Hi matured minds
I need an honest advice here. My husband has become a stumbling block for me, whenever i bring any opnion to him he sees the negative aspect only . i told him i want to learn hair dressing he goes against it, there was a time i got a job in airport hotel went against it.
Now why am so depressed and sad is that i have went to field to train because i cannot afford money to attend GYM house what he have to say is that that place is not secure becos of thugs.
This is a kind of man who doesnt contribute to my getting a befiting work, all he does condemn anything i do
Am a Gospel artist , he wont allow me go for outings especially night vigils. Am i not in trouble already or what can i do?
He is also violent and a bully

What do you really want to do?He should know you as a gospel artist,not you just announcing it.
Does your husband want to make you a housewife?I feel both of you should agree on what you can do and he should assist you.

This serious, I think you should see your Pastor to intervene and check what the cause of the issue.

Hw long did u guys dated befor getting married

Did guys attend d same church befor getting married

Violent and a bully...


Thats all you need to run..

His too obsessed and over
Protective... Such people can
Kill..

O don't want to type rip for you
So run.. Carey your children if
You have any and leave..

God would give you a job.

Dear OP it seems you've entered one chance oh! You will just have to continually find creative ways to get by in the relationship.

Firstly since you know he will likely look for Loopholes in whatever proposals you bring work on the packaging a bit more. For eg you can say " dear husband economy is biting hard right now you are unable to provide all our needs as a family as such I've gone to source an extra source of income to help our family. The job is as xyz in a hotel. I will interact with visitors but be assured of my faithfulness to you"

Another example " this my weight is bothering me gym will cost xyz can you please pay? If answer is no then you chip in the field and say other people exercise there safely so you'd be fine etc etc

For everything you wanna present anticipate any loopholes he may exploit to discourage you!

You will also have to firmly but politely insist on having your way in some instances too! He's your husband not your creator abeg

Caveat emptor- I didn't initially see the bit about violence! OP you need external help to address that bit of the whole meme! Talk to professionals and stay safe

Did you guys court or date at all? What were you guys discussing during your courtship days? A partner is suppose to be a pillar( destiny builder) and not a caterpillar( destiny killer/destroyer). You marry someone who shares your destiny and can play an active supportive role. Now you're married, what can we do now? But to say get your families involved to talk to him, so he knows you had a purpose/destiny before you married him. You shouldn't lose your destiny simply because of a marriage (ring and name change).

OP about your weight issue, download bbm app on your phone and join the "BTRIM N HEALTHY" channel on the app. Then after reading transformation in ladies weightloss goals, you can join their weightloss paid class, it's highly interctive, motivating on whatsapp and then all exercises are/can be done at home. You need no gym membership. You will be glad you did. Am also proud I did, that's why I can. Vouch and recommend them.

ojun50:
Hw long did u guys dated befor getting married

Pls it is not about how many years you dated b4 marriage. A pretender can date you 100yrs pretending to be good. I don't believe in long dating but I believe in sincerity. It took me 14 days after meeting my wife to ask for her hand in marriage, one month after we did our trad. two months after we did Church wedding. Yet I didn't see her pants until our wedding night and we are living happily.

I think the problem with some people is insincerity in marriage. A lot of men and women are not sincere to their spouses and once the man or woman discovered that you have lied to him or her, forget it.

In this case, I think the man is afraid maybe from past experience hence he's behaving this way.

Until I hear from the man.

Shalom.

@OP, just to clarify the violent and bullying part. Has your hubby hit you or threatened to physically hit you (this is evil) Or is he just Verbally insultive (which is also bad).

I feel your husband may actually want you to work, just that he's not comfortable with the ones (jobs) you've gotten so far. For example he mentioned that the first job wasn't quite safe considering the thugs and he has a good point. Unless you're 100% sure you wouldn't have any issue with the thugs when they start cat calling you etc. Also he doesn't trust those so called Night Vigils they hold in churches these days. A lot of things happen in churches these days, minus the fact that it's actually a safety risk to move out at night.
I feel maybe your husband is a little bit insecure. Also if you can get a job with No RED flags, I doubt he will object.

Your husband sounds like a dream killer, someone who won't be happy to see you prosper. There's nothing you can do part from reporting him to your God.

1. This is a one sided tale, so our opinions might be color blinded.

2. I think you hubby is concern about "social status" and is lil insecure, especially the Airport HOTEL job, going out for vigil and the GYM. Personally I won't allow it too . I have seen "things " happening in places

3. Saying NO is never enough tho, he owes you a duty to help you get a comfortable job or start a business he is comfortable with.... And not just saying NO. Let him suggest

4. For the GYM part, why not ask him to come along, if possible create a time that's comfortable for both of you, or he can help you with some DIY home gym stuff.

5. True life story, A friend had a similar problem, she finally settle for selling of drinks and wines in wholesale. Funny enough, the hubby lost his exotic bank job this year, so it's the Wify that's supporting the fam.

6. For the bully part, it's a NO NO, especially physical assault.... Run and get HELP.



Omo, typing nor easy ooo

Two types of men you should never marry
i. A foolish man.
ii. An insecure man.

While a foolish man will kill you out frustration from his illogical reasoning ability _ an insecure man will kill you out of anger, rage (this explains his violent trait), or create a situation where you can kill yourself out of depression.

Your husband is probably suffering from scars of past experience. May we not be victims of anyone's 'ex-disappointments'.

ominirajj:
Hi matured minds
I need an honest advice here. My husband has become a stumbling block for me, whenever i bring any opnion to him he sees the negative aspect only . i told him i want to learn hair dressing he goes against it, there was a time i got a job in airport hotel went against it.
Now why am so depressed and sad is that i have went to field to train because i cannot afford money to attend GYM house what he have to say is that that place is not secure becos of thugs.
This is a kind of man who doesnt contribute to my getting a befiting work, all he does condemn anything i do
Am a Gospel artist , he wont allow me go for outings especially night vigils. Am i not in trouble already or what can i do?
He is also violent and a bully
U can e-mail me . jummyjj1983@gmail. Com

Did he just develop this negativity or its been there since before you're dating?

You should try and find out why he oppose anything you propose. Speak with him and let him tell you why he doesn't want you to be self sufficient.

I am curious why you want us to have your email. This explains why your husband is uncomfortable letting you go out alone. I ain't judging you already, but I think you sound like an insincere person, and he knows this. You just are looking for freedom to go where your soul longs for. Hey, you are married now! Marriage comes with restrictions and loss of some freedoms.

femolacqua:
This serious, I think you should see your Pastor to intervene and check what the cause of the issue.

which pastor? You think the pastor does not have his own marital issue? Must everything be pastor?

mastermaestro:
I am curious why you want us to have your email. This explains why your husband is uncomfortable letting you go out alone. I ain't judging you already, but I think you sound like an insincere person, and he knows this. You just are looking for freedom to go where your soul longs for. Hey, you are married now! Marriage comes with restrictions and loss of some freedoms.

bless you brother!!

I also won't allow my wife work in any hotel...it doesn't matter whether the hotel is situated at the airport, Aso rock or White House.

My wife won't attend any gym house, especially when the owner is related to Kemen of BBN.

and lastly, I do not think I would allow her attend vigils alone in Nigeria, North in particular.
In fact, I'm yet to understand the correlation between vigils and your talent. Nigerians are highly religious and vigils are specially made for prayers. If you're indeed talented, you'd look for a nearby studio, record label, etc., not night outings.

Also for personal reasons, she won't learn 'hair dressing', 'make over' and other related jobs.


Therefore, I would not be quick to judge your husband.

I think you need to calm down and discuss your fears.

[quote author=AHCB post=56934205]Did he just develop this negativity or its been there since before you're dating?

You should try and find out why he oppose anything you propose. Speak with him and let him tell you why he doesn't want you to be self sufficient. [/quote
That has been his nature i do not know what to do

daben1:
bless you brother!!

Am happy to let u know am not anyway wayward so watch what u say to others

mastermaestro:
I am curious why you want us to have your email. This explains why your husband is uncomfortable letting you go out alone. I ain't judging you already, but I think you sound like an insincere person, and he knows this. You just are looking for freedom to go where your soul longs for. Hey, you are married now! Marriage comes with restrictions and loss of some freedoms.

Hey you am not in anyway wayward watch what u say to others

Cut the neck off now

Hmmm

Una nor date before una marry? Abi you didnt know the type of person you said "I do" to??

.

My sister Change ur style try not to give a F**k about his orders, Ur husband could be enemy of progress

He is probably feeling insecure or he has hatred for you #Lobatan

We might just be what you are locking for
Check signature in green colour down

Jealous and over possessive husband

Discuss with him. Invite your pastor if necessary. Take a bold step in learning a craft or business without involving him. Shock him with your results.