheating. I don't support it, but that's what happens, and this situation reeks of it.

Dark1:

Miss kech, I dey feel your advice, infact I dey feel your personality and I don't mind to be your driver and your insurance! Any chance of meeting up with u?

LOL! You no well. Are you looking for someone to chop your money?

No2Atheism:

But that is technically cheating . . . . . .

kech:

It is cheating. I don't support it, but that's what happens, and this situation reeks of it.

server34:

Seriously!

To be frank and truthful . . .I myself I am also guilty of the same . . .