Good day fellow nairalanders, please, i need an advice. What will you do if you have a 13yrs daughter that steal 200, 500 and even 1000 from your bag to school. my sister had 2 girls age 13 n 9, and they live alone in a very good enviroment and they were ok. she said she discovered that this money has been disappering but thinking she must have overspent the money, but one day she kept some money in her bedroom and she was so sure of the amout but after 2 days, she checked the money only to discovered that 500 is gone, she kept it back, then 2nd day 200 is gone, then she raised alarm and called the eldest (13yrs) inside and asked her to tell the true else something bad will happen and the girl confessed that she took the money, the mother was so dissapointed because she gave her 100 to school with food and juice and biscuits, so she has no reason to be plifering and she asked for my candid advice and am throwing it to the house. How do you handle this case?

Lecture the children about stealing and tell them about the consequences, if they refuse to change then tell them you will inform their teacher and school about their behaviour.

kokorunna:

Lecture the children about stealing and tell them about the consequences, if they refuse to change then tell them you will inform their teacher and school about their behaviour.

I agree with the red highlighted statement, just not the other part. This could also be a psychological condition and you woudnt want to exacerbate it by exposing the child or embarrassing the child.

I think the mother needs to get closer to the child and ask questions why is the child doing that in a nice and gentle manner though, this will help the child to open up. Who knows this could lead to the core of the problem. Maybe a child is being bullied to bring money for friends, or they feel the need to fit in and gain popularity among their friends,

This one pass lecture o. If she has never been mean to her child this is the time to be. That N100.00 she has been getting should be taking away indefinitely. She needs to get a punishment that when she ever thinks about it she will shiver. I don't think it is psychological. I just think she is an over pampered brat that thought she could just get away with it. The way her mother handles this will definitely make a difference. she does not want in anyway for this girl to think that there is anything good about stealing

Outstrip:

This one pass lecture o. If she has never been mean to her child this is the time to be[b][/b]. That N100.00 she has been getting should be taking away indefinitely. She needs to get a punishment that when she ever thinks about it she will shiver. I don't think it is psychological. I just think she is an over pampered brat that thought she could just get away with it. The way her mother handles this will definitely make a difference. she does not want in anyway for this girl to think that there is anything good about stealing

@Outstrip, the red highlighted statement suggests that we should then use undisciplined discipline to discipline a child or steer them in the right direction. Think again. You are right "How the mother handles this will definitely make the difference" but is terrorism the answer to this, why terrorise the child?

@Outstrip, again what kind of purnishment do you think is appropriate enough to give a girl 13yrs the shivers? I wouldnt want to misunderstand you on this one,

Her mother has to put the fear of God in her. Let her feel what it would feel like if she were an adult and caught stealing by the police. It has to be drastic. There are million things that she can do to her. Send her to the village for 3 months. Let her fetch water from the river, let her hand wash her clothes, let her live for a while with her total sense of comfort and stability stripped from her then she will realize that she is not entitled to everything. I have seen adults that steal now because they always had access to money and when it was not there still feel that they are entitled to it. You can call it terrorism but she needs to feel that fear of giving her freedom away. She will buckle up quickly. I don't believe that talking to her will fix this.

@post
IMHO, i think you first need to sit down and talk to the child to know exactly what she needed the extra money for,since she had given her 100 that day. if the mother has never been that close with her daughter then it will be difficult for her to open NOW.
at 13, girls will have needs like recharge cards to chat with their school friends, buy stuff like mp3 players or just girlie stuff that other girls in school get.

remember that peer pressure can make some children do silly stuff. if everyone at school has an ipod or cel phone, chances are your girl will try anything to get herself one, even steal from her parents.

also, its safe to say that if at 13yrs old, her mother had not already explain the rights or wrongs of life to her  then something is definitely wrong there.
some kids will do it for attention,some because they are just bored(they live alone right?), others because they are sick etc, so its too difficult to know exactly what the problem is. communicate with her in order to figure it out(or send her to a psy if you got access to it)

the punishment for the theft should be the removal of something like internet use/cel phone use or just grounding for a good time etc

Outstrip:

Her mother has to put the fear of God in her. Let her feel what it would feel like if she were an adult and caught stealing by the police. It has to be drastic. There are million things that she can do to her. Send her to the village for 3 months. Let her fetch water from the river, let her hand wash her clothes, let her live for a while with her total sense of comfort and stability stripped from her then she will realize that she is not entitled to everything. I have seen adults that steal now because they always had access to money and when it was not there still feel that they are entitled to it. You can call it terrorism but she needs to feel that fear of giving her freedom away. She will buckle up quickly. I don't believe that talking to her will fix this.

Haba, relax now! Since the girl was not caught stealing a neighbour's money but her mum's, I think this is a bit drastic! The mother should sit and discuss with the child and find out why she took the money in the first place. Sending her away like a prisoner would not necessarily curb her. Might only lead to never telling the truth ever again.

Ensure you remove her privileges as said MRbrownJAY, like her phone if she has one, internet privileges, no visiting.

If you find out the money was used for frivolities, I'ld suggest you deduct maybe #5 or #10 daily from her #100 so she can understand the gravity of taking something that is not yours.

If the money was to buy recharge cards, an MP3 player or something useful for herself, I would suggest you still deduct the money but try and put her on an allowance for doing extra duty in the house. But, in this case, you have to pay extra attention on how much she gets and how she spends it, It will lead to learning about finances and saving.

Above all, pray she learns from her mistake after your correction cos it might start a whole new level like stealing money from an aunty's bag or neighbours since her mother's money is now off limits!

Liss:

Haba, relax now! Since the girl was not caught stealing a neighbour's money but her mum's,

Every good and bad things start in a day, the earlier this is curbed the better so as not to escalate to an embarrassing situation for the whole family. Stealing is just that, whether it's mum's money or not.

@Coolier,
I quite agree that every good or bad thing starts in a day. However, it's the punishment I don't agree with. Not that there should not be a punishment.

Make sure you get her red handed next time she attmpts to steal.

Issues like is something that should be treated delicately. Peer pressure and other factors are what leads a child to steal- If her friends in school brings N500 to school everyday to buy food or whatever, she wouldn't want to be left out.

Taking the money from her would only make her steal more. The best thing to do is talk to her- calmly and patiently.
- Find out why she has been stealing
- Why she could not tell her mother that she needs more money or why the N100 is not enough


There is no need to get all fussy and mad at the girl because this is a very delicate stage during her life.

Her mother should also tell her the spiritual effects of stealing and continue to pray for her.

Pray!! Talk to the child!! A lot!!