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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman (24351 Views)
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|Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by ItzChinnex(m): 3:06am On May 01, 2017|
Seun, Please shift this to front page as this may save some shaking Marriage. Thanks.
I am 42, married for 15 years and have two wonderful kids (7 & 3). My wife and I had about 13-14 pretty good years before I began to realize that I wasn't really in love with her, and maybe never was. For a year a co-worker and I began a relationship.
I had always been attracted to her, and I acted on it. Until a month ago we had carried the relationship from some very exciting sex to a very strong emotional relationship. She finally said the words that we should not see each other socially anymore, at least until I decide what to do with my situation at home. I agreed.
My wife and I have been in counseling for about six months, and she doesn't know about my affair. Neither does the counselor, who recently told her she thought the marriage was over. I am deeply in love with the woman I have had an affair with, and told her so during our last encounter (after we decided to call it off).
She told me she loved me, also. Now my wife and I are so distant. I do not find her attractive in the least - and we have not had sex for months. When we did it took all I had to get through it.
My heart hurts badly for the woman I love. She is putting up a strong front and moving on. Even seeing other men. She said in a year, if we are both available, maybe we can try to build a real, honest relationship. My two kids, who are my world, are trapped in between. I don't know what to do. I love another women, but I still care for my wife - just don't love her anymore, and not sure I can again. I've made these mistakes, but I believe I am truly in love for the very first time in my life.
How do I keep hope that things will turn out all right?
Please drop your comments
Seun , Lalasticlala , Mynd44
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by baby124: 3:14am On May 01, 2017|
New things always hold our attention till we get used to it and then it loses attraction. I am sure you are not the same sexy man your wife married, and vice versa. The new lady is amazing because she is new too, and you can't believe someone like her will find you attractive. Grow up ! She probably just likes the extra money you can offer. Don't be delusional and stick to your vows.
344 Likes 22 Shares
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by alex81(m): 3:22am On May 01, 2017|
the poster above me has said it all.
ur in lust not love.
108 Likes 9 Shares
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by ngmgeek(m): 3:31am On May 01, 2017|
You are the problem and not your wife. First, why go through counseling if you didn't have the balls to admit that you have been cheating on her? After 15 years of marriage, you now come to Nairaland to look for advice as if you will abide by any good advice we give you here. Talk to your wife and tell her to forgive you because you cheated on her and that you have been deceitful since you began fooling around with the shameless lady you are having affair with. You may no longer love your wife, but, do you hate your two kids too or love them?. Sometimes real men and women stay married and in relationships because of the kids!
112 Likes 8 Shares
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by Nobody: 3:35am On May 01, 2017|
It might not be about the money for the other woman, we don't know for sure. She might be capitalizing on the fact that OP and his wife are not serious anymore to gain ground.
I'm not married but sometime in the future it will happen, i have my woman and I've not seen any reason why i would stop loving her. I can't believe after 14 years with 2 kids you just don't love her anymore . Did she stop loving you also?
Well if you truly love your kids, find that spark that once made you fall in love with her and forget that new woman for good. Ever since i focused on my woman and quit looking around for side chick , i must tell you that my mind over rest. What I've learnt is that if you choose someone to be your partner, quit lurking around with other ladies because temptation is everywhere.
Alternatively, you can decide to let your wife go and move on with your new woman. I hope after some years you won't meet another woman that you would love like never before.
For every property you acquire there is always liability, for any new babe you catch today you go spend time , money give am attention. Unless she's a member of the LADIES OF THE NIGHT
64 Likes 5 Shares
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by Nobody: 3:44am On May 01, 2017|
I won't dare blame the other lady, you don't know what OP don load for her head. Scope too much for we guys
7 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by Nobody: 3:45am On May 01, 2017|
Ok, here's my view...
Either we admit it or not a lot of married couples are married for the sake of being married..some are due to parents & peer pressure, culture etc etc...but one thing they concealed here is their true feelings..
Example: This man..imagine he is married for 15yrs but never fell in love with his wife tho he care for her. (Juz be reminded that LOVE & CARE are 2 different things..) He care for her coz of their kids but doesnt mean he Love her, Respect her or being Honest to her..
The only thing he need is to BE HONEST...tell his wife the truth so he can set free himself from all the emotional distress that torn him to be a real man.
27 Likes 3 Shares
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by baibrown(f): 5:04am On May 01, 2017|
After 14 years with the new one would you not feel the same. I get it. The marriage got old but instead of fixing the problem you are cheating. Spend that energy on your wife. Tell her what turns you on and what turns you off.
Teach her how to make you happy. Don't be lazy. Your the one who got married. It's till death not till bar comes to swoon you. Don't take the lazy man way. Be the head of your home and make it what it should be!
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by baibrown(f): 5:05am On May 01, 2017|
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by madone: 5:48am On May 01, 2017|
OP u re just a user,runing off to another lady for sex when u have ur wife. Look at wat this man is saying ooo "my kids are my world" you re very selfish oga.witout ur wife those kids re nothing.without appology i think u re very irresponsible and u re not a good husband rather u re an opportunist and a serial cheater. Mr office romance king, watch it because wen u divorce ur wife u ll become soo miserable and frustrated.
36 Likes 6 Shares
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by dingbang(m): 6:03am On May 01, 2017|
When u tell people to marry their best friends now.. They will not do it.. Nonsense
19 Likes 5 Shares
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by Mynd44: 6:05am On May 01, 2017|
There is something people dont realize or understand about feelings before rushing into marriage.
Your wife/husband is not the last woman/man you will fall in love with
Your wife/husband is not the last woman/man you will find your self sexually attracted to
You might think leaving your wife for this woman is the best. Heck, you might even believe it but what happens in 7 years when you find yourself falling in love with another woman?
What happens when you find yourself sexually attractive to another woman?
What happens when you begin to feel a different connection with another woman? A connection so deep, it makes you rethink staying with this new woman?
What will you do? Marriage is not all about love and what you feel for your wife. A lot of times in a marriage, you will sit down and think to yourself why you chose to marry this person. Sometimes, you might even hate the person you married guess what, it is not totally abnormal.
Marriage like life has a lot of ups and downs, but do not because of the downs think you cant go up because the down just makes the journey up a lot more fun.
But then again, what do I know? I dont even have a girlfriend not to talk about marriage. I hope you make the right choice.
130 Likes 10 Shares
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by Nutase: 6:07am On May 01, 2017|
Greed is the name of your sickness. Contentment is the cure.
41 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by sisisioge: 6:15am On May 01, 2017|
Hmmm, I have seen this play before. The married guy fell in love with a girl. The girl had nothing on his wife but he loved her. He found happiness with her, he found positivity in her, he was excited about her... His situation kinda changed my mind about this cheating thing. It wasn't just about sex, he had fallen in love with her. He claimed it had never happened to him before. Whew, we the on lookers were just afraid for everybody. He was ready to leave his family and all he had for her until common sense set in. What a messy situation.
It's a good thing you two have parted ways. Please use this time to make an effort with your family. Fully participate in the marriage counseling and be truthful. Tell her everything. Let the truth play its course between you and your wife. As for your colleague, can you arrange to move far away from her? It is well.
8 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by Mynd44: 6:15am On May 01, 2017|
dingbang:Best friends have fallouts na
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by Mynd44: 6:19am On May 01, 2017|
The problem with we humans and emotions is that once emotions enter, we throw our common sense out the window (OP, I meam no disrespect as this happens to every human being) and we begin to act based on our heart whose primary function is to pump blood and relegate the organ meant to think into the background
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by dingbang(m): 6:19am On May 01, 2017|
Mynd44:but the advantage is that they can easily maneuver the situation... The man is saying he doesn't find his wife attractive anymore..I guess she is all fat and shapeless everywhere.. Its normal. Sometimes I wonder how men still love their wives despite such situations..
1 Like 1 Share
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by Mynd44: 6:22am On May 01, 2017|
When you fall in love with a person's personality and not their body, they can add a million pounds and you will still be a mumu for them.
29 Likes 2 Shares
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by sisisioge: 6:23am On May 01, 2017|
My thought too until I was a witness. Don't try to make cheap these feelings, some feebles jump into the lagoon because of it. Just pray the sheet doesn't happen to you.
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by Mynd44: 6:25am On May 01, 2017|
sisisioge:Been there and back. Its over-rated.
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by dingbang(m): 6:25am On May 01, 2017|
Mynd44:lol get a girlfriend...
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by Mynd44: 6:26am On May 01, 2017|
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by dingbang(m): 6:27am On May 01, 2017|
Mynd44:Hahahahhahhaha..... Mr Philosopher..
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by dingbang(m): 6:29am On May 01, 2017|
Mynd44:lol I don't wana derail but if u permit me to derail, den we can go ahead. Just fall in love bro.. I feel u r just being too careful
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by Kondomatic(m): 6:31am On May 01, 2017|
You're one of the people that give men bad name
10 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by veekid(m): 6:32am On May 01, 2017|
Give her Belle; so simple
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by HottestFire: 6:32am On May 01, 2017|
To me, the OP still can't differentiate between love and infactuation. You are just trapped in between and you are the main problem here. Try and stop seeing the other woman if it is possible.
The guilt of cheating on your wife and the P*ussy of the other woman have trapped you into believing you loved her more than your wife, it may not last up to 5 years if you divorce your wife and marry your new girl.
Your eyes will soon clear.
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by Mynd44: 6:33am On May 01, 2017|
dingbang:No girl to do that with.
Seems everyone wants everything but me
Dont lets derail any further
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by sotall(m): 6:35am On May 01, 2017|
A wise saying goes thus " A man does not value what he has until he loses it "
I just hope you are not a under a spell or being carried away by some wild imaginations of the other woman.
For you to be able to live with a woman for 15 years with two kids, means that a whole lot of patience, perseverance, tolerance, love and hardwork needed to build a lasting union is in your marriage.
Leave the other woman alone and re-ignite your passion with your wife. Start loving and caring for her again. Buy clothes that looks good on her and she will be attractive again. If not for anything, do it for your children. The children from a broken home suffers the most consequences of the separation.
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by jayAjoku(m): 6:38am On May 01, 2017|
The power of Pùssy at work in your life sir, it was so Good it made you emotional
best advice sir go through your old wedding photos call you wife into your living room and reminisce about old emotional events that transpired during your years of marriage then kiss her and Bang her crazy on the Couch thank me later
20 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Advice : I Care For My Wife But Love Another Woman by Classicola: 6:39am On May 01, 2017|
One of the dangers of early marriage.... 3 months dating.... You don put am for house without thinking that marriage is sacred.... Mr man... Story no plenty... Ask your wife for forgiveness, apologize and try to make time for her...... Later if we start to dey curse, them go talk say women don com
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