Up, down, up down went his oily little hand, faster and faster it moved, he closed his eyes waiting for the explosion which never came. Instead he heard a shrill laughter followed by voices, little John, a pale British boy opened his eyes in shock and stared at 3 pairs of eyes staring back at him with even more shock.

“wan-ker”!! Ashley his sister Sally’s friend screamed, the word felt like a pistol. “wan-ker, wan-ker, wan-ker” All three continued chanting, John stumbled out of the greenhouse, his pants hanging by his ankles making him stumble, closely followed by the three chanting girls. He ran past his mother sobbing like his heart was breaking into little bits straight into his room.

“Fred go after him” Flora implored worriedly.

Fred grunted, dropped his Sunday times and went after his sobbing son shooing the girls away. “I too was a wan-ker dear”, he said to John. “There is nothing to be ashamed of, just don’t get caught next time ok”. Fatherly duty done he went back to his papers.

The following morning as John walked to school he could see everybody’s eyes on him. Sally and her friends had told!!!

“wan-ker, wan-ker,wan-ker” The children chanted pointing fingers as he passed, John cringed at the words but continued to his class room, he really hoped his dad would get the contract to go to Africa so he could get away from his tormentors!

One month later, Lord Frederick Lugard, his wife Flora and their children John, and Sally were in West Africa their new home, what an exciting life they were going to live, the natives welcomed them and treated them like visitors. In Africa visitors were treated like kings and queens.






Africa the land full of potentials, virgins walking around half unclothed, young men built like oak trees wielding spears, Africa the land where people were content with their little huts and their lovely brides, Africa where he would soon introduce the British rule, force the different cultures, and tribes into one country and thus introduce tribal/religious clashes and wars. But this story is not about Lord Lugard but his son John!

John soon made friends, and each time any of them upset him he would call them the name he himself had been called back in England. "wan-ker", he would say this pointing at the kids. The African kids soon learnt that John only did that when he was upset so it had to be an insult. They too soon took to calling john and every other kid a wan-ker spreading their five fingers, very soon they added other sentences to the sign, like “Your mama” “Your papa” a very big insult indeed as Africans held their parents in the greatest esteem

And that my dear friend is how the word wan-ker came to Nigeria!!!

The children never did find out the meaning of wan-ker and up to this very day both kids and adults in Africa spread their five fingers at anyone who upsets them and calls the person….wan-ker!!!

Disclaimer:
Lord Lugard had no children, John and his sister Sally are fictional characters, everything else is true. Honest, you can goggle it!

Joke?

U try!
Even though it waz long