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They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? - Family - Nairaland

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They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by Nobody: 12:17am On Mar 25, 2017
I had a child 8 years ago. Ever since then, having a long lasting relationship is a big problem because they leave me with the excuse of my child been an issue. My last relationship has left me shattered and the last thing i want to do is deny my baby. Am confused pls friends what do you advise i do? Am not getting any younger. Thanks as i await you comments.

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Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by Nobody: 12:28am On Mar 25, 2017
Honesty pays.... Never ever deny your baby at any time pls. She should be your EVERYTHING for now. The most important thing now is to work on your self to be a real lady with good prospects and not like our self proclaim "slay queens and slay mamas". You have a bright future ahead sis. The Mr Right will come in due time. Regards to your daughter...........
Btw, you are beautiful!! All the best!!

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Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by CoolFreeday(m): 12:31am On Mar 25, 2017
Don't do the mistake of denying or hiding your child. When the person that is truly yours will come, you'll be happier for it, happier for always saying the truth and believe me, he won't leave you.

188 Likes 10 Shares

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by Nobody: 12:34am On Mar 25, 2017
What happened to the relationship that produced the child...be honest
.
.
modified **


this topic is now on 5th page and Op ignored my simply question. .hope is not what I'm thinking


some ladies willingly opted for baby mama just for material benefits but when the pay check stops flowing they claim victimisation
.

56 Likes 4 Shares

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by kingphilip(m): 12:45am On Mar 25, 2017
As an anti-abortionist, I'll first of all congratulate you for keeping the child despite all odds that you faced and still facing..

Honesty still pays heavily don't destroy it for a condition that won't last that much

Even if you hide the child from your next relationship there's 100% possibility he'd find out about him/her and I'm sure he might not want to spare you.. He'd either go the way of divorce or probably turn you into a punching bag

Take care of that child of yours really well and hopefully your next relationship may just click

103 Likes 2 Shares

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by TonyeBarcanista(m): 12:45am On Mar 25, 2017
Will you allow your son to marry an "after 1"?

The question may be harsh but that is necessary to answer you.

The truth remains that as an "after 1", your choices are limited as most Naija young men can't put up with marrying a single mother, the few that can are in their super minority.

My advice is that you should take care of your girl and stay good. What is yours shall be yours

105 Likes 3 Shares

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by nasha1(f): 12:58am On Mar 25, 2017
chiomababy22:
I had a child 8 years ago. Ever since then, having a long lasting relationship is a big problem because they leave me with the excuse of my child been an issue. My last relationship has left me shattered and the last thing i want to do is deny my baby. Am confused pls friends what do you advise i do? Am not getting any younger. Thanks as i await you comments.

You are dating wrong people.U need 2 open up to a range of people even those u think are not ur spec.I bet all these men you are dating are within your age grade and not ready 2 settle down.There are a lot of single dads out there and divorced men too, give everyone a chance and stop being choosy.All these babymamas out there didn't impregnant themselves,the babydaddies are responsible for that.

108 Likes 2 Shares

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by samuelson06(m): 1:23am On Mar 25, 2017
Don't hide the fact but be proud of your child. Make sure you take good care of the child. Any man that comes to you that does not love the child does not love the mother. Your choice of a man is not limited either. Work hard to be great and don't settle for any half-baked man because of your situation. The most important thing for you now is working on yourself to be a real woman and a wife material.

15 Likes

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by Bigsteveg(m): 1:23am On Mar 25, 2017
chiomababy22:
I had a child 8 years ago. Ever since then, having a long lasting relationship is a big problem because they leave me with the excuse of my child been an issue. My last relationship has left me shattered and the last thing i want to do is deny my baby. Am confused pls friends what do you advise i do? Am not getting any younger. Thanks as i await you comments.

Hope we can get to talk better. try reach me on 08095300265. a text will do

29 Likes 4 Shares

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by baby124: 2:03am On Mar 25, 2017
Don't worry, the man for you will accept you and your child. Open yourself up to men with kids, don't focus too much on single guys.

2 Likes

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by WORLDPEACE(m): 2:45am On Mar 25, 2017
chiomababy22:
I had a child 8 years ago. Ever since then, having a long lasting relationship is a big problem because they leave me with the excuse of my child been an issue. My last relationship has left me shattered and the last thing i want to do is deny my baby. Am confused pls friends what do you advise i do? Am not getting any younger. Thanks as i await you comments.

Humans are liars. This is true with both sexes. We are like icebergs that you see in the ocean; What is under the water is more than the part you see floating. Women may say that they want a guy who is God fearing, polite and all that but the single most important factor is what the man owns materially. This is often not what the most decent girls project but it is the single most important factor. This is not the visible to all at first glance but a man neglects it at his own peril.

Now you must sell yourself like a man would. Go out there and get money if you don't already have. Be successful and you will become attractive to men, both rich and broke guys. Then you will have to take your pick from these men. Don't hate the role reversal, just accept it for what it is. People care about what other people will say than about their own personal happiness. FRIENDS AND RELATIVES WOULD FIND IT MORE RATIONAL THAT THEIR LOVED ONE IS MARRYING A SUCCESSFUL MOTHER OF ONE THAN A KIND HEARTED MOTHER OF ONE. They will give other surface explanations to people for why they like you but the larger part of the iceberg under water says something else. You will do yourself great good by accepting this reality.

Of course you may be fortunate and find that great dream man that is not drawn by this but it's better to ready yourself for it. You are more likely also to be married to a single parent like yourself so look for ways to meet such ones. I am not trying to paint a picture of doom and gloom, I am just showing the fastest route to your goal.
Lastly, I want to say that it is not a bad thing for a man to get married to a woman because of her money among other things. It is only bad if that is the only reason. In other words it is only bad when a bad man marries a woman for her money.
I wish you success soon.

92 Likes 8 Shares

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by muymacho: 4:41am On Mar 25, 2017
Truth at all times. And you can let them meet and hangout with your child as soon as they show seriousness.
Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by amprat: 5:49am On Mar 25, 2017
The best thing is to grow your relationship before you reveal your child, let the person know you and what you're about, let it be just you and the guy without intrusion or baggage. When you're a major part of his life he'll find it more difficult to let you go.But remember not to fall a victim of not telling him before you go too far because you'll then seen as a dishonest person and the consequences will be worse than if you had spoken from the onset

11 Likes

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by Dyt(f): 6:05am On Mar 25, 2017
Nawa ooo
I can't even believe a mother will think of denying her child cos cheap silly men are leaving her
Orisirisi

Pls change your circle of men and don't fall for society pressure

9 Likes 2 Shares

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by Nutase: 6:13am On Mar 25, 2017
TonyeBarcanista:
Will you allow your son to marry an "after 1"?

The question may be harsh but that is necessary to answer you.

The truth remains that as an "after 1", your choices are limited as most Naija young men can't put up with marrying a single mother, the few that can are in their super minority.

My advice is that you should take care of your girl and stay good. What is yours shall be yours
Go back to politics section before we stone you comot for here.

101 Likes 4 Shares

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by joliefille(f): 6:25am On Mar 25, 2017
I know of women that don't have a child/children and they have not seen anyone to settle down with in their 30s and 40s.

Having a child to love and cherish would have made their situation more bearable.

30 Likes

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by Viking007(m): 6:38am On Mar 25, 2017
Nutase:
Go back to politics section before we stone you comot for here.
His comment though a little harsh is the gospel truth. smiley

47 Likes

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by Kondomatic(m): 6:51am On Mar 25, 2017
Dyt:
Nawa ooo
I can't even believe a mother will think of denying her child cos cheap silly men are leaving her
Orisirisi

Pls change your circle of men and don't fall for society pressure

They are cheap and silly because they don't want to marry a single mom.

You reason foolishly sometimes.


The Op just stated that she had a child years ago but your warped mind didn't tell you that the reason men leave after hearing that may not just be bcoz she has a child but because of the circumstances that lead to her having a child, the life she lead before having that child, her life after, the father of the child etc.

Single moms get married always so why is her case different?

You need start thinking before you comment.

51 Likes 2 Shares

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by Acidosis(m): 7:12am On Mar 25, 2017
Some will leave you because of your 8 year old child.

but remember that many more will leave because of the circumstance that led to the birth of the child, and the father of the child.

Note also that even if you are as beautiful as the morning star, sent down from heaven by God, a lot of men will run if for instance they discover that your baby daddy is a police officer, military guy, a thug, a trouble maker or street gangster. It doesn't make them "weak" though. Nobody likes a troublemaker.

In fact, I've seen men leave because of the stubbornness of the baby.. An 8 year old, especially when he's male may frustrate your new man. It takes understanding and love for everyone to co-exist peacefully.

All things being equal, everything will work for your good. It is actually easier for someone like you to get married to a good man than one with a 6 month or 1 year old baby. No newly wedded husband would buy pampers for his less than 1 year old step-child. Or will the mother come to do omigwo for her son's step-child? Such won't happen even on Nollywood. So no worries, your man will locate you, you've passed the stage of worry and fear, you only have to be a little more patient.

31 Likes 1 Share

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by TonyeBarcanista(m): 7:33am On Mar 25, 2017
Nutase:
Go back to politics section before we stone you comot for here.
If you stone me I go cry jor
Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by motherfucker: 7:39am On Mar 25, 2017
chiomababy22:
I had a child 8 years ago. Ever since then, having a long lasting relationship is a big problem because they leave me with the excuse of my child been an issue. My last relationship has left me shattered and the last thing i want to do is deny my baby. Am confused pls friends what do you advise i do? Am not getting any younger. Thanks as i await you comments.
Keep telling whoever wish to hear. NEVER deny your child.

One of our childhood friend, my elder brother's age mate, came to Benin and dated a lot of girls. He never settled down with anyone.

But as God would have it, he married a single mother who child was already above 10 year old. It was struggle for them and before long, he got a job with a construction company.

After about 2-3 years he resigned and started his own kabukabu business because he was tired of the construction job. He did that for another 2 years and last year, an opportunity came that took the entire family, excluding him to US. As I type this now, all his children( 3 of them), the step daughter and the wife are in US. He sold all his property to raise money for the journey.

I personally don't see anything wrong in marrying a single mother as long as she a good woman and yes, my bros wife is a good woman. I missed her delicious meals like crazy lol.

I have come to realise that Nigerians are the biggest hypocrites on earth. The scream racism and discrimination on other's head but in their own land, there are different kind of discrimination and stigmatisation going on.

OP, non of those guys truly love you. Is your child not a human being like them?

I know a lady who never had a lasting marriage because they found out her mum died from Cancer and she had a child in her first marriage but I thank God today she has found a man who really love her. I also pray that this one last long and from all indications, it wil LAST!

Keep your faith ALIVE!!!!

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Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by TonyeBarcanista(m): 7:45am On Mar 25, 2017
samuelson06:
Don't hide the fact but be proud of your child. Make sure you take good care of the child. Any man that comes to you that does not love the child does not love the mother. Your choice of a man is not limited either. Work hard to be great and don't settle for any half-baked man because of your situation. The most important thing for you now is working on yourself to be a real woman and a wife material.
@first bolded:
Why do humans enjoy dishonest talk just to make people feel good even though it won't solve their problems? If her choice isn't limited as a single mom then what explains the fact that men run away from her each time she make mention of her child? Perhaps, we should understand that harsh truth is better that smooth deception.

Her options are limited to single fathers, divorcees, and a handful of single guys(who are in their super minority). Even at that, some people that falls within the first two groups still prefer a lady with a clean slate.

The lady has to face reality my brother, a reality but that's not to say it is impossible for her to meet a dream man, what is hers shall be hers, just that the probability is slim.

26 Likes 1 Share

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by Nobody: 7:57am On Mar 25, 2017
OP, just like someone said up there _make good money, that's all. You may see the one who likes you for you, but just be ready from all angles. It's only on Nairaland I see people claiming only women are materialistic. Men are, but more coded about theirs. A man and his family would find it easier to accept an 'independent' SM, that way they know their son won't be saddled with raising another man's child.


Nne, make money. Be more independent than July4th. Never deny your child. Focus on adding more value to yourself and see how attractive you become.

thanks @ daretodiffer smiley

7 Likes

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by Onyenna(m): 8:20am On Mar 25, 2017
WORLDPEACE:


Humans are liars. This is true with both sexes. We are like icebergs that you see in the ocean; What is under the water is more than the part you see floating. Women may say that they want a guy who is God fearing, polite and all that but the single most important factor is what the man owns materially. This is often not what the most decent girls project but it is the single most important factor. This is not the visible to all at first glance but a man neglects it at his own peril.

Now you must sell yourself like a man would. Go out there and get money if you don't already have. Be successful and you will become attractive to men, both rich and broke guys. Then you will have to take your pick from these men. Don't hate the roles reversal, just accept it for what it is. People care about what other people will say than about their own personal happiness. FRIENDS AND RELATIVES WOULD FIND IT MORE RATIONAL THAT THEIR LOVED ONE IS MARRYING A SUCCESSFUL MOTHER OF ONE THAN A KIND HEARTED MOTHER OF ONE. They will give other surface explanations to people for why they like you but the larger part of the iceberg under water says something else. You will do yourself great good by accepting this reality.

Of course you may be fortunate and find that great dream man that is not drawn by this but it's better to ready yourself for it. You are more likely also to be married to a single parent like yourself so look for ways to meet such ones. I am not trying to paint a picture of doom and gloom, I am just showing the fastest route to your goal.
Lastly, I want to say that it is not a bad thing for a man to get married to a woman because of her money among other things. It is only bad if that is the only reason. In other words it is only bad when a bad man marries a woman for her money.
I wish you success soon.

chiomababy22 ......here's the perfect answer.....

3 Likes

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by StarBukola(f): 8:26am On Mar 25, 2017
If a guy cannot take me for who I am, I tell him to go mess himself... Op say that to ur self often , pikin no b disease

4 Likes

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by Acidosis(m): 8:31am On Mar 25, 2017
TonyeBarcanista:

@first bolded:
Why do humans enjoy dishonest talk just to make people feel good even though it won't solve their problems? If her choice isn't limited as a single mom then what explains the fact that men run away from her each time she make mention of her child? Perhaps, we should understand that harsh truth is better that smooth deception.

Her options are limited to single fathers, divorcees, and a handful of single guys(who are in their super minority). Even at that, some people that falls within the first two groups still prefer a lady with a clean slate.

The lady has to face reality my brother, a reality but that's not to say it is impossible for her to meet a dream man, what is hers shall be hers, just that the probability is slim.

Humans generally love lies and there's a likelihood that majority would dislike an honest man, one who spill nothing but facts without unnecessary sugar-coating.

We also have another set of humans, these ones love to run away from reality, only to embrace the sugar-coated talks of idealists. Ideas are fine, for example ideas from people telling the OP to make money. Imagine telling an already devastated 30+ year old(?) lady, who has struggled since graduation, to make money. What kind of money can she probably make in this desperate time much more than what a single and searching Genevieve Nnaji has made in her lifetime?
Money is absolutely good and more money? Great, but who is going to make the money for her?

Making more money may sound like an easy way to attract a man (bad or good man), but it remains the fastest root to damnation, since the foundation is bad.

Whoever truly loves this lady will tell her the basic truth, without necessarily attaching damnable suggestion.

@OP, I would advise you to remain single and love your baby, than make some imaginary money to attract an i m b e c i l e in the name of finding an husband.

OP, if you must make money desperately, it is better to do desperate things (olosho), and use the yields to take good care of yourself and your child. That sounds better and much more greater than struggling for money only to spend the yields on pampers and napkins for a 'husband'.

I'm not encouraging bad and desperate actions, but pleaseee, that you're not married shouldn't make you embrace c.r.azy ideas. You're not alone in this struggle.

24 Likes 4 Shares

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by TonyeBarcanista(m): 8:45am On Mar 25, 2017
Acidosis:


Humans generally love lies and there's a likelihood that majority would dislike an honest man, one who spill nothing but facts without unnecessary sugar-coating.

We also have another set of humans, these ones love to run away from reality, only to embrace the sugar-coated talks of idealists. Ideas are fine, for example ideas from people telling the OP to make money. Imagine telling an already devastated 30+ year old(?) lady, who has struggled since graduation, to make money. What kind of money can she probably make in this desperate time much more than what a single and searching Genevieve Nnaji has made in her lifetime?

Making more money may sound like an easy way to attract a man (bad or good man), but it remains the fastest root to damnation, but the foundation remains bad.

Whoever truly loves this lady will tell her the basic truth, without necessarily attaching damnable suggestion.

If OP was my sister, I would advise her to remain single and love her baby, than make some imaginary money to attract an i m b e c i l e in the name of finding an husband.
Exactly!

How much can she possibly make that will outdo Oprah Winfrey or even Linda Ikeji?

The truth is that there is NO amount of money that can buy love and loyalty of a man. A woman that think buying the love of a man will make her fulfilled will only have herself burnt when the craze for the money is washed off the face of the guy, making him to face his realities. Some wicked men even scheme to kill the rich woman, some defraud her, while some usually endure to get as much as they can get before jumping at another lady(their spec). What if the money finishes due to circumstances? Will the man still stay?

I think the lady should be real to herself, I'm glad she didn't abort the baby, but the reality of her having a child is what she should face .

2 Likes 4 Shares

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by Nobody: 8:48am On Mar 25, 2017
TonyeBarcanista:
Exactly!

How much can she possibly make that will outdo Oprah Winfrey or even Linda Ikeji?

The truth is that there is NO amount of money that can buy love and loyalty of a man.
grin

9 Likes

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by dprincedej: 8:58am On Mar 25, 2017
Be realistic and honest. If he is meant for u, he wld stay. Some women have neither child nor husband and they hav money. But if u hav a child and looking for the man who is not her father to ease ur financial burden on her, u wld end up frustrated. What are d circumstances of ur baby sef? For a married man u wanted to hook?
Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by TonyeBarcanista(m): 9:07am On Mar 25, 2017
PaperLace:
grin
Is that the daughter in question? Abeg make I rest small

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by Nobody: 9:08am On Mar 25, 2017
Honesty pays.... The right man for you will come, he will see the child as a gift from God rather than an abnormality like other men see it.

3 Likes

Re: They Leave Me The Moment I Tell Them My Story. Should I Hide The Truth? by Viking007(m): 9:08am On Mar 25, 2017
TonyeBarcanista:
Will you allow your son to marry an "after 1"?

The question may be harsh but that is necessary to answer you.

The truth remains that as an "after 1", your choices are limited as most Naija young men can't put up with marrying a single mother, the few that can are in their super minority.

My advice is that you should take care of your girl and stay good. What is yours shall be yours
The thread is now on front page: take cover. I foresee lots of bashing.

1 Like

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