Hello, pls I need constructive advice. Recently my husband has become quite close with my single neighbour. I didn't really mind till I discovered when he comes home from work he goes straight to her apartment for some time before coming upstairs to our home, most times they come home together or he is outside gisting with her. The lady in question and I don't talk except for occasional hello but he seems to be very close with her now. This isn't the first time we have had issues with his extreme closeness with our single female neighbours.
When he comes home we hardly have any quality time as he is mostly in a bad mood and says he is tired from work. I have two small kids, I Dnt have a job. Pls advice what I shd do next. I don't want to confront her but it's taking a toll on our marriage which is already shaky due to repeated rumors of infidelity. A part of me wants to leave but sincerely I have nowhere to go as I am an orphan. But living everyday has become emotionally damaging.

I think you should go and get a job and also don't confront the lady. SHE isn't the 1 who made the vows, it's your husband who did

There is more to this story, why do you feel like leaving?

Four things u must do

Have a nice chat with him without quarrel.
Tell his mum or pastor of his recent act.
Observe properly y he goes to her place, think twice before making any decision that will ruin ur marriage because lots of women out dere will take ur place (wife) if u leave ur home.
Pray for your Husband

First thing first, look for a job and stop being completely dependent! Self dependency enhances self confidence. Enough said on that!



On the very issue you raised, Are you afraid to confront (not attack) your husband? If yes, WHY? If no, then ask questions, communicate! Let him know how you feel! Talk! Communicate! Your writing style indicates that there is too much fear in you! If you truly love him, remember, perfect love cast out fear!


As for the other woman, you have no business with her, lest you embarrass yourself!

freshgal:
Hello, pls I need constructive advice. Recently my husband has become quite close with my single neighbour. I didn't really mind till I discovered when he comes home from work he goes straight to her apartment for some time before coming upstairs to our home, most times they come home together or he is outside gisting with her. The lady in question and I don't talk except for occasional hello but he seems to be very close with her now. This isn't the first time we have had issues with his extreme closeness with our single female neighbours.
When he comes home we hardly have any quality time as he is mostly in a bad mood and says he is tired from work. I have two small kids, I Dnt have a job. Pls advice what I shd do next. I don't want to confront her but it's taking a toll on our marriage which is already shaky due to repeated rumors of infidelity. A part of me wants to leave but sincerely I have nowhere to go as I am an orphan. But living everyday has become emotionally damaging.

Leave to where.. With this simple issue you want to leave your husband... Youuuuuuuurrr hussssband!!!!


Yes, first get a job,.. I don't care what it is.. Just get sth doing.. Be busy

Secondly..anytime your husband comes bk, don't wait for him to come upstairs.. Go n meet him n the ladies apartment.. Join in their gist.. Don't do it stupidly.. Be friendly with the girl..



Win the girl over to your side.. Its now you 2 against your husband.. He'll fear/respect you more

You no your husband better. If it's my husband I simply tell him do not talk to her again if you do you are looking for my trouble. No that there is something I will do ooo. But he has totally changed my mood. My loveliness is gone and he get quit bored when am not talking or teasing him.

Your husband is bored. Don't complain again. Try to creat livelyness in the home. Make the home more welcoming. Teas him , laugh with him play with him then when you too are happy you can cheap it in that that close relationship with that girl you don't like it ooo.

lovelygurl:
I think you should go and get a job and also don't confront the lady. SHE isn't the 1 who made the vows, it's your husband who did

Mrs advicer reply me ooo I dey vex

Martin124:
Mrs advicer reply me ooo I dey vex

Loool

lovelygurl:


Loool

na d way u take dey laugh I just like,familiar spirit is in you,,,,how far na?na so u just take leav ur friend?

All this women with 'i don't have anywhere to go ' stories sef ! ...Any woman that is financially depending on a man should be ready for anything .Get a job !

lovelygurl:
I think you should go and get a job and also don't confront the lady. SHE isn't the 1 who made the vows, it's your husband who did

I totally agree with you! My dear OP, you should go and get a job no matter how little. You can look for a school near your home and apply.

Secondly, don't confront the lady. You don't have any business with her, just allow her conscience judge her.

Lastly, you need to have a talk with your hubby. Find out what's bothering him, find out why he's not enjoying your company anymore. You also have to check the things you're not doing right. Search deep down why he suddenly doesn't like having you around( It should be your dressing, It should be you no longer give him attention etc)

To be honest, no responsible husband would date his neighbour openly. There must be something wrong somewhere and you need to fix it asap. He seems innocent, but that babe isn't.....you need to be scared of her and not even your husband

He goes home straight younger after work? Ur husband's disrespectful for going home to another woman after work rather than coming home to u. There's something going on between them.

ammyluv2002:


I totally agree with you! My dear OP, you should go and get a job no matter how little. You can look for a school near your home and apply.

Secondly, don't confront the lady. You don't have any business with her, just allow her conscience judge her.

Lastly, you need to have a talk with your hubby. Find out what's bothering him, find out why he's not enjoying your company anymore. You also have to check the things you're not doing right. Search deep down why he suddenly doesn't like having you around( It should be your dressing, It should be you no longer give him attention etc)

To be honest, no responsible husband would date his neighbour openly. There must be something wrong somewhere and you need to fix it asap. He seems innocent, but that babe isn't.....you need to be scared of her and not even your husband

She should do this or that, change this or that... Is it her fault her husband's cheating? A woman can do everything right, if her husband wants to cheat he go cheat.

Hello everyone. Thanks for ur advice. I was doing well in my business till I had to sell it off to relocate with him. We have bin married 4 yrs. This has been a recurring issue. I got pregnant twice so I cdnt get a job or business at the time. 2ndly he is also very stingy and I fend for myself. So I'm not that dependent on him. In a whole yr at most he may give me total will be 100k. The whole year of which I spend all and more on housekeeping. He is a doctor. There's repeated cheating or allegations of cheating which he denies all d time. I have recieved letters tellin me to warn him to stay off women severally.

He picks and drops the nurses at home and when I asked him why he said he was being humanitarian...to be honest. I've tried to get a job but it hasn't been easy. Just recently I had to threaten divorce before he rented a place for me to do business. He constantly puts me down and shouts at me. This has made my self esteem so low I don't even believe in myself anymore

freshgal:
He picks and drops the nurses at home and when I asked him why he said he was being humanitarian...to be honest. I've tried to get a job but it hasn't been easy. Just recently I had to threaten divorce before he rented a place for me to do business. He constantly puts me down and shouts at me. This has made my self esteem so low I don't even believe in myself anymore

Madam, these your story requires both spiritual and physical treatment.

Spiritual in the sense as praying and guiding your home, that what ever it is that is making the woman interest him in the woman that the lord should take it away, a lot of woman under-estimate the effect of their prayers so far your hands are clean, you can tell God the next time he is going to do anything to hurt you that the lord should organise an embarrassment that would make him realise he is been unfair to you.

Physical in the sense that begin to look for ways to stand on your feet self dependent and dont depend on him for everything, find your happiness from within, and if you need to gist and let of steam abeg just create and dairy and rant there, give it time you would get better and adjust. Any body that makes you think less of your self is not worth your time. life is too short to leave in pains..

if you are not sure of his faithfulness abeg ensure to use protection STDs are real abeg.

God be with you..

freshgal:
Hello, pls I need constructive advice. Recently my husband has become quite close with my single neighbour. I didn't really mind till I discovered when he comes home from work he goes straight to her apartment for some time before coming upstairs to our home, most times they come home together or he is outside gisting with her. The lady in question and I don't talk except for occasional hello but he seems to be very close with her now. This isn't the first time we have had issues with his extreme closeness with our single female neighbours.
When he comes home we hardly have any quality time as he is mostly in a bad mood and says he is tired from work. I have two small kids, I Dnt have a job. Pls advice what I shd do next. I don't want to confront her but it's taking a toll on our marriage which is already shaky due to repeated rumors of infidelity. A part of me wants to leave but sincerely I have nowhere to go as I am an orphan. But living everyday has become emotionally damaging.

please get a job for security purpose. it will really help you alot so you won't be surprised in case your assumption becomes true.

Tell him he should respect you. Let him know you are not comfortable with the unusual closeness and let him know if he values your marriage he should stop it.

Then say nothing else. Ignore him and get busy with other things. It is going to be hard but do it anyway. Silence and a woman's unpredictability hurts a man. Kill him with silence. You will discover if the marriage is worth continuing with or not.

freshgal:
Hello, pls I need constructive advice. Recently my husband has become quite close with my single neighbour. I didn't really mind till I discovered when he comes home from work he goes straight to her apartment for some time before coming upstairs to our home, most times they come home together or he is outside gisting with her. The lady in question and I don't talk except for occasional hello but he seems to be very close with her now. This isn't the first time we have had issues with his extreme closeness with our single female neighbours.
When he comes home we hardly have any quality time as he is mostly in a bad mood and says he is tired from work. I have two small kids, I Dnt have a job. Pls advice what I shd do next. I don't want to confront her but it's taking a toll on our marriage which is already shaky due to repeated rumors of infidelity. A part of me wants to leave but sincerely I have nowhere to go as I am an orphan. But living everyday has become emotionally damaging.

You want to leave the marriage because of this?

ifex370:



Leave to where.. With this simple issue you want to leave your husband... Youuuuuuuurrr hussssband!!!!


Yes, first get a job,.. I don't care what it is.. Just get sth doing.. Be busy

Secondly..anytime your husband comes bk, don't wait for him to come upstairs.. Go n meet him n the ladies apartment.. Join in their gist.. Don't do it stupidly.. Be friendly with the girl..



Win the girl over to your side.. Its now you 2 against your husband.. He'll fear/respect you more

As in, I tire o!
It must be really easy to leave a marriage nowadays

Your husband is sleeping with that girl I swear down, now what to do

1. Confront her privately - ask her if dating married men and destroying families makes her happy.

2. Speak with your husband - tell him you don't want him going into the girl's room for your marriage sakes, tell him it's highly immoral

3. Stylishly bring her name up in your conversation with your hubby- this would make you know how deep their connection is


My 3 kobo

Thanks everyone for the candid advice. I appreciate it. To be honest I think I have become too relaxed. I will begin to work on myself especially in the area of financial independence. So I can stand on my own incase of anything.

freshgal:
He picks and drops the nurses at home and when I asked him why he said he was being humanitarian...to be honest. I've tried to get a job but it hasn't been easy. Just recently I had to threaten divorce before he rented a place for me to do business. He constantly puts me down and shouts at me. This has made my self esteem so low I don't even believe in myself anymore

My sis, I will like you to think with your brain rather than act on your feelings.

1. In what way do you think this neighbor girl is better than you? It may be time to upgrade (smiles instead of complaints, dresses neat and beautiful....). If your husband has to choose BTW the two of you, why should he choose you?
2. What do they talk about? It is possible that he enjoys intellectual conversations and you don't.
3. What does your husband want with this girl? Sex!
You are in the position to give him the most scintillating, romantic overdose of sex.
4. No amount of war will break up their relationship if it exists. Men are rational creatures, give him more than enough reasons to choose you 10 times over any other person.

Plan your rescue strategy. Everyday for 30 days, give him something he won't readily find outside
Example:
...Call him just 45min to the end of his work telling him that you are already wet and Hot ready to devour him after a cool bath and ...followed by pounded yam and bitter leaf soup .

....Welcome him from downstairs as soon as he arrives in a lovely sexy dress with a long kiss and a disarming smile. I've been expecting you.

Tell me if he still sees this girl after 10 days (out of 30).

befriend this your neighbour.
don't accuse your hubby anymore. don't nag him.

If you play along well, you will catch them red handed (if indeed something is wrong).

In the meantime, try get something to keep you busy.

You might also want to make your home a happy and no-problem zone for your hubby. seems he doesn't look forward to coming home.
Make you and your home a place of rest, hospitality and love for him.

Your husband has no respect for you. None! Not a single drop of it..

How it got to this point is something you will have to sit down and analyze thoroughly cos I can't believe you had NOTHING to do with it.
Either way, you don't deserve the disrespect. If he even has to get close to women, why women who live in the same vicinity as you do..I don't get it.

What is he trying to get back at you for?

Honey, did you just say your husband is spending time with this single female girl and coming home irritable, continually being Superman for the (mostly single) nurses, rarely gives you money and you have even RECEIVED letters from outsiders warning your husband to stay away from other ladies??


My sister, get a job and get your mind ready for a struggle. But you are stronger than this and will one day be happy (whether that man is beside you, I don't know) but you will be happy.

freshgal:
Hello everyone. Thanks for ur advice. I was doing well in my business till I had to sell it off to relocate with him. We have bin married 4 yrs. This has been a recurring issue. I got pregnant twice so I cdnt get a job or business at the time. 2ndly he is also very stingy and I fend for myself. So I'm not that dependent on him. In a whole yr at most he may give me total will be 100k. The whole year of which I spend all and more on housekeeping. He is a doctor. There's repeated cheating or allegations of cheating which he denies all d time. I have recieved letters tellin me to warn him to stay off women severally.

This is a big mistake

My dear sister please talk to your husband. I was once in that situation. It is tempting! My wife had to cry on my neck and she is a person I wouldn't want tohurt because my wife I'd too caring and nice to me and the kids. I had to stop. Please your husband is the one to talk to not the lady. Please don't attack him. Talk to him. He will listen. All the best.

Thanks everyone for the advice. It has helped clear my head. Yes I know I'm not perfect. I have searched myself and even with my imperfections it hurts to see your husband come around 11 with your single neighbour or watch how he rushes to her house after work instead of coming home.
Tried many tym to get him to talk abt what is wrong to no avail. But I feel better with all this advice. Thanks everyone again

ifex370:



Leave to where.. With this simple issue you want to leave your husband... Youuuuuuuurrr hussssband!!!!


Yes, first get a job,.. I don't care what it is.. Just get sth doing.. Be busy

Secondly..anytime your husband comes bk, don't wait for him to come upstairs.. Go n meet him n the ladies apartment.. Join in their gist.. Don't do it stupidly.. Be friendly with the girl..



Win the girl over to your side.. Its now you 2 against your husband.. He'll fear/respect you more

"yinmu. That doesn't stop him if indeed, something is up

Like pple av suggested, if you have something doing, it will give you less time to worry and feel disturbed. No man is worth having high BP over. Dress well, look good, be happy. if he comes back to you,fine, if not, fine. Those kids are your priority. Most men are assholes!