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Stats: 2,738,503 members, 6,493,173 topics. Date: Friday, 17 September 2021 at 04:32 AM
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by Lexusgs430: 11:51pm On Apr 19, 2017|
Have you spoken to my immediate family? LOL... . I bet they would not agree with your assertions.. ...
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by bayocanny: 3:33am On Apr 20, 2017|
This londoner guy will be very stingy in real life lol na joke I dey o but seriously you've make some good points so far.
@op, why not look into US instead of europe
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by Saintsquare(m): 6:59am On Apr 20, 2017|
Lexusgs430:And I'm sure they are happy, God will reward and bless u more..
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by MMotimo: 7:04am On Apr 20, 2017|
A common challenge for those based at home is an inability to accept that we are all responsible for our choices and our decisions. You birth children every year with 0 plan on raising them successfully from your own earnings. You go and buy a high maintenance vehicle because you got one big contract that is not likely to repeat, etc. Most Nigerians, including me, when I lived in Nigeria, had no concept of budgeting. You earned, you spent and if you are lucky, you saved some, invested some. If you came from a comfortable background, you always had that cushion at the back of your mind, that comfort that you had your parents/siblings to bail you out if you found yourself in financial difficulty.
Fast forward to living abroad. If you are smart, you finally figured out you need a budget for your needs, your wants, your dreams, vacations, retirement, children's education, tastes in fashion, cars, home, etc, etc so that you don't file bankruptcy. You learn to prioritize your spending and give up on wants you cannot afford. You mature into realizing that what you budget is what you earn, no one is going to send you money from Nigeria or anywhere else. That causes you to become more disciplined with your spending and you start to plan your expenses and savings accordingly.
Then someone contacts you that they need N425,000 for their kids' school fees in Naija. Your own kids are in public school here because that is what you can afford yet you are expected to find the money in your budget to dash someone who is living beyond their means and that person has a hard time understanding why you can't just send money to them after all you're earning dollars. It's as if since you're in a better environment, you should be guilt tripped into doing what they've asked, discarding your own plans. If I am driving a $1000 car, don't you think I might be saving up for a $3000 car? If my bag is Gucci, do you not realize me sef wants to carry Chanel one day? If I am living in a small 800 sq ft home, perhaps I'm dreaming of a 3000 sq footer and I'm saving for the downpayment. The examples are endless, you just really have to accept you have no claim to a person's income
Here, if you are responsible, you need a plan for university tuition for your kids - scholarships/grants, savings, etc because you know you won't be asking anybody back home to contribute to their tuition. Yet someone in Naija calls to say he needs x amount of naira for his Dad's 80 th birthday celebration or to replace shock absorbers on his X5 or because his wife lost her job after 10 years working in a bank ( what did she do with the money she made in 10 years)? Totally ignorant of the fact that your disposable income is pre-planned and you may have other uses for your discretionary spending than supporting a full grown man or woman. One child's hobby alone could be costing you thousands, are you supposed to forego that so you can send the money to full grown adults back home?
How about retirement plans? It was in the past you made your kids your retirement plan. Many Nigerians are seeing the folly of that now. 20/30/40 years ago they were having kids in the midst of lack, kids they could not give a good quality of life or the basics of a sound education, thinking these kids would bail them out of poverty when they grew up. Now, those kids grew up with reduced opportunities and started their own cycle of financial lack. A man that gave birth to 7 children cannot even count on 50 thousand naira a month in monthly stipend from all 7 combined but they were his retirement "plan." If you are wise, you are developing a plan to enjoy retirement and not suffer through it. Guess where the money is coming from for that retirement? You guessed it! The income you are making in your earning years! So that you can maintain your dignity and standard of living in your old age, not begging anyone for support. I know some people who had lots of children and were able to cater for them adequately but I know a lot more whose offspring carried on the cycle of lack and entitlement. If it's the only thing you gain from my epistle - please limit childbearing to the number of kids you can provide quality education and a quality standard of life for. Childbirth is NOT a poverty alleviation plan.
If nothing else, I'm grateful for the expansion and development in my mindset that living abroad has taught me. I depend on God and no one else, so I make sure my plans and spending follow "cut your coat according to your cloth." It is unfair to saddle someone else with your dreams and aspirations if they have not made a commitment to fund them. Just because they are doing better does not meet they've realized all their dreams or don't have aspirations that involve the money you are banking on. If they were like you, they would constantly be begging everyone around them that was doing better for money.
I believe in God and I believe in prayer, cast your burdens on God not man and be prudent in your choices and decisions. God does answer prayers.
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|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by londoner: 8:13am On Apr 20, 2017|
Lol, I'm a lady by the way. I have seen members of my family send money since my childhood to family members who have stolen from them and plotted to harm them. I have seen these same people practically been handed opportunities and throw it away because of their perceived entitlement to the proceeds of someone elses hard work.
These are full grown adults with zero physical disability and no intention to ever help anyone else. Someone will call for help with a marriage ceremony but will never even discuss with their intended 'sponsor' that they are even in a relationship or engaged because they only relate to those abroad as an ATM machine nothing more.
In all my life I have never witnessed them call anyone just to say hello or even thank you.
I will never give my hard earned money to such people who are not even useful to themselves because there are people around them with a different mentality and for whom help will not be a waste.
To them I am stingy because they don't deserve my hard earned money.
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by Johnnyessence(m): 11:51am On Apr 20, 2017|
londoner:if you read the op reply so far you will see that the op ask of his uncle. He even chat with him but the uncle blocked him on the social media handle. If white can provide help or host their blacks counterpact please why is that blacks aren't hmmmmm. White provide help for their friends in African countries which shows love and care not hatred.
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by Johnnyessence(m): 11:54am On Apr 20, 2017|
londoner:yes. I have one already.
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by Johnnyessence(m): 11:57am On Apr 20, 2017|
londoner:yea if she like traveling to ghana or south Africa.
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by toluine56(m): 12:02pm On Apr 20, 2017|
MMotimo:Even when you can help with even 5% of the said sum, you'll outrightly say you don't have, is that what you're telling us?
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by toluine56(m): 12:05pm On Apr 20, 2017|
Johnnyessence:Hope you guys saying Ghana and S.A know that Ghana now denominates their tuition in dollars and its not as cheap as you think, you'll spend at least 3/4 of what would have obtained in North America or Europe. Standard Education is now expensive everywhere except maybe for tution free countries like Germany, Finland. A little research wouldn't hurt.
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by Nobody: 12:20pm On Apr 20, 2017|
I hear u.... Just do the little u can to help.
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by Malayy(m): 2:14pm On Apr 20, 2017|
doubletroublmum:ahhh. sister epp my destiny
i wont show lazy interest
or steal visa money..
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by Johnnyessence(m): 3:54pm On Apr 20, 2017|
toluine56:thanks for your reply here. I really appreciate. Even I don't know that the tuition fees of Ghana and some south africa schools are now more expensive. Europe or north America schools are still the best. Well after my ielts exams I will google out germany and finland schools then. Waooo nice to hear that they have low tuition fees. Please what of their scholarships too.
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by toluine56(m): 7:25pm On Apr 20, 2017|
Johnnyessence:Its a pleasure.
If you have a very strong GP at the end of your programme, then you've got a great chance at obtaining scholarships in either countries, even Canada too. Although it doesn't depend on your G.P alone, there are several other factors like IELTS, GMAT etc and most importantly how you're able ti present your case on paper (Statement of purpose (SOP)).
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by helpyom(f): 5:18am On Apr 21, 2017|
But your wrong judging from others I knw i often call him way back then in sch not that i was asking from him at a time he put his phone on voice that's how we stopped communicating on phone.
It was chat then during my project in school there was no means with my dad having alot of things around him had to ask this my uncle for little contribution of project money till today it was only God that provided can't remember how the money came about at the dieing minute he didn't reply me still.
What am I saying i often communicate with him very well even when he hurts me, like is just something that is unbearable I had to ask why seeing this dreams fade away makes me unhapi each day.
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by olenime(m): 3:19pm On Apr 21, 2017|
@OP, I see your zeal and your effort to go abroad, study and live aftermath, I salute such courage in you at the expense of your grade, Kudos!
Believe me, you can do it! you made some mistakes while in school by not coming out with good grades to help with some scholarships, but the deed is done! You can still make it by saving up money and praying to God for an helper!
Sincerely speaking, Your uncle owe you nothing! fight for yourself! if you've got good friends abroad (comfortable ones); talk to some of them who can invite you and cater for you for awhile, ive seen friends go abroad through their friends, the rendered help and the rest are story now.
Forget your uncles and families abroad who cant help! As a matter of fact, i got a blood brother abroad (though, we dont talk any more), he recently took his gf abroad (No formal introduction or marriage yet), yes, gf! and he has never filed or taken his parent or family member abroad! so, u see uncle is even a long/distance relationship. So my dear, Fight for yourself and forget people that cant help!
Dont look down at yourself! the ealier you forget them, the better for you!
Borne them! block them! dont even chat or talk to any of them! Let them say you proud! Your success at end will make them ask if u.
You can get there!
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by bayocanny: 6:41pm On Apr 21, 2017|
londoner:That's naija people for you. God will help us.
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by Prettiepearlz(f): 7:06pm On Apr 21, 2017|
helpyom:Oh well, reading this I feel your plight especially gaining admission to study oversea and the hope is dashed due to lack of funds. Don't relent, keep fighting, keep working, keep trying and you will find yourself excelling. Keep up the good fight dear.
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by Prettiepearlz(f): 7:15pm On Apr 21, 2017|
fergieboy:Wow, this hit me so bad. I can't say I know how it feels because I haven't experienced it, but I have a friend who have experienced this issue too. And I know her pains. My heart goes out to you dear.
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by tobiasbeecher: 8:31pm On Apr 21, 2017|
MMotimo:What a write-up! I must say I gained one or two things from what you wrote, Kudos! But we should endeavour to help when we have the means to help, some people are just wicked and selfish to help others. Once again, nice stuff.
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by moonraker(m): 10:18pm On Apr 21, 2017|
The bolded is quite alarming, really??
I am not against helping people but maybe the person in need should not see situations from his or her perspective??
The OP claims that the Uncle is doing fine but he doesn't want to help her. Really?? And she knows this because??
Even if that information is true, does she know how that uncle got the means to be in quote "doing fine". At least she has
someone to ask help from. What happens if that uncle needs help? Who does he turn to?
READ MY PERSPECTIVE CAREFULLY
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by saintandsinnerz: 11:00pm On Apr 21, 2017|
moonraker:I really don't know what to tell you. So what you're saying is that before you could help somebody that the possibility of you getting help also must be there? Why are you asking me to read your perspective carefully? Is it because you know that what wrote lacks human kindness and empathy? Will you vow that you have not received help from people before? Please, if this is the kind of perspective you have then it's a shame and I don't want to understand them
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by Nobody: 11:23pm On Apr 21, 2017|
1. You are impulse driven. You don't think before you act.
2. You enrolled to do a German course without finding out first what the full requirements are?
3. You applied for a program in Canada without adequate funds/sponsor?
4. You blame your bad grades on a lecturer that wanted sexual favour from you.
5. You blame your uncle in Australia for not helping you
My friend do you blame yourself at all?
My prayer is that this desperation of yours does not push you into wrong hands. Don't preach faith to me cos I know all about it
All the money you have gathered could have been put to better use in Nigeria. Start up something small and grow from there. Keep crying to God...I who also believe in God know that if God has said it is not your time to travel, you are going no where..if you like beg and cry till the last trumpet sounds. In all those your "cry diary" sessions with God have you ever sat down one day to ask him what his plans are for you? or you just want him to do what YOU want?
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by pendragon35(m): 11:32pm On Apr 21, 2017|
olenime:God bless you bro you really reconstructed ny mindset with your wrds.
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by sweetilicious(f): 1:34am On Apr 22, 2017|
Wisebird22:The thing is people are actually ungrateful.Life overseas is not easy at all.If you then give them something,they begin to weigh it like don't know people there still have to buy food or cook one.Op,dont blame your uncle.That he has a warehouse does not mean much.Business is all about profit.Some make profit but breaking even.Maybe things are not the way you see it.You won't know till you work for him and see his books of account.Third class won't limit your success in life. TRY LIFE!
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by GiantParrot(m): 10:36am On Apr 22, 2017|
Getting successful with the intent of "showing" him is damn childish. Please be successful for yourself and loved ones. Stop hoping that your success will make other people sad.
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by Nobody: 10:43am On Apr 22, 2017|
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by GiantParrot(m): 10:46am On Apr 22, 2017|
Repeat this over and over again:
1. Nobody fvcking owes me anything, except he/she is my parent!
2. Nobody fvcking owes me anything, except he/she made the choice to adopt me!
3. Nobody fvcking owes me anything, except it is obvious to both that person and me that he/she is in my debt, and I expect repayment!
4. I do not really know people's financial situations, all I have is assumptions about their welfare! And even if I know their true financial situation, they do not fvcking owe me anything, except 1,2, or 3 above hold!
5. I will not expect my relatives/friends/whatever abroad to do menial jobs and send money to me! I will kill all sense of entitlement to other people's resources!
6. The world/universe/government does not give a sh1t about me, they only owe me when I pay my taxes! I will find my way in this world even when the odds are clearly stacked against me!
7. I am responsible for the choices I make, and I will take personal responsibility for my failure and progress!
The sense of entitlement on this thread is nauseating!
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by justwise(m): 11:04am On Apr 22, 2017|
You made a lot of false assumptions that lead me to wonder if you have ever worked and earn an honest living either home or abroad.
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by toluine56(m): 11:44am On Apr 22, 2017|
GiantParrot:I am personally an advocate of all you typed above. Now point out where I contravened any of the points you raised. I'm sure you can read and comprehend properly. Thanks
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by toluine56(m): 11:52am On Apr 22, 2017|
justwise:To your question, Yes I have, and i'm also wondering if someone else who typed this trash, you'll probably give a ban straightaway. When did earning a honest living translate into not helping people or what exactly is your point? My problem with most people commenting on this thread is that they didn't read up and fail to understand where this discussion is coming from, besides it's not compulsory to comment on every thread. Drop your arrogance for once Mr. Chief Honourable Justwise. Thank you.
|Re: Why Do People Living Abroad Rarely Help Their Relations by moonraker(m): 1:04pm On Apr 22, 2017|
no need. Your remixing the whole thing and jumping into conclusions based on nothing...
Bottom line is, It is only someone who is fed that can help. not someone who is hungry.
The perspective i was referring to ( That you wrongly interpreted) was to analyze all sides of the story.
Everyone on here taking on here, thinking they have an opinion. We are only hearing one side of the story.
The debate here should be Why is the uncle not helping the Op if he is doing OK as the OP placed it??
Dont quote me if your not going to answer constructively.
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