Ndukaezennia1:
Hehehehehehehehe! Typical Nigerian hypocrisy being displayed here. Why did you omit verse 21 of this your lengthy bible post. My people verse Ephesian 5:21 says "Submit to one another out of Reverence for Christ (The NIV bible titles from vs21 to end as (Instruction to Christian household). But the typical Nigerian guy will always ignore that verse 21. But its ok. My brother @guitarlife if you are going to stay in Canada you must revisit your mindset of submission although I have reasons to believe you didn't want to marry the lady in question. Your submission story is just a cover loool! We have all used it before and gone ahead to marry crazier women. My wife told me worse than this lady told you I still went ahead and married her because I was crazily in love with this crazy girl. Three years down the line. I have a woman who will transfer her whole salary to me if I am short of cash, do my laundry( I do not know how much washing a shirt cost, she washes and irons like a pro), send me to market with soup list,I have customers now..Lol! hand me okra to cut, taught me how to make spaghetti and plantain (infact she swears I fry plantain better than her so she has stopped frying plantain, I do that now..Loool!But all in all I have a woman who is willing to love me with her all, who is still not afraid to call me out whenever she feels I am wrong. If that is the partnership, my guy I will take it and to be sincere I am happy. I will not lie and say I wasnt scared prior marriage but I have learnt that all you need is a good woman. if the so called partnership is me taking part in house chores. It hasn't killed me yet. This our Canadian journey she gave it her all infact I just started participating. My opinion is let us all work with stuff that will work for us. Naija favors we men all the time but if you are planning to move here with your spouse my dear naija brothers readjust o. Bikokwa to avoid had I known. If you dont want to you can do like our Igbo brothers relocate alone and be sending money down but then there are still downsides to that..

SkyWalk12:
Me: calls someone stupid
You: says saying stupid is bad
You: calls me stupid.

Good job.

vascey:


I've followed this discussion and I'm quite impressed with your candor. Not because of your point of view - no two marriages are alike so nothing is caste in stone- but more for your composure. Indeed, your opinion is yours and others should respect that. When we begin to hear people being attacked for airing their personal opinions respectfully, then that conversation is a no no. I'm very surprised that the culprits are some of our most respected contributors on this thread.

Pls @maternal and @vole, I can't attempt to disrespect either of you cos I know we have built this thread of your help and knowledge. But pls it's not okay to personally attack a person for airing his opinion and perspective. Its called cyber bullying and it's an issue that undermines whatever point you are trying to make. I understand you feel strongly about the subject and that's fine, but speaking to Guiterlife like you did is not consistent with what we know about you. It's not ok to say he's saying bulshit just because you don't agree with him. It's not okay to tell him to do and sit down for airing his perspective.

That's my 2cents.

ceemac:



Uncle Salford,

It will be 50/50 when both parties involved work the same job that will bring same income oo.. No one is gonna be one cent more than the other

Both parties will have the pregnancy for 4.5months and transfer it to the other for the rest 4.5months and on the delivery, the two parties will share the baby and deliver it the same time

Maternity leave and paternity leave will be shared equally also to cater equally for the newborn

The both parties will have to start work at the same time, close the same time and go and pick the kids in school at the same time

Until then 50 o ge 50 ooo..

While the above is never possible, the most important ingredient in marriage I should thing is most importantly understanding, maturity and sacrifice.

O ju ti ri ooo..

Licious07:
Oh Lord!! I came online to read Living in Canada tips and most importantly Landing gist just to end up scrolling and scrolling between pages.....Oya,It's ok people....Hubands love your wives,wives submit to your husband.

DadR:
I didn't really intentionally omit verse 21 but since you have assumed so and tagged me an hypocrite, no froblem . As I mentioned earlier, I'm not in for any form of argument.

Peace!

pejuhazel:
Why must there be a head in a marriage? I believe any man fighting or clamouring for that position is insecure because if he were a man who is confident in His masculinity, he wouldn't mind sharing responsibilities with someone he has decided to share his life with. Marriage is a partnership because it requires the knowledge of two people to make it a success. All this talk of submission belong in a master/servant relationship.

toboy:

Lol! This is a very good question that alot of men don't think through. Personally, I think I will be comfortable with a woman being in charge, especially if she is more capable than me. As long as love and harmony reigns.

Licious07:
Oh Lord!! I came online to read Living in Canada tips and most importantly Landing gist just to end up scrolling and scrolling between pages.....Oya,It's ok people....Hubands love your wives,wives submit to your husband.

maternal:


I'm a man. I wouldn't do a roster myself. Only for the children though.

Homguy:
It's important not to shift goal posts. You and pejuhazel argued for equality without any head figure. I disagreed.

...I wonder what would make a woman more capable of heading her home, except she's married to a loser, or some irresponsible man. In that case this argument wouldn't have happened.

More importantly please either agree or disagree that any institutions must have a head.

ceemac:


As soon as that happens, check the last meal you must have had and where it came from... You must have successfully eaten efo riro with some baba's condiments ooo...

Guitarlife:
someone should please post some christmas pictures here from obodo oyinbo, there is still too much tension in the air, I could almost cut it with a knife.

Bro you just lost a wonderful woman. She won an argument where you lost which is a great compliment. Women like her are rare to come by. Truly Ones man food is another mans poison
* Women who go for something and get what they want out of it.
* Women who cannot stand their man been cheated in their presence
* Women of determination
* Goal getters
* Women who believes in bringing into the family than allowing another person rob you off

Infact @Guiterlife Please Can you link me up to her

Guitarlife:

While I respect your opinion , yet again I am stating that the bolded already addresses that area of your concern.

Have you thought that the man can ask the woman to take the key and drive ? But one person has to lead, even a pack of wolves is not led by 2 it never works.

[b]My bae became irate went to meet the driver and got into a fit or rage long story short she succesfully retrieved 2 naira and came back to me grinning from ear to ear with a sense of accomplishment visibly written on her face. [/b]That moment I knew I had made a mistake being with her.
Why ? (Please note I paid for the journey 100%).

1. The rage and anger displayed was something I had never seen in her, I could never have imagined she was capable of such.
2. The audacity to go and re-negotiate with the driver was not only insensitive to me but showed a lack of respect for my judgement.
3. The reason I choose to allow the driver get away with the 2 naira was because I felt this illiterate drivers sometimes could be violent and dangerous and there was not point risking my life over 2 naira - now her decision to proceed to wrestle for the rest of the money to me showed a lack of proper orientation in value system.

blessings2017:
Interesting conversation.

I must commend Guitarlife for airing his opinion and sticking to it, not minding if he's politically correct or not. You can't flaw his line of reasoning as a lone ranger amidst torrents of feminine activists.

My opinion, women activists must campaign against the eradication of the bride price system notoriously found in an African traditional marriage which I'm quite sure most of you had. This is one of the root causes on men's stance on authority and submissiveness.

In being fair and wanting a leveled-playing field with shared responsibilities and rights in the family, women activists should insist men don't pay any bride price on their heads

Ifeoma77:

sunvick:


Infact @Guiterlife Please Can you link me up to her

maternal:


A name is a name. Feminists? Far from it. I believe in equality in all aspects. If a woman puts her hands on me I'd beat her finish. That's how equal I am. Nobody gets a pass. Actually only momsy, daughter, and sister gets a pass. Just the hypocracy is funny. This was the same way slavery was justified. You know when the white used some nonsense bible verse, and claimed They re the masters and Africans should be submissive ? Can you imagine if a white man comes up to these men and say the nonsense They re saying about their woman ? It'd unacceptable and they'd be called racist.

How do hypocrites justify this ? Honestly.

claseek:
Love is what matters.

If there's really true love between a couple, you wont have a problem sharing chores/responsibility with your wife or husband, bathing the kids sometimes, cooking meals, contributing financially to the upkeep of the family (as a wife) without been asked.. etc ..
I mean these things should come easily to you..
Marriage is a partnership between two people. Not a relstionship between master and a slave

That been said, i still agree that the man is the head of the family.

AZeD1:

I don't why you are bringing women into this bride price matter because last I checked there's no village I know of in Nigeria were women collect bride price. Its strictly a "men" thing and it still continues till this day because it's the last thing men use to claim submission.

Canadachi:
Haaaa,I am so happy I can finally comment ...So I been a silent reader for about a year and I decided to register because of this marriage arguement.Most men on here are not ready to get married oh...which one is submit and head in marriage?smh

vascey:


I've followed this discussion and I'm quite impressed with your candor. Not because of your point of view - no two marriages are alike so nothing is caste in stone- but more for your composure. Indeed, your opinion is yours and others should respect that. When we begin to hear people being attacked for airing their personal opinions respectfully, then that conversation is a no no. I'm very surprised that the culprits are some of our most respected contributors on this thread.

Pls @maternal and @vole, I can't attempt to disrespect either of you cos I know we have built this thread of your help and knowledge. But pls it's not okay to personally attack a person for airing his opinion and perspective. Its called cyber bullying and it's an issue that undermines whatever point you are trying to make. I understand you feel strongly about the subject and that's fine, but speaking to Guiterlife like you did is not consistent with what we know about you. It's not ok to say he's saying bulshit just because you don't agree with him. It's not okay to tell him to do and sit down for airing his perspective.

That's my 2cents.

sunvick:
Bro you just lost a wonderful woman. She won an argument where you lost which is a great compliment. Women like her are rare to come by. Truly Ones man food is another mans poison
* Women who go for something and get what they want out of it.
* Women who cannot stand their man been cheated in their presence
* Women of determination
* Goal getters
* Women who believes in bringing into the family than allowing another person rob you off

Infact @Guiterlife Please Can you link me up to her

TheCongo2:


Bro, we need arguments and not abusive language.
As far as I know stupid is subjective.

Anyone who doesn't think my thoughts or speak my language is stupid.
Conversely I may be the stupid one for not thinking their thoughts or speaking their language.

AZeD1:

I don't why you are bringing women into this bride price matter because last I checked there's no village I know of in Nigeria were women collect bride price. Its strictly a "men" thing and it still continues till this day because it's the last thing men use to claim submission.

blessings2017:


You're missing the point.

Bride price is where parents of the bride collect a sum of money given by the groom which ushers in the celebration of a traditional marriage amidst other requirements. Strictly speaking, money is being collected on top of the woman's head.

This is akin to slavery. In slavery, money was paid for the slaves and their master owned them. We all agree this practise was all shades of wrong, against natural justice and basic human rights. How was it abolished? By declaration of its illegality after several public outcry against it.

That way, payment of bride price and all its appurtenances should be abolished. It follows that if we are trying to embrace everything about the western way of marriage, which is marriage by convenience, then bride price which is dehumanizing ( a man paying money to 'own' his bride ) should also be abolished. Because it is from there that most Nigerian men have that entitlement over you as 'lord"

salford1:
It is good to have this argument or better still discussion so people can be prepared. We can quote bible and cultural proverbs from now till tomorrow, truth is that some women will change when they come under stress or feel empowered.

What type of stress am I talking about?
Immigrants face a list of major life changes including adjusting to a new family dynamic where men are often no longer the sole providers. Many have to face being unqualified for jobs, while facing major financial pressures. Back home men were responsible for major finances, the wives were usually just supplementing the family income. Now both major finances and expenses will be bourne by both husbands and wives.

The role reversal is causing a lot conflict, parenting problems and domestic violence in immigrant families, because the whole family dynamic is changing. For some men, it's going to be a huge blow for self-esteem, self-confidence and for their masculinity as can be seen by some commenters on this thread. The stress of adjusting and creating a new life in a new and strange country can push families and relationships to boiling point. Some are working survival jobs at least till they get something better, and they're working different shifts and they may not even see each other many times. House chores would be left undone. Kids can easily be neglected too. There are also stresses when it comes to parenting, with children quickly adapting to life in Canada, often abandoning traditional values and norms. Kids are integrating much faster than parents.

When you add all this mix together, common chores will become overwhelming for the women. In Nigeria, alot of us have families around us to help, nannies, drivers, etc. Once you get to Canada, there would be no one to assist. We are often not prepared well for this.

Keeping the family as one will now depend on how well the man can adapt to these changes by deviating from cultural norms and traditional beliefs.

May God help us all.