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A Letter To Nigerian Men - Romance - Nairaland

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A Letter To Nigerian Men by CILondon: 5:22pm On Dec 13, 2009
Greeting my fellow Naijas

I've written an article entitled "A letter to Nigerian Men - Things You Should Know About Women" and I posted it on my website.
I think every Nigerian man who reads it would find it useful - it would help them avoid some of their typical mistakes that we women find so aggravating.
The link (which I will only post once, in accordance with the forum rules) can be found at
http://www.lifeinbiglondon.com/2009/12/05/a-letter-to-nigerian-men-things-you-should-know-about-women/
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by cantell(m): 5:38pm On Dec 13, 2009
Boring.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by CILondon: 6:04pm On Dec 13, 2009
Yes, boring to you, which is why Nigerian men go on making the same mistakes again and again.
I'm sad to say this as a Nigerian woman, but Nigerian men have the worst social skills of ALL MEN ON THE PLANET. Which is why I felt the need to write the article.
Nigerian men have this arrogant "don't-tell-me-my-mistakes-I-don't wanna-know-mentality that has gotten Nigerian men the poor reputation they have virtually all over the world. And you won't listen when women try to correct you - get all prickly and defensive, which I suppose is understandable - nobody likes to be criticised BUT LEARN YOU MUST!!
So keep yawning Cantrell, and wonder why woman cross the road to avoid you.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by cantell(m): 6:22pm On Dec 13, 2009
@poster,
Cantell not cantrell.
You have a lot of time in ur hands. Make good use of them.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by Flavio: 6:36pm On Dec 13, 2009
CILLONDON
Im trying to relate to you,  and see where you're coming from.  What exactly has moved you to write this article?

Rgds
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by CILondon: 6:42pm On Dec 13, 2009
But I am making good use of my time - by telling Nigerian men where they are going wrong.
This is a very important matter - because if they heed me, then I would have suceeded in reducing the aggravation that woman have to endure from socially unskilled Nigerian men that go about the place plaging women and hitting on them even though they've been given the brush off 10 times.
And don't get me started on "Nigerian Uncles Chasing Young Girls" - you know, the 45 year old Naija man that fancies his chances with the 16 year old girl he saw walking down the road. Urrrrgggghhh.

What moved me to write the article was personal experience so I started doing some research into it and found that it was not just me who had experienced this problem - there are a lot of women that feel the same way. Some women have resolved to avoid Nigerian men coming any where near them at all costs - even if it means crossing the road.

I don't think this is a lost cause - what is required is re-education and updating attitudes by Nigerian men.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by CrudeOil2(m): 6:45pm On Dec 13, 2009
Abeg summerize the epistological chronicle, so that I go fit undastand your langauge.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by CILondon: 6:49pm On Dec 13, 2009
As Nigerian articles go, I thought it was quite short.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by Flavio: 6:52pm On Dec 13, 2009
Okay very interesting point you have indeed.


Firstly Im very sorry with regards to the awful experiences you'v had.

One thing I think you should realise is that it is inappropriate to generalise a group ,race or nationality.   Yes a high percentage of nigerian men dont have the right social characteristics and indeed have a lot to learn about how to treat a woman like the queen she is.

Your article seems to reflect upon nigerian men in diaspora.  One thing evident is that nigerian men in nigeria carry over their habits ,way of life and character over to the western word.   In nigeria an old uncle chatting up a young 19 year old undergraduate or even a young 17 year old housemaid is the norm and way of life, This is why they carry the same mannerisms over to the western world.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by suyamasta(m): 6:53pm On Dec 13, 2009
are u trying to say we naija men are all the same or what?? ?
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by Flavio: 7:02pm On Dec 13, 2009
suyamasta:

are u trying to say we naija men are all the same or what?? ?

I think it will be ideal for you to read through her article thoroughly  before you ask such a declamatory and euphuistic question.  She is writing this article due to personal experience, EVERYONE NEEDS TO PUT THEM SELVES IN HER SHOES,

Regards
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by CILondon: 7:09pm On Dec 13, 2009
Yes, Flavio, it is true that they do carry these mannerisms over to the western world from Nigeria but I must inform you that I lived in Nigeria for several years even though I was born in UK. I'm not one of those "ajebotas" that has never set foot in Naija.
And for the many, many years that I lived in Naija, I saw these behaviours over there.
It's been many years since I returned to UK and I see that behavior from Nigerian men who have arrived in the western world - not the Nigerian men who were born and raised in the west.
My question: Should Nigerian man be doing this anywhere?
It's really not acceptable to keep hitting on a woman that has given you the brush off umpteen times - it's called sexual harassment or sexual aggression - take your pick of words!
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by CILondon: 7:23pm On Dec 13, 2009
Oh and don't get me started on the touching. Nothing sickens a woman (of any race or colour) more than a stranger putting his hands on her. Urrrggggghhhh!
A lot of Nigerian men (not all, but too many) have the tendency to put their hands on a female that they like the looks of - the fact that she is a total stranger seems totally immaterial to them.
I've had that happen to me. angry

When it comes to Nigerian males that I became platonically friendly with, they mistakenly assumed that said platonic friendship is indicative of my sexual availability or willingness (which it most certainly is not!) and then the unwanted touching starts and it causes me offence. angry

The sad consequence is that I have now started shunning friendships with Nigerian males and giving them the cold shoulder - unless they are western BORN AND BRED!!
This is a sad decision for someone born of 2 Nigerian parents to have to make. sad
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by Nobody: 7:23pm On Dec 13, 2009
when you say nigerians have the worst social skills in the world, succinctly formulating dat from a single view and evading all other values dat makes majority impressively succesful with foreign women then you myt probably want to disagree with yourself
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by Flavio: 7:23pm On Dec 13, 2009
The two terms you'v just quoted "sexual harassment or sexual aggression" dont apply to the thought process of nigerian men.   Okay take this hypothethical story for example.
 Mercy a housegirl has been sexual harrassed for ages by her madam's husband. He made numerous attempts to sleep with her but she kept refusing due to the high level of respect and regard she holds for her madam, and also the fact that she is a born again christian.  Her madam went away for two weeks and Oga resorts to (r)aping her ,  She reported to the case to the police, and guess what the police say??,  [i]"oh are you sure he didnt pay you money", are you sure you havent been collecting gifts from him", "what were you doing in his bedroom at that time of the night"[/i]

What will you say to the above ? This the same thought process a lot of nigerian men carry into diaspora.  One thing I do want you to know is that not all nigerian men are the same.  There are real gentlemen amongst a lot of us, Men who know how to treat a lady right and know how to approach and court a lady.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by CILondon: 7:34pm On Dec 13, 2009
Flavio, I am sure that there are good ones but as the saying goes "all it takes for evil to succeed is for the good to remain silent" and this is the typical problem in Nigerian culture. The complacency of the rest of society when they see this sort of thing happening - which is why too many Nigerian men feel emboldened to behave that way. If the good men of Nigerian society were more willing to strongly condemn this behaviour amongst their peers it would soon die out or at least reduce dramatically.
Instead the Nigerian society has the tendency to brush it under the carpet or somehow suggest it was the females fault - as in the case of the poor hypothetical Mercy you mentioned - and as a matter of fact, there are many real life Mercys throughout Nigeria, sadly. sad
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by tobiecxs(m): 7:40pm On Dec 13, 2009
1. Men making passes at far younger women is not limited to only Nigerian men
2. Not all Nigerian men make passes at far younger women
3. Some older Nigerian women make passes at far younger Nigerian men

I feel sorry for you if you've had some bitter experiences, but the premises of your story does not give a sound conclusion. I advise you to step out of the box you are enclosing urself in.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by CILondon: 7:54pm On Dec 13, 2009
1. Men making passes at far younger women is not limited to only Nigerian men
2. Not all Nigerian men make passes at far younger women
3. Some older Nigerian women make passes at far younger Nigerian men

I feel sorry for you if you've had some bitter experiences, but the premises of your story does not give a sound conclusion. I advise you to step out of the box you are enclosing urself in.

I am always very careful not to make generalisations - that's why I did a lot of research and talked to other women before speaking out.
Trust me luvvie, Nigerian men are too sexually aggressive - not necessarily all of them, but too may of them for comfort and they tend to be the ones that GREW UP IN NIGERIA THEN CAME OVER TO THE WEST rather than the ones raised from Childhood in the west.
Do you know I got breast groped - at 2 different Nigerian weddings. This happened in the UK and both times it was Nigerian men RAISED IN NIGERIA who did it. I suppose they were exploiting the fact that I couldn't jolly well hissyfit and create a scene and spoil someone's wedding or call the police to arrest them in the middle of someone's wedding.
But the end result is that I now stay away from Nigerian men and any social gatherings where I may be likely to encounter Nigerian men.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by Flavio: 7:54pm On Dec 13, 2009
tobiecxs:

1. Men making passes at far younger women is not limited to only Nigerian men
2. Not all Nigerian men make passes at far younger women
3. Some older Nigerian women make passes at far younger Nigerian men

I feel sorry for you if you've had some bitter experiences, but the premises of your story does not give a sound conclusion. I advise you to step out of the box you are enclosing urself in.

Very well said.  Couldnt have said it any better.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by CILondon: 8:00pm On Dec 13, 2009
Like I said in my post above, I have done a lot of research on this and talked to other women. I'm not the only woman that feels this way.
My heart bleeds for Nigerian women in Nigeria who have to put up with this on a daily basis and do not have any police/law enforcement to turn to over there.
I also think it is part of the reason why so many Nigerian men end up in trouble with the law when they arrive in the west because as Flavio said - they bring their mannerisms over - and promptly get arrested!
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by justwise(m): 8:18pm On Dec 13, 2009
In as much as i agree with u that there 'some' Nigerian men with such attitude towards women and should never be encouraged.

I'm strugging to get my head around ur generalisation, who told u that 'Nigerian men' are been avoided around the world?

How many women did u interview to draw ur conclusion? U got every right to raise this issue cos u are speaking from personal experience BUT using the term[b] Nigerian men[/b] is very offensive to millions of decent Nigerian men who never ever get involved in such behaviour.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by Flavio: 8:21pm On Dec 13, 2009
@CILondon

Its really must be a certain calibre of nigerian men who engage in such indecent acts of touching ladies in a sexual manner.
 
     I can also deduce from your statements that you have decided to cut out nigerian men from your life and only have relationships with the western born and bred ones.  Trust me , I know the western born and bred ones well.   Most of them are'nt the best at treating women well and are infact worse than nigerian men.

 Also Il agree with you that a lot of nigerian men dont believe in being just friends with a woman. Its indeed a wrong mentality.
But again Its isnt all. Im also sure you'v conducted your survey amongst western born and bred women and not nigerian born and bred women.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by C2H5OH(f): 8:41pm On Dec 13, 2009
Bollocks
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by CILondon: 3:44am On Dec 14, 2009
Funny, you mention that, but it is the Nigerian born and bred men who seem unable to just be platonic friends with a woman. I don't have this problem with UK born Nigerian men, they are happy to just be friends as most of them already have white girlfriends which suits me just fine.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by Flavio: 4:16am On Dec 14, 2009
Yes I agree. Its is indeed the nigerian born and bred ones, who have problems being platonic friends.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by hax: 4:48am On Dec 14, 2009
CILondon:

Funny, you mention that, but it is the Nigerian born and bred men who seem unable to just be platonic friends with a woman.
Then you must be really hot.

Or you just meet the wrong people and make silly generalizations.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by justwise(m): 8:36am On Dec 14, 2009
CILondon:

Funny, you mention that, but it is the Nigerian born and bred men who seem unable to just be platonic friends with a woman. I don't have this problem with UK born Nigerian men, they are happy to just be friends as most of them already have white girlfriends which suits me just fine.


I'm sorry but this is nonsense, i was not born here but 2 of my best friends here 2 zambain ladies, i have known them for 5yrs now, share flat with one of them but never ever cross the line, they were my course mates, we club, shop, cook together.

STOP saying Nigerian born men, u probably don't know more than 10 of them and yet u are painting all of us with the same brush.

U were groped by one or 2 of those half human beings not by ALL Nigerian born men.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by justwise(m): 8:39am On Dec 14, 2009
hax:

Then you must be really hot.

Or you just meet the wrong people and make silly generalizations.

I go with that.
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by justwise(m): 8:41am On Dec 14, 2009
Flavio:

Yes I agree. Its is indeed the nigerian born and bred ones, who have problems being platonic friends.

Any prove? Or u just want to say something?
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by Flavio: 9:39am On Dec 14, 2009
@Justwise
I dont have any proof, or need to have any proof.
Im nigerian, engaged and have loads of female friends. Amongst my female friends are three of my ex's.   I personally dont have a problem with being platonic friends with females.  I always make sure it doenst go past the platonic boundary no matter how hot or sexy the chic may be.   

In this case here, the poster is likely to be hot and sexy, so what else does she expect from nigerian men?.lol All im saying to her is that she shouldnt generalise
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by Nobody: 9:40am On Dec 14, 2009
cantell:

Boring.
grin grin
Re: A Letter To Nigerian Men by justwise(m): 9:49am On Dec 14, 2009
Flavio:

@Justwise
[i]
[b]I dont have any proof, or need to have any proof.
Im nigerian, engaged and have loads of female friends. Amongst my female friends are three of my ex's.   I personally dont have a problem with being platonic friends with females.  I always make sure it doenst go past the platonic boundary no matter how hot or sexy the chic may be.   

In this case here, the poster is likely to be hot and sexy, so what else does she expect from nigerian men?.lol [color=Black]All im saying to her is that she shouldnt generalise,

That is my prob with her.

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