I live abroad at the moment, I will be 36yrs by May this year. I proposed to a lady I met some months before I left Nigeria in 2015, we did not have any contact while I was in Nigeria, and as at the time I proposed to her she had not met me in person because I did not approach her then. I asked someone to get me her contact while I was in abroad and contacted her thereafter. I involved the church because we both attend the same church, and one must seek the permission of the marriage committee of the church before approaching a lady in the church which I did before contacting her. We started chatting and asked her to send me her current pictures, because she hardly takes pictures and there were no current pictures of her on her Facebook wall. After I got some of her current pictures, I found out that her look does not attract me anymore but still continue chatting with her. But I encourage her to make good pictures and send to me.
After some month I was given the permission from the Church to propose to her, which I refused and told my Pastor and the marriage committee that am planning to go to Nigeria in some months to come that I will do that when I get to Nigeria, though I was persuaded to propose but I still maintained my stand that until I get to Nigeria before I will propose.
When I got to Nigeria I proposed to her after one week but told one of my close friend that the woman am about to get marriage to is not that attractive to me that I don't even feel the urge to call her phone, that I only forced myself to call her phone when I even manage to call her.
But with all these, I still go ahead to do parental consent in which I met her family and she also met my family. Thereafter, the church gave us the permission to commence courtship but we are yet to start the courtship.
She asked me not quite long why I delayed to propose to her and I told her that I just felt things are just going too fast.
The problem I have now is that, I met another lady before I left Nigeria. She is a family friend, she came with her siblings to visit my parents on the 1st of January and we talked for few minutes before she left. But that night I was restless and could not sleep because I didn’t take her contact. I was so troubled because I had just one week to leave Nigeria and I was not sure of seeing her again because I don't live with my parents, was just there for two days visit. I was supposed to leave my parent’s house the following day but I could not leave because I said I need to find a way of getting her contact. With the help of my mum I was able to get her house address and I visited her house uninvited. She was surprised to see me that morning we talked for some minutes, took her contact and take my leave. we have been chatting since then.
The problem is that I like this new lady so much but am afraid of hurting my girlfriend and the her family and I don't know what to do because I am of age, I have waited for so long, I want get it right and I want to enjoy my marriage. I don't want to cheat on my wife after marriage.
The relationship I have now is my first relationship, it is now about 7 months but my girlfriend just met me in person in December, just less than two month ago.
The relationship is first for two reasons; one is because my church does not encourage boyfriend and girlfriend relationship and two, some friends that I had asked out over some years now were in a serious relationship before I met them.
For the last 10 years I have only asked 3 girls out before my current girlfriend, two of which are my very close friends but were in serious relationship before I met them. The third one was not that close but she refused me said we can only be friends.
I don't even know if my new crush is even in a relationship too or not.
I need serious advice please!!!
Thanks.

You don't love her do you?

You're allowing things get messier each time you feel you're being forced to marry her.


Abeg don't marry her out of pity or 'what will people say'.

Both of you deserve to live your lives happy.

Stop leading her on if you're no longer interested. Take action and let her know her stand.


Don't stay at the door.. you don't want to enter, you don't want to allow those that want to enter to enter.

Abeg, make I sit and learn from experienced people jare, I never marry too

Bro Seun, myndd44 and Bro Lalasticlala, help a brother

Pray......

well from your story, i noticed something there and is the fact that you might have confidence issues with pulling a lady,
but you might seems to be attracted to girls exactly opposite you, anyway thats the law of attration.
so i would advice is best you stick to this lady from your church, if you want to enjoy marital life.
as you can help her be who you want her to be dress sense etc.if she willy
and moreso you have alot of support with your church and pastor etc
thats my opinion though
wish you all the best

Mistake has already been made, you're no longer interested: don't marry her out of pity or because you can't afford to fall hands.

Man up, tell her and the church marriage committee you're no longer interested, is better to have a broken relationship than a broken marriage.

This is the real meaning of the saying that age is just a number.

Please if you are not sure if you love her, abeg leave her alone. Na beg I dey beg.

You have a girlfriend and you still dey crush on another babe? At your current age? Bros abeg go do whatever you wan do.

Go and pray over d issue.

sehin79:
well from your story, i noticed something there and is the fact that you might have confidence issues with pulling a lady,
but you might seems to be attracted to girls exactly opposite you, anyway thats the law of attration.
so i would advice is best you stick to this lady from church, if you want to enjoy marital life.
as you can help her be who you want her to be dress sense etc.if she willy
and moreso you have a lot of support with your church and pastor etc
thats my opinion though
wish you all the best

At the embolden, even after he stated he forces himself to call her cos he isn't attracted to her?, whoever he gets support from is inconsequential bro!, marriage is a life long commitment, parents and pastors are not the ones to live with whoever he marries.

ikp120:
This is the real meaning of the saying that age is just a number.

Please if you are not sure if you love her, abeg leave her alone. Na beg I dey beg.

You have a girlfriend and you still dey crush on another babe? At your current age? Bros abeg go do whatever you wan do.

That's why I have been bothered. I can claim to love her and still be having feeling for another girl. I can't love two people at the same time.

E

Story

Ask God for Direction

Counselling charges: $50 per hour.

So, how long do you need my advice?

@36 do u still ve a choice beta hustle ur way in and answer mrs b4 is 2 late

Abroad

How can a 36years old man not know what he wants for God's sake? You said it yourself that you don't find her attractive and you also struggle to call her. Please sir, what other red flags are you hoping to see before you move on?

Omehn, i no read dt tin. Wetin dy happen?

tho m on the young side....buh I think m old enuf to know what a serious relationship/marriage is sposed to be like...?
.....my "two pence" bro; better not be in any relationship than be in one that makes u feel worse than single.....I think u shud clarify issues with ur fiancee,this is marraige we r talking abt oo...and from what I gathered, u attend a church that have strong marriage doctrines, so divorce will prolly be almost impossible.....do what u ought to do naw while u still can....I strongly believe u ll get ur own soulmate.. definitely, u r a man...
...and who says u cant be single and happy anyways.
.
.
.
ds is one of the reasons why I bliv in dating....why no boyfriend/girlfriend stuff?.....in ds age that we are...

This guy na john oh. Since you dont know what you want how do you expect us to know either, except there prophets in the house.

You need to know exactly what you want in marriage, marriage is far beyond physical attraction but its one of the features to look out for.

Many wise men ignore this feature because its not constant. There are so many other inherent features that endure longer, be wise, be guided.

@op ..too long to read. Please do what pleases your soul .. *Continues my arsenal match....mehn baba wayray ni wenger yii mehn *

You proposed to someone you haven't met? Someone wake me up please!!!

Muchechemucheche! Brb...

tobaseye:


That's why I have been bothered. I can claim to love her and still be having feeling for another girl. I can't love two people at the same time.

Just bone the other girl, except that other girl loves you more than your current gf.

bros do want ur mind tells u

Pray - Pastor - Pray - Marriage Committee - Propose - Courtship, etc.

Definitely, na Deeper Life this bros dey go.

Reading...

Two things are involved here.

1. Spiritual issue
2. physical issue

The spiritual issue is that the OP or his GF is either having spirit husband or wife whichever applies.
The physical issue is that OP is too immature and is not a man of himself. 1. for you to be 36 and you have not dated much.

Thank me later!

simple advice. seek the face of the lord
. change your current girlfriend to what you want her to be. and forget about your crush. she might not been well for you.



PS. this your church that is forcing to marry nawa oo

forget about physical look. go for the heart and character