Love is a beautiful thing. When you find it, hold it dear.

I hate that I NEED you! Lately, I have been thinking – about me, you – about us. In my head, I have gone through everything – how we came to know each other. How you professed feelings for me and how I reacted to them. I was not feeling you. You were on rebound and I am not one to take advantage of a person in such situation. "What will happen when you're over him then you realise that you did not want me? " I asked myself each time I try to consider.

Time passed and I let myself fall for you – helplessly. Like a leaf. Boom! You were back with him. You warned me, but I did not heed. I thought you wanted to be sure about my feelings for you, which I had started preaching about.

"We should just be friends. Fine friends."

I was not having any of those. I hung around, persistently, sometimes annoyingly. The longer I stood, the deeper I fell until I could no longer go a second without a thought about you. Thoughts of you filled my head. Everyday, I went over pictures of you on Facebook, pictures I had seen countless times. I became obsessed! Your warnings vanished. Time stopped. I stopped thinking straight.

Subliminally, I knew he was very much around yet I lurked. I did not spare thoughts for him. I enjoyed every bit of the goodness you brought. Your warm company. Your grace. Your smile. Sometimes when I think of you, I feel betrayed by my own body – the way my lips part to give off a smile became constant. You brought warmth, joy, laughter, and knowledge. Who would dare lose such embodiment of rectitude?

Here we are, unsure of nothing. Lately, I fight the temptation of believing that I have been or am being used. I tell myself that you still feel it. I know you still feel it but what are our chances? The last time I felt this way about anyone was before I existed. It hurts to know that my chances are slowly vanishing. It does! Nevertheless, you have found love, do not lose it. Allow no distraction. Hold on to what is yours.

I will be damned if I ever have to apologise for loving you. I do NOT rue it. It will take a while before I become sane again, however, sane I must, for I need. I hope my recovery does not take too long, for I need to focus my energy on things that would affect my life positively. I have to step back and lick my wounds; the consequence of my stubbornness. I need a clear head going forward. At the right time, love will find me.