hopey8088:
Keeping malice? I think that should be the woman's thing cos the man should be the one to keep his house in check and make sure things go right. My advice: things can only get worse between you after marriage, when he keeps malice with you, he is definitely keeping in touch with other ladies. Trust me, I'm saying this from experience. And when he comes back to you, its for him to get something and after that, he goes again till he needs that thing again. Be wise!

Jacksparr0w127:
Although it may sound hard, but I'll suggest you suspend all the introduction and wedding plans for now. I don't see things getting any better after marriage. Doesn't look all good

My opinion tho

hopey8088:
Keeping malice? I think that should be the woman's thing cos the man should be the one to keep his house in check and make sure things go right. My advice: things can only get worse between you after marriage, when he keeps malice with you, he is definitely keeping in touch with other ladies. Trust me, I'm saying this from experience. And when he comes back to you, its for him to get something and after that, he goes again till he needs that thing again. Be wise!

subtlemee:
Dear Nairalanders..this is my first thread and it stems from misery

I've been in this relationship going to two(2) years now and we are deeply in love and planning to get married this year and my introduction is coming up soon but I'm having this serious issue I need help to deal with...

We all know there's no relationship without its hurdles,frictions and tensions but each time this happens my man keeps malice which can run from days into weeks, anytime we quarrel and I try talking to him later probably to apologise he'll feign more anger and i'll leave him and stay miserable till whenever he decides to end the malice he'll come kneeling or asking his relatives or friends to call and apologise on his behalf..

i'll take this decision not to talk to him again but when once I open my door and see him kneeling I go all weak and accept his apologies and it won't take up to a week or two again something will happen and he'll start ignoring me again...

Please help and advice a miserable fellow nairalander on how to deal with this situation now that it's still early,we've not spoken since Friday and it could be worse after marriage

subtlemee:



This is heart breaking

kimbra:
I don't think you should end the relationship just because he's good at keeping malice.

While keeping malice with you does he later become vindictive?.

Does he bring in third parties at the time of malice?.

Does he remind you of the past which has been settled when newer misunderstandings ensure?.

some people are just wired to keep to themselves when offended...You should know his personality type. Good thing is, he always realize his mistakes and apologise while others don't. But, if the answers to those questions is "Yes", then they're a deal-breakers!.

hopey8088:
Keeping malice? I think that should be the woman's thing cos the man should be the one to keep his house in check and make sure things go right. My advice: things can only get worse between you after marriage, when he keeps malice with you, he is definitely keeping in touch with other ladies. Trust me, I'm saying this from experience. And when he comes back to you, its for him to get something and after that, he goes again till he needs that thing again. Be wise!

kimbra:
I don't think you should end the relationship just because he's good at keeping malice.

While keeping malice with you does he later become vindictive?.

Does he bring in third parties at the time of malice?.

Does he remind you of the past which has been settled when newer misunderstandings ensure?.

some people are just wired to keep to themselves when offended...You should know his personality type. Good thing is, he always realize his mistakes and apologise while others don't. But, if the answers to those questions is "Yes", then they're a deal-breakers!.

hopey8088:




Again I will say, being a man ready for marriage means you're ready to take the blame even when you're not at fault.

hopey8088:




And what happens to her own heart and emotions. While h is being angry and keeping malice? Again I will say, being a man ready for marriage means you're ready to take the blame even when you're not at fault.

kimbra:
I don't think you should end the relationship just because he's good at keeping malice.

While keeping malice with you does he later become vindictive?.

Does he bring in third parties at the time of malice?.

Does he remind you of the past which has been settled when newer misunderstandings ensure?.

some people are just wired to keep to themselves when offended...You should know his personality type. Good thing is, he always realize his mistakes and apologize while others don't. But, if the answers to those questions is "Yes", then they're a deal-breakers!.

TheSonOfMark:

Ah! A sensible woman! There's only one way you could have learnt this - experience, your own experience. Others think relationships are textbook scriptings to be played out by actors; thus, everything is black or white.

The dude isn't a cheat, he's no vindictive, pretentious _prick or one who dabbles into vices. He's just a guy who'd rather walk away and keep to himself till he's mentally ready to act rational as against guys who'd flame up and burn everything down, even literally.

I, for one, do not call as much as I should or , well, like the average guy calls his woman. Over time the females in my life have come to understand it's who I am and not necessarily because I care less about what we have going between us.

Some dudes aren't overly expressive of their love and it doesn't mean they have an attitudinal problem.

kimbra:
Well said too. But please I would like you to sincerely answer this question in respect to "How often you call your spouse".

If you love someone as you claimed. won't hearing from the said person be your priority?...I am not saying you should call on daily basis. But at least once or twice a week is cool, unlike in a few weeks or whenever you damn feel like. It's so common among most guys and very annoying.

Aha! Therein lies the problem. Some women - scratch that, all women - expect you to call them daily to say those sweet nothings that make them go mushy and gooey inside. They justify that expectation with "Couples should always communicate with themselves at all times".

How regularly do I call? On alternate days, bi-weekly, daily (if she's ill or depressed or grieving)...Basically according to the dictates of my heart or the circumstances but certainly not predictable.

Then again, you females tend to take guys who are overly expressive of their feelings less seriously so dudes like me would always remain dudes like me - unpredictable.

TheSonOfMark:


Aha! Therein lies the problem. Some women - scratch that, all women - expect you to call them daily to say those sweet nothings that make them go mushy and gooey inside. They justify that expectation with "Couples should always communicate with themselves at all times".

How regularly do I call? On alternate days, bi-weekly, daily (if she's ill or depressed or grieving)...Basically according to the dictates of my heart or the circumstances but certainly not predictable.

Then again, you females tend to take guys who are overly expressive of their feelings less seriously so dudes like me would always remain dudes like me - unpredictable.

kimbra:
Well said too. But please I would like you to sincerely answer this question in respect to "How often you call your spouse".

If you love someone as you claimed. won't hearing from the said person be your priority?...I am not saying you should call on daily basis. But at least once or twice a week is cool, unlike in a few weeks or whenever you damn feel like. It's so common among most guys and very annoying.

Curvinus:


If you love someone, everything he does to you will receive the halo effect. If he's aggressive, you'll say he's confident. If he's shy, you'll say he's cute/quiet/a bit reserved. If he calls often, you'll say he's caring, nice, thoughtful. Otherwise, all of these will be a turn off. His phone calls will be seen as pestering or invasion of privacy. His aggression would be seen as arrogance. His shyness would be seen as weakness. You get the drift.


If most guys don't call you often, then it could be you are hanging with the wrong crowd or punching above your weight. Try to lower your expectations a bit and look out for men who are genuinely interested in you, and not men you want to show off to your friends to make them green with envy.

ennon92:
u cant be too sure he's going after other ladies....am also experiencing this issue presently. We havent heard each other's voice since sunday, not as if am with other gals. I think the Op isnt relating the true picture of wut happened. Until i hear the man's version of the story, i wont judge him.